Disclaimer: Music is owned by Brad Paisley and The Twilight Zone

Disclaimer: Music is owned by Brad Paisley and The Twilight Zone. Characters, Tortall, and everything else is owned by Tamora Pierce.

WARNING: This songfic gets a little strange. I couldn't get the idea out of my head so I wrote it out. Then I figured that since it was already typed up I mine as well post it and hope someone enjoys it. If you hate it NO hard feelings. In fact I give ya all cookies for attempting to read it.

Online

By: Brad Paisley

I work down at The Pizza Pit

And I drive an old Hyundai

I still live with my mom and dad

I'm five foot three and overweight

I'm a sci: fi fanatic mild asthmatic

Never been to second base

But there's a whole 'nother me

That you need to see

Go check out MySpace

I attend the convent

And I ride an old pony

I still depend on my dad

I'm short and underweight

I enjoy embroidery and staying inside

I'm waiting to marry

But there's a whole 'nother me

That you need to see

Go check out MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

I drive a Maserati

I'm a black belt in karate

And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

'Cause online I'm in Corus

I'm still real short, but I've got muscle

I have a warhorse

I'm a superb fencer

I stay away from wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell them I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

I get home I kiss my mom

And she fixes me a snack

I head down to my basement bedroom

And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time

I've ever been to L.A.

Was when I got the chance with the marching band

To play tuba in the Rose parade

I get home and kiss my hubby

And I fix him a snack

I head up to my tower parlor

And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time

I've ever been to Corus

Was when I left the convent

To be presented as a Lady

But online I live in Malibu

I pose for Calvin Klein I've been in GQ

I'm single and I'm rich

And I've got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

But online I live in the palace

I'm training to be a knight

I'm single and not so rich

But I've got a set of muscles that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you've got my kind of stats

It's hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend

But I grow another foot and lose a bunch of weight

Every time I log in

When you're obedient

It's hard to have dreams

Let alone follow them

But I grow another foot and build up a bunch of muscle

Every time I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

Even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

'Cause online I'm in Corus

I'm still real short, but I've got muscle

Even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

Wow. That was a really strange dream, Alanna thought when she woke up,

Especially that part about being able to chat with two women at one time.

That night at a ball...

"Alan!" called Delia fluttering her eyelashes, "I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight."

Well I'm not. Alanna thought.

"Oh Alan," cried out another maiden.

She was soon surrounded by many "Ladies".

This must be what that song meant by being able to talk to multiple women at one time.

The next morning...

I wonder if people would actually like that song? "Hey Gary! Do you know how to play the electric guitar?"

"The what?"

"Oh, Never mind..." There goes that idea for fame and fortune.

A few weeks later...

Alanna was on her way to The Dancing Dove when she heard the strain of music coming from The Palace Hits - Corus' number one music shop.

"And now for this week's number one, it's called Online by Roger, Duke of Conte and his band the Traitors!

I work at the palace

And I have a warhorse

I still work for my uncle and aunt

I'm tall and real good-looking

I'm obsessed with my looks

And I want to be king

But there's a whole 'nother me

You need to see

Go check out MySpace

'Cause online I live in the king's apartments

And everyone worships me

I own a whole herd of horses

And I'm a black robe mage

I love to drink

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell them I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Suddenly Alanna's listening was interrupted by two very giggly girls.

"Oh, Maria isn't he so sexy," asked a brown haired peasant girl.

"I just love men who try to take over the world," her friend sighed.

Alanna rolled her eyes and hurried to The Dancing Dove. She needed a drink. Once again that...

that... that... man! Had stolen her plan. She walked in the tavern only to hear...

'Cause online...

Roger and The Traitors were playing live!

"Hey! Alan! Come join us!" yelled George over the music.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" she cried as she fell to her knees.

Hear the theme song to The Twilight Zone

Thank you for joining us for another episode of The Twilight Zone. Join us next time to hear the story of Peachblossom, a horse who is thrown into a world were he grows wings and can fly.

Note: When Alanna is singing about living in the convent I just left it turns girls on... just so that part remained the same throughout the whole story. In no way am I implying that she is bi and gay. And for those of you who think that Roger is gay and wonder about the whole it turns girls on... part. Well girls can still be attracted to someone who is gay. Also he isn't gay he's bi. This note is in response to me's review. Thanks.

Note: It turned out very differently then I imagined. Oh well. Anyways I apologize that Roger and The Traitors stole all of your cookies or wait maybe it was the Cookie Monster...shrugs shoulders...Well, you can never tell in The Twilight Zone.