There were thousands of questions running through Kagami's mind right now he didn't know from where he should start. He blinked his eyes once, twice, thrice; looking at the familiar generic pattern of the ceiling in a room, a room he recognized as his bedroom. Propping himself up, he looked at his surrounding with a disjointed feeling of which he could not quite put his finger on. Everything was perfectly lined (or scattered) at its usual place. The well-worn jeans of his and Aomine's were hanging on the steel pegs on the wall. One of the doors of the cupboard was open on one side, the side that could never be closed after permanently being damaged by Aomine's doing.
Frames of pictures lined up in an angle where it faces the king-sized bed were on its rightful position as well; one of when they were younger, in their respective school's jersey, Aomine's arm around Kagami's shoulder, a basketball tucked under Kagami's arm, and they were both grinning at the camera radiating youth all over. Next to it was a picture of them together in expensive suits, kissing after a small ceremony of exchanging ring. One could see that both their lips were stretched, smiling into each other's mouth as they sealed their fate together. Another frame that was on the table held the picture of Aomine and Kagami celebrating Halloween together with their goddaughter, Kuroko and Momoi's daughter Yukiko when she was five years old. Kagami remembered fondly of that night. He was made to dress up as an angel, made him wear a set of wings that was meant for a child and a halo Momoi made whereas Aomine was told walk around as the devil, complete with a pitch fork and pointy horns. Together they flanked the little goofball dressed in pink princess gown, chasing off boys that tried to make attempts to hit on her as they walked through the town. Kagami's eyes darted across the room to a pile of crumpled up clothing by the computer desk, belonged to Aomine when he was rushing out this morning to...
Wait, why was he in his bedroom again? Focusing his eyes on the white duvet, Kagami forbid his mind from wandering astray.
He certainly remembered rushing out the door to work this morning, together with Aomine as both of them ended waking up later than usual.
His mind recollected his little unfortunate run in with the upper ups for turning up late, the silly conversations he had with his colleagues in the locker room as they talked about their children while Kagami boasted about his beautiful and smart goddaughter that was about to turn nine in two months. Then there was a call to the station, fire was breaking out somewhere, they were sent out, he barged into the building as a child was reported to still be in the building. He couldn't remember if he was able to reach out for the child; a sharp headache struck him, his body felt hot all over and sweats were breaking on his temple.
Kagami clutched his head as a reflex to the sudden pain. The lapse of memory bothered him. What had happened then? How did he get here? Where was Aomine?
Suddenly the door swung open in grace, revealing a a man; a good-looking man, a good-looking man that was not Aomine, that dressed all in white. He was smiling at him. When he spoke, the sound that came from his mouth sounded like elegant musical notes dancing in his ears.
"I am glad you are awake, Master Taiga. I was waiting for you."
"Before you start asking question, let me introduce myself," said the raven haired man that very much reminded Kagami of his brother Tatsuya, with his hair unequally parted, covering a part of his eyes. The grace, the beautiful face. He thought it was impossible to find a man prettier than his brother. It was apparent that he was wrong. The only thing that was different about the man and Tatsuya was the presence of a mole beneath his eye. "I am the guardian that has been assigned to walk you through this place. Mortals would refer to my being as angels, although the lack of wings might be less convincing to you. We do have it, you know. We just use it on special occasions."
Kagami's eyes scanned wildly at his surrounding as his pace fell in sync with the person walking next to him, through a lengthy walkway shielded by transparent glass surrounding it. It was connected to the door of the room he knew was not his room despite appearing awfully similar. The end of the walkway was still not in sight, and outside the protective glass was nothing but vast sandy desert with scorching sun high above the beautiful clear blue sky. There were people out there, dressed similarly as him in all white apparel who were braving through the sand barefooted, heading somewhere in the same direction as he and the man who claimed himself as a guardian was going.
"Where am I? What am I doing here? That room, it is not my room, is it? No offense, but I don't need a guardian," blurted the redhead, for all those questions were already at the tip of his tongue. "And why do you look like...never mind."
"One at a time, Master Taiga," smiled the angel at Kagami, an action that somehow possessed some calming effect. "This is a desert before the oasis; a place of transit between life and death."
Cornering the angel against the glass wall in a speed of light, Kagami picked the smaller man up by his shirt, a scowl carved itself on his face. "A place of WHAT?!"
"A transit between life and death, Master Taiga." He answered the redhead calmly, twisting Kagami's wrist into releasing him effortlessly. The moment his foot touched the marble floored pathway, he continued walking, expecting Kagami to trail after him.
After a period of pause, perplexed more than ever in his life, Kagami did it in silence. He expected more explanation from the other man. "The room where we came from was a portal from the other side. It would appear according to the memory of a person passing through it, mimicking a place that is fondly remembered by the person to cushion the shock of this current reality. In your case, Master Taiga, it is your bedroom you shared with your beloved one. And I am formless, a celestial being who will look like a person that is dear to you for the same reason, but a dear person that is loved without a speckle of lust."
Outside, Kagami's sight followed the few people who walked and stumbled, crawling their way forward. Catching the redhead's trail of gaze, the angel continued on explaining. "Everybody must pass through this path before reaching the judgement room. Some take minutes, some take years to reach it. It all depends on the deed that person did during his or her time on earth. A walkway like this is reserved for a special case like yours, Master Taiga."
Swallowing to what Kagami felt like a cannonball of thousand needles in his throat, Kagami braved himself to ask the question no one should ever go through the dread of asking.
"Am I...am I dead?"
The smaller man paced in silence with Kagami next to him for a lengthy distance, not a breath of word to the readhead who was poorly masking his composure. A large wooden door with carvings on its surface appeared before their eyes, with each and every step bringing them closer to it until there was no more ground to walk, halting right in the door step. With ease, he pushed the heavy-looking door open. He threw a small smile in Kagami's direction.
"No. Not yet."
Aomine had never before been so scared in his life. His heart was hammering painfully against his ribcage and nothing was audible but the sound of blood rushing to his brain, ringing in his ears. Right now, there was no telling what was real and what was not. His surrounding blended into a mesh of colours, his mind spiralling into darkness.
Clutching his head in between his knees, Aomine didn't know what else to do. The moment he got a call for an emergency, his life had been a hazy blur. He recalled feeling his legs gave away at the emergency department as the medical officers were explaining Kagami's current situation. A glimpse of Kagami; bloodied and broken was enough to suck the soul out of Aomine, leaving him battered by the damage. He recalled having signed a few pages of consent form, giving them the permission to do whatever they had to do without actually listening to the indication, complication, or anything at all that they were saying. Everything was tuned out as his mind singled out to only one thought: Kagami Taiga.
After the devastating call, Aomine sat down in front of the emergency operation room with one of Kagami's colleague; too shocked to lash out or react. Right now, the very person he loved was in that room, having his head drilled open to evacuate the bleeding in his brain, and he was sitting there waiting helplessly. Kagami had been injured a couple of times before – a few broken bones, a charred skin on his back from a sudden burst of flames, scars on his arms; but nothing was ever this serious before. He wanted to get in there, put a scrub on, and help with whatever goddamn thing he could do to save Kagami, but all that was beyond his capability. Apparently Kagami didn't have much of a thick skull at all, despite being blunt since they were younger. Aomine hated himself for being so powerless.
Kagami's colleague actually stayed with him until his body finally stopped shaking, stopped digging his nails into his palms and his knees, stopped biting his lips till it bleeds; only the two of them waiting at the hallway that was otherwise empty. He wiped the blood that was dripping from where he bit as the person that was clearly older than him recollected the tale of misfortune that fell upon Kagami.
"He was supposed to take care of the survivor," the man started, handing a cup of coffee from the vending machine to Aomine as he took a sip from his own. "You know, bring them to paramedics, give them blankets, get them away from the fire and reassure them that everything's going to be alright. We have enough officers to have it under control, and Kagami is the senior officer. His service is not needed unless it's complicated or things sort of getting out of hand. Simple fire is meant for the newbie."
The coffee that was Aomine's favourite beverage tasted like charcoal and smelled like tar today. He swallowed his first sip hard, and lowered his hand. He decided to take his time to finish the terrible coffee. "Then what was he doing in the building?"
"One of the survivors, a mother, told Kagami that her 5 years old son is still trapped inside their apartment," already finishing his coffee, the older gentleman crumpled the paper cup in his hand. He looked tired. "You should know that Kagami is compassionate. His heart is soft, and he is kind. Apart from that, he's a professional. He has been in the game for almost ten years. He wasn't trying to be heroic, he was just doing his job," he exhaled heavily before continuing. "If it was in any other situation, any other circumstance, he would have gotten inside, saved the kid, and made it out with probably no scratch at all."
Aomine looked intently into the cup, searching for the reflection of himself on the black liquid. But all he could see was darkness and darkness alone, nothing else at the bottom of it other than desolation and despair.
"The fire spread faster than all of us thought," the older guy swallowed the thick lump in his throat. The crumpled paper cup was crushed in his hand. "Kagami reached the child, but on their way out...the ceiling caved. It fell directly on top of him, he was covering the boy, and..."
The sentence hung dead in the air. Both of them sat there in silence, until a young fellow in a uniform Aomine was well acquainted to, face sunken and tired; approaching the older gentleman for his attention.
"Sir, you are needed at the station right now. The head of Kyoto department is here for – " his words truncated as the man sitting next to Aomine raised his hand, gesturing him to stop.
"I'll be right there," he patted Aomine's shoulder as he rose from the seat. "I'll come by again, Mr. Aomine. My prayer is with you for the surgery to end successfully."
The old man turned his heels and stalked off with the younger officer, heading towards the elevator at the end of the corridor. For a long time, Aomine froze. He could not care less that the man was gone. He couldn't spare any attention towards the man at all. How could he? The man he loved more than he loved himself was battling for his life in the next room. He had been sitting there for what – 4, 5 hours? Why was it taking so long?
On his own, Aomine was battling the negativity in his own mind. He chased the dark thoughts away, for it to come back again with deeper, bitter thoughts. He loathed himself for it. Kagami would have smacked it right out of his head for being so out of character. He would tell him to 'stop thinking, you're going to tire yourself out' or 'you're not that smart so don't burden your brain,' and they would argue who was the stupidest until they were distracted by something else, completely forgotten about it. Some things never changed since their early days. He made a sound behind his throat, halfway between wanting to cry and to laugh. Even during his time of distress, Kagami kept him going. How could he continue on living without the light of his life?
Aomine's mind spiralled to the thought of last night.
"Hey, Daiki," Kagami shifted from his back to his side, propping his head up as he faced Aomine that was flat on his stomach. Lazing in the bed after a good one on one under the duvet was rare, but neither of them was sleepy.
"Oi, stop squeezing my ass."
"Do you think things would have been different if Kuroko didn't help us realize how we feel about each other back then?"
Too lazy to move, Aomine just turned his head to face the redhead, letting the man's hand groped his backside despite his weak protest. "I'm pretty sure you'd end up being single till you're dead," he shot Kagami his signature lazy smile.
Kagami scowled. "Wha – why?!"
"Because you're a lame ass loser who'd get all embarrassed and then blushes like a tomato. You'd probably die from overheating when you're trying to ask a girl to marry you By the time you summoned enough balls to do it she'd already been married to someone else and probably have three kids ."
"Oh shut up. Like you're any better."
"I'm so totally out of your league. The great me would probably be frolicking around with young busty dollops," Aomine offered Kagami his upper-handed smirk, which in turn received a snort of disgust."Maybe get Mai-chan to marry me."
"Perverts like you should go to hell," Kagami rolled his eyes and shuffled closer to Aomine, burying his face in Aomine's hair, their bodies were all tangled up as he shut his eyes.
Aomine chuckled, whispering into the pillow so low it was barely audible. That was what he wanted – for Kagami not to hear him. It was too sappy he didn't need to add fuel to Kagami's overloaded pride. The comfort of Kagami's presence was too precious to be traded with something else.
"But I probably wouldn't be as happy."
A stray drop of tear fell into the cup of dark liquid, dissolving spontaneously like the little sanity he had left in his obscured mind.
It was like an empty vault; the inside of the room Kagami just stepped into. The floor and the wall reflected the only source of light in the room, from a bulb that was hanging in the centre of the room. There were two chairs in the middle of the space facing one dark side of the wall, with something looking like a screen. The raven haired man walked ahead of him, gesturing for him to take a seat before occupying one on his own. Kagami tentatively followed what he had to do, not knowing what lies ahead of him. Everything was a jumbled up mess in his head and this man who claimed himself as an angel was not much of a help so far.
"Are you ready?" asked the raven haired man with a smile. Kagami didn't get to respond to that; the light suddenly went out, with another that was then dimly lit from behind them, projecting some sort of play on the dark wall. At first Kagami was baffled by what he saw. His eyes were squinting, alternating his gaze from the projection and the graceful man next to him who was intently watching, amused. It didn't take him long to realize that what he was watching was actually the progression of his own life.
He had heard people say that when people are about to die, their life flashes before their eyes. Honestly, this was not how he was expecting it.
It was weird, perplexing feeling watching himself on the screen. There was him as an infant, bringing his foot to his mouth in a cradle, laughing and cooing to his mother. And then he started crawling, walking, running – and before he knew it there he was jumping to shoot a ball into the hoop at a street court in LA, a glorious smile on his childish face to a young Himuro. They exchanged ring as a sign of their brotherhood, and how they broke apart because of the differences in their capabilities in one common game that they loved.
His life after he got back to Japan was like another chapter in a book, the time of when he was in Seirin; filled with sweat, laughter and tears with the unforgettable teammates that fought alongside him. There was the day when he first signed up for the basketball club, bumping shoulder with Kuroko as he leave, not knowing how much his life would change because of the little man with lack of presence back then. It was changed forever after accepting the role of 'the light' to Kuroko's shadow play; and it was not just his life as a basketball player, but his life entirely, as it all consequently lead him to a man named Aomine Daiki.
From thereon and henceforward, Aomine was the centre of his life. A hateful rival at first, his feeling grew into respect and admiration. Towards the end of his schooling age, unknowingly, it blossomed into romance. He was ashamed of himself for not noticing it for the longest while, not until Kuroko pulled some trick on them and Aomine finally setting things straight. The first time they kissed was playing on the screen; they were standing in front of the entrance of his apartment, Kagami was sending him off after they had dinner, having had a tiresome one-on-one priorly. It was a short, simple kiss on the lips which took both of them off guard. But if felt natural, and despite all the meaningless argument they had, Aomine was a comforting presence that brought warmth in his empty, lonely apartment. He turned the house into a home.
The sight of Aomine in the roll of his memory caused Kagami's heart to beat painfully in his chest. If he really was dying, how would Aomine take all these in? Would he destroy everything in his wake in denial or would he accept it, mourn for a few weeks and then move on? His chest felt tight, crushing him that it hurt for him to even breathe.
As Kagami lost himself at the thought of Aomine's current wellbeing, the screen continued showing the progression of his life – the day his team won the national championship, the day he graduated from school, the day Aomine moved into his apartment (skipping the part where they made love behind a couple of boxed stuff Aomine brought from his house), then came the day both of them enrolled into fire fighting and police academy respectively. They were engaged when Aomine put on a cheap metallic ring he bought down the street after work on Kagami's ring finger, thinking it would look cute. It was one of rare coupley things they did, never putting much thought into it. Not until Momoi asked when was the wedding – and it struck them. They had a serious talk about it, and it didn't take them long to decide to go through with it. He totally lost it when Aomine said 'the only one who can marry you is me.' But in all seriousness, he wanted to have Aomine by his side, and Aomine wanted them to stand on equal ground for the rest of his life.
To Kagami, forever was Aomine.
Kagami shook his feeling away to focus on what he was supposed to do. There it was; the scene from last night as he kissed Aomine in his sleep. The scent of tropical fruits from Aomine's shampoo was still fresh in Kagami's memory, and the warmth of Aomine's skin under the tip of his calloused fingers. Then morning came where they both rushed out to work for waking up late, only managed to exchange a quick peck on the lips before they parted ways.
A painful thud struck Kagami's head as the realization dawn upon him to what had brought him to his current disposition. A mother's plea at the burn site. His attempt to save a little boy's life. An unforeseeable incident to an otherwise a simple case of fire. He shielded the boy with his body, and that was when ceiling collapsed on top of him. He remembered being terrified for a split second, in a slow motion kind of way, as the ruin caved on top of him.
And then there was nothing.
The memory roll stopped there, and the single light bulb on top of him lit up the dark room like a cinema after a movie finishes. The only thing missing was the scattered leftover of popcorns and drinks. The angel got off his chair and looked at Kagami.
"Well, that was a nice life."
"That kid...what happened to him?"
"Just a scratch on his leg. Maybe a little emotional scar because of the incident. Other than that, he is doing fine."
"Why did I have to sit through that? Kagami folded a fist that turned his knuckle white. "I, uh...I don't understand all this."
"To put it simply, it's our standard operation procedure," the raven haired smiled that his eyes were closed, a smile that very much reminded Kagami of Himuro. "A person between life and death has to go through his or her life journey before proceeding to the next part; the judgement. But you are one of the lucky ones, Master Taiga, a special case. And you don't have to go through that."
"...Why is that so?"
"Because of your selfless act."
Kagami stilled for long while, running his hands through his hair and tugging it. He didn't feel anything.
"What do you mean by 'special case?'"
Wordlessly, the raven haired man gestured for Kagami to follow him as he walked towards the door where they came from.
A few hours had passed since the operation was over. It took the best medical team in the hospital seven hours to fix Kagami, and even then, they were still unsure what was to become to the redhead. His survival rate had improved, but it didn't mean that he would make it. Only time could tell. He was still unconscious, and still dependent of the ventilator support. When they allowed Aomine to finally see Kagami, he was already transferred into the Intensive Care Unit.
The sound of machines beeping around Kagami was muffled in Aomine's ears, because it took Aomine all his might, channelling all his will so he would not fall on his knees at the sight of Kagami. He was given half an hour to stay with Kagami, but he didn't know what to do. Once again he was struck with helplessness, looking down at the limp body of a man he knew was strong, capable and dependable.
For the longest while, he stood there staring. He wanted to see Kagami, but not like this. He had bandages all over him, wires and intravenous canula at every limb. His chest was rising and falling at the rhythm of the beeping machine. Overlooking the reality, Kagami would have looked like that when he slept like a log. It wasn't a strange sight to Aomine, his work was physically taxing him that he'd come home dead tired every time. But this; this place, the bandages, noisy machines and wires – it wasn't.
Aomine had a religion, but he wasn't a fond believer. He hadn't had the need to rely on an unknown figure that he knew nothing about. He hadn't had a reason to pray and hope for a miracle. He hadn't had a person he treasure so much he couldn't live without.
But now he did.
So gently he wrapped his hands around Kagami's and kneeled by his bedside, lowering his face and cradling it.
And he prayed. Hard.
Despite being the same door Kagami had walked through, it opened to a larger space that was not where they came from. This time, he was standing at the edge of a cliff. At the opposite side from where he was standing stood a colossal door that appeared to be made out of pure gold, with carvings that were the meaning of perfection and beauty. The only thing connecting both ends was a tiny thread that glowed and pulsated. A bottomless trench separated the cliffs, clouded by mists. The bottom of it appeared to give out a reddish glow, like the collection of lava down an active mountain.
"A person bypassed the judgement and gets a first class ticket to heaven. That's what a special case means," said the raven haired male, his tone was light. "But of course, that is one of the options. That's why I said you're a lucky person Master Taiga. You have the privilege to choose."
Kagami looked to the left and right along the cliff. There were a couple of similar thin threads, and people were crossing to the other side; crawling, hanging, clinging to it. Some lost their grip and fell into the trench, screaming in silent. Kagami wondered if it was hell that was waiting down there.
At the flick of the angel's fingers, the thin thread that was connecting the two cliffs widened, forming a bridge that was wide enough for a man to walk through.
"When you cross to the other side, the door to heaven will open, for the angels are already waiting," continued the smaller man as he offered a smile to Kagami.
" – you said – you told me I have the privilege to choose. What is the other option?" asked Kagami, being irrationally calm in such condition.
"I knew you'd ask," breathed the angel, sounding a little amused. "The other option is that you can go back to your old life. But the next time you were to come here, of which every person in between life and death would, there will no more be a sp– "
"Then let me go back," Kagami cut his words with his firmness. If there was a choice to stay with Aomine, no matter the consequences – he would do it in a heartbeat. "Heaven can wait."
Kagami's eyes flickered open to the generic plaster ceiling above him, with the light from cheap pendaflour slowly assaulting his vision, creeping into his field of view from all sides. His head felt heavy and his mind was blurry. He couldn't recall what had happened for him to end up like this. He felt stiff all over his body, and the only thing he could move were his fingers. That was when he noticed the warm sensation on his hand, a pair of hands wrapped around his. His gaze trailed along the arm to the shoulder and the head of the person holding him, the familiar blue hair and tanned skin. Aomine slowly raised his face; with disbelieved look, and his cheeks were stained with tears. Looking at him, Kagami subconsciously remembered giving up something that was precious so he could be where he was; be with Aomine again.
Kagami managed a weak smile as he lightly entwined their fingers together, and Aomine reciprocated his smile with the look of pure joy and relieved.
It was worth it.
THE END
A/N: This fic is a result of a challenge by Flamey (or y'all know her as Letti or DwindlingFlame) if I could write an angst out of Michael Jackson's Heaven can wait. Other than that the other song that inspired me throughout this fic was John Legend's All of me. I hope it gave you the same pain and love it did to me as I wrote it.
Anyway, thanks for reading! Follow, favourite but the one I like most is reviews ;)
