It was late one Thursday evening, and Severus hurried back to Hogwarts, from the Forest of Dean. He had just followed Dumbledore's orders and led Harry to the Sword of Gryffindor. He had still yet to notify Harry that he was helping. Not that the boy would believe him anyways. Severus sighed, whenever he thought of the boy, Lily entered his thoughts. Beautiful Lily Evans. How Severus yearned to see her just one more time, and hear her silken voice caress his soul. If only Lily had survived. Then his life would have more meaning.

Tears seeped down his face as he remembered his childhood, the memories full of sadness until Lily. He recalled the day that she had finally believed him that she was a witch, and that he had not made it all up. Or when they sat together on the Hogwarts train, and Lily had stood up against James for him. But then he became friends with Avery and Mulciber, and started practicing magic with them. Dark magic.

Severus' fist clenched as he recalled when it had all fallen apart. Right after his O.W.L's and James was tormenting him, Lily had come to his defence but instead of being thankful he called her an unforgettable name. Mudblood. He tried time and time again to apologize but she had chosen her path, and he his path.

It was years later, after he had joined the Dark Lord and Lily had married James, that anything new happened to him involving Lily. It was the prophecy. If only he hadn't told the Dark Lord about it. Then he would still have her. It was all his fault. Dumbledore tried his best, but if only, if only James hadn't chosen Pettigrew as Secret Keeper. Severus buried his face in his hands, tears soaking through the fabric of his travelling cloak.

Whenever he thought of her it was like losing her all over again. The despair, the pain, the numbness. At first he registered nothing. He still recollected how her lifeless body felt in his arms as he held her. And how finally after what had felt like ages he lifted his eyes to find the Boy who Lived staring down at him, through the cribs bars. The peculiar shaped scar mocking Severus.

He had gone to Dumbledore, absolutely dead inside, as if it were he whom had died not Lily. How he wished it were true. He had never stopped loving her. And just seeing her son , was a stab to his heart. Showing how he wasn't good enough for Lily. How he now never could be good enough for her. And now he had only three things to remind himself of her. Her son, his memories and his patronus. An elegant grown doe. Lily Evans favorite animal, and Severus' symbol of love for her. Always.