Rating: R
Disclaimer: Guiding Light and its characters are owned by Proctor and Gamble. No copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including September 9th, 2009 is fair game.
Author's note: Takes place after moving day.
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Fade to black (1/2)
by Tinna Karen
After what has felt like hours of unpacking and entertaining guests, but in reality was only maybe three hours, me and Natalia are sitting side by side on her bed, or I guess, our bed now, facing the overflowing wardrobe.
"We're gonna need a bigger boat," I say with a smile, "or you know, a wardrobe."
Natalia chuckles, "You ain't lying Brody."
I'm impressed. I didn't think she had watched any movies before the 80's. "Oh, you caught that reference, did ya? Were you even born when that movie came out?"
"Uh, yes," she answers, rolling her eyes. "I'm only six years younger than you."
"Wow, so you were two years old when you went to see a movie about a big bad shark?"
She rolls her eyes again. I love it when she does that. And that, that slight huff of annoyance (or that's what she wants me to think, but I know it's something else now), it always spurs me on. "You know, your sarcasm really isn't all that attractive."
"Aw, but honey, it's not sarcasm when it's the truth," I tease her.
"You're so annoying."
If she hadn't said that while her eyes were clearly focused on my lips, I might have been offended. "You're lying," I say, and lean towards her.
"Oh, am I?"
"Yup, I think you find it very," I lean even closer, whispering in her ear, "very attractive." I finish with a soft kiss on her cheek. Her lips curl up in a soft smile and I use the opportunity to kiss one of her dimples. It's something I've been wanting to do forever, it seems. I might even be a little obsessed with it, if I say so myself. No biggie. I kiss her again, slowly inching my way towards her mouth.
"Olivia..." Natalia turns her head a fraction of an inch and now our lips are almost touching ... so close now ... but then she pulls back. I can't help it. I pout.
She puts her hand on my cheek, her thumb moving up and down in a soothing motion. It sends a shiver down my back. She ducks her head a little, catching my eyes so I give her my full attention. Her hand moves to the back of my neck, pulling me closer and I go willingly.
"I'm really glad you're home," she says sincerely.
When I said a few days ago that I might not believe anything she said ever again I wasn't really necessarily lying, it was just how I felt at that moment, but I know her, and I know she doesn't lie. She might skirt the truth, occasionally - usually to avoid hurting people, but I know in my heart that everything she has said since she came back has been the truth. It just took me a long time to see it, and believe in it.
This moving-in business happened quickly, so quickly that I even allowed Doris to slip in the (according to Google) customary U-Haul jokes without glaring too much, but then again, it's not like Natalia and I just meet a few days ago, this has been coming for a long time. A very, very long time. And despite the massive, and still painful obstacles along the way, we're working through it. And right here, right now, I'm happy. Really, truly happy. So I'm not lying when I answer. "Me too," and then we're kissing.
This is not our first kiss, not even our second, or third - Natalia's been catching me off guard all day with small pecks here and there - but I think this is our first real real kiss. There are no sneak attacks, no points to be made, just two people who love each other very much, connecting. It's kind of overwhelming.
Her lips are soft, but I knew that already, and her hair smells like vanilla and berries, but it's a scent that's been etched into my olfactory memory since our first hug. I've also become (somewhat, yet I crave it every minute) accustomed to the feel of her arms around me, and mine on her, so I thought that I was well prepared for this, that my heart could take the sensory overload, but I was wrong. So very wrong. It's everything I hoped it would be and knew it could be, but just ... more. Much more.
I'm glad I'm sitting down, because otherwise I'd be in a heap on the floor right about now. Instead I fall back on the bed pulling Natalia with me. It looks like a move, but it's not, it's really not. I've been shaking so much that the arm that was propping me up just gave way. It doesn't look like it did much damage though, we haven't stopped kissing, if anything it just made everything even more passionate. Natalia is partly on top of me, her hands roaming and - holy bejeezus - her tongue is in my mouth now. Again, not a move.
I hear a soft knock, which my brain, in its infinite wisdom, analyzes and let's me know that it's coming from the open bedroom door, but really, I'm far too gone to even care. It's Natalia that breaks away first as soon as we hear the soft "mom?" in Emma's voice directly after the knock.
We stare at each other for a few seconds, Natalia's eyes are wide open and her cheeks are tinged with embarrassment, but there's also a slight twinkle in her eye, and I'm thrilled when I see the small smirk on her lips. This is far from over it tells me, and I can only shake my head in agreement.
Natalia rolls off me and tries to sit up, a feat made more difficult for her every day with the ever growing baby bump. A baby bump, which I just now realized had been pressing into my side and it didn't bother me... at all. I sit up quickly and help the love of my life (and really, there's no doubt in my mind now that she's owned that title for months), do the same. Her hand finds mine and I face my daughter with a happy sigh.
"What's up Jellybean? Are you all unpacked?"
"Yup," she answers, and shuffles into the room, a small smile on her face. "I just wanted to say goodnight to my baby sister."
"Goodnight?" I question and glance back towards the nightstand. The alarm reads 10:34 PM. Oops. It is way past her bed time.
Emma sits down on the bed next to Natalia and puts her hand on the baby bump. Natalia wraps her arm automatically around Emma and I can see her eyes shining with unshed tears. I squeeze her hand in solidarity. I know how she feels.
"Wow, she's moving a lot," Emma says amazed.
"Yeah, she's really, really happy right now," Natalia explains.
"How do you know?" Emma wonders, and slides down on her knees so she can listen to her sister being happy. "Huh, I hear bubbles."
Natalia chuckles, "I know, I feel them too." She puts her hand on top of Emma's head, playing with her ponytail. "I know she's happy because, well, you see we're connected, she's a part of me and when I'm happy, she's happy too."
"So you're happy now?"
"Very happy."
"Is it 'cause you were kissing mommy?"
"Um," Natalia looks at me for pointers but I just shrug. I'm more interested in these bubbles I keep hearing about. I place my hand next to Emma's head and try to feel for the bubbles. Natalia moves my hand until I can feel them. Thank you, I mouth to her.
Natalia dives back in, "yes Emma. Kissing your mommy makes me very happy." I keep my eyes trained on Emma to see her reaction and there's no mistaken that glint in her eye. She's up to something.
"Are you sure it was kissing? 'Cause it kinda looked like you were mauling her."
Natalia's jaw drops. "Maul...where, what? How..." I almost snort. Oh my god, that's funny. It takes everything I have to not laugh out loud right now.
Emma shrugs, "I saw it on TV, 'When animals attack.'"
That does it, I fall back on the bed howling with laughter. Natalia slaps me on the stomach and that just makes me laugh even more.
"What am I going to do with you? You are way too much like you mother young lady," Natalia says disapprovingly, but the laughter in her voice takes out all the sting. Emma sits back on her haunches and looks up with a beaming smile before getting up.
She gives Natalia a hug and a goodnight kiss before jumping on top of me on the bed to do the same. Oof. "Good night mommy."
"Good night baby. Do you want me to come tug you in?" She gets off the bed and shakes her head, "nope, I'm good."
"Don't forget to brush your teeth sweetie," Natalia gently reminds her before she skips out. "I won't mama," she says and then she's gone.
It takes a minute for us to realize it but, "Did she just call me...?" She sure did. I sit up and wrap my arms around Natalia. "Hey mama," I whisper and breathe her in.
"Oh my..." Natalia burrows into me, and it's not long until I can hear her softly crying. I pull back a little to see her face, "hey, baby, what's wrong?" She shakes her head, the tears streaming down her face. I reach up to brush them away, "nothing...it's nothing, it's just..." she wraps her arms around me, "thank you, thank you, thank you," she whispers again and again. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't...I can't even imagine not...it's just...god, I love you so much. You're the most amazing and forgiving person I've ever known. Thank you."
My own tears are streaming down my face now and I hold on tighter. Forgiving? Me? I wanna ask if she's ever actually met, you know, herself, but I settle for telling her I love her too instead. I just want to sit like this forever, enjoying this closeness and comfort, and the very tangible love that flows between us. I could have lost this too, so I know exactly how she's feeling. It still amazes me how we were able to not see what was really happening for so long. Or more accurately, deny it. It was so obvious, now that I think about it. Like I told Josh, in retrospective, deep down I knew we were going to end up like this, way before Gus died.
"I'm so happy. I can't believe she called me mama..." I hear the contented sigh and I know that the serious portion of the evening is behind us now. There are still things we need to talk about, but for the first time in a long time, I feel light and free, I guess. And really, really happy, so I tell her.
"Me too. And can I just say that you're a really hot mama, claws and all," I joke, "you can maul me like that any time you want."
"Oh god," she pulls away and slaps me lightly on the arm, "I'm such a mess." She wipes the remaining tears from her eyes and lets out a yawn. How adorable. "You're beautiful," I correct her. She gives me a small smile and gets up, and walks slowly to the master bath stretching her arms. She turns back in the doorway and looks at me.
"I think I'm gonna take a bath before going to bed, do you want to..."
Use the bathroom before? "Nope, I'm good," I say and jump up from the bed with a slight spring in my step. "I think I'll grab these empty boxes and toss them out in the barn. You go ahead."
"Oh...well, okay." She frowns and turns around and I watch as the door closes slowly behind her.
I make quick work of folding the boxes together, so I can get rid of them all in one trip, trying hard not to think about Natalia, getting undressed behind the closed door a few feet away from me. Or well, almost closed door I notice, when I glance quickly in that direction.
When I get out in the hallway, I see that Emma has also folded her boxes together and stacked them neatly against the wall. That's my girl. I add them to the pile I have in my arms and quickly go down the stairs and out the door.
Halfway towards the barn I freeze and drop the boxes to the ground. "Oh fuck," I look towards the house and focus in on the light in the master bathroom. That look on her face, she was hopeful when she asked and I didn't see it. Then when I said no...Oh, stupid stupid stupid Spencer. I pick up the boxes again and trudge towards the barn in a huff. "When your girlfriend asks if you want to take a bath with her you say YES!" I toss the boxes inside. Wait! She left the door open. I practically run back towards the house.
***
TBC
