Title: A Strong Woman
Summary: Erica Hahn has always been a strong woman, but does that really make her a lesbian?
Rating: T for now.
Chapter 1: Stuck
A/N: I know this has been done several times before, but I wanted to try my hand. Please read and tell me what you think! This chapter is short, but it's just to get started.
I can't be gay. It's just too cliché, right? All the boys in the big boys' club will see this as some sort of attempt to be one of them, which I'm not. I'm not afraid of Callie for personal reasons; I'm afraid of what people will think. Yes, I said it. And specifically, I'm afraid what it will look like to those men I work with.
I am a strong woman. A strong woman is not necessarily a lesbian; I learned that a long time ago. Through medical school and residency I was teased for being a woman pursuing something other than gyno, pediatrics, or a cute doctor to marry, and of course all those men pulled out that excuse that I must be gay, that I must want to be a man if I want to be a surgeon. It's lame. It's "gay," if you will, that all those men who felt threatened by me thought that they could get rid of me by shoving their male privilege in my face, as if I didn't already know they had it.
I can't be gay. I won't let myself because that would be just what those boys would want. But I love this woman. Yes, I love her. I love every part of her. I love her voice, her thoughts, her smile. Fuck, I even love her frown, though not as much as I love her smile. When did this start? I'm not quite sure, but then how many friends can tell you when they became lovers? But I can't let her know. I can't let anyone know, for the sake of my career and all that I've worked for I entire life.
I guess Callie started me thinking about it yesterday at Joe's when she told me about what Addison had said. I never really thought about it before that. At the time it seemed absurd. We were good friends, best friends. Not all best friends secretly want to sleep together. If that were true, no straight woman could befriend with a man. That night after I got back to my apartment, though, after a few drinks, I started thinking about the real way I feel about Callie and our friendship. That's when it hit me. I do love her. But I also know that I can't do anything about it. I wouldn't dare.
Now I just need to convince myself.
