It had been far too long for Gertrude. Far too long since she last felt the warm embrace of a loved one. With the insane antics of her son Hamlet keeping her on her toes, and the ceaseless business of her incestuous lover and king Claudius, she rarely even managed to find time to pleasure herself, even for a moment.

The nights all seemed to go on endlessly, with an empty bed and empty heart, and Gertrude longed for the steamy touch of a deep and passionate affair. More often than not, she thought back to the nights when she had King Hamlet in her arms. She thought of him as both a bountiful man and lover. The passion that she felt with him both between the sheets and on the streets was unmatched by that of which Claudius presented her with. While Claudius had many fine assets of his own, more so beneath his belt than anywhere else, King Hamlet remained unmatched.

Finally, one day Gertrude couldn't take it. Her lady parts were absolutely trembling, quivering for the sexy touch of a smooth criminal. Before she even knew it, she was running down the grandiose hallways of her palace and burst into the ballroom, where Claudius and little Hamlet were having one of their usual tense conversations.

"Claudius," Gertrude cried, barely containing herself, "thy needst to fuck me now! Take off thy loins and stick thy dick in me!"

Hamlet's mouth dropped in outrage. He was undoubtedly planning a long soliloquy in which he would brood about this latest development with fucktons of angst. Claudius' cheeks reddened, and Gertrude noticed that a rush of blood also went to a different part of his body. "My dearest woman," he said, "I would love to bone thee, but now is not the time. Get the to a nunnery, or at least to somewhere else."

Gertrude ran out of the ballroom and burst into the hallway, tears streaming down her queenly cheek. She ran sobbing down the hall, not knowing where she was going but knowing that she needed to get away. She remembered how Hamlet used to do the nasty at her every request; whether it was during the royal court, or out for a stroll, during a state dinner, or at their son's baptism, Gertrude would whisper in his ear and he would drop his pants and they would do it right then and there. Oh how she longed for the good old days!

Her unsatisfied craving for King Hamlet's hefty chode had driven her nearly insane. For she knew that his ghost remained in purgatory, and that she may have a last chance to communicate with his unsettled soul.

Gertude immediately ran down to her private study, where she quickly locked the door and drew the curtains closed. The now darkened room is where she kept some of her most cherished memories of her ancient relationship with the king. She gathered up some precious stones, some old clothing of King Hamlet, still coated in the curly white hair that hung so elegantly from his husky cheek bones, and processed to the middle of the dusty wooden floor. She removed a single candle from a dusty old bookshelf and placed it beneath her skirt on the ground. Gertrude lifted her elegant floor length gown and proceeded to spread her legs at just the appropriate width. She woefully sung a mournful tune that was once their song ("She had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur…") and a golden flame burst from her vagina, that was tight from neglect. She aimed it directly at the wax candle, and it began to light. She then dropped her gown back down to it's acceptable length and placed the pussy candle on the ground. She arranged all of the artifacts into the shape of a child-sized chode, and began to sing the same familiar hymn from previously. Now, rather than nuking her crotch, the fire began to burst from the ground of which the stones were arranged.

A bulky, hairy figure appeared in the center, and Gertrude recognized it immediately by that familiar tiny, disproportionate, beautiful cock.

"Who dare awakens me?" bellowed the ghost, his silver locks blowing in the breeze that was somehow there even though they were in a basement. The sound of his sexy, ratchet voice moistened Gertrude's growler a thousand seas.

"It is me," Gertrude cried out, falling to her knees, "it's Gertrude, your beloved queen!"

The ghost assumed a power stance, his magnificent chode dangling as much as a chode can dangle, and looked upon Gertrude with a manly upset look that made Gertrude's cha chas cha cha. "What do you want from me, wicked woman? Why did you summon me here?"

"My lord," Gertrude weeped, somehow managing to speak even though her boobs were throwing a tit storm, "I summon you for our…mutual pleasure. I miss you, Hamlet. I miss your body. I miss Denmark's mighty staff."

The ghost blushed when she mentioned their secret name for his cock. "How dare you!" he bellowed. "Faithless woman! As soon as I died, you left me for my snake of a brother!"

Gertrude's moist area joined the cha cha of her tits. "And I am sorry for that, my lord, but I was hoping that your brother would have a mighty staff such as yours. That was the only reason why I married him. But your brothers' staff is not nearly as magnificent as yours. I need you, my king!"

Gertrude quickly moved forward toward the magnificent shaft placed before her. King Hamlet knew from his experience in their relationship that resisting Gertrude in her saucy state of being would only get her off even more. King Hamlet stood still and waited for the blessing of which he was about to recieve. It was just seconds before Gertrude's hands were firmly grasping the now hardening chode, that seemed to resemble a can of moldy Spam, and King Hamlet let out sighs of ghostly pleasure.

Oh how Hamlet had missed Gertrude's signature moves! Her hands moved in a blur, flawlessly milking the cow, clinking the zils, and tying the waterballoon. She was not at all rusty; in fact, her long lack of activity only made her more passionate. After she had performed all of her moves twice, Gertrude brought the mighty staff to her lips. She was even better in this arena; she moved her lips and tongue like paintbrushes, and was even somehow able to bring the thique chode all the way to the back of her throat.

"Do it, fiendish woman," Hamlet moaned. "Give me the Gertrude Specialty."

Gertrude complied without hesitation. She placed Denmark's mighty staff at the most optimal position in the middle of her mouth and began to lick it in an impossible fast circle, and meanwhile hummed the entirety of "Hey There, Delilah" without taking a breath. King Hamlet whooped with pleasure. To swallow or not to swallow, Gertrude thought to herself. After working her way past the quintessence of dust that shot from the tip of the chode that resembled Shrek's ogrey thumb, Gertrude got ready to prepare Hamlet for round two; it was time for Hamlet's anaconda to enter her main cave.

Gertrude lay in the middle of the stone sex circle, her pussy erupting like a sex-deprived volcano. Hamlet climbed on top of her; he was usually a bottom, but he had been out of action for a long time, and his adrenaline was going.

"Do it," Gertrude whimpered. "I want the staff! Give me thy staff!"

"LONG LIVE THE KINGDOM OF DENMARK!" Hamlet screamed before performing his signature Hamlet thrust. His anaconda barged into Gertrude's cave, making Gertrude shrek with pleasure. They were both screaming as Hamlet's ghostly cock got comfy inside of Gertrude's comfortably moist pussy.

"Don't stop, my King!" Gertrude yelled. "This old kitty-cat has so much more fight left in her! Come on!"

King Hamlet upped the anty, and began thrusting at max capacity. He was sweating oceans of ghostly sweat. Being dead can really put you out of shape.

"DEEPER! DEEPER!" Gertrude screamed. "SATISFY MY OCEANIC VAGINA!"

Hamlet tried to go deeper, but alas, his chode had reached maximum capacity. Gertrude was still yelling to go deeper, and he didn't know what to do. Suddenly he felt really hurt. His mighty staff used to always be enough for her, but now it wasn't? Was she purposefully trying to insult him? Hamlet shed a lone, ghostly tear.

"WHAT THE WILLIAM IS GOING ON?"

King Claudius burst into the sex dungeon, interrupting Gertrude's shouts of "DEEPER!" and King Hamlet's steadily increasing flow of tears. They both froze.

"What the fuck-eth?" Claudius demanded. "Gertrude, you adulterous woman! How dare you cheat on me! I shall banish you to England for this! And Hamlet! What the iambic pentameter are thouest doing here? Did I not kill thou?"

"Thou sure did," Hamlet growled, still inside of Gertrude. "And fuck you, by the way."

"I'm sorry, my King," Gertrude said, laying still, "but I told you that you were not pleasuring me enough. I only did what my pussy needed for me to do."

"Well I'm sorry that I do not drop my loins at any given moment like that barbarian did," Claudius scoffed. "You need to understand how busy I am, Gertrude; I have a kingdom to run, evil things to plot, and I have to put up with your son."

"So?" Gertrude protested. "Old Hamlet had to do all those things, too, and he still stuck-eth it to me 24/7. You just haven't been enough for me, Claudius. I'm a woman. I have needs. So does my vagina."

King Claudius furrowed his brow. So this was how it was going to be?

"Fine," he said, approaching Gertrude and Hamlet. "I will pleasure you now."

"Um," Gertrude said, looking at Hamlet.

"I heard you were having some trouble with my brother's painfully short dick," Claudius said, dropping his kingly loins. "Perhaps I can help."

"What do you mean?" Gertrude asked, her pussy getting even more aroused.

Claudius climbed on top of Gertrude, next to Hamlet, his long, elegant staff dangling at the ready. "Widen your legs, Gertrude. You are about to feel the pleasure of two kings."

Hamlet looked startled. "Wait, what?"

"Yes, my king!" Gertrude yelled. She began to spread her legs wider and wider, groaning with the immense effort. Denmark's mighty staff was still inside her, but the elegant staff was making its way closer. Gertrude's cavern was about to get a lot fuller; it appeared that she would need to house two anacondas tonight.

"I'm going in!" Claudius yelled, thrusting into her. Gertrude screamed as the tip of Claudius' staff nudged its way in. Her pussy had never housed this much action before; she wasn't sure it was going to fit. She kept pushing her cavern wider and wider, until it was basically tearing at the seams. Gertrude screamed with pleasure and pain.

"Keep going!" Claudius yelled. "I can make it!"

Gertrude kept opening her pussy wider and wider. The elegant staff had now passed the mighty staff, and Gertrude moaned at the newfoud depths that her pussy was experiencing. With one royal yell, Claudius pushed his cock in at maximum depth. Immediately, the clouds parted above the castle, and a ray of light broke forth from the sky, piercing through the castle roof and into the sex dungeon, shining a spotlight on the beaufitul scene. Gertrude moaned with the most pleasure she had felt in all of her 20 (or so she said) years. For a second, she actually had an out of body experience, where she was able to see the whole castle, the whole country, the whole world, and all the cosmos and universes. Together, with Hamlet's wide and magnificent chode, and with Claudius' long and elegant cock, she had achieved enlightenment.

Or so she thought…

"Don't forget me!" Horatio yelled. He suddenly jumped in between Hamlet and Claudius and quickly nudged his limp yet spirited dick into Gertrude's vast cavern.

This time, Gertrude really achieved enlightenment. Her body shook, and lasers shot out of her eyes. Lightning sprayed out of her nipples. Meanwhile, Horatio made direct eye contact with Claudius and Hamlet simultaneously, as both of them had been strictly and awkwardly avoiding it this entire time.

Young Hamlet burst into the dungeon.

"Why is there lasers and lightning shooting out of here?" he asked before opening the door. When he came in, his whole body turned red with fury.

"Woe is me! Woe is me!" he yelled before beginning a long soliloquy. Gertrude didn't care. She had three dicks inside her, all at the same time, and she was going to enjoy it. It had been far too long since she had felt this pleasure, and she was going to make the most of it while she still could.

The End