Snape's Confession: The Reason Albus Really Died!

Now, I know what you are thinking. 'Snape is so evil! He killed Dumbeldore! And all for the Dark Lord!'

Well… let me just tell you something. I may have told Narcissa that I would kill Dumbeldore if Draco failed but that was not the main reason that I killed him. I made the unbreakable vow to her. The vow to protect her son. I was going to make sure that Draco failed. Do you want to know why?

DUMBELDORE RUINED MY LIFE!

And this is how:

I was on my own, minding my own business, thinking about potions and dragons and Bellatrix LaStrange…yes…I think her insanity is quite attractive. It makes me drool!

Anyway…where was I?…Oh, yes. I was minding my own business when I heard a mysterious ticking noise. I listened for a few seconds, contemplating how strange it was for there to be a ticking within my office. I was unaware of any clock within the room…Bellatrix stole my watch so I knew it wasn't that. The annoying, thieving loony.

"What is that mysterious ticking noise?" I asked myself, running all around my office, looking under the desk, in the cupboards and even the cauldrons that were littered around the place. I stood still for one second, musing over where I might find the joke that one of my pupils had obviously hidden within my office. That annoying Potter boy, no doubt.

I suddenly discovered how catchy the sound was, tapping my foot to the beat. I had always been a musician at heart, I guess that this mysterious noise just brought out my musical side once again.

"Snape. Snape. Severus Snape." I began to sing, enjoying the fact that I could let my considerably greasy hair (I had lost my VO5 Shampoo…) down for once. I continued to sing to myself, feeling slightly less emo that I usually did about life.

Then that blasted man had to interrupt me with his annoying: "Dumbeldore!"

I was annoyed and thought: 'If I continue singing…he might go away.' So I did just that. Did he go away? Oh no he did not! He brought the Ginger one with him!

I continued singing whilst they 'Dumbeldore'-d and 'Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley'-d, hoping that if I tried to not take notice of them, that they might disappear, like a Boggart.

Then, just to add insult to injury, that Granger child began to sing with her 'Hermoine'!

'Just pretend they're not there.' I told myself, hoping that they would all disappear in a puff off smoke.

Then, the salt in my wounds, That Potter joined in too! With his 'Harry Potter. Ooo! Harry Potter.'

I had had enough! I shouted at him! "Snape!" I said and the silly back chatter shouted: 'Harry' back.

So…I started to slap him. And guess what the slime ball did. He slapped me back! It turned into a fight until that insane old man jumped up from nowhere…completely naked!

That image still makes me shudder even to this day. So many wrinkles! I had seen less on my un-ironed robes! Well…he was one hundred and something…right?

The Ginger one found the source of the ticking in my office. It was a pipe bomb! I dragged Dumbeldore out of the window whilst the Ginger one, Granger and Potter all jumped out on their own accord. Why save Dumbeldore, I here you say?

Because I wanted to kill him for myself! He had screwed up my 'happy' afternoon! So, when I heard of the Dark Lord's plans for Malfoy and Narcissa made me make the unbreakable vow, I thought…This is my chance!

So, on that night, I hit him with the killing curse! I shall never have to hear his nauseating 'Dumbeldore' ever again!

I can finally sleep at night without fear of him jumping out from under my bed…naked! *Shudder*

*Cringe*

*VOMIT!*

This idea came to me when my sister and I watched the Half Blood Prince film and we both came to the agreement that Snape had not killed Dumbeldore because of the unbreakable vow made between him and Narcissa but because of him interrupting Snape during the 'Harry Potter Puppet Pals In The Mysterious Ticking Noise'.

I hope that you enjoyed it.