Title: Changes
Author: sofialindsay
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ/Emily
Disclaimer: As always, if I owned the characters, we'd be watching instead of reading
Rating: R
Warning: Spoilers for the upcoming episodes. Translated: If you don't want to know what's happening on the show, don't read this!
Summary: Lesbian Drama at It's Finest
AN: I will opening admit that this is my way to justify the upcoming JJ storyline.
AN2: Thanks to my beta, darkbardzero! Cuz God knows this sparked several freak-outs on my part!

JJ looked down at the positive test, and felt the tears welling up in her eyes. This was not supposed to happen. She was smarter than this. What about her job…she had worked so hard to make her life into something, just for this to happen over her own stupidity.

"Oh my God…I'm pregnant," she whispered to no one, only needing to hear the words to confirm her fears.

It was three in the morning, she should have been asleep, but the questions had won out in her mind. Now, an emotional train wreck and still in her pajamas, she grabbed her wallet and gun and ran out of her apartment to her car. Thirty minutes later, she found herself knocking on the door to Emily's condo, with tears streaming down her face.

"JJ, what's wrong? It's three in the morning."

Anyone else would have been angry to be woken at four in the morning, a Saturday morning no less, by a crying co-worker, but Emily was terrified when she saw the blonde was crying. Terrified in ways the Glock in her hand, and FBI training, couldn't combat.

"I screwed up Emily. I don't know what to do."

Without hesitation, JJ walked into the outstretched arms and buried her face into the soft skin at Emily's neck. With Emily's strong arms wrapped around her, she felt a sense of calmness and…safety. Something she never felt with him.

"Jennifer, talk to me. What's wrong? Did something happen…?"

"I'm pregnant."

Emily's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. It sank even farther when the fresh tears made new paths down the younger woman's face. This confirmed it; JJ would never be hers. All the fantasies and dreams she had were just that. Merely dreams that would never come true.

"Oh. Wow…. Congratulations?"

The glare JJ gave her made her realize congratulations, in fact, were not in order.

Biting her lip, she tried to piece together what was missing here. Most women saw pregnancy as a celebration, not as a reason to wake your co-worker at four in the morning, crying.

"I don't love him…I can't even stand him. And I'm pregnant with his baby."

Pulling the blonde to the couch to sit, Emily felt the bile rise in her throat as her worse fear came unbidden to her mind. "JJ, did he…did you…were you willing?"

"Em, calm down. I wasn't raped. It's nothing like that. He was a warm body to go to after a hard case. I think he loves me though, and I can't return that love. When he finds out, he's going to want to get married. I can't do that, it'd kill me."

JJ had seen the fear and protectiveness rise within the dark eyes, and knew Emily would willingly enlist Garcia's help to find and punish anyone who hurt her. After hearing her words, a look of confusion and hurt filled the brunette's face, and JJ knew she was trying hard not to profile her.

You could have come to me. Emily thought ruefully, but kept that thought silent. "How long have you known you are pregnant?"

"Um…about an hour."

"And I am the first person you came to?" came Emily's incredulous reply. Seeing JJ nod, she continued, "Okay…I think it's good you don't want to get married to him just because you're pregnant. Does he know you don't love him?"

The blonde looked at the floor and fiddled with the frayed edge of one of the throw pillows.

"I think he does. I talk in my sleep. I've called out for someone else during the night after hard cases."

And there's the knife in my heart. "Okay. So you're pregnant by one guy…and in love with another? Call me crazy JJ, but why didn't you just go to the second guy to begin with?"

The look and tone in Emily's voice was enough to make JJ crack half of a smile, as she figured since her career was essentially over, she might as well go out with a bang.

"Because there is no second guy." She rolled her eyes at Emily's look of half confusion and half shock. "Come on Emily, don't tell me you always play it straight. Not with the way you wear your gun and that watch of yours. I know better. I've even watched you checking out women when we've gone to bars."

The brunette's jaw dropped as she stared at her blonde friend before recovering and virtually squeaking out, "Hey! My sexuality isn't up for discussion here! You're pregnant by a guy, and in love with a woman?"

"That would be about right," JJ replied as a fresh wave of tears started once again and she found her hand encased in Emily's slightly larger one.

"Honey, call me even crazier, but how did you get into this…mess? And does she know you love her? Better yet, does he know you are in love with someone else? A woman no less?"

JJ sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. "It is a mess, I know. She doesn't know I love her, and I don't know how to tell her. It hit me one night while lying next to him. He and I aren't…weren't exclusive, but I felt like I was being unfaithful because I'd close my eyes and picture her next to me. He told me that after we got back from Milwaukee I started talking in my sleep. I was calling out for her."

"JJ, you know you have options…with both the baby and with her. You could always tell her how you feel." And there's the twist of the knife into my heart. JJ, with a baby and another woman or man, I'd rather face an unsub unarmed than face that image.

"Emily, I can't have an abortion. It's not me, surely you know that. And I can't tell her. Not now that I'm pregnant."

"What about adoption? And she deserves to know JJ. If she's a true friend, even if she's straight, she won't turn against you. Obviously this is eating you up inside."

JJ clenched her hand around the pillow. "I can't give my baby up to someone I don't know. She hasn't…won't turn against me for being pregnant. But having feelings for her is a whole different thing. She's always there for me. I can't loose that."

Oh God. Emily had noticed JJ's slip up. Her profiler side was waking up now, and the light at the end of the tunnel was becoming clearer. JJ hadn't looked her in the eyes since she arrived, and the brunette knew she could read JJ better than anyone through her eyes. The younger woman had flinched when she had taken her hand. The case that had caused JJ to call out for her mystery woman was the one she had been injured during. The pieces were falling into place too fast, causing her head to spin and her heartbeat to quicken.

"I thought you said I was the first to know?"

"You are. Surely you don't think I make it a habit of waking up all my friends during all hours of the night?"

"You said 'she hasn't' turned against you. So she already knows you're pregnant."

It came out more of a statement than a question, and JJ felt all the blood rush to her head. Denial was the first thing to come to mind. Flight or fight was the second. Knowing she didn't have the heart to fight with the brunette, she went with the first idea.

"It was a slip-up. It didn't mean anything."

"Or did it? Come on JJ, I'm a profiler. Don't give me the same excuses I hear at work."

The brunette agent was shocked when JJ pulled her hand free, jumped up and began pacing the room furiously.

"Emily, I can't do this right now. I'm pregnant. I have to tell him, and fend off his marriage proposals without telling him I can't even stand the sight of him! I'll never love him because I'm in love with someone else! I'm going to have to leave the BAU…Garcia, Morgan, Reid, Hotch and you. Even Rossi! My family."

Damn. Is it possible for her hormones to already be out of whack? I left that wide open for her, and she attacked me. Emily shook the thought aside and walked to the younger agent. "JJ look at me…. Jennifer, look at me please. You're not going to have to leave the BAU. We'll get through this okay? You'll never lose me, I promise."

JJ shook her head, refusing to look at the brunette. "No, Emily. You don't understand. How can I do my job and still be a single mother? A single gay mother who happened to make the worse mistake of her life, simply because she couldn't have who she wanted."

"Jayj, you're overreacting. You have several months before you start showing. You don't have to decide anything today. Technically, you don't even have to tell him you're pregnant. Promise me you'll take time to think about things logically before you decide anything? And I want you to be honest with me about something."

"Fine. I promise. I'm always honest with you…unfortunately." JJ deadpanned.

Emily half-smiled at JJ's lack of enthusiasm. "You flinched when I touched your hand. You won't look me in the eyes, and the Milwaukee case was the one I was hit upside the head during. You started calling my name out, didn't you?"

She watched as the blonde walked to the window and stared out across the capital. She had just about given up hope of an answer when she saw JJ's shoulders start to shake. Standing, she quietly walked across the room and placed her hands on the blonde's shoulders.

"That's why you came here, isn't it? You know you'd never lose me…that I'd be here for you always. Deep down, I think you even know that your feelings are returned wholeheartedly, and that terrifies you. Especially now. Tell me if I'm wrong JJ; don't let me believe something that's not true. Don't let me get hurt by delusions."

JJ only cried harder, trying to exorcise every lost dream and what might have been from her system. She felt Emily turning her, but couldn't fight it, choosing to burrow into the soft neck again, her lips resting right above the older woman's pulse point. She felt the brunette's fingers comb through her hair, soothing her, and somehow pulled up the courage to give a slight nod, hoping Emily wouldn't detect it.

The brunette felt a slight nod come from the younger woman and her breath caught in her throat.

"Jennifer… please look at me." Sure enough, her voice was enough to pull JJ out of her neck to finally look at her. "Am I right?"

"Emily, I'm sorry. For so many things. I never should have come…"

"Stop! Just answer me. Is it me? Yes or no."

The tone is Emily's voice shocked JJ; she had never had the profiler use such a forceful tone towards her before. Turning towards the capital again, she sighed as she whispered her reply.

"Yes."

"You won't lose me. Let me help you get through this please?"

JJ nodded as Emily turned her back around, but with the older woman's face so close to hers, her eyes diverted on a path of their own, seemingly fascinated by the profiler's lips. She found herself feeling guilty for wanting to kiss Emily; especially knowing it would have to be a one-time thing. There was no way she would ever saddle her problems, or in this case child, onto the other woman.

The voices in Emily's head told her what she was about to do was a big no-no, but as she turned JJ back towards her, the look of hopelessness combined with want in the younger agent's usually baby blue eyes broke her resolve. Leaning forward almost involuntarily, she broke the silence once again.

"This is probably going to be very stupid of me, but I really want to kiss you. I know things are a mess, we'll deal with them come morning light. Tell me no, and I'll walk away from this and remain your friend. Regardless, I want to be there for you."

"Emily…god I want you to so bad…but you can't." Tears welled up in JJ's eyes again, as she ran her fingers up the side of the brunette's face, pausing to trace the faint scar that remained from the Milwaukee case.

Leaning into JJ's touch, Emily closed her eyes. "Why can't I?"

"One kiss wouldn't be enough. Tonight wouldn't be enough. I couldn't look at you every day and know I've kissed you once, but can't again."

Throwing caution to the wind and praying she wasn't about to get slapped or worse, Emily leaned down, making sure to give other woman an opportunity to back out if need be.

"Who ever said it would be a one-time deal, JJ?"

Emily's hands found JJ's waist as a hand found it's way to tangle in her dark hair and a soft moan escaped from the blonde as their lips met. There was no urgency in the kiss as both women took the time to explore one another. Finally, lack of air forced them apart.

"JJ…"

"Emily…"

Emily smiled nervously and motioned for JJ to go ahead. "I know I should apologize, but I'm not sorry we kissed."

"Neither am I." Emily's husky reply sent chills down JJ's spine and her brown eyes were almost black with desire. Upon noticing the love that was embedded in the dark orbs, JJ shuddered again.

"Please, please Emily, don't look at me like that. Regardless of how much I want you and want to be with you, I'm pregnant. I can't and won't put you through that. I love you too much to do that to you. I love you too much to start a relationship with you while I'm pregnant with another's child."

Emily pulled her hands away from JJ and leaned against the window while staring out across the city. With dawn breaking, JJ finally noticed the tears building in the dark eyes as Emily tried to form a sentence without letting them fall.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. I should have kept better control on my emotions. You're not something that's easily compartmentalized, JJ. I know there's going to be rough times for you ahead. I meant what I said though. I want to be there for you as a friend. And I promise, I won't…come on to you again."

JJ was sure she felt her heart crack when she heard Emily's last sentence, not so much from the words, but rather from the pain her voice carried.

"Emily, honey please. You didn't do anything wrong. I wanted that just as much as you did, if not more. Whether I want to or not, I'm going to have a baby. That by far is not the way we should start out a relationship."

"In an ideal world, no it's not. But this is us. Regardless, it doesn't matter. Your mind is made up. I'm sorry."

Emily willed the tears not to fall. She couldn't break down in front of JJ; she couldn't let the blonde know how deep her feelings ran. Her bids were unsuccessful, as the tears broke free and fell.

"Em, please don't cry. Yell at me for how stupid I was. Threaten to kick his ass. I don't care. Just please, I can't stand to see you cry and know I'm the cause of it."