A/N: Corny title for a corny story. This is going to be like one of those horror movies you find at Walmart in a DVD set of twelve movies for five bucks. (I have so many of those it's not even funny oh lord help me)
So I haven't seen AHS' Hotel season yet (haven't even started Freak Show oops I'm bad with shows) so if I'm like, stealing ideas, it's completely unintentional. The only 'haunted hotel' thing I've watched is 1408. I mean unless you count Psycho but that's not haunted so. But there's murder idfk. POINT IS, nothing here is intentionally ripped from another source. I just had a weird dream this morning and forced myself to get out of bed after only two hours of sleep to start this because I think it'll be lots of fun.
Warnings: Noncon, violence, drug/OD'ing references, blood, torture, and lots of squeamish things to follow. There is your warning list, Kiddos. Should I add more along the way, you will be informed.
Now. Enjoy~
There was one clear word that rang through the group as the setting July sun followed them on their journey on the road: Freedom. Perhaps it was a tad cliche, all eleven of them smiling to themselves and talking amongst each other in their two separate vehicles as they trekked along the countryside. After all, what overtly typical 'coming of age' story didn't include fresh faced, newly graduated teens on a road trip? It was that last taste of honest-to-god childish independence before the waves of adulthood began to crest over them. Internships, jobs, potential scholarships, all pushed to the side for just this month. Worrisome parents had all been texted to be informed of their safety, essentials had been packed and stored safely in the back of the minivan following the rusted pickup truck, and everything had been planned to the smallest detail. Wendy and Kyle were more than happy to put their resourceful skills to use in the weeks prior, making an action notebook consisting of their steps from everything from a blown-out tire to running out of Tweek's constant supply of home-ground coffee.
But disasters seemed few and far between, so far the only issue they'd ran into being Butters buying the wrong flavor of Doritos and getting slapped over the head by their resident fatass. A quick, overpriced four dollars and fifty cent fix was all that'd been taken to avoid such a 'crisis', and all seemed to flow as nature intended; steady yet ever-changing as they drove angled towards the eventide horizon.
Stan sighed tiredly, cracking his neck, fingers flexing along the worn plastic of his Broncos steering wheel cover. His fingers traced over the elevated 'XXXII, XXXIII CHAMPIONS' that'd dug indentations into the pads of his digits over the last several hours. He looked beside him to see Wendy casually scrolling through her phone, chin resting in her palm and bouncing one leg atop the other.
"Anything good?" he asked casually, wishing to check his own phone but knowing well enough that if Kyle happened to look and caught sight of him distracted by a tiny screen, he'd be in for yet another hour-long lecture of 'it only takes a second to crash, Stanley'.
She looked back at him and shrugged, "Bebe says that Craig and Tweek are arguing."
"Again?" he rolled his eyes.
The girl chuckled and nodded, grabbing a plum scrunchie from around her wrist and expertly weaving her hair into a high-placed messy bun. "Something about Craig trying to slow down the coffee consumption."
He sighed, blowing a chunk of bangs from his eye. "Well I mean, it would be nice to not have to stop every two hours so he can piss." She laughed, nodding in agreement.
Wendy reached over, weaving their fingers together under the gearshift as the both of them stared off into the distance with hazy eyes. "I'm really glad you convinced me to come," she said softly.
He glanced over and gave her a smirk, "Way better than some internship at the lab, isn't it?"
"You do realize you did set Kyle and I back a good deal taking us from our work, right?" she said dryly, not quite enjoying her boyfriend's nonchalance at pushing the both of them from their goals for just a tad longer.
Stan squeezed her fingers, "Look, me and Ken didn't wanna lose you two right out the gates, all right?" he shrugged. "Besides, you two were ripping your hair out. A good month to breathe will getcha ready before you guys are adulting so hard Kenny and I are left standing there just watching you run around," he rolled his eyes amusedly. She gave a small scoff, but couldn't help the tiny smile creeping up her lips. It was beyond true, the two of them had been driving Stan and Kenny crazy with their hectic schedules, setting up double dates nonstop just so they could compare notes and figure out where to go with their respective career paths. This road trip had been their boyfriends' idea, taking a few good months during the last semester of school to convince them that it was 'for their health'. Kyle and Wendy weren't stupid, it was less 'for them' and more for their needy boyfriends' goddamn dicks. However, eventually after getting coffee and talking it out with each other, they'd reached the conclusion from Wendy's beginning grey hair and Kyle's unstable insulin from the overwhelming stress that maybe a little bit of a breather before life started was warranted. They'd more than earned it.
"Besides," Stan's voice perked back up, a bit of annoyance lingering in his tone. "That's a month more for the animals to survive."
"Oh my god," she rolled her eyes with a groan. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you, chemical engineering is not dumping oil into the ocean, Stanley!"
He twisted his lips, the disapproval and disbelief ringing clearly on his broad profile. "Uh huh."
She crossed her arms and raised a brow at him, "You remember that you are the one here who eats meat, right?"
"Well excuse me for not wanting to be a walking vagina!"
"Too late for that," Cartman's voice broke through with a snort. They both rolled their eyes and sighed, squeezing each other's fingers just a little tighter. They had this argument constantly, and Wendy was far past the point of convinced that Stan just wouldn't understand until she was finally put to work a good ten fucking years down the road. She rolled her eyes to herself amusedly. At least she wasn't in poor Kyle's position, where Kenny did nothing but whine about how 'he didn't need an internship for physiology, he could just study Kenny's body all he wanted'.
Butters looked between the group, settling on Cartman and pursing his lips. "Now Eric, that ain't nice of ya."
The brunette looked at him dryly, "Because that's so my schtick, Butters."
"Well I'm just sayin' is all," he mumbled, crossing his arms and shifting, glancing out the window to watch the world pass by through the back country roads. "Where are we, Stan?"
"Somewhere in Wyoming," he shrugged, glancing around at the desolate area surrounding them. It was nearly eighty degrees despite the setting sun, the shoddy air conditioner doing little more than giving occasional bursts of icy streams whenever it damn well felt like it. He glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing a red and a blonde head facing away from him and pursing his lips. "See how they're doin'," he instructed Butters.
Wendy nodded in agreement, grabbing a bottle of Mountain Dew and a water bottle from the cooler at her feet and handing them back to the blonde. "Make sure they're hydrated," she added.
Butters awkwardly shifted in his seatbelt, sliding the back window of the cab to the roar of the wind passing through the bed. "Hey, Fellas!" he greeted cheerfully. Kenny and Kyle turned from their blanketed seat and blinked at him.
"What?" Kenny snapped, obviously displeased with the interruption.
Butters shied down instantly, reading the frustration with ease. "Just wanted t' know if you two needed us t' stop or nothin'," he mumbled.
Kyle looked between his irritated boyfriend and the nerve-struck blonde, giving Butters a small, forced smile. "We're good," he informed him, taking the bottles hanging from his hands and nodding. "Thanks, Butters. Can you close the window again, please?"
"Sure," he nodded, stealing another glance at Kenny's death-stare and gulping. He quickly slid the window back shut and turned in his seat, the both of them watching him duck down in fright.
Kyle sighed, "Dude, don't take this out on Butters."
"He's the easiest fucking target," Kenny said snidely, swiping his Mountain Dew and angrily unscrewing the cap. Kyle watched as he took a couple long, heavy gulps, quietly going to work on his own bottle.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
Kenny glanced at him, shoulders sinking before he straightened back up and cleared his throat, popping the green plastic from his lips with a resounding sound over Stan's truck. "For what? For lying to me?"
Green eyes flickered up, remorse instantly replaced with frustration. "Excuse me?" he demanded. "I didn't lie about a goddamn thing! You just assumed that-"
"That I came first? Yeah, I fuckin' did," he bit, Kyle cringing in the slightest. "So, when were ya plannin' on tellin' me? A week before you left or right before you got in the goddamn car?" he snapped.
He sighed, scratching through his hair, "I didn't know when to tell you. I was...working on it," he winced.
Kenny scoffed, shaking his head angrily. Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. "Would it be like you 'working on it' to tell me ya loved me?" he asked dryly, both of them staring at each other and remembering all at once Kyle bouncing around the words for well over seven months after Kenny had said the phrase that now flowed so smoothly off both their tongues.
The redhead gulped, "Ken, look, I'm really sorry," he said earnestly. "But Boston is the best place for me to get all of this going," he waved dismissively.
"What happened to 'oh, I'll find somewhere in Boulder so we'll only be a few hours away from each other, I'll come see you on weekends'?" he mocked. "Did ya just forget that I existed during applications or what?"
He glared, "No, I was thinking about my future!" he yelled. "I got accepted into a great school, why the fuck wouldn't I swipe that opportunity?!"
"Why wouldn't you tell me about it?!" he demanded. "Because you knew I'd be against it?!"
"YES!" he bit, instantly backing away and folding in his lips, watching Kenny's face fall. His fucking short temper always did this to him; how he hadn't learned to control it by now, he'd never know. He blamed Jersey. He groaned, taking a long sip of his water and smacking his lips, daring to take another glance at his boyfriend's pitiful face. The blonde's entire anger-fueled posture had fallen, eyes dropped down to stare at the cheap plastic clutched in his hands. The redhead scratched his curls, a deep-seated hatred of himself percolating to the surface. He knew he shouldn't have brought up school, but he fucking did anyway. Fighting with himself for months about telling Kenny of his plans just bubbled right the fuck over, and he couldn't have picked a worse time to do it as they remained trapped in the bed of Stan's truck.
Kenny looked at him and narrowed his eyes at the sympathy on that slender face. "After four fucking years, I'd think you'd fucking care enough to tell me," he said lowly.
"After four fucking years," he mocked, "it's really hard for me, too..." he paused, shoulders sinking. "We can make it work," he said.
"You really think we can do a long distance thing?" he said dryly. "Ky, you were on vacation for a week last year and we were out of our fucking minds."
He paused, shifting uncomfortably, "The Skype sex was fun?" he forced a smile through a wince. Kenny stayed silent, just watching him with that anger still smoldering in those usually light blue eyes. Kyle bit his lip, carefully scooting himself in front of Kenny and pushing his bent-up knees apart, sitting between them and staring at the blonde thoughtfully. "Come with me," he offered.
Kenny raised his brow, "Excuse me?"
"I'll get an off-campus apartment, I'm sure I can work something out," he murmured, knowing full and well that it was typically forbidden for freshmen to do such a thing at this particular university, but all it took was some well placed bills to change some minds. "We can go and I'll hit up my paid internship and there's plenty of jobs in the area for you to find," he continued. "We can just live out there. Together," he emphasized.
Kenny blinked slowly, letting his brain wrap around the concept, thumb fiddling with the loose corner of his soda label. "Thought you didn't want to be a domesticated couple."
"Look, I wouldn't mind constant access to your dick, all right?" he said wryly, getting a small smirk out of the blonde that instantly set his mind at ease with the idea. "And that was like, two years ago, Dude," he reminded him. "You know, when we were fucking sixteen and that kind of thinking was ridiculous," he rolled his eyes.
The blonde nodded a bit, taking a deep breath through his nose. "What about Karen, though?" he murmured. Kyle paused, watching the debate beginning to cloud those bright eyes yet again. For nearly three years Kenny had been working to make sure his little sister got her food and what she needed for school, unable to rely on his parents or older brother to make the sacrifice themselves. He was the only source of income in the small shack of a home, they all counted on him.
He sighed, biting his lip. "I have about $3000 in savings. We can send her some of that every month or something and keep adding on to it with whatever we get with jobs... You may have to get two though..." he trailed off, wincing to himself. Well it seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment. Leave it to Kenny to pull the heartstrings and make things more complicated in a matter of seconds. "I mean, maybe I can convince my parents to help pay for the apartment until we get on our feet," he shrugged. "They love you, I doubt they'd mind the idea of you being my roommate... Ma's been terrified that I might end up sharing a dorm with someone who'd murder me for drug money anyhow," he smirked a bit. Kenny sighed, letting his mind continue to stew. This was a lot to consider all at once, despite how excited he'd been about potential plans to grab an apartment in Colorado for the two of them to share. Moving across the country, though? Not exactly the McCormick way. "Besides, we'll live on the outskirts of Boston, it'll be a bit cheaper," Kyle continued. "Think about all the sights we could see together!" he smiled excitedly.
Kenny looked up, seeing those green eyes glittering with the prospect of sharing such times with him and he chuckled. "Museum tours ain't my thing, Ky," he reminded him.
"But watching me walk around naked in our own place could be," he raised his brow in challenge. He watched a spark flicker through those conflicted eyes, a grin spreading on Kenny's handsome face. He leaned forward, kissing his lips tenderly. "Please?" he asked, adding that little whiny tone that he knew always got him his way in the end.
A hand snapped up, threading through his curls and pulling his head back a bit to tip him further up towards Kenny's face. The blonde smiled, kissing him back and sighing against his lips, nodding softly. "Sure you can handle living with me?"
"Let's be real here, we pretty much already do," he reminded him. "My family sets a goddamn place for you every night at dinner and you have half my clothes in your closet," he rolled his eyes amusedly. Kenny chuckled, pulling him back up and sealing the prospect with another sweet, long-lived kiss.
Clyde watched them from over his dashboard as he drove, shaking his head to himself. He'd thought himself lucky to not have to watch the two of them making out for the last hour and a half, but it seemed they were right back to where they started the moment the cars left Token's driveway. 'So long as clothes stay on I guess,' he thought tiredly. His eyes hit his rearview mirror, twisting his lips with the hope that others kept their clothes on, too. Bebe and Token were getting awfully handsy in the far backseat. "Hey, keep it PG, kids," he scolded.
The two of them broke apart from their tongues winding around each other and frowned at the driver. "Who the fuck asked your opinion?" Token bit.
"The one that's going to switch you out for Butters if you don't keep your damn pants on," he snapped. "I'd rather not have to clean your jizz from my mom's car. Again," he added bitterly.
"Oh one time," Bebe drawled, brushing disheveled hair out of her eyes and crossing her arms in a pout.
Clyde rolled his eyes, "Look, it's bad enough I have to watch the horny orange assholes the whole way there, I don't need to add you two to my 'viewing pleasure'," he scoffed.
"Ken and Ky at it again?" Bebe smiled wickedly, peeking from between the headrests and a disinterested Tweek and Craig to look up front, seeing Kenny shoving Kyle down onto the truck bed and falling on top of him with a devilish smirk she could read even from here.
"Oh god," Clyde groaned, grabbing his phone and quickly finding Wendy's number. He held it to his ear, muttering to himself as it rang.
"Yes, Clyde?" she answered tiredly.
"Tell your ride-alongs in the back that they don't have to incorporate every kind of ride into this trip," he growled. "Some of us don't like distractions while we fucking drive," he hung up, throwing the phone down onto the empty passenger seat, taking a long breath through his nose. He watched as Butters timidly opened the back window, face blanching right off as he mumbled something to the two of them. Kenny popped up, shoving him back in and slamming the pane shut. He turned to look at Clyde's group, smirking and grabbing a half naked Kyle by the arm and hauling him up. The Jew went bright red, looking down awkwardly as Kenny wriggled his brows at the spectators, tonguing over his teeth and giving a few demonstrating pelvic thrusts before shoving Kyle back down and going at him again.
"Those two need neutered," Craig said dryly, leaning his chin into the hand not currently entangled with Tweek's. "Pretty sure the friction is going to make their dicks fall off one of these days."
Clyde nodded in agreement, "And on that day, we will celebrate." He watched as Butters and Cartman held up a blanket against the back pane, shaking his head. They were practically encouraging them at this point. Given...few things managed to discourage them.
"Aw, come onnn," Bebe waved them off dismissively. "So they got some fire goin'. Ain't nothin' wrong with that," she grinned.
Craig turned back to look at her, lips twisted. "You're only saying that because you got them together, Stevens."
The blonde grinned, flipping curly hair off her shoulder. "I mean that is a perk considering they both buy me lunch all the time," she chuckled. Four years after shoving them both into a janitor's closet and locking the door and she was still getting thank you cards and boastful stories of the redhead's legendary ass from Kenny along with gift cards to Harbucks with shy tales of Kenny's technique from Kyle. Hooking up blithering, oblivious friends definitely had its benefits. "Besides, Clyde, you're just jealous because Annie's not here."
"Well, it does suck that I'm one of the only people here without someone," he growled, fingers clenching around his steering wheel. His girlfriend telling him she'd 'rather live on a farm then spend an entire month with his band of renegade, horny buddies' hadn't exactly settled well on him. She was far from uppity, but she just couldn't stand the lot of them together, particularly Stan's gang. Stan's consistent Greenpeace speeches drove her up the wall, Kenny and Kyle's incessant need to defile every piece of furniture they could find grated on her nerves, and Cartman...well, he was Cartman. That one Clyde could jump right on the bandwagon with. But now, he was his group's Cartman along with the stowaway Butters. The three of them were the single men stuck in a collective group of groping and moaning and kisses and saucy whispers. It wasn't exactly the time of his life, but it beat dealing with his father and stepmother. At least he fucking hoped, though so far it wasn't seeming that way.
Tweek caught Kenny's naked back peeking from the top of the bed time and again and he frowned, "Aren't they worried they're gonna get caught?!"
"They had sex on a squad car once," Token reminded him, looping his arm around Bebe's shoulders and pulling her in closely. "I really doubt they give too many shits."
"And Kyle can sweet-talk out of anything," Bebe chuckled. "Not everyone is as prudish as Stan and Wends, ya know."
"There's a difference between prudish and decent," Craig rolled his eyes. "Besides, not fair to compare a regular couple to whores," he gestured towards them.
She scoffed, "Oh, lighten up, boys!" she protested. "Just because you have blue balls doesn't mean everyone should."
Token looked at her and raised his brow, "Why do I have this feeling that you have a video of the two of them with the way you're talking?"
She chuckled, "I wish." Token pouted and she shrugged. "Kyle has a nice ass and Ken has a nice chest. So sue me," she drawled.
"Nice to know my girlfriend is into gay guys," he rolled his eyes. "Should I be freaking out that Craig and Tweek are here?" he gestured to the two of them who looked behind them to watch Bebe with cocked brows.
"Don't tempt me now," she teased, shooting them a wink.
"Oh Jesus," Tweek muttered, hiding his face in his hand.
Craig shook his head, squeezing the jittery blonde's hand pointedly. "Knock it off, Stevens."
"I'm kidding!" she laughed. "Trust me, I'm far from interested in your bland ass, Craig," she informed him. "And Tweek, I wouldn't be able to tell if he's cumming or just spazzing out and where's the fun in that?"
Tweek's cheeks burst with color as Craig's straight-lined face turned sour on a dime. "I said knock it off," he warned through his teeth.
Bebe shrugged sheepishly, "Sorry, Tweek. That wasn't cool of me."
He looked at her with fleeting hazel eyes and shrugged back jerkingly. "It's fine," he muttered. "Everyone else gets made fun of...I can't be the exception...right?" he winced.
"Yes, you can," Craig said firmly, shooting the girl another scalding glare. "Because you're the only blonde in this car who doesn't live for spreading their legs."
"Hey!" she snapped.
Token leaned forward, glaring daggers at the noirette, "Remember which one of us can bench-press more, Tucker," he cautioned.
"Knock it off, all of you!" Clyde snapped, beating his skull against his headrest. "I'm not dealing with this couples-at-war bullshit, all right?! Or we're switching cars so no couples can be in the same goddamn vehicle!"
Bebe looked up through the windshield, smirking at Kenny pulling Kyle up into a kiss over the edge of the bed, watching Kyle throw his head back, mouth agape and the blonde going after his neck. "Good luck prying them apart. I think they're kinda stuck together right now," she observed.
He groaned, honking repeatedly at the couple and they slowly turned their heads at the disruption. Kenny flipped them off, Kyle following suit with Clyde, Craig, and Token returning the favor. Kenny whipped Kyle around with his back towards them and shoved him down, raising his brow in challenge, purposefully keeping himself upright to show his hips pressing down time and again, eyes flickering between Kyle's sprawled form and the group trailing them. "Oh for fuck's sake," Clyde sighed exhaustedly.
"Okay, but, you have to admit that Kenny keeping that up in a moving truck is talent," Bebe pointed out.
"Not like it's the interstate," Token grumbled, ego feeling smashed at the recollection of a sneaky rendezvous between the both of them months before where he ended up smashing Bebe's head against a console as a bump startled them both, ruining all hints of any continuation. Bebe chuckled, kissing his cheek to calm his dying pride and he smiled at her crookedly.
Tweek sighed, fingers nervously twitching against Craig's as he took a sip from his thermos, doing his best to ignore his boyfriend's unimpressed stare at grabbing for the coffee once again. "When are we stopping for the night?"
"Whenever either Stan or I gets tired," he shrugged. "First one has to call the other and Wendy'll find the closest hotel." The brunette shook his head, "But next time we get to be the first car."
"Agreed," Craig, Token, and Tweek replied monotonously. They watched with raised brows as Kenny practically collapsed down from his position out of their sight before raising back up with hands clutched around Kyle's panting form, both of them kissing and touching in a disgustingly innocent fashion considering their current circumstance. Clyde shook his head, turning his attention to the license plate of Stan's truck and taking a long sip of his Pepsi, just praying for his eyelids to start drooping soon.
A/N: Fun fun road trips for all!
This one won't be an incredibly long story. I know I say this every time but this time around I'm positive. Maybe. I'm doubting myself already that's never good whoops.
Thanks for R&Ring!
