Hi there! My first attempt at publishing a story.

Disclaimer: If you thought the first part of my story was familiar if you've seen Red vs. Blue: Relocated, then you're totally right. The first part of the dialogue is taken from the second episode of Red vs. Blue: Relocation, although some of it is changed a bit to make sense with my story. I DO NOT OWN RED VS. BLUE, or anything affiliated with it—all of the characters lovingly belong to RoosterTeeth, and I only took their dialogue because it was so perfect! No harm, no foul? *winces expecting pain to ensue* Though I can honestly say I secretly wish I owned Caboose. Who wouldn't?

Anddd I'm assuming that if you're reading this, that you have a clue of what the amazing show known as Red vs. Blue is, so I'm not going to introduce everything. If you haven't seen the show, get on that! Go watch them online. They're hilarious.

AU, because I'm using Valhalla as their grounds, but everyone's still around. Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Donut, Church, Tucker, and Caboose. The whole gang. Probably mentions of Doc, Sister, and Tex, too, but I'm not sure at this point. I'll shut up now. Enjoy!

It was a beautiful sunny morning on Valhalla. Though, to be fair, it was always daytime at this particular place, and all of the people here were used to it. All seven of them.

Simmons jogged over to a hill situated near Blue Base, in perfect line to see any source of action occurring, should there be any.

"Come in, Sarge, come in. I can see blue base, but there's no one around. There's some kind of light, and it looks like somebody's working on something. I'll move up closer and see if I can find anyone, but I don't think that there's—" A bright blue helmet obstructed his vision of the base.

"—Hello!—"

"—JESUS!" Simmons jumped back in alarm. "Ugh, don't do that!"

Caboose was his usual happy self. "Hey Simmons." He thought for a minute. "Uh, are you guys coming to attack us? Uh, because I'm kinda busy right now. Do you think you could attack us later maybe…like uh…like next week?"

"We're not attacking you," Simmons started, "I'm just coming over to spy on you."

"—Oh, awesome!—"

"—And figure out how you got your power turned on—"

"—Oh, you mean the invisible magic, yeah. Uh, you know it was already on when we got here? Very convenient."

"And I'm also trying to figure out what you're doing."

"Doing? Nothing. There's no reason to do anything. Why would I be doing something? I wouldn't, that's why. So I'm not."

Caboose obviously didn't know how to be subtle. Simmons was already suspicious. "If you're not doing anything, then why are you too busy?"

"Wha?"

"You just said we couldn't attack you right now because you were too busy."

There was silence for a moment.

"…I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Why?" Simmons kept on. "You are doing something, aren't you?"

"Hey! Simmons, stop being nosy. Do you want to lose all your spying privileges?"

Frustrated, Simmons turned, and headed back to Red Base to tell Sarge of his findings. He got back, and noticed Sarge standing in front of the base. Where was Grif? And Donut, for that matter? Actually, he changed his mind, I don't even want to know what Donut's up to.

"Hey, Sarge."

"Simmons! What'd ya find out?"

"Well, I know their base isn't running on brain power," Simmons stated flatly.

"Excellent," Sarge answered. "That means Grif can still be used as fuel once we git the generators turned on."

"Caboose has no idea how their power works. He said it was already on when they got there."

Sarge harrumphed. "Favoritism. Command always did like them best."

"He said he could run us an extension cord if we could find one long enough."

"No way. Not fallin' fer that."

Simmons sighed. "I had a feeling you wouldn't."

"He'd choose just the right moment to cut us off from a valuable resource!"

"A resource we don't even have access to to begin with!" Simmons cried.

"That's exactly right," Sarge continued. "He wants to soften us up, and then yank the carpet out from under our feet! No way. And besides, Grif's on his way to figuring out this problem as we speak! Heh heh."

Simmons looked around. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Up there." Sarge gestured towards the tallest part of their base—at least seventy feet above the ground.

Simmons stifled a laugh. "Wha? What's he doing up there?" He squinted. He could see a small yellow man up at the top of the base. Grif was petrified.

"HELP ME SIMMONS!"

"I think that blue bolt," Sarge gestured to the Blue Base (conveniently ignoring Grif's cries for help), which was emitting shots of blue from the top, "has something to do with the power, and ours 'aint workin'."

"JESUS CHRIST!" Grif wailed.

"So..why didn't you climb up there?" Simmons looked back to Sarge.

"Me? Afraid of heights. I mean, allergic!"

"EVERYONE'S AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!" Grif contributed to the conversation.

"You have a fear of heights? Didn't you used to jump out of ships in high orbit during the war?" Simmons reeled.

"And how do you think I developed that fear? That shit was crazy."

"THERE'S A BIRD UP HERE FUCKING WITH ME!"

"Quit making friends an' git up there!"

"SHOO! SHOO!"

Simmons looked around while Grif and Sarge were yelling, and noticed a ladder that ran up the length of the base. "Sarge, why didn't you just let him use the ladder?"

Sarge turned slowly, and found the ladder. "Oh, right. I guess we didn't see that before he started up. My bad."

"GOD DAMMIT!"

"How could you miss something that big?"

"Well, what can I say Simmons? I guess you're a bit more observant than the rest of us."

Simmons' voice laced with sarcasm. "No kidding. I'm going inside."

Donut's voice was heard from inside the base. "Hey Guuuuyys! Who wants to help me with my interior decorating? I'm no where near finished!"

"Never mind. I'll just stay out here and watch," Simmons sighed.

(A/N: Just announcing that this is where the actual dialogue (mostly, I didn't copy all of it word for word) of the show ends. I don't mean any harm, RoosterTeeth! I did it only because it REALLY worked with my plot! Please don't sue me!)


Meanwhile, Caboose was definitely up to something. On the floor inside one of the rooms in Blue Base lay a full-fledged indigo suit of armor, a few guns, some basic tools, a blowtorch, and a strange-looking machine of some sort. As Caboose started to put away his things, another man walked into the room. Caboose noticed his entrance without looking.

"Oh, hi Tucker."

"Caboose…what are you doing?" He looked around at the pieces of machinery in front of him and suddenly became suspicious.

"Nothing! This is nothing. Why? Do you see something?"

"Um." Tucker turned away slowly, knowing there probably was no real danger. "No," he stated flatly. "I... didn't... see anything."

"Really?!" Caboose turned towards all of his tools and his machine. "Ohh, myyy God! I can make invisible stuff!"

Tucker shook his head. Maybe I should find Church.

"Church?" Tucker called into the cobalt soldier's room. He heard a groan. "What, Tucker?"

"I think you should make sure Caboose isn't doing something dangerous."

He heard the rustling of sheets, and movement. "No."

"Come on, man. I think he's up to something."

He heard some whispered profanity, and the next thing he knew, he saw a very disgruntled, irritable Church standing in the doorway wearing only boxers. "Really, Tucker? Caboose? Dangerous? Are you shitting me? It's early, and you're bugging me with useless crap."

"Well, it looked kinda suspicious to me…I just didn't want to risk it actually being dangerous and not alerting you to it. Because then, I'd probably me in MUCH deeper shit than I am now for waking your ass up."

"Whatever, dipshit. Fine. I'll go check up on him." Tucker waited for Church to sleepily shuffle into the next room, and back.

"Ugh, I knew this would happen. Caboose said he's building a supposedly invisible time portal or something, though it's COMPLETELY visible. Ugh. Fuck you both. I'm going back to bed." Tucker got a slammed door in his face.

Tucker sighed, grinning underneath his armor at his annoyed C.O.

"Totally worth it."

He retreated to the kitchen to find food, completely missing Caboose talking to himself.

"They won't be my best friends…." He mumbled, finishing his touches on his machine. "And I got a purple heart, but no purple lung…" he plugged his new contraption into the wall. "So I'm just gonna go find my own purple person." He grabbed his remote, stepped onto the dias built to handle twice his weight, and flipped the switch.

Caboose held his breath as he looked around, hoping it worked. The lights were dimming, and the air conditioner stopped its normal hum. There was a bright flash, and he was gone.

"What the—?" Tucker looked up to notice the lights in the kitchen flickering on and off. Something was taking up a lot of energy. He snickered at the thought of other things that took up lots of energy. He sighed, wishing, once again, that he could get some action, and quick. He knew Tex wouldn't do it (she wasn't around much anymore, plus, she hated his guts) and Sister...well...it was old. He was bored. He shrugged, pouring some milk into a bowl of cereal. An idea then flashed into his brain as he poured, remembering the energy spasm, and he froze. The milk slowly overflowed the bowl of cereal, but Tucker didn't care. There were more important things to worry about. Like—

"CABOOSE!" Tucker sprinted into the room Caboose had previously occupied, his thick white socks making him slide a little too much. He promptly fell, crashing into one of the walls of the room. "Ow." He looked around.

As he feared, Caboose was nowhere to be found. He took a deep breath. "CHUURRCCHH!"

"I SWEAR, TUCKER, IF YOU ARE WAKING ME UP AGAIN TO FUCKING CHECK UP ON CABOOSE I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU."

"Nonononono CHURCH GET IN HERE!"

Five agonizing minutes later, Church was sleepily entering the room. Tucker was freaking out.

"CHURCH, CABOOSE IS GONE."

"Oh, for the love of—" Church turned around. "I'M GOING BACK TO BED!"

"What?!"

"I don't give a fuck if Caboose isn't here! He's probably outside. Or at Red base, or something! Whatever, I don't care. Just because he's not in here doesn't mean he just magically disappeared!"

"But Church, Church, hear me out, here." Tucker followed Church back down the hallway. "The lights started dimming, and the air conditioner went off for a minute or two. That means a lot of energy was being used at one point in time. Caboose could've been using his time machine thingy!" Church abruptly turned around, making Tucker almost smack into him.

Church leaned in, looking meanacing. "You're wrong. First of all, Caboose? Make something? Yeah right. He doesn't even know how to properly throw a grenade. He has trouble finding the light switch in his room!" Church flailed his arms in the air. "Secondly, the energy output in this base is fucked up, anyways. So quit your whining. Caboose didn't do anything worth freaking out over."

As soon as Church left, Tucker swore. "Shit, shit, shit, I just know Caboose did something right for once. We're fuckin' screwed. Caboose has better aim than Church!"

"I HEARD THAT, YOU DOUCHEBAG!"

Eh? Any good? Hopefully you guys are happy *dodges tomatoes* Reviews would be lovely! :)