My life is pain, my secret is sorrow and my mask is a smile that blinds, no one can see, no one is allowed to see, and I will bear my broken sole in silence.
I make my way through the school yard, deaf to the gleeful shouts of happy teenagers as they greet their friends, its like this every morning, loud and happy.
Not like me
"Hey Cat!" a familiar voice greats me as I turn to face a mischievous grin and sparkling amethyst eyes. "What took you so long? I heard this great joke last night wanna hear?" I smile at my fiend, Duo, my best friend, I smile at him and nod as we walk away.
A smile so fake I wonder how they do not see…
We walk through the yard over to our group, my heart quickens as I see him, as he smiles and turns to great me.
"Hello little one." he says softly.
Trowa I love you
I know he loves me, he told me once, but he doesn't know he told me for he was sleeping, and yet I can't tell him how I feel
He would get to close, he would see, he mustn't see
I smile at him warmly
The only true smile I use is for him
We would be so happy, I know it.
But he would see my mask, he would see my secret and he would see my pain
The day goes by just like the day before, and the day before that and the day before that, I have fallen into a cruel routine, I come to school, see my friends, see Trowa, then I leave, I go home.
If you could call it a home
And he is waiting for me…that man, that man who is meant to love my sister
I hate him
That man who is meant, to be true to her
I hate him
Meant to be family to her family
I hate him
Meant to be like a brother to me
I HATE HIM! But no one can see
The last bell has rung and I am leaving, I do not want to but I must
Or they would see
I walk home slowly and open my front door, walking into a large house that I am meant to live in.
Life is a joke, played by death, and no one can escape it…
I look around expecting to see him there but he isn't, so I sigh and walk up to my room, where I wait out the cruel game I know he is playing on me.
I hate him
I hear him open my door and walk in, his hand wraps around my arm and he pulls me up I want to scream but I don't, because no one is home to hear.
I am alone, and they can not see from the distance the stand at, they can not see my pain.
He pulls me onto the bed, if I struggle he bites, if yell he cuts, but if I do as I'm told he bruises my sole and leaves me in so many pieces
And just when I start to put them back together, he rips me to pieces again.
He finished and leaves me, naked and hurt on my bed, before he goes he whipers to me he says what he always says, an evil mantra that taints my soul and leaves me a puppet at his fingers, he whispers "no one can see, no one will see, no one is allowed to see." and goes.
And no one ever does
Neither of us heard the doorbell, or the person let themselves in, neither of us heard that person walk up the stairs.
I get up, and begin to dress, looking in the mirror, I can see he has cut me, my blood runs down my back, and bruises on my arms begin to colour, but I do not feel them.
I am numb
I hear my door open and tense, for it must be him "Quatre"
But it's not "God, Quatre! What happened !?" My brain shuts down, I don't know what to do, its Trowa, he let himself in! He knows, I turn to him, I know I am crying, I can feel the tears burning my eyes, he is looking at me, his had reaches out and touches a cut on my chest…and I run
He saw
Out of my room, I hear him yell my name
He saw
Down the stairs, I can hear him following me
He saw
Past that man, who stares in horror, he knows what has happened
He saw
Through the front door and into poring rain , it stings my bare skin, I haven't put my shirt back on, my feet splash water up onto my jeans, but I don't care
He saw
I collapse on the ground, my feet won't run anymore, my knees won't hold, and I can feel my mask break into tiny little peaces as strong arms pick me up and hold me.
You weren't meant to see
Trowa holds me, talking gently, he says he loves me, and he will take care of me, he isn't asleep this time, he knows this time.
You weren't meant to see
He says I can stay with him if I want, and I look up at him, his hand comes up to shield may face from the rain.
You weren't meant to see
"I love Trowa" I whisper, and he smiles, and begins to stand, he picks me up and carries me away from that man, from that house, and sticks together the first piece of my shattered soul.
You weren't meant to see…but Trowa…I am so glad you did
the end
