There is no passion. There is no passion. There is no passion. Thereisnopassion. Thereisnopassion.
Thereisnopassionthereisnopassionthereisnopassionthereisnopassionthereisnopassionthereisnopassionthereisnopassion…
Then where on the fracking hairy arse of a wookie was her serenity??
Aniki hurled another rock into the gentle waves of the Rakatan sea, the light splash mocking the turmoil that simmered in her chest. Her eyes followed the fiery streaks that lit up the night sky – smaller pieces of the Star Forge and countless Sith and Republic ships burning up as they struck the small planet's atmosphere. Oblivious to the chaos in the sky, and in the core of the lone Jedi whose toes were barely within reach, the sea moved calmly, a slow, peaceful rhythm – rising with the new tide, drawn and directed by the compressed mass of death and metal above.
The crimson streaks above flickered across the dark, bowed head of Aniki Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith, smuggler, Jedi, saviour of the galaxy, small and wilted on the white sand. Her fingers, slender and scarred, wiped across her face and came away pale in the dim light – no matter how much blood she expected to see on them. Her shoulders heaved but the sobs were all caught in her jaw, locked tight.
Across the small bay, the Ebon Hawk stood in silhouette against the dancing blue light of plasma torches as Carth and T3 did what they could for the battered ship. She imagined she could see the pilot's form under the starboard hull, his oh-so-familiar jacked stripped away, and hidden somewhere, safe from the arcing voltage that was stitching the Hawk's skin back on. She imagined that, if she focused, she could see the sweat gather on his collarbone in the tropical heat, the rough line of his jaw as he wrestled with exposed circuits.
No matter what the future held, she'd be eternally grateful that he'd been able to pull whatever strings were within his grasp to grant them this night. Canderous and HK had been 'recruited' for a clean-up mission. The rest of the crew were guests of Admiral Dodonna's for…for as long as they needed.
Carth had seen the building storm inside Aniki. He's sent her away to 'patrol' while he and the utility droid performed some routine maintenance. She imagined she could see his eyes turning to the small spit of sand where she'd been sitting for the last hour as the tide crept in.
There is no emotion.
There is no peace!
The encroaching tide tugged on the end of her dark braid, wetting the tip that touched the sand behind her. She blinked, realizing how far the water had risen. Standing, Aniki took a deep breath of the salt-sea air, thick with heat. She took a step into the water, and then another, as if the cool droplets could somehow calm the agitation inside her. There is no passion! The waves lapped around her knees.
…passion is not the same thing as love. Jolee's voice echoed through her skull. She clung to the old man's wisdom. Surely, he'd been able to love. Surely, he had never fallen as far as she – she who'd denied love from day one. She had fought for honor, for the Republic. She had fought because it had felt like the right thing to do. All those who called out to her, begging her to stop – she had felt their love and turned away, convinced the Dark Side meant to pull her away from her duty.
And, in the end, he followed her.
Now a sob did escape the iron prison of her lips. He had loved her, and when she wouldn't stop, he followed her. He fell for her. And she had never loved him. She hadn't known. She hadn't known what it meant. Malak's proud, worshipful gaze hadn't touched her, hadn't felt right. She thought her indifference was the product of her Jedi training, of her mastery of self. She would have sacrificed him in the same way she would have sacrificed herself. She had sacrificed him. Again.
Salt tears mixed with the sea that swirled around her hips.
Now she knew. She knew what it felt like to want to follow someone down which ever path they chose. She knew what it meant to value someone's life – someone's joy – above anything else.
She understood the stark terror at the thought of losing someone …
All the horror she had inflicted on the galaxy – on him – he forgave her.
You have this huge destiny waiting for you and I just fear that if you're alone, it could swallow you whole. Is there . . . Is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you? I think I could love you, if you'd give me the chance.
Was there room in the galaxy for a Jedi in love? The waves bobbed around her, touching her breasts like a lover. Aniki reached out to the universe, past the hatred and death that was orbiting this poor, beautiful plant. She bathed her mind in the light that flowed from the linking of all things, all life, all love, all hope. Her heart soared. It danced among the ley lines in that nexus of vitality.
Somewhere on Kashyyyk, a manka cat licked her newborn kitten. Beneath the sweet sea of Manaan, a great leviathan hovered, content to watch its children swim. In the Onderon desert, a beast rider sang to his drexl as he scrubbed its hide. The Force came together to honour these connections a million, million times over and again. There must me some chance for joy for a Jedi.
The ocean water swelling up past her neck and into her mouth brought her crashing back down to the planet's surface. So open to the Force, so vulnerable, the wretched stink of the Rakatan temple invaded her throat and her nostrils. Her eyes were dimmed beneath the Dark power that leached from the very sand beneath her feet. She stumbled as another wave crashed over her head. She surfaced, sputtering, choking on the hatred that tried to pull her under.
As she surfaced again, she saw movement on the sand. So far away! A lone figure, running, desperate. Carth! He ran, shedding shoes and clothing as he called her name across the water. The coiling malice that was wrapped around her paused, and she felt its hold loosen. She gasped with relief until…until she understood. The poisonous glee nearly overwhelmed her, as the water surged away from her towards the beach. Towards him.
And it all became very clear to Aniki Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith, Jedi, smuggler and saviour of the galaxy.
From beneath the crashing surf, she raised a single hand into the air and pushed.
With a scream that exploded behind her eyes, the water parted, split down the middle like a butchered rankor. Sea life, twisted and perverted, flopped on the dry sand that separated Aniki from Carth. He stood, barefoot and wet to the knees, staring dumfounded at the walls of water that crashed and heaved behind the force walls she had created.
Flipping her thick braid back down her back, she locked her eyes on his as she marched to him, slowly, deliberately, her heart pounding. When she reached him, she placed a single hand on his chest and pushed him backwards – towards dry sand. Only when she heard a deafening shriek of frustration deep in her bones did she release her hold on the Rakatan sea. The crevice slammed shut like thunder.
Carth's hands were on her shoulders, on her face. His eyes, warm, frightened. "Aniki? Aniki? Are you alright? I saw you go under, and …" His gaze drifted over her shoulder to the roiling sea. His mouth opened, then closed.
"Damned silly of me, I suppose," he muttered, his eyes lowering. "I'm sor…"
She silenced him, her mouth pressed to his and her capable hands cradling his face. He didn't question, but wrapped his arms around her shivering body and held her to him.
When she could breath again, she allowed her fingers to drift across his forehead and through his hair. "That ship ready to take off, Flyboy?"
His smile stopped just short of a grin, and his eyes were serious. "Ready as it's gonna get here," he replied, his voice reverberating through her chest.
"Let's take off and get a room."
Then he did grin. His arms closed around her and lifted her feet from the sand. "Anything you say, beautiful."
He carried her to the ship, and even managed to put some distance between them and that wreckage of a place before handing the Hawk over to T3.
Four days later, Carth Onasi stirred in the luxurious bed that he had been provided by the Jedi masters. He had chuckled to himself when he saw the glare of pure defiance Aniki had leveled at Master Vrook before following the pilot into his room. Later … much later…he'd worried about Vrook's answering glare. But she had calmed his fears, wrapping herself around him in the dark as he drifted off to sleep.
As the solarglobes began to shift into their morning warmth, lighting the compound with a dim false dawn, he rolled over, seeking, and encountered emptiness. Between one heartbeat and the next, he knew. And for just a few minutes he considered never opening his eyes again …
