'Bite the sacred apple and suck the poison; enjoy the taste.'
Sora lay cradled in Riku's comforting embrace. He inhaled deeply, nuzzling into his friend's chest. Neither of them had slept all night. Well, Riku had slept before he went to Sora's, but that doesn't count. Sora was completely content. He'd told Riku how he felt, and the feeling was returned. He couldn't be happier.
"I'm so glad I told you." Sora breathed softly. "I was so afraid. I didn't know what it would mean if I did, how you'd react. I'm so glad that I told you, Riku." He looked up into the other's eyes and felt his own start to water. He blinked, trying to hold the tears back, but they fell silently down his cheeks and onto Riku's chest.
"Don't cry, Sora. There's nothing to be afraid of." Riku smiled, pulling the younger boy closer with one hand and stroking his hair with the other. Sora closed his eyes as the other kissed the tears off his face. Soon their lips met, and everything became surreal. Sora's tongue flicked out into Riku's mouth. The older boy gasped, parting his lips and allowing Sora entrance. The dim light of the sunrise gave the room a gentle glow. The gray of night was being replaced by the light pastels of dawn. Sora broke the kiss and set his head next to Riku's on the pillow.
"I couldn't help it." He referred to both his crying and his fear. "It was hard not to be. It's a big thing, and big things are scary." He thought about what he'd just said and giggled. Yes, big things are scary. Riku smiled and laughed lightly. "Big things change a lot."
"Yeah, they do." Riku brushed some of Sora's hair from his eyes and kissed him lightly. "Sometimes for the better." He smiled. Sora sighed contentedly and nuzzled the older boy's neck. The sweetness of the moment was soon interrupted by a soft knocking on the door.
"Sora? Are you ok?" His mother called quietly from the hall.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Sora replied, lifting his head slightly. Riku tensed, but Sora gave him a look that said 'she won't come in.'
"Are you sure? You were talking to yourself again. I've been really worried about you, dear. You've been so sad lately." His mother stated in a genuinely worried tone. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Maybe later." Sora sighed out. "But, I think I'll be happier now. I've gotten something figured out."
"Alright, if you're sure." She answered uncertainly. "You need to get ready for school, by the way."
"Ok. Thanks, mom." Sora set his head back down on the pillow as he heard his mother's retreating footsteps. Riku loosened his grip on the younger boy, turning to look him in the eyes.
"You've been talking to yourself?" Riku raised an eyebrow, his face splashed with worry. "Sora, are you okay?"
Sora looked down, almost ashamed. He sighed and looked back up at Riku, his expression unreadable. "I'm fine. I've just been, I don't know, lost lately." He looked down again, pain visible on his face. "It's just been so hard. I've been living a lie. To the world, I'm sweet, adorable Sora: strong, outgoing, got a great girlfriend. It's almost a perfect life. Almost." He looked back up at the older boy, staring into his eyes. "But inside, I'm still a scared little boy. I'm in a relationship I don't really want, I'm scared to tell others what I am-"
"What are you?" Riku cut in, not quite understanding.
"You mean you haven't figured it out?" Sora gave him a sad smile. "I'm gay."
Riku was a bit more shocked by this than he should have been. Of /course/ Sora was gay if he wanted to be with him, but, it was just, weird to hear him say it. "H-how long have you known?"
Sora sighed yet again and rolled over on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes. "I guess I've 'known' for about three years. I finally accepted it last year. It was hard. I was so scared, but I couldn't help it. I /tried/ to straight, I really did. But I'm not." He opened his eyes and put his hands behind his head, shielding his face from Riku's view. "I-it didn't help when Kara was attacked. That was about two months after I started coming to terms with myself."
Kara was Sora's age. She'd lived on Destiny Islands her whole life, being nice, popular, and generally liked. Sora had known her, but not too well. Then, about a week after her fifteenth birthday, she admitted that she was a lesbian.
She was immediately shunned by many of her 'popular' friends. Some ridiculed her and groups ostracized the girl. She calmly accepted it as part of her lifestyle. She'd known that nothing would be the same after she confessed. Kara also made new friends as a result of this. Sora was one of them. He was interested in what it was like to have people know about her sexuality. She was the only person whom he told his secret. She promised not to tell and she was true to her word. Sora was thankful for that, especially after what happened.
One morning, Kara was found by one of her friends, beaten and half-naked. Everyone assumed the worst. She insisted that she hadn't been raped; that her attackers tried but she fought them off long enough until they got angry and left her there. She wouldn't tell who attacked her, though everyone had his or her suspicions. Kara's family moved away within the week. Sora tried to keep contact with her, but it was infrequent, and he eventually gave up.
"That scared the shit out of me. I thought, 'if they'd do that to a girl, a girl that everybody loved and thought so highly of, God only knows what they'd do to me.'" Sora clenched his eyes shut. "I was so fucking scared. I still am." Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he forced them down. "I hate being helpless. I hate being alone."
"Sora." The younger boy opened his eyes to see Riku staring into them. Before Riku could start a sentence, though, Sora sat up and waved a hand dismissively.
"We need to get ready. You won't have time to go home and change. You can wear some of my clothes." After Sora's growth spurt, he and Riku were about the same height and build, though Sora was still more lithe than his companion was. "I'm going to take a shower."
Riku opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and merely nodded. Sora grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. The older boy sat on the edge of Sora's bed, his head bowed and his hands clasped between his knees. He felt bad, though his friend's pain wasn't his fault. Sora must've gone through hell, struggling with his identity and then having to keep it secret. No one should have to suffer like that, especially not someone like Sora. He'd been through so many hells. Riku just wanted him to be happy, truly happy. "You shouldn't have to be helpless; you shouldn't have to be alone."
Riku uttered a sad breath, standing and crossing to Sora's closet. He picked one of the few yellow t-shirts and a pair of faded jeans. He pulled them on, the fabric clinging closely to his body. The boy's thoughts briefly wandered to his books, but he remembered that he hadn't had homework, so they were still in his locker. Well, he had one thing going for him.
The silver-haired boy sat again on the bed, smoothing down his mane with his hands. There was no mirror in the room, but it was windy outside anyway, making his efforts futile. He resigned with a sigh, collapsing backward onto the mattress, his thoughts returning to Sora. He seemed so happy last night, but now he seemed distant. What was going on inside that pretty head of his? And why would he be talking to himself? He said he felt lost. Riku didn't blame him. He'd felt lost as well when he questioned his sexuality, but he had been able to suppress those urges. Sora couldn't. He /was/ living a lie; a beautifully constructed lie which would soon shatter like spun glass. "Sora." Riku breathed quietly.
The water shut off in the bathroom and Sora soon emerged from the small room. He walked wordlessly past Riku, grabbing two jackets from his closet. He tossed Riku a dark blue one, while slipping a black hoodie over his own red shirt. "You'll need it. It's cold as fuck outside." Sora said casually as his friend eyed the object curiously. "And you'll be climbing through the window." Sora turned to him and smirked. Riku smiled as well and planted a light kiss on the other's lips. Sora returned it, running his fingers through his friend's silver hair. He pulled away with a soft moan, leaning his head on Riku's shoulder. He heaved a deep breath, his form expanding with the intake of air before exhaling and lifting his head again. "Time to go. I'll meet you out front."
Riku smiled. "Sure." Riku caressed his friend's shoulder before opening the window and climbing over the bed.
Sora left his room and walked silently down the stairs to the front door. He sighed inwardly, wondering if he'd made the right decision. He /was/ glad that he'd told Riku (though he still hadn't told him he loved him. Sora didn't want to scare Riku with something he may not be ready for.), but it would change a lot. This was the first step to coming out (or was it the second and he had skipped the first? Perhaps he could avoid it altogether.) and soon everyone would know. Everything would fall apart. Sora swallowed hard and choked down more tears. He didn't want to be alone.
When he opened the front door he was greeted by Riku. As Sora started past him, Riku brushed his hand with his own. Sora took the hint and held it, intertwining their fingers. They smiled at each other and started the journey to Destiny High. They were both in the eleventh grade, along with all of their friends, except Wakka, who was a Senior, and Selphie, who was a Sophomore. The island was so small there was only one high school. Most of the students graduated, though some didn't see the point and dropped out. They'd all get jobs eventually with such a sparse population, but graduates got better pay.
As the two neared the campus, they let their hands fall to their sides and merely walked close together. It was a rather brisk January morning; temperatures in the mid-forties. They were thankful to get inside the heated building and soon found the hallway where their group congregated.
Kairi ran up to Sora and tackled him in a hug, kissing him full on the lips. Sora returned the kiss, though not with as much passion as the smaller girl. Riku turned away and ignored the affectionate greeting. Kairi grasped Sora's hand in hers and practically dragged him down towards their friends. Wakka, Selphie, and Tidus greeted them as Kairi pulled Sora down to sit next to her. Riku sat on the boy's other side with Wakka while Tidus and Selphie remained standing. They all talked for a while about homework and teachers and what they'd done the night before. Kairi revealed that Sora was a writer (he blushed madly) and the others said he should show them his work sometime.
After a while of Kairi touching him, kissing him, and squeezing his hand, Sora became very uncomfortable. He finally stood rather abruptly. "I, uh, have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." He started down the hallway.
"I'll go with you." Riku stood as well and followed him ("Hurry back!" Kairi called.), slightly worried. The boy's bathroom was thankfully empty. That would give them a chance to talk in private. "What's wrong?" Riku asked quietly, leaning against the wall.
"I-I can't do this anymore." Sora said, looking at the floor.
"Can't do what?" The older boy continued to watch his friend curiously.
"I can't pretend that I love Kairi. I never did, and now that I'm with you, I-" He chewed his lip nervously. "I couldn't stand her touching me. I wanted to scream. I can't pretend anymore, Riku." He looked up with soulful blue eyes.
"Oh, Sora." Riku hugged the smaller boy, noting his sad expression. "You don't have to pretend if you don't want to." He stroked his hair. Sora lost himself in the moment and kissed his companion briefly before pulling away and out of his embrace.
"But I /do/ have to." Sora insisted. "And I can't. I can't because I, Riku, I lo-"
"What are you guys /doing/ in here?" Came Tidus's voice from the doorway. "The bell's about to ring!"
"It is? Damn. Ok, I have to go to my locker. See you in class, Tidus. C'mon, Sora." Riku said quickly, brushing past Tidus and into the bustling main corridor. Sora followed and the blonde returned to Selphie and the others.
Next was first period: English.
'I saw you there and I- I felt you in me and I couldn't pretend.'
Sora lay cradled in Riku's comforting embrace. He inhaled deeply, nuzzling into his friend's chest. Neither of them had slept all night. Well, Riku had slept before he went to Sora's, but that doesn't count. Sora was completely content. He'd told Riku how he felt, and the feeling was returned. He couldn't be happier.
"I'm so glad I told you." Sora breathed softly. "I was so afraid. I didn't know what it would mean if I did, how you'd react. I'm so glad that I told you, Riku." He looked up into the other's eyes and felt his own start to water. He blinked, trying to hold the tears back, but they fell silently down his cheeks and onto Riku's chest.
"Don't cry, Sora. There's nothing to be afraid of." Riku smiled, pulling the younger boy closer with one hand and stroking his hair with the other. Sora closed his eyes as the other kissed the tears off his face. Soon their lips met, and everything became surreal. Sora's tongue flicked out into Riku's mouth. The older boy gasped, parting his lips and allowing Sora entrance. The dim light of the sunrise gave the room a gentle glow. The gray of night was being replaced by the light pastels of dawn. Sora broke the kiss and set his head next to Riku's on the pillow.
"I couldn't help it." He referred to both his crying and his fear. "It was hard not to be. It's a big thing, and big things are scary." He thought about what he'd just said and giggled. Yes, big things are scary. Riku smiled and laughed lightly. "Big things change a lot."
"Yeah, they do." Riku brushed some of Sora's hair from his eyes and kissed him lightly. "Sometimes for the better." He smiled. Sora sighed contentedly and nuzzled the older boy's neck. The sweetness of the moment was soon interrupted by a soft knocking on the door.
"Sora? Are you ok?" His mother called quietly from the hall.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Sora replied, lifting his head slightly. Riku tensed, but Sora gave him a look that said 'she won't come in.'
"Are you sure? You were talking to yourself again. I've been really worried about you, dear. You've been so sad lately." His mother stated in a genuinely worried tone. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Maybe later." Sora sighed out. "But, I think I'll be happier now. I've gotten something figured out."
"Alright, if you're sure." She answered uncertainly. "You need to get ready for school, by the way."
"Ok. Thanks, mom." Sora set his head back down on the pillow as he heard his mother's retreating footsteps. Riku loosened his grip on the younger boy, turning to look him in the eyes.
"You've been talking to yourself?" Riku raised an eyebrow, his face splashed with worry. "Sora, are you okay?"
Sora looked down, almost ashamed. He sighed and looked back up at Riku, his expression unreadable. "I'm fine. I've just been, I don't know, lost lately." He looked down again, pain visible on his face. "It's just been so hard. I've been living a lie. To the world, I'm sweet, adorable Sora: strong, outgoing, got a great girlfriend. It's almost a perfect life. Almost." He looked back up at the older boy, staring into his eyes. "But inside, I'm still a scared little boy. I'm in a relationship I don't really want, I'm scared to tell others what I am-"
"What are you?" Riku cut in, not quite understanding.
"You mean you haven't figured it out?" Sora gave him a sad smile. "I'm gay."
Riku was a bit more shocked by this than he should have been. Of /course/ Sora was gay if he wanted to be with him, but, it was just, weird to hear him say it. "H-how long have you known?"
Sora sighed yet again and rolled over on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes. "I guess I've 'known' for about three years. I finally accepted it last year. It was hard. I was so scared, but I couldn't help it. I /tried/ to straight, I really did. But I'm not." He opened his eyes and put his hands behind his head, shielding his face from Riku's view. "I-it didn't help when Kara was attacked. That was about two months after I started coming to terms with myself."
Kara was Sora's age. She'd lived on Destiny Islands her whole life, being nice, popular, and generally liked. Sora had known her, but not too well. Then, about a week after her fifteenth birthday, she admitted that she was a lesbian.
She was immediately shunned by many of her 'popular' friends. Some ridiculed her and groups ostracized the girl. She calmly accepted it as part of her lifestyle. She'd known that nothing would be the same after she confessed. Kara also made new friends as a result of this. Sora was one of them. He was interested in what it was like to have people know about her sexuality. She was the only person whom he told his secret. She promised not to tell and she was true to her word. Sora was thankful for that, especially after what happened.
One morning, Kara was found by one of her friends, beaten and half-naked. Everyone assumed the worst. She insisted that she hadn't been raped; that her attackers tried but she fought them off long enough until they got angry and left her there. She wouldn't tell who attacked her, though everyone had his or her suspicions. Kara's family moved away within the week. Sora tried to keep contact with her, but it was infrequent, and he eventually gave up.
"That scared the shit out of me. I thought, 'if they'd do that to a girl, a girl that everybody loved and thought so highly of, God only knows what they'd do to me.'" Sora clenched his eyes shut. "I was so fucking scared. I still am." Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he forced them down. "I hate being helpless. I hate being alone."
"Sora." The younger boy opened his eyes to see Riku staring into them. Before Riku could start a sentence, though, Sora sat up and waved a hand dismissively.
"We need to get ready. You won't have time to go home and change. You can wear some of my clothes." After Sora's growth spurt, he and Riku were about the same height and build, though Sora was still more lithe than his companion was. "I'm going to take a shower."
Riku opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and merely nodded. Sora grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. The older boy sat on the edge of Sora's bed, his head bowed and his hands clasped between his knees. He felt bad, though his friend's pain wasn't his fault. Sora must've gone through hell, struggling with his identity and then having to keep it secret. No one should have to suffer like that, especially not someone like Sora. He'd been through so many hells. Riku just wanted him to be happy, truly happy. "You shouldn't have to be helpless; you shouldn't have to be alone."
Riku uttered a sad breath, standing and crossing to Sora's closet. He picked one of the few yellow t-shirts and a pair of faded jeans. He pulled them on, the fabric clinging closely to his body. The boy's thoughts briefly wandered to his books, but he remembered that he hadn't had homework, so they were still in his locker. Well, he had one thing going for him.
The silver-haired boy sat again on the bed, smoothing down his mane with his hands. There was no mirror in the room, but it was windy outside anyway, making his efforts futile. He resigned with a sigh, collapsing backward onto the mattress, his thoughts returning to Sora. He seemed so happy last night, but now he seemed distant. What was going on inside that pretty head of his? And why would he be talking to himself? He said he felt lost. Riku didn't blame him. He'd felt lost as well when he questioned his sexuality, but he had been able to suppress those urges. Sora couldn't. He /was/ living a lie; a beautifully constructed lie which would soon shatter like spun glass. "Sora." Riku breathed quietly.
The water shut off in the bathroom and Sora soon emerged from the small room. He walked wordlessly past Riku, grabbing two jackets from his closet. He tossed Riku a dark blue one, while slipping a black hoodie over his own red shirt. "You'll need it. It's cold as fuck outside." Sora said casually as his friend eyed the object curiously. "And you'll be climbing through the window." Sora turned to him and smirked. Riku smiled as well and planted a light kiss on the other's lips. Sora returned it, running his fingers through his friend's silver hair. He pulled away with a soft moan, leaning his head on Riku's shoulder. He heaved a deep breath, his form expanding with the intake of air before exhaling and lifting his head again. "Time to go. I'll meet you out front."
Riku smiled. "Sure." Riku caressed his friend's shoulder before opening the window and climbing over the bed.
Sora left his room and walked silently down the stairs to the front door. He sighed inwardly, wondering if he'd made the right decision. He /was/ glad that he'd told Riku (though he still hadn't told him he loved him. Sora didn't want to scare Riku with something he may not be ready for.), but it would change a lot. This was the first step to coming out (or was it the second and he had skipped the first? Perhaps he could avoid it altogether.) and soon everyone would know. Everything would fall apart. Sora swallowed hard and choked down more tears. He didn't want to be alone.
When he opened the front door he was greeted by Riku. As Sora started past him, Riku brushed his hand with his own. Sora took the hint and held it, intertwining their fingers. They smiled at each other and started the journey to Destiny High. They were both in the eleventh grade, along with all of their friends, except Wakka, who was a Senior, and Selphie, who was a Sophomore. The island was so small there was only one high school. Most of the students graduated, though some didn't see the point and dropped out. They'd all get jobs eventually with such a sparse population, but graduates got better pay.
As the two neared the campus, they let their hands fall to their sides and merely walked close together. It was a rather brisk January morning; temperatures in the mid-forties. They were thankful to get inside the heated building and soon found the hallway where their group congregated.
Kairi ran up to Sora and tackled him in a hug, kissing him full on the lips. Sora returned the kiss, though not with as much passion as the smaller girl. Riku turned away and ignored the affectionate greeting. Kairi grasped Sora's hand in hers and practically dragged him down towards their friends. Wakka, Selphie, and Tidus greeted them as Kairi pulled Sora down to sit next to her. Riku sat on the boy's other side with Wakka while Tidus and Selphie remained standing. They all talked for a while about homework and teachers and what they'd done the night before. Kairi revealed that Sora was a writer (he blushed madly) and the others said he should show them his work sometime.
After a while of Kairi touching him, kissing him, and squeezing his hand, Sora became very uncomfortable. He finally stood rather abruptly. "I, uh, have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." He started down the hallway.
"I'll go with you." Riku stood as well and followed him ("Hurry back!" Kairi called.), slightly worried. The boy's bathroom was thankfully empty. That would give them a chance to talk in private. "What's wrong?" Riku asked quietly, leaning against the wall.
"I-I can't do this anymore." Sora said, looking at the floor.
"Can't do what?" The older boy continued to watch his friend curiously.
"I can't pretend that I love Kairi. I never did, and now that I'm with you, I-" He chewed his lip nervously. "I couldn't stand her touching me. I wanted to scream. I can't pretend anymore, Riku." He looked up with soulful blue eyes.
"Oh, Sora." Riku hugged the smaller boy, noting his sad expression. "You don't have to pretend if you don't want to." He stroked his hair. Sora lost himself in the moment and kissed his companion briefly before pulling away and out of his embrace.
"But I /do/ have to." Sora insisted. "And I can't. I can't because I, Riku, I lo-"
"What are you guys /doing/ in here?" Came Tidus's voice from the doorway. "The bell's about to ring!"
"It is? Damn. Ok, I have to go to my locker. See you in class, Tidus. C'mon, Sora." Riku said quickly, brushing past Tidus and into the bustling main corridor. Sora followed and the blonde returned to Selphie and the others.
Next was first period: English.
'I saw you there and I- I felt you in me and I couldn't pretend.'
