A/N: I'm in a bit of a slump with fic writing ATM, but managed this one. So here we go again with the introspection, this is a little Jemma piece.
Spoilers: Up to and including 2x06 A Fractured House.
Disclaimer: The truth is I don't own the rights to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
She wanted nothing more than to tell him the truth. Especially as he stood now, looking at her with those pleading blue eyes. Willing her not to disappoint him, but at the same time half expecting it. He was her best friend, and she didn't want to keep any secrets from him. But she couldn't say anything. Couldn't tell him why she left. She knew what he thought the reason was though. He was wrong. He would never be useless to her. And it wasn't because of what he'd said down in the pod either, on the contrary, that had only made her wanting to stay even more.
But the fact was she couldn't. She wasn't blind. She had observed his progress, or lack thereof, ever since the incidence that changed everything. She could see that he would digress every time she was there. For some reason her presence worsened his condition. It wasn't as if she placed unreasonably high demands on him, demands that he couldn't fulfil. Maybe he put them on himself, subconsciously wanting to do and be better for her sake. To be good enough for her. She couldn't tell, but it wasn't something she wanted him to do even if he did it of his own accord. She just wanted him to be himself, and be well.
All he wanted was her being there, to help him, and to talk to, but maybe her help was enabling him. Enabling bad habits that her affections for him blinded her to, and thereby interfered with his positive developments.
In the end she had to admit that her being there hurt him and what hurt him consequently hurt her. And that was why she had to leave.
Why couldn't she tell him that? Why would she let him swelter in a broken heart, in the thought that she didn't care? Was it to protect him? To not add to the burden he'd already taken on for the both of them. Or was it to protect herself? To mend the shards of her own heart. Had she taken the easy way out? Did she run away to avoid conflict and complications?
She didn't have a clear answer to any of it. Even with two phD's, life never seized to be complicated, perhaps it made it even more so. So she left him... again, left him standing there with his unanswered question. Why was leaving all she seemed to be able to do lately?
xXx
Somehow she ended up in the kitchen. And her hands started working of their own accord. Putting the kettle on, taking out tea cups, finding the milk and the teabags. She stared at the kettle thinking of Fitz and his sad turquoise eyes, until the water started to boil. Then she poured, one cup for her and one for Fitz. It might not be as good as an apology for not knowing what to say, but it was a start. After all tea was like a hug in a cup and it felt like they could really use the comfort right about now. She carefully grabbed them by the handles trying not to spill as she made her way back to the lab.
Sure she did seem to have a tendency to leave, not because things got too hard for her to handle, but when she felt it was the only right thing left to do and occasionally in the middle of arguments that ran too hot. She was a doer not an avoider.
But though she left, which she was pretty sure he would eventually forgive her for no matter the reason behind it, her saving grace was that she would always come back.
A/N: I actually wanted to write about Fitz's line "I still miss her" from 2x05 A Hen in the Wolf House, because it's so heart breaking and sad, (like mostly every other FitzSimmons moment this season) but nothing sprang to mind, so this is what you get instead.
Got a little Mentalist reference in here too, one of my favourite Patrick Jane lines 'tea it's like a hug in a cup'.
