Fall Apart

Sometimes, good things have to fall apart for better things to fall together- Unknown


I had waited on the catwalk for Jeremy to come back, like he had asked me to. I couldn't help the feelings that I had for him. Billy always referred to it as my school girl crush. What more could it have been really? Considering the age difference and the fact that I had been lying to him and everyone else since the moment I stepped foot into Donovan Decker.

I had been surprised when instead of Jeremy, Billy came into the room, running and out of breath. The smile on his face, the way he told me that everything with the court would be fine. It removed the dread I hadn't realized I had been holding onto. I felt the smile on my face, seeing him so overcome with happiness.

"It's you, Janey," Billy said. And in that moment, I knew what he meant, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it. How could I? Billy had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. I had shared everything with him. All of my deepest, darkest secrets. I had been cautious with everyone else in the world, except him. I had allowed myself this one exception. After seeing the way my mother had ripped our family apart, the way it had crushed my dad, I didn't let myself get close to anyone that way. Except Billy.

"Jane?"

The voice came from behind me. Jeremy.

I had waited just like he had asked me to. Five minutes ago I would have waited forever for Jeremy. Even if it was just a school girl crush.

And now, I stood between the two of them on the catwalk. The two representations of my separate lives. Jeremy had come around the corner and was now eying Billy and me curiously. I wondered if he was putting it together. That the boy from the photos from the trunk show was the same as from school that day, but I couldn't be sure.

"Jane, I hoped-" Jeremy began and then stopped. I turned back to Billy, and could see the hurt in his eyes. I looked at him carefully, a telepathic plea that I hoped he would understand. I needed just a moment with Jeremy. Surely my best friend could grant me that much?

I swallowed hard as I turned back to Jeremy. "Yes?" I asked, cautiously. I knew it wasn't good to have them here, staring at each other. It would only be a matter of time before Jeremy figured it out. My two lives had crossed far too many times for no one at Donovan Decker to have noticed. Well, India had been a close call- but for all intents and purposes I didn't have to worry about her anymore. She had been fired just tonight.

"I was hoping to speak with you… privately." The quizzical expression on Jeremy's face vanished as he locked eyes with me.

I turned back to glance at Billy. The anxious look in his eye mingled with something that resembled pain and was quickly replaced by a mask of indifference. I knew that look. I knew that this was not going to end well.

"I actually… Uhhh… Was just getting ready to leave," I said to Jeremy, gesturing to Billy. "Could we talk tomorrow?"

"Sure," he nodded.

I turned to leave. Billy seemed surprised, but gave me another huge smile and jumped from the platform. He took my hand to help me down. I had just hopped down off the catwalk when Jeremy's voice stopped me.

"Wait," he said quietly. "She was right."

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around, careful not to let the truth show on my face. My eyes locked with Jeremy's once more and I couldn't help the pleading stare that I gave him.

"India," he said, eyes never leaving mine. "She was right."

I scoffed. "Jeremy, please. You don't really think I was the mole."

"Not about that," he said dismissively, shaking his head. I felt my stomach drop as his eyes went to Billy. My grip on my best friend's hand tightened into a vice and I could see him wincing out of the corner of my eye. Jeremy was staring straight at Billy now, trying to see what India saw that day at school.

"She was right about you. You're the boy from the photo. The same one from the video. From that school." Jeremy took two steps forward and stopped. He finally tore his eyes from Billy and looked at me again. "Jane, what is going on?"

I considered telling him everything, right then and there. But there was so much to say, and I wasn't sure what to include and what to leave out. I wasn't sure if there was any way to salvage any part of my life at Donovan Decker. If there was, explaining everything to Jeremy right now was not the answer.

"I'll tell you…" I said. "I'll tell you everything." My voice was barely above a whisper now, hoarse with emotion. "But can I ask you something first?" I finally let go of Billy's hand and stepped back up onto the catwalk.

Jeremy nodded.

"Do you trust me?" I could tell the question caught him off guard. I wondered if he was thinking back over the last few months. My dress for homecoming that we used at the last runway show. My sketch for the wedding gown that India stole. He had trusted me then.

Jeremy nodded again. "Yes, Jane."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Then, can we keep this photo/video thing between just us for now? If I promise to explain everything to you tomorrow?"

He was quiet for a long moment. "There's something I need to tell you, too." He explained solemnly. There was something about his expression that made me worry, but I couldn't decipher it. He leaned in close, whispering in my ear. "Meet me for lunch, tomorrow. One o'clock."

I nodded and turned back towards Billy, whose pained expression made a quick reappearance before he turned his back.

Hopping down from the catwalk once more, I gave Billy a cautious look and we walked out of the building. I wasn't sure what to expect or say after what he had admitted. I wasn't even really sure he had meant it the way I thought he did. But I knew that I couldn't let it go like nothing had happened, not after everything that had just happened with Jeremy.

"So... you were saying before?" I asked.

I saw him gulp like he was having second thoughts about what he had just admitted to me. "It was nothing," he said, avoiding my gaze.

I raised a brow. "You are the biggest liar in the world, Billy Nutter." I laughed then, actually laughed at my best friend for telling me how he felt about me.

Instead of answering, he leaned in and pressed his lips eagerly against mine. I stood there, frozen for a long moment, not sure how to respond. Instinctively, I felt him tense and pull back. "Jane... sorry... I just-"

I shook my head dismissively. "No, don't be." I reached down and grabbed his hand, lacing his fingers with my own. "It's just going to take some... adjustment... I think."

Billy pulled me in for a tight hug. "I'm so glad Janey," he whispered into my hair. It was a long moment before he released me.

V V V V

The next morning I woke with more trouble than normal. The fashion show the night before had given me such a high, and the subsequent conversation with Jeremy after caused the severity of everything to hit me with more force than I had expected. It practically sucked the air from my lungs, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. The kiss with Billy was still kind of beyond what I could force myself to comprehend, and so I let it hang there in my memory, just out of the grasp of things to freak out about. Meeting Jeremy for lunch today was going to take more than the strength I had left to worry about.

I laid in bed longer than normal, feeling a sense of trepidation that I knew would only intensify once my feet hit the floor. Finally dragging myself from bed, I scoured my closet for the perfect outfit for the day. Something that said innocent and grown up at the same time. I wanted Jeremy to see why I made the decisions that I made. That I was being responsible for my family because I really didn't have any other choice.

Finally settling on a pencil skirt with a flirty flare at the bottom and a cute blouse of my own design, I grabbed a pair of pumps and headed for the door. I met Ben in the kitchen, and heard the soft snores of Billy on the couch behind me. Ben filled me in on the happenings of the car. Apparently it had been taken to a car dealership where a friend of Ben's worked and they gave him a loaner first thing that morning for us to use. Rather than waking Billy to ask for a ride to the train station (I really couldn't handle any more awkwardness, and I still wasn't sure I knew how I felt about the kiss) I asked Ben instead... you know, since we were trying the whole honesty thing.

I ate the granola bar slowly as Ben and I rode in silence for a while. It wasn't until I flipped the switch on the radio that he spoke up.

"Long day at the office today?" He asked, cautiously.

I shook my head. "Just a quick meeting. I should be back by three."

The rest of the drive passed in silence. I wasn't sure if Ben could tell I had something on my mind, but I was grateful for the time to explore my thoughts and figure out what exactly I was going to tell Jeremy when the time came. Finally, I decided that I would have to tell him everything. It might be the only way to make him really understand.

I popped my ear buds in and cranked my iPod as loud as I could stand once I had gotten on the train. Now that I had made the decision to tell Jeremy everything, I didn't want to think about it anymore. The music pumped through my veins and helped drown out my thoughts and by the time I finally reached my stop, I could feel the nerves begin to creep back up again.

As I pulled open the front door to Donovan Decker, the knot in my stomach grew until my entire insides felt like they were twisted around like the time Ben had tricked me into going on my first upside down roller coaster. The downward spiral twist had my stomach lurching all over the place and left me queasy for the remainder of the day.

Jeremy sat hunched over his desk, sketching away in his notebook. He looked up at me as if sensing my presence and gave me a tight smile.

"You made it," he said quietly.

I smiled back cautiously, beginning to feel more and more unnerved. "One o'clock," I said, glancing at the clock above his head.

"Right," he nodded.

"To the food court?" I asked, which was where we normally ate lunch on the days that I was there for it.

"I was thinking somewhere a little more…" he paused.

"Private?" I asked, finishing his sentence for him. I wasn't really sure that was the effect I was going for, but I also knew if I was going to tell him everything, I didn't want it to be anywhere close to Donovan Decker.

We headed out of the building and crossed the street to a small quiet restaurant. We were shown to a table near the back where we had more privacy than I could have asked for.

After a few moments, our waiter came by and took our orders, ultimately leaving us in peace and quiet to talk.

"The fashion show was really great last night," I said, taking a sip of water. I couldn't help feeling nervous. I knew that the end of this lunch most likely meant the end of my time working with Jeremy and Gray and Carter. But I knew that small talk might calm my nerves some. And maybe I could even make Jeremy see why I still needed this job so desperately. For Ben and me. For the family we had created by having no one left but each other. And now, for Billy, and whatever would come of this screw up with his brother. All of these thoughts swirled in my head until nothing but small talk was left.

"All because of you," Jeremy said, a charming smirk on his face.

"It was everyone," I replied, meeting his eyes shyly.

"Stop being so modest, Jane," he said, looking at me sternly. "It's not something rewarded in this business."

I frowned slightly, feeling a blush creep up on my cheeks.

"Alright, enough chit-chat," he said. His eyes gave away his discomfort, like he might lose his nerve if he didn't get it out soon.

"Now?" I asked innocently. "You don't at least want to enjoy our food first?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so." It was the first time his words made me feel like anything less than an equal. The first time he spoke to me like a child; like he knew.

I cleared my throat. "Who first?"

"You," he said quickly. "You, I think." Somehow he looked almost vulnerable. I wondered what it was that he had to tell me that was causing him to lose his cool so much.

I took a deep breath and figured it was now or never. "Okay. But please, promise you'll hear me out."

He nodded.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before beginning. "My father died two years ago," I started cautiously. I didn't want to turn this into a pity party, but I knew I needed to explain everything in a way that he would understand my side of things. "It wasn't a pretty time for me, and I was really lost. My brother, Ben, moved back home to take care of me and one day when we were cleaning out Dad's room, we found a tote with a sewing machine and a bunch of old things my mom had sewn." I took a deep breath. "Needless to say, a love of fashion was born. About that time, the recession hit and Ben was let go from the job he had been working at. For a while, he did odd jobs here and there. He had some temp work but nothing really stuck." I glanced at Jeremy who seemed to be taking everything in. "A few months ago, I stumbled onto an ad on the Donovan Decker website for an internship. I thought it would be a great way to gain real world experience."

At this, Jeremy held a hand up to stop me. "Did you say your brother moved home to take care of you?"

I swallowed hard. "I'm getting there, I promise." I took a deep breath. "So I got the interview and the girl setting them up said she was looking for Jane Something and she dropped all her papers and I was the only Jane in the room. I told her that I thought I was the Jane she was looking for." Another breath. "Long story short, Gray offered me the job as her assistant. It was part time hours and the pay was more than enough to cover the back mortgage that we owed since my brother still hadn't been able to find work. Considering our situation, I thought I couldn't say no."

I lowered my eyes, afraid to meet his.

"Jane," he said quietly. "How… old… are you?"

I looked up slowly, finally meeting his steady gaze. The number stuck in my throat until I forced myself to spit it out, barely above a whisper. "Seventeen…"

"Jesus Jane," he inhaled. "Do you have any idea-" A hand dragged down his face. "What I-"

I shook my head. "I didn't let it." I answered quickly. "I never would have."

"How did you get them to let you stay?" he asked.

"No one knows."

"But your tax paperwork…"

I shook my head cautiously.

"Do you know how much trouble you would be in if anyone found out?"

I shrugged. "My nine looked like an eight by accident on my birthday. Not my fault the company has no follow-up. Anything else they may have inferred is completely on them."

He raised a brow. "You're more sly than I gave you credit for, Jane."

I smiled innocently. "Don't know what you mean."

Jeremy shook his head. "I can't believe all of that talent in you is raw. Completely unspoiled by design school." He whistled in admiration. "Do you know how rare that is, Jane?"

"I thought school enhanced talent?"

He shook his head. "Not your kind of talent. They'll try to teach you rules and force their point of view on you. Even if you keep your eye for fashion it will be muddled and diluted by 'popular opinion'."

I frowned. "So wait… this whole underage thing… you're not mad?"

He laughed. "I'm plenty mad, Jane." He sighed. "Mad as hell, in fact." Another pause. "But mostly because I've been bloody fancying a minor!"

"Sorry." I felt my face flush deeply. "I really wanted to tell you." I sighed, feeling a weight released now that I was free from all the lies. "I just couldn't risk it."

Jeremy nodded. "So the boy from the diner… and the punk kid?"

"Classmates at school," I admitted. "We graduate in two weeks. I turn eighteen two days later."

"So India was right after all?"

I nodded and immediately felt the need to change the subject. "So what's your news?"

It almost looked like he gulped, but I couldn't be sure. He reached across the table like he was going to take my hand, and then changed his mind, probably remembering that I was underage, and instead clasped his hands together on the table.

"Okay," he said, letting out a breath. "Keep in mind that I was very understanding of your… situation."

I nodded, meeting his eyes across the table.

"Do you remember when I told you that you helped me fall in love with designing again?"

I smiled, recalling the conversation.

"Well, a lot of things have led me to this decision." The hint of a smile crossed his features. "And now may be the prefect time… considering…" he gestured to me.

I'm sure a look of confusion crossed my face. He took a deep breath and said, "Jane… I'm leaving Donovan Decker. And I want you to come with me."