Death

I wondered what'll be like to die

to take your last breath

would it be a painful gasp

or a relived sigh?

What would it take for my heart to stop

for my lips to turn blue

for me to go limp

and my eyes all black and hollow

for my thoughts to finally stop racing

would my family care?

Would they cry and act like they had no part

my mother to cry and blame it on my father ?

Even though she was the one who left bruises on my body?

Or my father to blame my mother ?

Even though he was the one who insulted me everyday?

Dyke ,stupid,bitch,selfish, and the worst imma disown you?

Would my brother wonder if it was his fault for always picking on me and calling me ugly

would my sister wonder if it would be her fault for telling me to kill myself when shes angry

I wonder what my friends would do?

Would my school announce they lost a student?

Would people who bullied me feel bad

would my exes who left me crying , care?

I think if I died tonight , the night before my birthday

if I didnt leave a note

I would leave them wondering

I would leave them in pain and empty

like they did me

they'd wonder

who's fault was it?

They'd be surprise of the scars all over my thighs and wrists

me being underweight

would they find my fanfiction and be surpised of all my thoughts

and what happened

the things I never said

how when I was younger my moms friends daughter touched me

how I thought it was a game

I didnt know

how im falling apart ..