Hey! Guess who? I'm deeply sorry I haven't updated many of my fanfics recently I have been very busy with personal issues at the moment and the care of my boyfriend matters more than writing fan fictions. Anyways I'm going to toss this idea out and see what people think of it. This story focuses on Clouds mental state and his relationship with his dead lover and the people around him and even relating to his sad childhood. Please read and if you do, review as well, I get alot of joy in hearing what you think of my work but I hate it when people list it as a favourite story without ever reviewing! I don't own final fantasy 7, square enix does as usual. Hope you like it and please give me any feed back and say if you want me to carry on with this story or not. Enjoy my fellow readers

Help Me Fly Away

Chapter I

Dreamt Another Painful Dream Eh?

The both of us are lying in his comfortable bed in his upscale SOLDIER apartment. His strong reassuring arms were gently wrapping themselves around my scrawny waist as he had realised I was drifting awake from my wonderful night's sleep next to him. He ran his sword calloused fingers through my soft, fluffy hair and stroked a large light blonde bang away from my face. He then proceeded to twiddle it lightly beneath his finger tips. A soft low purr escaped my pinkish lips as his other hand stroked the left side of my silky cheek which was no blush because of his loving touch.

He whispered good morning to me, asked me if I have had a good night's sleep or not and told me I was his beautiful little lover.

Lover. I liked that word alot coming from him.

I know I meant alot to him, and when he told me I was the sole reason he smiled the way he did every second well, that made me feel special. After the mission in Junon I told him I had feelings for him and he's done nothing but return those feelings in confined into him. I was so nervous before I told him that night but I'm glad I did it because now I get to wake up to that face of his every single morning that I can.

He moved his hand away from my face for a moment to lift up the covers and sleepily get out of bed. As he slowly stood up I just had to turn my head to get even just a tiny glimpse of his naked, perfectly toned body. My god I loved that body.

We always used to sleep naked together, he told me; "Don't worry baby, there's nothing to be ashamed of it just makes everything seem that little bit more special with you and thats what I want the most."

In all honesty he was completely right. It made just the simple night's sleep seem more intimate and more personal. He noticed me mindlessly staring at his beautiful masculine figure and he chuckled slightly. He lent down towards me and huskily 'ordered me as my commanding officer' to accompany him in the shower in five minutes. He then started to rise back up and walk away.

"No. Never walk away from me, that's when it all ends! COME BACK!"

As he moved through the bathroom door everything started to fade and my dead lovers figure escaped from my sight. I whimpered a little as he closed the bathroom door, waking me up from my slumber.

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Please baby, take me away from all of this pain, lend me your white wings so I can fly for a change, and be like we used to, so happy in the hand of the other except now when I think of it I can't help but shudder. Why did you have to go they should have took me instead, but I was cradled underneath a rock like a baby in his bed. So helpless watching you suffer all that hurt back then, but its different now though I still need your help to survive in this god forsaken city. Every day the thought of seeing you drives me back towards that cliff top but for a different reason than mourning though.

I want to jump and be done with all of this pain you left behind. I want to see that face again.

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I awoke as I always did from these perfect but somehow tortuous dreams - sweating and breathing heavily. With my trembling hand I reached towards the washcloth that lay among the other junk I had on top of my dresser. I slapped the cloth against my moist face and realised something, no more like someone, was lying next to me. I'd totally forgotten about Tifa.

I had met her a while ago back whilst growing up in the small village of Nibelheim, just a little snow covered settlement in the frost encased mountains, you know, nothing special. The snow always used to bother me since it was too cold for my liking. Well there was one thing I liked about it but that's a little memory to remember later, I have to get these thoughts of him out of my head.

He's gone.

He's not going to come back, never.

But it's okay, I have Tifa now.

Although she was never the slightest bit like you were.

She stirred slightly in her sleep whilst I got up from the bed lazily. I stared back at her, my cloudy, blue mist encased eyes gazing upon and her hoping she wouldn't wake up. I trod among the many papers that I had probably knocked of my dresser whilst stirring in my sleep and heard some subtle movement underneath the covers. Shit she's waking up.

I could only scramble into the small bathroom which was only just a mere glance away. I shut the door behind me quickly just praying that Tifa wouldn't find me in this pathetic state I was getting into as I sat down beneath the metal sink. Tucking my legs into my chest and cradling them into place I turned with my back facing the greyly dull door.

I could swear I heard footsteps approaching me, and my guess was confirmed when a pale face hidden behind long locks of brown flowing hair opened the door. I quickly turned my back to her, wishing she wasn't there and looking at me whilst I was acting so pathetic.

When she saw me huddled against the sink near the grimy radiator she let out a small sigh and swept to the side of me. She moved so of the long hair in front of her brown eyes and laid her head against my shoulder.

"Another bad dream Cloud?" She asked, trying to mask the increasing amount of concern she was feeling. She knew I wouldn't answer her and she knew what the answer was going to be anyway, but it was just better to even hear her worrying about me, she probably thought it made me think that she cared. But no, she didn't care even the slightest bit.

Only one person cared for me, but he's gone now.

Maybe Tifa did care, but from here on out it was probably just 'I'll take care of him to shut him up and let him do the work so I can get some more money'. I think, no, I know that she thinks that! I don't even need caring for I'm not some little boy who needs to be kissed better every time he hurts himself and cries!

So for about half an hour Tifa had fell asleep on my shoulder, thankfully she hadn't noticed the small tear that had attached itself to my cheek from the angle she was at. I didn't move in that long space of time, just though I would sit there and think things over. Besides, if I moved Tifa would wake up and she would become irritable problem again.

Eventually I decided to move, gently picking up Tifa between my pale arms. Quietly opening the door, I plodded towards the bed we shared and lay her on top of it after pulling up the covers. Slowly tucking her in, I just realised how thinner she was getting, sure she was already thin but this was a bit over board. Maybe it was the stress of keeping hold of a household without my support. Even I knew Denzel and Marlene were a hand full sometimes.

So here I am, woken up in the middle of the night again and I know I won't be able to drift of back into my unsettling sleep. I'd love to sleep long enough to finish at least a short dream about him; it's just not fair sometimes.

I could only grumble out one sentence sleepily, "I need some air."

Just as I was about to walk out the door, happy as ever that yet again my sleep deprivation kicked in, Tifa restlessly rolled around in the bed. Was she going to wake up?

"...Cloud..?" She asked, voice desperately trying to hide her worried concern.

"Don't worry Tiff, I'm just going outside to catch at little air that is all. Sorry if I woke you." I apologized, bowing my head to lock my gaze with the wooden floor. Although I didn't lower my head in shame, but I didn't want her to look at me right now.

"Honey, why did you run into the bathroom?"

I winced very unsubtly why she said that word.

Only he can call me that word. Don't ever call me that again.

I continued to look down at the floor as my brunette, childhood friend let out a small sigh of worry. I moved my gaze upwards so I could just see what she was doing. She lifted up part of the covers and patted the mattress, signalling me to climb back into the warmth of the bed.

"Talk to me Cloud."

I just shook my head, and slowly began to walk out before another sound escaped her lips, although this time she sounded more pleading then before. I turned around after she had signalled my attention with a simple "Cloud, please honey just go back to sleep trust me if you climb back into bed you'll fall sound asleep."

That name again.

"Don't ever call me that Tifa, my name is Cloud. Not honey or sweetie okay?" I demanded, not realising my voice was raised by a significant volume when I spat those bitter words at her, knowing that I'd hurt her slightly.

"Oh and is that because he called you that and because of this I have no right to? He's gone Cloud and you seriously think that he's going to come back to you? You know how pathetic it is that after nearly three years you haven't even moved on! He's dead Cloud, that man is dead!" She was border-line shouting at me and somehow the kids managed to stay fast asleep in the room next door.

Did she just say, that it was pathetic? But how can I let go, I loved him so much.

"Don't you dare talk about Zack like he was somebody so insignificant you bitch! He's the only reason you have me right now, you know that? If he didn't make the ultimate sacrifice ShinRa would have ruined this planet, the planet you fought to protect. He did more than you ever could!"

My eyes burned with red hot anger, my clear mako-defiled aqua eyes turning a shade of shadow encased blue. She glared back, not once tearing her brown eye away from my blue ones. Are gazes levelled, she only had a few things to say to me:

"Get out of here Cloud, go play with your dead friend, your only real friend." She whispered to me in probably the most harsh, threatening tone of voice I've ever heard. She must have been really hurt by something to speak such words like that.

"Fine" I muttered under my cracking breath. It was never like Tifa to be so harsh, so hurtful. I slammed the door shut behind me, not caring if it woke up the orphans that lived her under our, no, her care.

I quickly shoved on a white t-shirt and a pair of black skin tight denim jeans on as Tifa called me things that I didn't even have the slightest intention of listening to. She started to throw things at me shouting that she thought I loved her, something which she thought of on her own accord.

I picked up my black turtleneck and put it over my t-shirt, rushing out the room before the picture of me, Tifa, Marlene and Denzel that the angry brunette threw hit my head. As I shut the door I heard that picture impact against the door followed by the rustling of the children in the room adjacent to me.

Banging my feet down the metallic staircase I went straight out the front door, heading straight towards my motorbike. The key that I hanging from my slender neck on a chain that Zack had given me was tore of as I shoved it into the bike, twisting it to start up the roaring of its state of the art engine.

Leaving my home behind and a trail of dust that broke away from the road as Fenrir blitzed past along the tarmac. I knew where I was going to go, I go to that special place which calms my nerves.