a little piece inspired by the ingenious Make a Wish and Past Lives by Rorchach's Blot. Though nothing similar to that, I hope. I mean, nothing stolen too obviously... Bwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! Kidding!! Just stolen a little good mood :)))
Summary: what if the house system at Hogwarts is not as simple as one we have in Cannon? And what if Harry ends up in the House that is most effort devouring and studentless though a little... Professorful, might I say?
Disclaimer: Don't... sniff... own all Mommy RO's STUFF... Own Hidden and Royal House names (lost a few hours on them and the plotting.. and the printing of this chapter) and twisted idea, I hope - at least I haven't come upon anything similar though I'm sorry if anyone managed to catch that idea from space around us before I did - so don't 'sue' me!
Harry from the House of Wildboldplotclaim
by
K a s y b l a c k
"So you think that I belong well into the House of Slivering?" - Harry asked the Sorting Hat with a bit of annoyance.
He knew that the wizarding world was strange, but the blasted talking hat wishing to send him to non-existent House was not the thing he wished to cope with on the day which was supposed to be the happiest one in his hell of life!!!
"Why come I end up in the house which shows no signs of existence in the reality?" - His rage was close to the level where he usually ended up locked or beat... I mean, to the point when his inner magic started changing the world outside.
'You would have done quite well in Huff-an'Push' - continued the rotten piece of material.
A loud "Grr-rrrrrr!!!!" sound from the supposed Savior of the Wiz World made the Hat chuckle VERY nervously at the mind images of slowly burning a piece of Garment slightly resembling itself.
'You might do REALLY well in the Grab'll-Ore, may I be allowed to say... or the Interpidwit, or the Valiantsweat. Or, if you don't want to be related to the Lions, there's also the great House called Anguinotion...'
"YOU... MUST... BE... KIDDING... ME" - the death treat in the child's voice was too obvious to ignore.
The hat made the noise that would seem like a rather panicked swallow if it wasn't for the fact that the magical piece of clothing had neither throat nor saliva for managing such action.
'Oh, so your ambition is even higher than that? It's an honor for me to allow you assistance in choosing your further future, Sir. One may never get too much, right?' - One nervous giggle of the Hat-that-was-really-close-to-being-torn-apart was dissipated in the rather depressing(for the singing garment) manner.
"Just go on with it" - an angry growl that followed made few students look around in fear of seeing the angry mad flash-eating sabre-toothed tiger which had been starving for a few generations. After not seeing it they sighed in relief and relaxed. Little did they know...
'The qualities I was able to witness testify that you'll be QUITE welcomed in the Noble Upperhouses Archgutswit, Pluckyslickfag and FetchforceContrivance, same for the Hardyrider.'
"I... wish... to...ยป - began Harry thunderously calmly, but that was getting just too much effort so he had let himself free... and the sudden disappearance of all the wos resulted in the outburst with too complicated wording to be remembered at once (at least, when the reporters tried to ask the students, the teachers and even the Headmaster about that incident the sharp "I don't remember a thing" and a severe blushing - from the effort to remember something, without a doubt - were the only results that were got; so this little speech was considered the 'last shot' of the accidental magic and soon totally forgotten). If it was to be given a chance to be written down could have been called the unedited version of the Satan's Bible. Without all swearing (at least, everyone SUSPECTED it was swearing though no real proof could be given and you remember the aforementioned memory problems haunting the school :) ) it could be reduced to the phrase:"...get into a NORMAL HOUSE for God's SAKE!!!"(the wording is severely reduced and altered, so that the eternal Fear awoken by the original sounding of it would not disturb you while reading).
'Ooohhhh... you d-don't mean... Y-you c... ccc-can't me-eeean...' the hat started stuttering.
"I shall take the bluntest scissors I've got..."promised the boy menacingly. The Sorting Hat tried to shift herself away from the teen but hasn't succeeded.
'I... I cannot...against all rules. You don't seem to have enough... Slizer's ABSOLUTE QUALITIES to get THERE..." the sobbing definitely wasn't helping, especially with the shouts like "Get on with it! I'm STARVING already!!" by angry red head which had yet to be sorted, amused and offending "So, Potter, ready to get put back to your muggle filth of the relatives!" from the blond Slytherin first year and the less defined muffled whispers from the background.
"...and than I shall cover the top of you with the cloth-burning substance, and shall start putting your half-burned bottom to the most horrific acid I can acquire..."
'On the other hand, why pry would I stop such a magnificent young wizard...on his road to perfection, but... but...' - she trailed off, unsure and trembling.
"And I shall put the last remaining tiny piece of cloth onto the vial with the Unicorn Blood, which will make your remains live a half-life, a cursed life, you old piece of junk!.."
'Hmm... th-hattt ssurrre ii-isss en-en-en-enligt-ttttining. o-o-o-oh! N-nnoww I s-sse-eee w-wwhy-iai yo-yo-you think-kkk y-yyyou cc-ccccan g-gggo th-th-the-THERE'
"Mi-mi-minny g-ggive me s-ssome rum-mmm" stuttered the nervously exhausted hat. After the approach of the stern Professor McGonagall and the bottle of rum clutched tightly in her hand and of course after emptying it, the seemingly-back-to-the-normal Hat proudly announced the verdict: "I am most honored to an-announce the first Member of the r-rr-rrr-ROYAL House of The WILYBOLDPLOTCLAIM in almost one h-hhundred years" - and the stunned silence that followed was quickly turning to the shocked silence as the Headmaster Dumbledore left his place at the head of the teacher's table, approached the boy and nodded for him to follow and they both left the Welcoming Feast without a word or two... or an explanation of their actions, for example. The slightly annoyed McGonagall continued reading the list till it was over. Then she made all the announcements. Then, with a looks that almost killed smirking Severus Snape, hardly wounded whispering professors Filius Fitwick and Pomona Sprout, and made poor Quirinius Quirrel shrink to the half of his size(or maybe even a quarter of his usual self) she finished the organizational part with the stupid password for the elves so that the food was finally given to the student body(especially the new Weasley which managed to start looking SO hungrily at HER for some indefinable reason that she was still shuddering at the simple idea of meeting him in her classes... or outside the classes for that point) and left the feast immediately with the severe case of blushing and few quivering veinlets in her forehead and on her temples. She kept telling herself: 'Never ever again, you hear me, Albus!!! Never ever again!!!'
Harry was thoughtfully following the Headmaster walking calmly to the unknown destination. They both stopped as they reached the large stone gargoyle. The Headmaster of Hogwarts cleared his throat and than whispered something to the statue. It made a sound which seemed like a severely muffled giggle and winked to Harry while turning and revealing a spiral staircase. They both climbed the stairs in the same silence which seemed to surround them after they left the Feast. And which was broken by the old whitebearded Professor. As every magical or enchanted moment always is (of course I do not intent to blame Professor Dumbledore in breaking all magical moments. Just most of them ;) ).
"Welcome to my office, Mister Potter. I guess we have some really interesting things to discuss..."
