Yesterday, I was watching Poldark Season 4 Episode 3. When I got to the part where Sam is trying to get Drake to move on from Morwenna, I had this idea. I know It's silly, but I hope you enjoy it. Poldark could use a little more light-hearted humor after all.
Warning: Breaking The Fourth Wall Ahead.
"What is done, cannot be undone." Sam told Drake.
"I can't think of another while Morwenna lives." Drake replied solemnly.
Tom thought for a moment, then replied. "So let's kill her off."
"What"! Drake screeched at the top of his lungs. "What did you say?!"
"Let's kill her off." Sam repeated blandly. "Lets face it, at this point in the show she's never going to leave that bulbous toe sucker. Plus, she has the boy and is facing a conflict with the mother in law that could potentially last for the rest of the season. At this point, she's basically filler content. With George Warleggan planning a a comeback, and mine in dire straits, again, none of the fans give a crap about Morwenna, her child, her festering pustule of a husband, or your perpetual pining. Really, you would be doing the show a favor, clearing space as it were. The fans would probably thank you for it."
"You really think so?" Drake asked.
Sam affectionately clapped his brother on the shoulder. "I know so." He said encouragingly. "As the good book says, the show giveth, and the show taketh away. Now, let me go talk to Debbie Horsfield and the producers, and I guarantee that within a few episodes Morwenna will throw herself of a cliff, catch consumption, or suffer some other convenient 18th century death, and then you can move on to a more productive role in the show and get a new love interest"!
Drake thought for a minute. "Well…I have been brokenhearted for almost a whole season… Screw it! I'm in! Let's knock her off"!
Sam beamed. "That's more like it! I'll talk to Debbie and work out the details. How do you feel about the husband choking her to death in a fit of corpulent rage?"
Drake shook his head. "To predictable, the audience would see it coming a mile away; and besides, we want to elicit as little sympathy as possible so the fans will move on quickly to the next emergency in the show."
"Your right, that wouldn't be the best move. But don't worry, we'll bash something out."
Drake nodded. "I know you will. Oh, one last thing, could you talk to Debbie about killing off Elizabeth? I'm tired of looking at her big beaver teeth."
Sam shook his head sadly. "Sorry brother, one character at a time. Besides, I'm pretty sure she's contracted to stick around until she becomes a laudanum addict."
"Damn."
