Last resort 1/?
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Sandra/Gerry
Rating:- M
Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/
Summary:- When put like that I really don't have a choice do I? If things stay the way they are I'm going to end up losing him from my life altogether because I can't carry on working alongside him and pretending I don't feel anything when I know I do.
Author's Note:- In answer to Beth's "Do I have a choice?" Challenge where we had to write something where at some point Sandra said "Do I have a choice?" I have this idea going for a little while but haven't got around to doing anything with it so I thought that challenge was as good a reason as any to get the first chapter out there!
"I know it's completely irrational and I know he could never feel the same what I need you to tell me is how I get over him and move on." You know there are times when I wonder why I pay this woman a small fortune every week. I've been coming to her for three years do deal with my issues with my father and now that I have reached a certain level of acceptance with that I need her to help with the biggest problem in my life right now. Gerry Standing and how I get over him. No wait that's not quite right to say "get over" him implies we had some sort of relationship that broke down and I need to forget about him and that's not it at all. See it's pretty complicated I've recently realised that I've fallen head over heels in love with him and that just won't do at all.
"Why do you feel it wouldn't work Sandra? Why do you feel you need to get over this man before you've even given a relationship between you a chance or from what you've told me even given him the opportunity to tell you he does or does not feel the same." Well duh! Haven't I just told her I already know it would never work because he could never feel the same? God see I should not be giving my hard earned cash to someone this clueless.
"I told you, I'm not his type and he isn't mine either I don't know why I've developed feelings for him that's what I'm asking you to find out for me and then tell me how to make them go away."
"How about you tell me first when you first realised you might have feelings of a romantic nature for your colleague and why when you did notice them developing you didn't take steps to make sure they didn't develop further." What the hell? I mean if I'd been able to stop them doesn't she think I would have?
"I don't think that will help Pamela I mean I don't need to start thinking about what I feel for him I just need to find a way to make it go away!" She's really not getting this at all maybe this was a mistake I mean I've been doing ok so far at just putting it aside when we're together I could carry on doing that right? I can ignore the fact that when he looks at me sometimes my pulse races, I can pretend I don't hear it when he's talking to Jack and Brian about his latest date or conquest, I can even pretend to myself that he's not the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up I mean I've been doing it for months, years even. The problem with that is that I can't do all those things anymore which is why I'm here in the first place. Argh this is such a mistake!
"Sandra trust me if you really want me to help you with what you consider to be inappropriate feelings for this man then you have to start at the beginning and tell me where it all started I mean when we first started these session I seem to remember that you were having problems warming to Mr Standing at all, I seem to remember you though he was everything you disliked in an old school police officer. What I want you to do is think back and tell me when that changed. Was it a gradual thing? Did you wake up one morning and were hit with the realisation you had developed romantic feelings for him completely out of the blue? Take me back to the beginning it's the only way we will be able to identify the trigger and possibly change your perception."
"And you really think that's the only way we're going to get through this?" I really want to just tell her to forget about it that I am over reacting but I know I can't if I don't do something about these feelings it's going to make it impossible to work together it's almost getting to that stage already!
"I think if you're serious about changing your outlook then yes it's the best way to deal with it. So start at the beginning if you're ready to."
"I'm still not convinced but do I have a choice?"
"Not if you really want to make a change Sandra no you don't. I'm not saying we'll get through this in one session but I am saying if you are open with me like you have been previously when dealing with the issues surrounding your father we may have a chance of getting there sooner rather than later."
When put like that I really don't have a choice do I? If things stay the way they are I'm going to end up losing him from my life altogether because I can't carry on working alongside him and pretending I don't feel anything when I know I do. Ok deep breath Sandra and just do as she asks, start at the beginning and lay it all out there warts and all. Even if she thinks I'm insane by the end of it and commits me at least it would solve the problem so here goes.
