Not The Beginning, Not The End

by Shadowy Star

2013

Disclaimer: I don't own the Coldfire trilogy. It belongs to C.S. Friedman. I do own this story. Characters, places, locations and organizations not appearing or being mentioned in the books are also mine. Do not archive or translate or otherwise use without permission.

Summary: He was first and foremost a Healer.

A/N: I remember wondering why Gerald so strictly limited himself to young women for the Hunt. Naturally, I had to write an answer.


Damien Vryce wasn't a fool. He knew, and understood –which was so much more than knowledge on many levels– that not even the dark and twisted malevolence of the Forest could surpass that of its creator. Gerald was indeed as evil as he insisted – little surprising, from a man who had to know himself down to the core. Because nothing less would've sufficed when striking a Contract with the Unnamed Ones. Having any delusions would've been deadly, as Damien now knew very well from personal experience, as he'd been forced to learn by his own literal trip to Gerald's own literal Hell.

When seeing his strength, and the physical presence, and the skills of a warrior and Knight, one tended to forget Damien was first and foremost a Healer. He'd seen enough suffering in his line of work to recognize it anywhere, in any form. And to him, it was as obvious as daylight Gerald was suffering.

The Hunter might be sure he wasn't human anymore but denial, after all, springs eternal. Without having Worked their bond, without even needing to do so, without any Working whatsoever, Damien knew. Because sadism was a human trait. It would've been different had the Hunt not been about pleasure, had Gerald just killed those women for the sake of having them killed, had not an emotion been involved. Emotion meant being able to experience more, meant potential to feel. And Damien knew beyond any doubt that behind Gerald's icily cold veneer lay soul deep pain. Yes, he was trained to recognize pain.

He was also trained to recognize victims of abuse.

He'd suspected as much long before Gerald had admitted to a less-than-happy childhood due to his abusive brothers – as small as the admission had been. Even more, Damien knew why Gerald never Hunted men – he was afraid, deep down, that one of them might fight back and reenact his trauma, exactly like Gerald himself had done back then, killing his father and brothers. Damien also knew why Gerald never Hunted children. It would've been the most obvious choice if you were to look for the most helpless and vulnerable ones, yet Gerald never did. Oh, when asked the Hunter would probably come up with some very believable reasons, reasons he might even believe himself but Damien knew it was the abhorrence of the act, still embedded deep in the soul of the hunted child Gerald once had been.

No, Damien wasn't a helpless fool entrapped by the complexity of Gerald's mind and personality. On the contrary, he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. After all, he'd never been prone to self-delusions. He had reasons to hope; he was betting his life on it. And seeing that he was still alive, he was winning.

And as for Gerald... As brilliant the other's mind was, as ruthless and without remorse as he believed himself to be, as much as he'd denied being human – as clear it was to see he was lost, hurting, lonely.

Damien could work with that.

FIN