Rikku grumbled as she walked past the large mansion that had once belonged to that no-good Maester Seymour (and then, for a brief time, Leblanc). She had no particular problem with the mansion itself (it didn't choose its residents), but she was tired of seeing it-- there were only so many footpaths in Guadosalam and they all seemed to bring her back to its doors. She glanced towards the Farplane and was disappointed to see the young Al Bhed man still guarding the entrance.
"Doesn't he ever have to pee?"
***
People would later say that they heard the celebration all the way in Kilika, the day the entire town of Besaid was invited to the High Summoner's wedding. And the dockworkers in Luca had an all-new respect for the quiet folk of Besaid as they marvelled at the sheer amount of alcohol the tiny town had ordered for the reception. (They were unaware that most of the procured liquor hadn't made it to the reception at all. Three blitzball teams had to be escorted from the temple grounds before the wedding ceremony had even started.)
Drunken blitzballers aside, the island of Besaid had never hosted such a lovely wedding as when Yuna, the bringer of the Eternal Calm, wed Tidus, the legendary man from Zanarkand.
Spira had been on the brink of destruction once again when Yuna, Rikku, and Paine managed to save it-- with a little help from their friends. No one was particularly surprised by this, for Yuna had fought Sin itself and emerged victorious. The surprise came afterwards, when the man from the sea once again emerged in Besaid.
***
Rikku felt an odd sense of deja vu as she dangled her legs off the edge of the ledge near the Farplane's entrance. Deja vu was something she was far too familiar with; there was not a place in Spira that did not hold a memory or two for her.
Memories, well-- Rikku had plenty of 'em and it was getting harder to keep them inside.
***
Rikku hadn't understood why Yuna had decided to get married in the Besaid temple-- the temple that had started her fateful pilgrimage. She thought there were better places on the island-- places 'that weren't so creepy', she had put it bluntly.
"It's where we first met. And-- and I'd like my father to see my wedding."
So Rikku stood by the large statue of High Summoner Braska, trying her best not to focus on the other statues. The silent witnesses to this ceremony, the Fayth made her uncomfortable.
Sure, she was beyond thrilled that Tidus had returned. The Fayth deemed Yuna worthy of a reward, though no one mentioned it in those words-- at least not in public. It was spoken in quiet whispers, far from the young couple's ears.
The Farplane contained the souls of millions of Spirans, but no one had ever been given leave before. You were either sent to the Farplane, only to be called back in pyreflies and memories, or you were unsent and wandered the world. The lucky ones had enough of a connection to Spira that they were able to carry on without change, the unlucky ones became fiends-- the scourge of Spira.
Tidus was an anomaly.
And, as grateful and happy as Rikku was to see her friends reunited, there was a thought that refused to go away. A nagging thought that haunted her at night, a piercing thought that made her happiness bittersweet. She cursed herself for being selfish, for being so petty.
As Yuna read her vows, that nagging thought turned into a question.
What made her so special?
Yuna, daughter of High Summoner Braska, the High Summoner who brought the Eternal Calm. She had saved the world-- twice.
Rikku, daughter of Cid, Guardian of High Summoner Yuna. She had helped save the world-- twice.
She never hated her cousin. Yuna was this shining light in the darkness, she made the lives of everyone she touched just a little bit better. They shared blood and, more than that, they shared a bond of friendship that was unbreakable.
But, Rikku was ashamed to admit, she resented Yuna sometimes. Resented the fact that Yuna's life was so perfect, that Yuna's greatest wish had been made true, made flesh.
It wasn't fair.
***
"Yunie!" Rikku hugged Yuna tight. "Congratulations!"
"Um, Ri-" Yuna struggled for air.
"Oh!" Rikku exclaimed, letting Yuna go. "Too much? Oh, Tidus! Congratulations!"
If Tidus had not been a blitzball player, used to being short on air, he would have been breathless just like his wife. "Thanks, Rikku!"
"Have lots of sex, okay?" Rikku whispered in his ear before letting go. She laughed as he started to blush, his face turning as red as Auron's coat.
... Her smile faded a little, but the young couple didn't notice.
***
"At last!" Rikku thought silently as she watched the Al Bhed guard walk down the path from the Farplane. She watched him until he disappeared into one of the houses. She wasn't sure how long he would be gone, but she just needed a second to escape into the entrance unseen.
While access to the Farplane was no longer forbidden, Rikku wanted her visit to be private.
***
She stopped halfway up the steps and smiled at the memory.
Yuna had come to the Farplane to contemplate the idea of marriage. Everyone had followed her in, except for Rikku and Auron. They sat in silence for the first ten minutes or so, the weight of the place having an effect on them both. Rikku finally broke the silence.
"You met my aunt, right? Lord Braska's wife?" Auron knew she was Al Bhed and she figured that the only reason he hadn't raised a stink back at the Moonflow about it was because he knew who she really was.
"Yes," Auron replied. When Rikku turned around to look at him, it was clear that she was expecting more. "It was shortly after she and Braska were married. I was not yet his guardian, but merely a friend. Yuna's mother was-- she was very beautiful."
"I know. I came here once, to the Farplane, just to see her. I know what I said, I like to keep my memories inside and all that but I don't have any memories of her." Rikku shook her head. "Father destroyed all his spheres."
"You remind me of her."
Her face lit up. "I do?"
"You have her personality. She was bubbly and energetic. Yuna takes after Braska, with her calm manner and positive attitude but you-- you have her spirit."
***
If Braska had known the truth, if he had known the secret to defeating Sin, Rikku wondered if the Fayth would have given him back his wife.
***
Rikku hugged herself as she walked across the platform. If she had not been so desperate, she might have turned back but Rikku persevered. She wanted to see his face. She knew it was just pyreflies messing with her head, but it was better than nothing.
She stood at the edge, forcing herself not to look towards the bottom. Focusing on the emptiness in front of her, she thought of him.
On the Moonflow shore, the way he looked into her eyes -- without disgust or contempt...
In the Thunder Plains agency, the way his coat smelled as she wrapped herself in it... (It was his own fault for leaving it on the floor of his room. His locked room. She had replaced it before he woke up the next morning. No harm done.)
On the airship, the way he held her while she mourned for Home, the way his embrace seemed to give her strength. He had held her until the tears stopped coming.
She gasped as he started to appear in the mist. He was exactly as she remembered him. The scar, the coat, the jug. She couldn't see his face clearly, but she smiled -- that was nothing new.
"You're probably surprised to see me here, I bet! Ms. I Keep My Memories Inside Me & all. And it's not like with my aunt-- I have a ton of memories about you." Rikku looked away from his image, her hands fiddling with her belt. "I think that's the problem. I have too many memories of you. I don't think you ever noticed, but I watched you a lot."
"IthinkIminlovewithyou."
Rikku looked up, breathless from the confession. She knew better than to expect a reaction but she was disappointed nonetheless. Auron just stood-- er, floated there, unchanged.
"If I wanted a reaction, I probably should have told you back then, huh?" She cleared her throat & did her best Auron impression. "I am flattered, Rikku, but I am a monk and have sworn off underage booty like yours."
"I'm sure 'booty' isn't a part of your vocabulary but that's probably how the conversation would have gone. You were too old, I was too young, we must defeat Sin, blah blah blah. I could have died in battle right beside you, but you wouldn't have let me share your bed."
"And dying is relative, yeah? Tidus told us the story, about how you really died back then. When Sir Jecht became Sin--" She paused, thinking of Tidus. He and Yuna were probably still on their way to Luca; Brother had offered to take them straight there on the Celsius but they'd declined. "If I had told him I was coming here, he probably would have sent a greeting. He misses you guys, but -- he's really happy with Yuna, and I'm sure you guys are happy for him."
"I'm sorry you're alone. It isn't fair. You sacrificed everything for a lie." She felt the tears spill out and she wiped her cheeks furiously with her hands. "I wish I could have loved you before it was too late."
Rikku stood there, not sure what else to say. She wouldn't be coming back here again, she could easily become addicted to this. He wasn't real but he was there. It was better than nothing.
"I guess I should go," she finally said. "Brother is probably wondering where I am. I miss you, Auron. All the time. Every day."
She expected him to fade as she turned away, but the reality was like a punch in the gut. It was that moment inside Sin all over again.
When asked later, she was never able to explain exactly why she had done it but guessed it was just a reflex. As Auron faded away into pyreflies, she reached for him. If she held tight, maybe she could hold him together.
As she felt herself falling off the platform, she realised that it was a stupid, stupid idea.
