Disclaimer: I do not own Dracula.


My Dearest Mina,

I must apologise, first, for my absence over these past two weeks. My mother has informed me of your continual visits to the house and I am sorry if my late return has been of any burden to you. It was not my intention to worry you; it was simply the time I needed to garner some clarity of thought.

So too must I apologise for this letter. Likely it is cowardly of me to reach out to you in such an impersonal manner, but I fear that the proper words might fail me if I were to see you again so soon. And if not the proper words then at least the way I would hope to speak them; a pen is far more easily contained than my tongue, and of that I know you would agree. Simply, these words are too important to me to get lost in tears or accusations. I need you to understand them.

Where to begin, though, I do not know. I have spent so many of these last few days dwelling on what you might think of me; wondering whether or not your feelings towards me have been irreparably damaged. I have imagined the best ways to approach you should your response to me be anger or betrayal or disappointment, and I have written my apologies a thousand times in my mind before now. Indeed, you are the only thing I have thought of since I left. It does remain, however, that I cannot construct this letter around how I suppose you might feel, nor can I assume that your thoughts of me have been as consuming as mine of you. (On the contrary, I would confidently say that they have not.) What I can do, though, is explain myself to you in hopefully the soundest way possible, and allow you to do with that explanation what you will.

Mina, above everything else, you are always my friend first, and that is something I need you to realise. One of my greatest fears is that you have discarded every moment of our friendship till now as merely pretence on my behalf. You questioned me about this that day and you must believe me when I say that nothing could be further from the truth. For eight years you have been the truest friend I have ever had, and one thoughtless, impulsive moment does not erase that – does not come close to it, really. If there is one thing you take from this letter, please let it be the certain knowledge that stripped of whatever else I might feel for you, you would still be the most important person in my life.

You are family to me, sister.

Yet – and I hesitate to begin this sentence with that word because it tends to diminish those which precede it – yet, I do feel more for you than friendship alone. Of all the things I did so very wrong that day, the most regrettable is that I tried to kiss you. I will not lie to you and pretend it is not something I have thought of (and truly I am sorry if that notion makes you uncomfortable), but when I say that I feel something else for you, something more than friendship, I do not mean, as that kiss may have suggested, that 'more' has anything to do with sex.

Or at the very least, it is not defined by it.

Rather it is more love and appreciation than I ever imagined myself capable of feeling for another person. When I look at the friendships around me I see women with something to gain from one another, whether it be comfort or support or open ears. Do not misunderstand me, you have certainly given me those things, but when I look at you I do not search for the ways I can bettered. It is not love for the ways in which you humour me or appreciation for the times you have quelled my tears. I simply love the person you are.

Am in love with the person you are.

You are brave beyond comparison, Mina. When I think of ambition I no longer think of men; in fact I would listen to you speak of medicine for hours without understanding a single word just to hear the passion in your voice. You are as concerned by wealth as you are by gossip, the latter much to my chagrin in all fairness. You are kind when others are not and gentle even at times when you should not be, and I suppose in that way you are as silly as you are intelligent.

And just in case you feel inclined to call these the feelings of sisters, you are absolutely, unequivocally the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I look at you sometimes, Mina, and cannot breathe for how lovely you are, and regrettable though it may be, I did very much want to kiss you that day.

I hope I have not confused you more by these words; calling you sister in one breath and speaking of you as I have in the next. I imagine you will have questions for me when we do see each other, and if I'm able and my pride permits it, I will give you whatever answers you seek.

Please, please, remember, Mina, that I would sooner have your friendship than anything else. Truly, the thought of losing you is more than I can bear.

I will be at home this evening should you choose to come find me.

Lucy


A/N: I'm 90% sure this is going to be a WIP, or at the very least I'll do a follow up chapter where Mina visits Lucy. If you're interested in that, please let me know, and as always, any sort of feedback is welcome. :)