A/N: Now that it's after Easter, here is the companion piece to Sunbeams and Lemons, told from Peter's POV. I hope you enjoy this as much as you all seemed to enjoy Larali's story.
When I first returned to England, I was gripped with a sense of loss so profound, so extreme, that it was almost crippling. I hid it throughout the day, but at night I would find myself almost paralyzed with grief in my bed. None of the others noticed, which shows how bewildered everyone felt to be back – had I acted the same in Narnia, all three of my siblings would have known, and would have done something about it.
Only the professor seemed to notice, asking me to his study for a conversation I remember even now. He asked me quite simply what was wrong, and it was only then I realized I was not just feeling the loss of Narnia, but something else – someone else. And the worst part was, I couldn't even remember who it was.
By the time my siblings and I returned home from the professor's, we had recovered from our sudden culture shock. I adjusted to my new (or old, depending how you look at it) life.
But there were still times I would feel that strange, overwhelming loss. When I first returned to boarding school, I took one look at the young boys playing in the field and felt my eyes tear up inexplicably. When I went to the pictures with my friends, they would be in awe over the lead actresses, but I would see the image of some other woman in my mind.
When I told Edmund, his brow furrowed with thought before he came up with a rather startling conclusion.
"Peter," he asked hesitantly, "Weren't you… married?"
We stared at each other with something akin to horror. Married? Was the woman I was picturing - even dreaming - my wife? And I had forgotten her? Why, what else could we have forgotten from the fifteen years we ruled?
"Don't tell the girls," I advised Edmund, thinking of their reactions if they found out I had forgotten my wife. Edmund agreed, his face still ashen by the startling revelation.
When we returned to Narnia the second time, the fog in my mind seemed to lift, and for the first time, I remembered everything about my Larali. I remembered her rosy cheeks, her teasing smile, her adoring eyes. And then I remembered something else – when we left, she was with child.
How hard it was, to learn that while we were in England, thirteen hundred years had passed! I sat in the shade of the apple trees and cried for a long time. When Lucy found me, she put her arms around me and sat there for a long time, until the tears slowed and I found I could breathe normally again.
"So you remember then," she said when I was done.
I turned to her in astonishment. "You knew?"
She gave a little shrug. "It was just a vague memory of a friend who loved you dearly, and whom you loved in return. It only became clear when we returned."
"That's almost more than I remembered," I replied, wiping my tears on my shirt.
"Perhaps Aslan took away the memories to save you the pain," she replied.
Her words stayed with me that day, and the entire time we were there. It helped me when I learned that my line, carried on by my son, and my grandson, and so on, had been cut off ruthlessly by Caspian I when he conquered Narnia.
It was easier again when I returned to England, for the memories were dimmed. I didn't feel the need to return to Narnia like the others did, for it wasn't the same without Larali. I was interested when Edmund and Lucy told me of their final adventure, of course, and I never did tire of hearing of that land like Susan did, but I did not mind the fact that I, High King of Narnia, could never return.
Susan grew apart from Narnia, and I believe it is because she didn't have anyone left behind to help her remember. Or maybe she did, and she finds that the best way to cope with the loss is to forget she ever felt that way before, covering it up by going to parties and the like.
But I cannot do that. I may not remember much about my past life, about the way I felt with that certain someone, but I can never cover up the feelings I had. I can never forget what I once felt. I hold a hope that I may see her again one day, the way I wish to see Narnia one last time.
It has been years now since I last saw Narnia. In all that time, my only memories have been dim, as I concentrate on my life in England. But now I lay among the wreckage of the train, the fog lifted from my brain once more. I can remember the fifteen years in Narnia perfectly, every detail as clear as crystal to me. And I close my eyes, seeing my Larali before me once more, welcoming me home to Narnia at last.
Random question: Is anyone interested in seeing another companion piece from the son's pov? It'll be a little different of course, just as this and Larali's story are different, but I've had the idea in my mind for a while, and want to know if that's something people would like to see.
And remember, reviews are loved!
