A/N 09/03/2013 - Have you ever looked over one of your old stories and realize that you could have written parts of this better? Well...yep...that's what's happened here. Nothing new...just cleaning up some of the grammatical errors and filling in the missing pieces.

So, this was a cracfic plot bunny that would not go away so I bring it to you as a break from the everyday - what if that wonderful phenomenon called "Wipeout" came to Oz?

Like I said, crackfic!

I'd really like to hear your feedback on this one - does this format work? If it does, please please please please please review.

For those who watch Wipeout on a regular basis, you'll know a lot of these obstacles. For those that don't, I recommend you check out Youtube and look up the "Wipeout Smack Wall" or "Wipeout Big Balls". (If you look up "Wipeout Jacob Mann", not only will it show you the "Sucker Punch" wall and the "Big Balls", but you will see one of the all-time classic Wipeouts of all seasons.)

Disclaimers: I own neither Wicked nor Wipeout, and all contestants have signed the appropriate waivers. So, without further ado…


(Start theme…)

Announcer - It's that time America! What goes up must WIPEOUT!

Unknown male - Whoooooo! Hey Mom! I'm on Wipeout!

John Anderson – …and Wipeout they will as twenty-four contestants compete in the most insane obstacle course ever invented by man. You'll see amazing spills, sensational tumbles and spectacular falls. Only the best four contestants will compete in the greatest obstacle course of all...the "Wipeout Zone". The epic battle begins now. Only one will become champion, but all will WIPEOUT!

Unknown Female - This is not dignified!

(Theme ends with "Wipeout – Oz Edition" splash)

John Anderson – Hello America and welcome to a very special edition of Wipeout. I'm John Anderson and with me, as always, like my faithful dog Toto, John Henson.

John Henson – Uh wait, I'm the dog? Why can't I be the Scarecrow?

John Anderson – That's true: you are brainless, John.

John Henson – Just dancing through life, my friend. Anyway, as Anderson said, this is a very special edition of Wipeout as we are in the Magical Land of Oz! (Excitedly) Can you believe it? I mean we're really in the magical Land of Oz! Can't you just feel the magic, Johnny?

John Anderson – (deadpan) Not in the slightest. Now, we have twenty-four Ozians who will face the most challenging obstacle course ever created.

John Henson – And of those twenty-four, only four will compete in the "Wipeout Zone" for fifty-thousand dollars. No matter if it's American or Ozian dollars, fifty-thousand is still a lot of cash.

John Anderson – Indeed it is, but before they can dash for the cash, they need to get past our Wipeout qualifier…

(Fly-by of "Qualifier")

John Anderson – First up, the Smack Wall!

John Henson – Now surrounded by magical Ozian mud.

John Anderson – Next, it's the Sucker Punch.

John Henson – Ah, yes, those flying fists of magical fury.

John Anderson – After that, it's the Big Balls with our swinging Motivator!

John Henson – Wait too long and the Motivator will make you fly, my pretty!

John Anderson – Then it's over to the Shake-o-lator...

John Henson - That'll shake the wicked out of you.

John Anderson - ...and finally, the Shape Shifter.

(Scene back to hosts.)

John Anderson – Now, only the twelve fastest times will get past the qualifier and move on to the next round.

John Henson – (inhales deeply and smiles) Ah, I can sense it all now.

John Anderson – Magic?

John Henson – Nope…wipeouts!

John Anderson – Then, without further ado, let's welcome our first contestant…

(Scene changes to top of course.)

Boq – Whoooooo! Hey Mom! I'm on Wipeout!

John Henson – Uh, John, I thought we didn't allow kids on the course.

John Anderson – He's not a kid, John; he's a Munchkin - they just happen to come that short. That's 24 year old Boq Riddle. Our third member of the Wipeout team, Jill Wagner, had a chance to catch up with the little guy.

Jill – (looking around) Boq? Where are you? I can't see you…

Boq – (Not amused) I'm not that short, Jill!

Jill – (looks down) Oh, there you are.

John Henson – Awww, don't hurt the little kid's feelings, Jill.

John Anderson – He's not a kid: he's 24.

John Henson – Really? Are you sure? Did you make sure he's not using a fake id?

(Horn sounds)

John Anderson – And the little Munchkin is off and running. First up…the Smack Wall. Contestants must run along the platform along this wall while avoiding the two sets of sweeper arms.

John Henson – So, why is it called a "Smack Wall", John?

(Top part of Wall swings out smacking Boq in the face)

Boq – (SMACK!) Whaaaa…(SPLASH!)

John Anderson – That's why, John.

John Henson – The Smack Wall doesn't discriminate – it will knock anybody and everybody into the mud.

John Anderson – So Boq will climb up the stairs to tackle the second half of the Smack Wall…

Boq – (Wall swings out…)(SMACK!) Oof…(SPLASH!)

John Anderson – Wow! Head over heels, spinning into the mud! Spectacular wipeout!

John Henson – Oh look…a flying Munchkin.

John Anderson – Now over to the Sucker Punch Wall. Boq ducks and weaves along the wall…

(DING!) (SPLASH!)

John Henson – Oooh! Takes a punch right to the "little munchkin". He'll be feeling that one for a while.

Boq – (panting) And now the Big Balls…

John Anderson – Boq makes his way up the ramp to the Big Balls.

Boq – (jump) (Bounce) (Plaff!) Whaaaa…! (SPLASH!)

Jill – (Winces and turns away) Oh!

John Henson – Oh is right Jill! Boq jumps awkwardly onto the first Big Ball landing face first into the second ball and accomplishes something no other Munchkin in Oz has ever done.

John Anderson – What's that?

John Henson – Hitting his head with his feet.

John Anderson – Now over to the Shake-o-lator. Boq jumps on…

Boq – (Being shaken violently by the Shake-o-lator) This is crazy!

John Henson – No, crazy was agreeing to coming onto Wipeout in the first place.

John Anderson – Making his way to the other side of the Shake-o-lator. All he needs to do is jump from onto the platform on the other side…

Boq – (PLAF!) Oof! (SPLASH!)

Jill – Ooooh…so close!

John Anderson – And last but not least, the Shape Shifter. Contestants must jump off of a diving board through the rotating cutouts. They must jump through the triangle, circle or square onto the landing platform on the other side to stop the clock. If they fail to jump through and land in the water, they must swim to the alternate finishing area to stop the clock. Boq is now standing on the diving board. Getting ready to jump…

Boq – (PLAFF!) Uuuugh! (SPLASH!)

John Anderson – …not even close.

John Henson – Face first into the spinning drum - luckily we padded it or that may have actually hurt.

John Anderson – Even so, Boq still finishes with a respectable time of just over four minutes.

Boq – (standing on platform) (Wearily) Yay. I made it.

John Henson – Give the kid a merit badge for finishing.

John Anderson – Returning back to the top of the course…

John Henson – Whoa, that's a lot of pink!

Galinda – Hello Wipeout! It's great to see me, isn't it?

John Anderson – That, clad in all that pink poofinees, is 23 year old Galinda Upland. Jill got the scoop on her earlier.

Jill – Hey guys, I'm here with Miss Galinda Upland and I have to say: wow, that's a lot of pink.

Galinda – (beeming) Why thank you!

Jill – Pink dress, pink eyeshadow, pink lips, pink shoes…how many pink items do you own?

Galinda – Ummm…(thinking)…

John Henson – This might take a while.

(Ding.)

Galinda – Seven hundred and fifty-two.

Jill – Wow! You really like pink!

Galinda – Of course. Even my underwear is pink!

Jill - …

John Henson – OK, that was waaaaay too much information.

(Horn sounds)

John Anderson – Our pink monstrosity is off and going to face the Smack Wall.

John Henson – She has no idea what's coming, does she?

Galinda – (SMACK!) (Squeal!) (SPLASH!)

John Anderson – (deadpan) Not in the least!

John Henson – Right into the mud that has magical properties.

John Anderson - Really? How so?

John Henson - Well, it turns the color of any clothing into brown.

Galinda – Ugh! Yuck!

John Anderson – Unfortunately for Galinda, pink does not go with brown. Let's fast forward as Galinda makes her way to the Big Balls.

Galinda – Oh, you're kidding, right?

John Anderson – No, we are not.

John Henson – Uh John, is she just standing there?

(Motivator starts)

John Anderson – As a matter of fact, John, she is. Perhaps some motivation?

Galinda – (looks back to see Motivator coming) Oh sh(censored)...(bounce) (SCREAM!) (SPLASH!)

John Henson – Oh man! Galinda get's her pink behind motivated right onto the red balls! That'll burst her bubble. Now, let's see how she does on the Shake-o-lator. How do you think she'll do, John?

Galinda – (jumps on Shake-o-lator) (shaking violently) Whoa…whoa…whaaaaa…(SPLASH!)

John Anderson – (deadpan) Not very well.

John Henson – Even the Shake-o-lator can't stand all of that pink. It's like, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

John Anderson – Now running up to the Shape Shifter, let's see how she does it.

Galinda – (running) (jump) Yeaaaaaaa…OOF!

Jill – WHOA!

John Anderson – Unbelievable! She did it! Right through the square cutout onto the platform on the other side, stopping the clock at three minutes, forty nine seconds!

Galinda – (jumping up and down) WHOO HOO!

John Henson – Who says you can't put a pink peg through a square hole?

John Anderson – Her name's Galinda, not Peg.

John Henson – Whatever. Who's next?

John Anderson – Approaching the Smack Wall now is the Wonderful Wizard himself, 67 year old Oscar Diggs.

Oscar – (SMACK!) Aaaaaah… (SPLASH!)

John Henson – I'm thinking he doesn't find our Smack Wall so wonderful, Johnny.

John Anderson – Not too many people like our Smack Wall, John.

John Henson – Ooooh, is it montage time?

John Anderson – Yes, John, it is. Here's Shenshen approaching the Smack Wall…

(SMACK!)

Shenshen – (YELP!) (SPLASH)

John Henson – Shenshen go bye bye.

Avaric – Go! Go! Go! (SMACK!) (SPLASH!)

John Henson – Stop! Stop! Stop!

Shell – Yes! (SMACK!)

John Anderson – Uh…no.

John Henson – Totally Shell-shocked!

Pfannee – (Dodges moving walls)

John Henson – She…could…go…all…the…way…

(SMACK!)

Pfannee – Whaaa…(SPLASH!)

John Anderson – …or not.

John Henson – I'm LOVING this Smack Wall, John! The beauty is in the design: see, two sweeper arms here (graphic of circle around one sweeper arm) and here (graphic of circle over the other) make the contestant look here (arrow towards sweeper arms) when they should be looking…

Chuffery – (SMACK!) Augh… (SPLASH!)

John Henson – …there.

John Anderson – Now approaching the Big Balls is Shenshen Chuan. Jill spoke with her earlier.

Jill - Shenshen, welcome to Wipeout.

Shenshen - (jumping up and down) Thanks. I'm so excited to be here! This is so totally cool.

Jill - So...

Shenshen - You know my best friend, Galinda, who's rooming with that totally hideous snake for a roommate...

Jill - Uh...

Shenshen - ...she suggested we all come, but she didn't think that I could handle the course, but I wanted to come and prove her wrong, and then shove the fifty thousand dollars in her face and say, "Take that Galinda Upland!"

Jill - ...

John Anderson - You know, John, I never thought I'd meet anybody more annoying that you.

John Henson - Yeah, even I'm annoyed, and that's saying something.

John Anderson - Let's see how Annoying Shenshen does on the Big Balls.

Shenshen - (Bounce) (PLAF!) (CRACK!) Aaaaaa...(SPLASH)

John Anderson - Wow! Off of the first Big Ball and face first into the second!

John Henson - Yeah, thank goodness she was so flexible that it really didn't hurt when her head and feet met in the same place.

John Anderson – Now let's meet 67 year old Helena Morrible. Says here she was a former headmistress for Shiz University. Let's get more from Jill.

Jill – So, Helena…

Morrible – (sternly) That will be Madame Morrible to you, deary!

Jill – (surprised) Uh, yes, Madame Morrible.

Morrible – And stand up straight! No slouching. Did they not teach you anything in school?

John Henson – Ugh...she sounds just like my high school principal.

John Anderson – She sounds just like everybody's high school principal.

Jill – Uh…(looking for a distraction - sees rain clouds) Oh look, it's going to rain.

Morrible – (waves hands – sun comes out) Don't worry, my dear - weather is my specialty.

John Henson – OK, now I'm officially creeped out.

John Anderson – Well, let's see how "Morrible the Horrible" does on the Shake-o-lator.

Morrible – (jumps on) (Shake-o-lator starts shaking violently) (bangs head on side of Shake-o-lator) Ow! This is not dignified!

John Anderson – Morrible complaining loudly as she makes her way across.

Morrible – (slips) Oh Oz! (SPLASH!)

John Henson - …and into the water! I wonder if she'll melt.

John Anderson – We can only hope. Now over to the Shape Shifter.

Morrible – (incredulously) Do you seriously expect me to jump through this?

Jill – Absolutely, Madame Morrible.

John Anderson – An unimpressed Helena now ready to jump through the Shape Shifter…

Morrible – (PLAF!) (SCREAM!) (SPLASH!)

Jill – (laughs then faces camera) Welcome to the school of Wipeout where I am the headmistress.

John Anderson – Even with that horrible wipeout, "Morrible the Horrible" finishes with a time just a second shy of five minutes.

John Henson – I don't mind telling you this, John, but she still creeps me out.

John Anderson – Let's go back at the top of the course where we have the Prince of the Vinkus himself: Fiyero Tiggular. Jill caught up with him earlier.

Jill – (dreamy) Hi.

Fiyero – (nervous) Uh, hi.

Jill – (still dreamy – shakes hands) I'm Jill.

Fiyero – (still nervous) Uh, hi Jill – I'm Fiyero.

Jill – (still dreamy) (starts singing off key) Hands touch…eyes meet…

John Anderson – John, I think we've lost her.

John Henson – (covering his ears) Please, make it stop!

John Anderson – What? The whole romantic moment going on down there? Jill's fangirl crush?

John Henson – NO! JILL'S SINGING! I can't take it.

John Anderson – While Jill is still dreaming about her Prince Charming, Fiyero is coming up to the Smack Wall.

Fiyero – OK, over the sweeper arms…

John Henson – Oh, this is not going to end well…

(SMACK!) (SPLASH!)

John Henson – Our Dreamy Prince Charming learns the rule of physics that states two solid objects, such as the Smack Wall and his face, cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

John Anderson – Well, John, he's going to learn that lesson again as he approaches the second half of the Smack wall.

Fiyero – (ducks down under moving wall) HA!

John Anderson– Is he ducking under the top part of the wall?

John Henson – Yes he is. Should we should tell him that…

Fiyero – (SMACK!) WHOA! (SPLASH!)

John Henson– …the bottom half swings out as well?

John Anderson – Nah, he'll figure it out soon enough. Anyway, Fiyero is out of the mud and over to the sucker punch wall.

John Henson – It says here that he's taken military training and martial arts since he was a kid.

John Anderson – Let's see if it pays off here. Fiyero doing everything to dodge those gloves…

Fiyero – (SMACK!)

John Henson – Oooh! Takes a hit to the head but manages to hang on!

John Anderson – Fiyero taking punches all over but making it off of the Sucker Punch wall without falling into the mud! Amazing. Now he's up to the Big Balls.

Fiyero – Oh, I've got this!

John Henson – We'll see, Mister "Prince Charming".

John Anderson – Fiyero, jumping onto the first ball…

Fiyero – (Bounce) (Bounce) (Bounce) (Bounce) YES!

John Henson – Amazing! He's the first one today to make it completely across the Big Balls!

Jill – (still dreamy) Oh wow! Isn't he so dreamy?

John Anderson – …and we've still lost Jill.

John Henson – At least she's not singing anymore.

Jill – (Annoyed) What? Is Henson making fun of my singing?

John Henson – Yes, Jill, I am. Trust me: you're no Idina Menzel.

John Anderson – Ooookay. Now over to the Shake-o-lator…

Fiyero – (jumps on) (Shake-o-lator shaking violently)

John Henson – (sarcastically) Oh look, Prince Charming is hanging on, making his way across. I hope he wipes out as he tries to jump over to the platform on the other side…

Fiyero – (slip!) (PLAF!) Aaaah! (SPLASH!)

Jill – (Winces) Oh!

John Anderson – Looks like you got your wish John.

John Henson – Yeah. TAKE THAT PRINCE CHARMING!

John Anderson – Finally, the Shape Shifter. Prince Fiyero gets on the diving board and…

Fiyero – (PLAF!) (SPLASH!)

Jill – Darn. He's still cute though.

John Anderson – Fiyero still manages to post a time of three minutes, five seconds, which is the fastest time today.

John Henson – Ugh, I hate guys like that. They always seem to get the pretty girls in school.

John Anderson – Old memories coming back to haunt you John?

John Henson – (looks down) Yeah. (Sniff) Hold me.

John Anderson – …no. Let's just meet our final contestant.

(Top of course)

Elphaba – (looking over the course) I must be nuts!

John Henson – (panicked) Oh my goodness! She's gone green! Is she ok? She's not sick is she?

John Anderson – John, relax, that is 25 year old Elphaba Thropp. Jill got the scoop about her verdigris.

John Henson - Her verdiwhat?

John Anderson - Her green skin.

John Henson - Oh.

Jill – Guys, I'm with Miss Elphaba Thropp. Elphaba, it's good to meet you. Welcome to Wipeout.

Elphaba – Thank you.

Jill – So, obvious question: you're green?

Elphaba – (deadpan) Thank you Captain Obvious.

Jill – Oh, don't worry, I think it's cool.

Elphaba – (surprised) Really?

Jill – Really!

Elphaba – (smiling) Thanks.

Jill – Say, do you think I'd look good with green skin? We could be sisters!

Elphaba – That's true! We could!

(closeup as Jill and Elphaba stand side-by-side smiling – graphic artists change Jill's face color to green)

John Henson – (sarcastic) Oh yeah, they'd be seen as sisters. I can see the resemblance.

(Horn sounds)

John Anderson – Well, let's see if successfully facing the Smack Wall runs in the family.

Elphaba – (SMACK!) (SPLASH!) Ow!

John Henson – Apparently not.

John Anderson – Well, she gets another shot at is as he climbs the stairs to the second half of the Smack Wall.

Elphaba – (ducks swinging wall) HA!

(PLAF – into another swinging section of the wall)

Elphaba – Ugh! (SPLASH!)

John Anderson – Oh man! She did NOT see that coming.

John Henson – Yes, the Smack Wall was specially designed to inflict as much pain as possible.

John Anderson – Our "Green Girl" makes her way to the Sucker Punch wall.

Elphaba – (SMACK!) (SPLASH!)

John Henson – Wow. She takes a shot to the head knocking her into the mud. After this, she'll be more black and blue than green.

John Anderson – Elphie now walking up the ramp to the Big Balls.

John Henson – Fly, my pretty! Fly!

Elphaba – (Bounce) (PLAF!) Aaaaah… (SPLASH!)

John Anderson – Ouch…she went flying all right…right off of that second Big Ball.

John Henson – Yes, our green friend just learned she cannot defy gravity this time!

John Anderson – Now Elphaba makes it over to the Shake-o-lator.

Elphaba – (jumps on) (Shake-o-lator shaking violently) Oh this is impossible!

John Henson – That's how we designed it. Impossible is our motto.

John Anderson – Elphaba making her way to the other side. Can she make it across?

Elphaba – (plaf) Oof. (Jumps up on platform) YES!

John Henson – Amazing! She's the only one to make it off the Shake-o-lator successfully.

John Anderson – Well, success is a fleeting thing as she now faces the Shape Shifter.

Jill – (To Elphaba) You go sister!

Elphaba – (jumps into the circle lading halfway in the middle) Uh oh!

John Henson – Uh oh is right as she's going for a ride…

(SPLASH!)

John Henson – …aaaaaaaaand into the water.

John Anderson – However, Elphaba "The Green Girl" Thropp finishes with a time of four minutes, fifteen seconds, which moves her to the next round. Also moving on are eleven more contestants, including Galinda "Pretty in Pink" Upland, "The Wonderful Wizard" Oscar Diggs, and "Dreamy Prince Charming" Fiyero Tiggular.

John Henson – Also moving on are Boq "The Munchkin" Riddle, Helena Morrible "the Horrible", and "Annoying" Shenshen Chuan.

John Anderson – Stay tuned as, after the break, we trim this field of twelve into six.

John Henson – Oh, and folks, the producers of the show would like your feedback. So, be kind…please review.