[ To clear up any confusion: Carmen is my own idea of a female Spain.
This will probably be a series of one shots about her and Antonio, either thoughts or moments that happen.
Uh
Yes that's about it.
I hope it doesn't suck. C: ]
A body slumped forward onto mine, a sticky cheeked pressed to my chest.
This is routine. Probably the third time this year I've ran a knife through his neck.
Third time this year I've lodged it into his stomach.
Third time this year his blood dripped from my hands.
Merciless, greedy hands, always always killing, wanting more, wanting death, never receiving…Third time this year he didn't die. Well. Maybe that was phrased wrong.
He's dead right now. His heart's stopped beating, he's dead. But that's just for right now, only now. He'll be back. Just give it a minute.
I ran my fingers through matted, dirtied hair. The chocolate brown locks were difficult to comb with my hands, the tangles and dried blood proved to be a nuisance.
I wonder why I do that. Affection? Sure. Sure, when he's dead, I can pretend he's… not him. Oh, that doesn't make sense either. He's still him and he was him.
But no he's a different him and I hate this him and I cannot get rid of this him no matter how hard I try.
I've even tried burning him alive. You should have heard the screams. Anguished, so loud. They were so loud and pained and I wish I had of recorded them. They made me deliriously happy and I had laughed as he burned, his screaming stopping when the flames charred his throat, his mouth. It was delicious and I had happily blew his ashes into the wind.
But they came back.Back and fine and alive… he wasn't even angry. He just shook his head at me and things returned to normal. I can't stand it!
Why can't he hate me? Why can't he yell or hit me or or… I don't even know, I just want him to be angry. I love it when he's angry. I love it I crave it I need it. Three things, on the dot.
But he never gets angry with me. Not anymore. He's too dull now.
Useless.
Weak.
I hate him. I hate what he's become. I'm stuck in the past and can't move on, but why the hell would I want to?
