Summary: There is no real point to this story. It is just a random Duo rant after he decided to leave the rest of the pilots. He has gotten himself into a rough situation with illegal substances and other things that are just plain frowned upon in normal communities. He is ranting about leaving and the other pilots. If ya don't like hearing about Duo in bad situations then why exactly did you not look at the title? Heh. Review if ya want if not then I am not gunna hound ya or beg ya to review. It doesn't really matter to me.

Rate: PG13- I have about one "cruel" and disgusting joke in this one but there are also places of drinking and hints of alcohol use. Plus the wonderful point in which Duo talks about all the sex he has. Nothing real bad this is more of a just-in-case rateing.

Disclaimer: Ok I really hate having problems with this so I am just gunna do this manually because...I can. I don't own Gundam Wing, the characters, or the words in which I use. I do own the fic and the order I used the words in. Don't steal. In all honesty stealing this from me will only gain you a giant laugh and probable mocking will ensue. The funny thing is I wrote this at whim in two in the morning waiting for someone to call. Actually by 12 I knew she wasnt gunna call but I stayed up anyway. It was actually rather fun. So I kinda liked this, seeing as I posted it, and figured I mideswell write something short. Have fun, don't steal.

Tv, Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol -Alana Haseen

I had always thought that I was uneeded as a pilot, at least compared to them, the others that is. My skills are nothing when you have four other pilots who can do what you do and probably do it much better. I am sitting here flipping through channels and finding nothing to watch so I resort to thinking. Gee thats great.

No but really. Everyone had their skills that made them unique compared to eachother. Heero was good with computers, probably why he was always on his damn laptop. I, personally, always thought he had porno on that thing but then I remembered that it's Mr. Perfect-stick-up-ass-soldier and he probably wouldn't know porno if it was shoved up the ass. Not that I am bitter at the moment.

Wufei was just too damn good at everything, espically his smarts. That's what ya get when ya come from L5 with unlimited amounts of money to actually GO to schools. But honestly, he was really good at everything. Always up early in the morning and working on his martial arts which, by the way, he was PERFECT at. Always training his hardest and never really needing to train at all. He was what us imperfect beings would envy, adore, hate and love all at once. Damn him for being him.

Quatre was always nice. Too damn nice for his, or anyone elses, own good.
I mean I could see him getting ravaged and he would still have the time to have a casual conversation with you. Minus the fact that he would probably be moaning while he was asking you how you are feeling. That would get kinda awkward. Naw but the guy is great when he is around ya. He has that...empathy? I dunno some pathy word like that. He knows your emotions better then you do, the guy is a genius when it comes to that. Stupid empath guy with his stupid emotion-knowledge.

Trowa....Well he was....I cant explain this guy. He was...admirable. He was a lot of things. Out of all of us he was able to keep himself intact much longer. Yeah, he was going insane because of it but he was able to hold out better. He had a fair share of smarts, street AND book. He had everything that anyone else didn't have and everything anyone did have. There was just something about him that made him stand out, I sure as hell didnt know what the fuck it was. He had the tendancy to be a complete ass, worse then an ass at times but ya always came back to him. Damn his fucking charm, if you can call it that.

There was something that was there in all four of them that kept me coming back to them. Kept me fighting even when I knew there was nothing I could do to fix anything. And when I finally gave up there was something horribly strong that kept me there, kept me WANTING to be there. I don't know what it was but I will tell you that it was hell for me. Hell for me to sit there and watch what was going on and not even be a part of it. Hell for me to have all of these emotions and not be able to express them. There is so much to say but no words to say it with.

I would give anything to be able to understand what is going on now, flipping channels is no longer satisfying. I have flipped channels for years and I have really gotten bored with it. It's the same things over and over again. What I would give for something new to happen with my life, something that won't end up killing me.

What I would give to just go one day without careing what will happen to the other pilots. The drugs, alcohol and anonymous sex don't help me anymore. They have become ritual instead of habit, insanity instead of sanity, suffering instead of relief. The drugs add halucinations and "color" to my dull black life, alcohol add the strength to carry through the next day and the sex...Well thats just fun. Heh. Hey I never said I was perfect, being alone in a war for so long you get rather horney after a year or two.

This life sucks. Not as well as a whore does but thats not our point here. I was the one who let them down in the end of it all so its no ones fault but my own. I am sorry. That's the only thing I can really say to them. Though I have failed to even say it. What I said when I left the room, and when I made a final statement was true. Those were feelings I had. Sorry for haveing them and trying to interperet them.

I finally turned the TV off and head upstairs. Two o'clock in the morning and I am still up. This is not a good thing. At least two weeks ago I would be sleeping by now. Damn all of this. Swigging the last bit of Black Pearl I have left, wonderful Australian wine, I decided to try to erase my memorys of the four I left behind by drowning sorrows out with fear. Fear from myself, fear from my dreams, fear from my life. No one is perfect.

Unless your the pilots of Heavyarms, Wing Zero, Altron, or Sandrock.