Still working on my multi-chaptered fic, but this idea just popped into my head. Who am I to question the plot bunny? Still looking for a beat btw, so anyone who is interested should pm me! Love you all! xx

Denial and Isolation.

"Jack, are you okay?" Gwen asks as she climbs down the ladder to my living quarters in the HUB.

"GO AWAY!" I scream. "Please just leave me alone! He hasn't gone, he will find a way to come back. I know he will! He loved me and he wouldn't just leave me alone!"

"Jack..." Gwen said, in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. "He's gone Jack, there's nothing we can do about it. I'm so sorry." She shook slightly as she ascended the ladder.


Anger.

"NOOOO!" I scream. Alone in the HUB, my voice seems to carry. Perhaps Ianto can hear me, wherever he is. A sudden anger rages through my body and I resent Ianto for leaving me. "How could you leave me, you bastard? You left me all alone!"

I smash some coffee mugs in the office, not knowing or caring that the shards of china scratch my hands.


Bargaining

Why was I blessed with the gift of immortality? I no longer wanted it! Give it to Ianto, he needs it. Why did he have to die? Take me instead, it's what I want!

Hundreds of 'if only' questions fill my head. The pain is dragging me under, I think I need to sleep. But I will not sleep; I want to feel the emotional hurt. For a second I think I see him, by the coffee maker. But it's not him. Just my imagination. Maybe I'm crazy now. Good.


Depression.

I begin to realise my wrongdoings. I have wallowed in my grief, when I should have been doing other things. I can't be the only one upset by Ianto's death. Gwen seemed upset also. I regret isolating myself.

I still cannot shake the pain away. All I can think about is him. I wanted to be with him. Forever. But now he's gone. Ianto Jones meant the world to me. He was my life, my reason for living. Come back...


Acceptance.

I must resist the pain. Ianto would not want me to hurt for so long. I must try to continue. It's important. I can carry on my work at Torchwood, saving the human race. If I could not save his life, I should try to save others. Ianto would want it.

I visit his memorial site. I think Gwen must have arranged it.

I speak quietly, as I sob. " I promised Ianto. I said I would not forget you and I never will. I swear...It's been a while, but I still think of you every day. You were the love of my very long life. I never thought I would meet someone quite like you. You changed my life in every single way. You saved me. From myself. I love you and I will forever. Please forgive me for letting you die. It was all my fault. I made the biggest mistake of my life giving the children to the 456. It was what was needed at the time, but I was selfish. Forgive me."

Tears fall onto the makeshift grave. It doesn't seem an appropriate memorial for such a wonderful man. My voice shakes as I whisper, finally accepting his death. " Goodbye Ianto Jones..."

So, what do you think? Please, please review, it means the world to me! If you read and like my story review! If you hate it, review, constructive criticism is always welcome.

Much love, Belle.