Gandalf : We must place our hope in men.
Elrond : Men ... Men are WEAK ! and repulsive . Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague. And we are... the cure.
The hobbits : We wanna go home ! whaaaaaa
Aragorn : I am Isildur's heir . I fear falling to the power of the evil ring just like Isildur did. Curse genetics !
Arwen : Who needs Isildur when you've got me ?
Aragorn: You're right . MMMM SMOOCH SMOOCH
Peter Jackson : People , i mean er.. Elves , i would like to keep this PG 13 !
----------------------------------LATER ON------------------------------------
Elrond: MR. ANDER- er um I mean…. Hi . Welcome to my SECRET council. Check out this really cool ring Frodo brought for show and tell !
Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH !
Borimir : I want that ring !
: No we must destroy it . (whispers) Its,..EViL (rocks back and forth)
Legsie : What he said !
Gandalf : Shut up Legsie .
Gimli : Even though i am in a city of elves and eating elf food , i shall still insult elves ! eLv3z SuX0rZzzz !
Everyone : YOU ALL SUCK !
Frodo : Except me . I shall take the ring then , coz I saw it first , tough luck !
Gandalf : You need directions to Mordor . I'm coming along !
Aragorn : I need to impress my girlfriend's Dad . I'm coming along !
Legsie : What he said !
Gimli : You don't have a girlfriend , you spineless loser !
Borimir: I know i have expressed symptoms of falling to the Ring's power , but I'll win you an Oscar if you let me come !
Sam Merry Pippin: And even though we're slow , unwise and helpless , you're going to let us come too! So, where are we going?
Elrond: ugh Hobbits are a virus….. it looks like my SECRET council wasn't so secret after all . Even though this is a team of rookies topped off with a man who i know wants to use the ring for his own purpose , i will still let the fate of Middle Earth rest upon you . I shall call you Party of Nine . Oh i am so wise ...
The party of nine : we're off to see the wizard!
legsie: ORCS !
Legsie: MORIA !
Aragorn: Black birdies! Oops forgot to watch the weather report today.
Legsie: MORIA !
Aragorn: ROHAN ! I love all the little ponies! . I love then gooood!
Legsie: ORCS !
Frodo: This sucks . The ring sucks . I suck . My life sucks . WHY ME ?
gandalf: Shit happens . Get over it .
Pippin: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH !
Bucket: CRASH BOOM BANG ooooooooops .
gandalf: YOU FOOL OF A TOOOOOOOOK! …I wonder what that means….
Everyone: RUN…AWAAAAAY !
Orks: AARRRR ! GRRR GROWWWLLL SNARLLL HISSS !
Everyone: AHHH! OTHER WAY, OTHER WAY!
Legsie: ORCS ! Twang twang twang .
Orks: Clang Clang Clang
Sound fx: errr... fizz bang ? teehee it rhymed!
Frodo: AAAA i'm dead !
Gandalf: YES….THE RING IS MINE! mwhahahaa!
Frodo: Oh wait…… i'm not . Haha gotcha !
Gandalf: Damn it ! you can ignore that last statement…
Legsie: ORCS !
: WE KNOW !
legsie: ORCS !
Gimli: No, stupid , that's Michael jackson.
Galadriel: Weeeeeellcccooommmeee tooooo Looooorriiiiieeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Gimli: Woah , that is one HOT elf drools
Galadriel: Hey Frodo , wanna see something real cool ?
Frodo: It's ... a ... bed pan! WickEd!
Galadriel: But just add water and it's the Mirror of Galadriel ! Have a look , first 3 minutes is toll-free.
Frodo: I don't see anything ... wait ! I see... Sam ! Merry and Pippin ! The Shire ! But... it's burning ... why ?
Galadriel: It shows you what will happen if you fail this quest ….thing. Neat eh ?
Frodo: And Sauron takes over Middle Earth... Sam ! He's enslaved in chains ! Noooo ! I must not let this happ- WOAAAH , Legsie looks HOT in there !
Galadriel: After Sauron takes over Mirkwood he is forced to become a stripper at the prancing pony . But that's not the point here . I'm trying to tell you , Seany beany is going to take the ring from you !
Frodo: Uhuh , so what else is new . I knew that like ... 2 minutes into the movie.
Galadriel: You mock me ! Give me the ring!
Frodo: No offense , but , green makes you look puffy .
Galadriel:(gasp) I past the stupid test! Lets see what the other witch elves have to say about me now! …. Oh here, have some glowy stuff.
Legsie: ORCS !
Gimli: AAAAA! SCREAM AND RUN IN CIRCULS
Legsie: OOooRRcs…???!?!?
Gimli: I know , SHUT UP ALREADY!
Borimir: Hey twerp , gimme the ring or i'll make lembas out of you.
Frodo: (screams) RAPIST RAPIST! (slaps at seamy)
Bormir: I KEEEEL YOU !
Frodo: Muummyyy ! puts on ring and goes into an evil nirvanna
Borimir: Oh i'm so sorry Frodo , FRODO ! Where are you ? I didn't mean it !
Pippin: WHERE IS FRODO ? …….. …. WHERES BOROMIR ?
Legsie: ORCS !
Merry and pippin: HELP !
Borimir: Heeerreeee i commmeee to saveee the daayyyy ! superhero music
Urukia: GRRRR GROWL …
Arrow: TWANG
Borimir: It's just a flesh wound ! BRAVEHEAAAARRRTT !
Arrows: TWANG TWANG TWANG !
Borimir: Ouch ooh ahhhhh…. er. . Well , even if i die , you will never have my Oscar !
Urukia: But we can take your halflings !
Merry and pippin: Bye seany beany ! We'll send you a postcard !
Aragorn: I'm here to kick butt and chew lembas .Eat crap and die , You Uruk-dork!
Urukia: GRRR GROWL TWANG AAAAAAA ! You stabbed my ass! Crap that's the end of me . Can i have my pay check now?
Legsie: ORCS ! Oh wait , that's seany beany
Borimir: My Captain
Aragorn: Will you just die ! The audience's asses are starting to hurt .
Borimir : My KING !ramble mutter stab stab FRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOMMMM! Alright i'm done ! Gimme my Oscar now !
Gimli: The Fellowship has failed. Boromir is dead. kill joy
Legsie: Okay cool , let's chuck him over the waterfall now . Wheeeeeeeeeeee !
Frodo: Row row , row your boat , gently down the stream ... hey isn't that Seany beany in that boat heading for the waterfall ? Hmm... guess he didn't get that Oscar after all.
Sam: ROSE !
Frodo: Go back Jack !
Sam: No ! GLUB GLUB GLUB CANT SWIM GLUB GLUB GLUB
Frodo: JACK !
Sam: ROSE !
Sam: Never let go! sob
Sam/frodo: (hug)
Aragorn :um……O.o……lets worry about the homos later…... lets go kick some ork ass ! . whhheeeeeee!
Gimli Legsie: wOOt!
Aragorn: alright men. All of you stay here while I go round up some dead guys. I'll be back at
0-800 hours. While I'm gone lay down heavy suppressive fire on those rocks.
Rohan man: why shoot rocks…..sir…?
Aragorn: so….that……um……because………I..uh have been getting a lot of lip from those rocks and…. We don't need ROCKS as an enemy!...heh heh heh YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! How dare you question a commanding officer?
Rohan man: ………………………………………………………
Aragorn:sorry,…I kind of lost my head there for a sec….Ok so onward I go!
Gimli/legsie: MommmIEEEE! Don't leave us! ((Legsie: I'm not changing gimli's diaper ever again!))
Aragorn:…ahhhhh, but you'll slow me down! … alright you can come, but promise to behave.
gimli: I'll behave!
Legsie: Me to! (fingers crossed)
Inside the freaky cave-tunnel-thing.
Dead peeps: We are the dead people! HAUNT FLOAT SCARE!
