AUTHOR'S NOTE:

So I'm back. And I thought I'd write a one-shot about one of the animes/mangas which I got into during that writing break I had.


The fire crackled as he stared at it blankly, the heat radiating warming him on the outside. Despite the heat, he still felt cold.

So cold.

Jean tugged the jacket closer, shivering slightly. Everything was so sudden. Just a week ago they were all jostling each other, getting on each others nerves as the last day of training loomed closer.

Now, at least half of them were dead.

He probably caused a good number of them.

Despite what Marco told him, he wasn't that good of a leader. He had watched his fellow recruits plunging to their deaths, going down the titans' throats.

Marco –

Jean gasped softly, the pain hitting him like a wave. He should have gotten over the pain of Marco's death already. He should have. It had been so long since he saw his mutilated body on the streets, but yet, every time he's reminded of his friend's death, he could feel the prickling sensation at the back of his eyes.

Marco, how did you die?

He fought back a sob, clamping down on his mouth as he shook from the rage. How did Marco die? He probably got eaten by one of those sick, ugly beasts. And they didn't even finish the job. They bit half of him off and left. And left. They could have just left him alone and Marco would be right beside him now –

ARRRRRGGHHHHHH.

He let out a primal roar, collapsing forward on his hands as his body began wracking with sobs. No. No. He couldn't be this weak. He couldn't. What if someone saw him –

No, to hell what others were thinking of him now.

He wasn't a monster. He had feelings too.

He deserved to mourn for his best friend.

Jean gasped for air, one hand clawing at his throat. Dammit, breathe. Why can't he just breathe?

Panting.

Gasping.

Drowning.

Droplets of his tears hit the ground, staining it with his grief. Dammit, Jean. Be strong. Be strong for Marco. What would he say if he saw you now?

You're not strong. That's why you make a good leader. You know how it's like to be weak.

"Marco!" He shouted, his throat raw. "I thought we were supposed to do this together?"

"How dare you fucking leave me alone?"

"How dare you…"

"I don't even know how you died…"

"I didn't even get to say goodbye…"