When Ahsoka woke up, she didn't know where she was. It was dark and cold and grim, and nothing like the so-call 'one-with-the-Force' afterlife the Jedi used to talk about. For years and years dating from the Clone Wars to the recent months, she'd envisioned death being an euphoric universe, where the light side of the Force surrounds you like a safety blanket. In death you'd be safe, warm, free...
But this wasn't like that.
She was alone in the darkness, not even the Force was beside her. She felt lost without it—her safe haven was gone. That ability, that power wasn't even touchable. When she tried to reach for it, it ran from her like beach water getting washed away...
Though through all this, she wasn't scared. No, Ahsoka didn't feel frightened or alone or helpless. Maybe not even curious about this void, amazed in this afterlife or vengeful because of her former Master's betrayal...Just nothing. When death stole her powers, did they take away her emotions too?
The only thing that really affected her, was the duel. The one that made her face Anakin's fate, the one that was inevitable, and the one that resulted in her death. But pushing that aside, she thought about the present,
As she noticed her pondering grew, time also went by. Minutes? Hours? She couldn't tell, but it did.
Whispers and voices would talk incoherent nonsense too, to add to the weirdness. A part of her wondered if they were perhaps other souls stuck here also, or her mind telling her she was insane.
Shadows would suddenly appeared in flashes. Those shadows danced around like flames, swirling with the blackness. The blackness then seemed at if it was animated, like it was moving. It looked like water or some other liquid became the background.
The substance flowed from the distance, getting closer and closer until it reached her legs. That's when she knew it was real—not just the scenery. It pooled around her, just like the Force would if it was present. It flowed beneath her, and she couldn't help it—Ahsoka touched it and cupped it in her hand.
The reaction was instantaneous, filling her with a sense of darkness and dread, smothering her like smoke and spreading throughout her veins like poison. It burned, similar to fire, and the substance was impossible to rid or get washed away since it itself just seemed like water.
Ahsoka never thought you could feel pain in the afterlife, but something told her this... place (whatever it was called)... was too complex and extraordinary to be simply heaven or hell.
A light from the corner of her eye distracted her. It glowed among the sea of blackness and casted a white light through the empty shadows. Now, that she saw properly the liquid wasn't what she thought, but a sickening scarlet colour too dense and thick to be water.
Before she could react, the white glow shifted its form, flying and dancing across her irises like a flame. It became a beacon of light, filling up the darkness, making her feel warmth. The silhouette of a bird appeared from inside the majestic orb, and soon enough, Ahsoka's eyes were following it as it flew from left to right, up and down. As it spun, she began noticing her eyes couldn't keep up. She found it hard to stay transfixed, just as the voices from before clouded her mind again, this time more intensely. If she hadn't reach the point of delirium yet, Ahsoka was definitely close to it.
Again and again she'd hear the word 'master', more surprising that it was her own voice. Maybe not her voice now, but back when she was a young Padawan, hence the sarcasm and playful childishness in the way she heard herself speak.
Though, her voice was not the only one. It was mixed in and overlayed with Master Kenobi's, clone troopers', Jedi Masters'... and a kind, loving, familiar voice that she couldn't place. At first they all seemed pretty content, but the whole atmosphere changed when screams filled the air, sand people, younglings, that feminine voice all alike.
Her own voice went silent, as Emperor Palpatine's took over, with that menacing tone and wicked vibe he'd done so well to hide in the Clone Wars. His voice told orders, commands, lessons, all things an apprentice would obey.
The first reassuring voice was voiced—Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger's, but nothing about their vocalization indicated relief or comfort from the attack of incoherent sentences. Despite not understanding any of the words, Ahsoka picked up on both their fear, alarm, almost as if they were terrified.
More thoughts, more voices and soon pictures were brought into the mix. They were blurry, never clear, but always red. A red gleaming tint casted upon every image until she saw her own self. This time only half red, the other half of the landscape purple hues with the orange-grey Togruta standing in front. To make everything fall into place, one last person said: ...behind that mask...
She was looking at the universe from a point of view, inside a mask. These were memories, different memories to her own. This was not her mind, this was Vader's...
His fears, recollections, names of people from his past he'd buried deep beyond the surface... and now that she knew what she was seeing, tidal waves of information flooded her senses. It was so strange to see personal demons from inside a different person's head. Weird to think his fears were different from her own, but startlingly alarming to see some fears were the same as her's back when she was alive. Fear of loss, sense of abandonment, grief... and the list when on. Her master and herself always were too similar, and sometimes that was a bad thing...
Blinding pain ripped through a Force connection Ahsoka shared, strong enough for her knees to give in and eyes to swell with unshed tears. She felt lashes slice across her body, flesh burn away from her hands, bones twisted and ache until the agony reached the tendon then started again at her muscles. Her lungs were deteriorating, now she couldn't physically breathe. Ahsoka was sure if she hadn't previously died, this unseen force killing her body was definitely going to finish of the job.
Just when she thought her bones had all broken and flesh had withered away, a strangled cry sounded making the void soundless unlike before. It was sobbing, hardly recognizable, close and different from the voices in the memories. This one was real, in this moment. She was half convinced it was her own, but then it sounded again with the visible image of Anakin Skywalker fading into the light.
He was in just as bad of a state as her, not even recognizing the Togruta and she wondered if he could see her at all. His ghostly form was chained at the limbs with iron shackles, an invisible shield separated them, and he cried in a heap against the nothingness.
Her heart raced. The pain she felt was his.
This is your mind! Ahsoka wanted to say, but her mouth wouldn't move. You can break free, just try. Please, Anakin! But she couldn't talk and he couldn't listen. Locked down like a slave chained at the whim of their master, Anakin Skywalker was a mere prisoner in Darth Vader's mind.
She felt his presence, the very same one she felt in the Clone Wars, and when Vader—or Anakin—said "Ahsoka...". Though at least unlike then it didn't vanish within a second. Now Ahsoka felt it like fire, but if she exposed and opened herself up to the bond enough his pain would transfer to her, then she herself would be burned.
Finding herself not really caring about the pain, she let the connection flurry through her veins, feeling Anakin's presence of the first time in 15 years. Adrenaline kicked in, and soon the ex Padawan was beating her fists against the invisible shield that separated her from her lost master.
If this was reality, Ahsoka was sure her fists would be bleeding and her head would be pounding, but since injury wasn't physically showing, she continued. Even with each new hit, each new blow, nothing indicated that Anakin noticed her.
Master, I'm here! Please look at me!
And as he wept from pain, exhaustion, the past and himself, she did, too. Her hits got harder, and now she found herself throwing everything she had.
...But Ahsoka couldn't break that wall. She doubted she could even impact it. While her Master was on the other side, bruised, beaten and broken, Ahsoka was completely helpless.
That very feeling was worse than the pain and worse than broken memories on a loop. Anakin, her master, was withering away on the other side of the shield, but conscious to remember everything he had and lost, Ahsoka thought. So standing here on shaky legs, watching a person you loved in agony was close enough to hell as she thought she'd get. Maybe this was both his and her's destined afterlives...
A/N
Sorry for that ending, and sad vibe. I didn't really have a plan to writing this, I just went with it xD This is based off Star Wars Explained's theory, which is so cool I had to make a fanfic about it :D I changed it and it's more darker, but hey that's okay, right? xD.
Oml though, lets talk about the Ahsoka novel :D Actually Nah Nah Nah coz SPOILERS, but still, say if it's good and stuff, no spoilers. I haven't read the whole thing yet but it's pretty cool :D I think I'll find some material in there to do a fanfic on ;)
May the Force be with you
-CyanGalaxy
