Grandma McCoy In Court

by BishopT

Leonard McCoy entered through the front door of his home in Atlanta, Georgia. He could hear voices and laughter coming from the great room and walked down the hall to see what his family was up to.

His mother, father, uncle Ned, his sister Peggy and brother Michael were all seated near the fireplace chuckling away. Michael saw him enter the room and said, "You just missed family story swapping time, Len. We just finished swapping stories about Grandma McCoy and what a marvelous character she was. However, if you know a story about her that the rest of us have never heard before, you're welcome to share."

Len grinned. "Actually, I do know one story that none of you have ever heard."

"Len, son, have you been holding out on us?" his father, David, asked.

"No, Father, not at all, I just didn't remember it again until now. It happened when I was visiting her for the summer when I was knee-high to a grasshopper. I must have been all of eight years of age and Grandma McCoy had to go to court to testify in a robbery case."

"A robbery case? That must have been pretty exciting for you and knowing how feisty Grandma could be, mighty entertaining." The McCoy family chuckled. "Well, don't just stand there, son, set yourself down by the fire and tell us what happened."

Len sat down and made himself comfortable. "Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In the trial, the small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman, Grandma McCoy, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. McCoy, do you know me?"

Dear old Grandma responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Hatfield. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The McCoy family roared with laughter! "What happened next, son?"

"Well, the lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. McCoy, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife, Hatfield. Yes, I know him."

"Gracious me! Hatfield and Bradley must have been fit to be tied!"added Peggy.

"Well, the defense attorney almost died. The people in the courtroom were snickering and tittering. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, although Grandma heard every word, said, "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you to the firing squad!"

With that said the whole family laughed until they cried.