Disclaimer: I don't own the Avatar. Darn.
Song: "Stupid"
By: Sarah McLachlan
Read on…
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Night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady there now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang on
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes
Sleep, Toph. Sleep, I commanded of myself as I lay beside Twinkle Toes in his bed while Katara was gone for the month. She was at the South Pole visiting her Gran-Gran. Aang would've gone but he had his "Avatar duties" to attend to. That's what we were calling it now.
I hadn't had a good night's sleep in over two months and it was killing me.
How could I be so stupid, I chastised myself. Aang is Katara's fiancée. She's my best friend. I shouldn't be doing this. Aang rolled over and hugged me tighter against his bare chest. I felt a strain my chest at the feel of his skin against mine. I loved him, that's why I'm doing this. No matter how wrong I felt this was I couldn't help it. I was weak. I starved for Aang, not Sokka or anybody else, just Aang.
Gently so as not to wake him up, I unraveled myself from his hold on me and put on my shirt. This make-out session had been intense and after it was over we had fallen asleep together.
How did it end up like this?
I sat down on a chair that was in front of a window. As quietly as I could I opened the window to greet the crisp morning air and I thought, I don't deserve to be happy.
how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
Anyone with half a brain could feel the tension between Twinkle Toes and myself when we were in the room together, but not Katara, oh no. I had been living with her and Aang for over two months and she still couldn't figure it out. She was so freaking oblivious to everything that it annoyed me. Why couldn't she just find out already and put me out of the guilt that tore at my heart and soul every time Twinkle Toes touched me? Last night it grew tenfold until I felt a black hole replacing my heart. It was a vacuum that left me feeling empty. The only time the hole settled was when I was with Aang.
But that was the problem. The more time I spent with Aang – no matter how much it repaired me – left me feeling just as empty when I left his side.
When I first told him that I loved him (that was after our fifth meeting), I hugged him tight and waited for his answer.
"Aang?" I had asked after two minutes in painful silence.
"Toph," he had said quietly. "This isn't right."
Tears pricked at my eyes and I fought them back. I tried to let him go but he hugged me tighter, not wanting to let go.
"Toph, don't let go. Just hear me out." He paused and I gave him my assent by squeezing him once. "This isn't right because…I love you too much. I don't think I can tell Katara that I want to cancel the wedding just for you. She doesn't deserve that. She's saved my life on more than one occasion and I love her too. This is so confusing because I want you and her in my life. Something about you…I just know that you are an amazing woman and I love you. But I can't do that to Katara. I can't."
I held the tears back for his sake and my dignity but this time I couldn't hold the tears back as they flowed relentlessly down my face in silent sobs.
how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
everything changes
everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know
I stood up and walked over the dresser beside his bed. I gently laid down my headband on his bed. I turned around and jumped out the window as silently as I could. I told myself that I was doing him a favor; that I was doing Katara a favor, but the truth – whether I admitted it out loud or not – was that I was running away again.
I had to. Aang was going to marry Katara regardless of whether he loved me or not. Maybe I'd go back to my parents and marry that suitor that had been put on hold for me. I wasn't supposed to love the suitor but maybe I could get to know him, for my parent's sake. It sure as hell wasn't for mine.
I stomped the ground to let myself out by a doorway in the wall that I had created, but before I entered the street I turned back towards the house. His house. Wiping the tears left on my face I stood up straight and tried to salvage what little dignity I had left. Aang was going to have to make a decision; otherwise he could lose the both of us forever.
After a deep breath, I whispered to the morning air, "Goodbye, Aang. Until – if ever – I see you again, goodbye."
I left, but not before hitting that guilty spot again with my thoughts.
How stupid could I be…
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A/N:
Wow. Intense huh?
Tell me what you think. This was just a spontaneous thing that popped into my head. I love this song and I figured I could make it apply: TAANG style! =]
I may make this a two-shot, but I don't know.
If ya'll review it maybe it'll happen…
Hahaha!
Love: Lola of the Peaches
=]
