Okay Hi twilight readers and then some. Tis my first Twilight fic! I do not accept flames, I see no point. Give me a break if I got some detailing in wrong. This is a EdwardxBella fic, don't worry. It all takes place during New Moon. It's mostly Edward's side of the story during that time, and then the impact when he returns to Forks.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight ---- )X

I believe the first few chapters will be in Edwads POV so bare with me if I don't his attitude or persona right.

~CallMeKMac~



Chapter 1

Edwards POV

As I saw Bella pull up to the parking lot I thought about how her life would be like if I wasn't always here. Waiting for her, walking her to class, sitting with her at lunch, taking her home, and then sneaking in through her window. Would she be happier?

Once she parked her car I went to open her door, "How do you feel?"

The day before was her birthday party, and that's when I started thinking about right and wrong. I am the reason why her life is always in danger. Jasper nearly lost all self control when Bella had accidentally cut her finger. A mere paper cut! She's in danger over the smallest of things when she's around me. This isn't right for her. Not at all.

"Perfect" the tone of her voice was flat so I knew she was lying to me. I slammed the door behind her and I felt her cringe next to me.

We walked into school in silence. There was too much on my mind and I didn't want to scare her with any of my decisions that wandered in my head. If I stayed with her, things like this would keep happening. There's only so much I can do to keep her safe. Am I supposed to styrofoam the whole house to keep her safe from harms way? I knew I was over reacting but what can I do to make both my family and the love of my life happy…

I sighed to myself. She looked at me with curious eyes. I knew thousands of questions were in her head lined up and ready to bombard me.

But those eyes. Her chocolate brown eyes that I love. I looked away, knowing that if I stared much longer that I would be selfish and only think of what would make me happy. And clearly that is the wrong choice.

I passed the day thinking about what would be best for Bella. I was mostly to myself throughout the whole day. I felt awful for leaving her in suspense but I knew she would run to Alice once she saw her and start with the questions. The only problem was that Alice didn't come to school today, and I hadn't told Bella yet. I wish I could read Bella mind though, that would make things much easier. But who said life was easy?

We were on our way to the lunchroom when I realized Bella would be looking for Alice soon. I smirked to myself and from the corner of my eye I saw Bella stare at me. Confusion was all over her face with my sudden change of emotion.

Once we went to our table Bella turned to me, anxiousness on her face, "Where's Alice?"

I had been playing with a granola bar, crushing the pieces with my fingers; grains fell on my tray. "She's with Jasper."

I thought about how Alice stared at me, concern in her eyes, before she left with Jasper. She knew today was going to be a weary day of school for me and Bella. Visions or not, everyone seemed to know that it was going to be an off day.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?"

Why did she care so much for a vampire that almost killed her? I knew she would never blame Jasper for what he did but wouldn't any normal human be a little traumatized? Then again Bella's not a normal human.

"Nowhere in particular." I finally said.

"And Alice, too?"

"Yes, She'll be gone for awhile. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Just the thought of Tanya and the look on her face when she found out what Jasper almost did. I stared down at the grains of the discombobulated granola bar and sighed. I looked up at Bella and frowned, her mind seemed to be somewhere else. I didn't want her to worry about Jasper. He would be fine.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked, my voice staying flat.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered.

I didn't look at her. I knew she was mad at the way I was reacting. I closed my eyes and tried to take even breaths. I wish I had a sign. Any sign. To tell me what is the right thing to do.

The day went by quicker after lunch. Fortunately for me, I would have time to think more thoroughly without Bella staring at me. Waiting. Wanting for me to say what I was thinking.

"You'll come over later tonight?" She said, interrupting my thoughts as I walked her to her car as always.

Once the question digested in my head, I turned to her, surprised. "Later?" I wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a trick question or not.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

I was right. Trick question.

"Oh" the word slipped out of my mouth mindlessly.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

The tone of her voice almost cracked. She seemed worried for some reason. I thought for a second, thinking if she really wanted me there or not.

"If you want me to" I replied.

"I always want you"

I gulped. When she got like this, it always makes me want to just hold her in my arms forever and never let her go. I wish she knew how much she doesn't deserve me. But I knew that I wasn't fit for her life.

"All right, then," I said, my voice sounding indifferent.

I sighed in my head; thinking of all the excruciating choices that I would come up with to try to keep Bella safe. The only one that seemed the most logical was the one I feared the most.

I kissed her on her forehead before closing her door. I headed for my car, knowing I was in for some stern talking to myself.

00000

Speeding through the quiet streets of Forks, the best place for fast driving since no one was ever on the road. I made sure that I kept my mind empty until I got home. I didn't want to think of anything that would ruin my finally calm mood. Racing on the streets is like my stress reliever, I thought about how my life would be if I was a race car driver. Living on the fast lane would definitely be something that I wouldn't mind doing for the rest of my life.

I laughed to myself realizing that by the time I would retire of my NASCAR dreams I would still be in a seventeen year olds body.

"At least my body would always be fit for the job" I muttered under my breath as I parked the car in the garage.

I was still thinking about the race car thing, chuckling as I got out of the car and shut my door. Then I heard Carlisle, leaning against the door leading back into the house.

"What's so funny" he said in his head. A warm smile plastered on his face.

I opened my mouth to tell him but then I stopped and then remembered what I was more important, "Carlisle, can we talk" I voice, solemn.

Carlisle nodded once and then turned to go back into the house.

We went into his room. It was his favorite place to talk. He always said that when he was stumped on something, he would just look at his pictures and portraits that he had on his wall and they would speak to him. Help him.

"What's the matter, son?" Carlisle said as he went around to sit at his desk.

I sighed heavily, not wanting to have this conversation period. Not just with him but indefinitely. But I knew it had to be done. To do what's right for Bella.

"It's about Bella" I choked out. Not thinking it would be so hard to say her name.

"Oh? Is it about last night? I hope she isn't distressed about it"

"No, she's fine. Even if she got her arm ripped off she would still be asking if Jasper was the one all right." I shuddered at the thought.

Carlisle chuckled lightly, "She's something all right. Bella has a heart of gold"

I closed my eyes and I refused to speak of her anymore. I didn't want to have to make any decisions. I wish I could just take her away now, somewhere far so we could be alone and I wouldn't have to worry about anything or anyone hurting her. We could live out her human life together until she died peacefully of old age and then I would find a way to die right after.

But I knew I couldn't do that. She needs to finish high school first and she should go to college. There were too many flaws to that plan.

"Edward, I understand. It's hard."

"You have no idea!" I lashed out, my eyes flashing open. "You have no idea how it feels to know that the only thing that right is the hardest thing in the world!" I shouted. Not yelling at Carlisle directly but just yelling in general. I needed to vent out.

I heard Carlisle's even breathing. It soothed me in a way. As I tried to calm down I realized that Carlisle has been in my position before; to turn his family into vampires. He only did it if there was no other choice.

My hands formed fists at my sides and I closed my eyes again. "We need to leave, Carlisle. All for Bella's safety. I don't want to put her in anymore danger. She needs to live her human life in peace."

Carlisle sighed, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" He spoke in his thoughts.

I nodded once. I opened my eyes to find that my fists were shaking. I pulled my head up and left the room abruptly.


I won't post chapter two if I don't have at least 3 reviews :] So please R&R