This was a submission for TG Rare Pair Week Day Five "First night they stayed up all night together" on Tumblr.
It had been a week since the auction now and Urie was still left feeling raw and out of it.
His external wounds had slowly closed and scabbed and fully healed by now, but his internal ones, the ones dealt to his mind were still fresh and gaping and eating away at him. He couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he felt hot and stinking breath surround his whole upper body and head, teeth digging into his flesh. He could still hear the sounds of convulsive swallowing around him. He could still feel being pierced by countless kagune, like sharp daggers, as he was already feeling on the brink of death, their sharp ends slicing his flesh and aggravating the rage he felt even more.
And he still felt the desperation; the desperation to be acknowledged for his deeds, to be praised and awarded with titles he deserved. He'd felt that before the auction too, sure, but it was worse now, like a constant thorn in both his eyes where it was just a scratch at the back of his mind that he couldn't quite reach before.
As if that alone wasn't already enough, he felt guilty too. He'd injured and endangered Mutsuki to get what he so desperately wanted. He hadn't even thought about Mutsuki being too weakened from his injuries to fight properly. He usually didn't fight much anyway, but it was downright reckless to toss the boy in such a situation, given how shaken up he was from the whole ordeal of the auction and the blood loss. And when he had completely lost it, he'd stabbed his colleague through the stomach with his bare hand. Like the monster he was.
Mutsuki ... he'd hugged him of all things. The first time he'd been able to procure his kagune and he'd used it to hug Urie as he was upset and breaking down right in front of him. Urie had hurt him – he could have killed him – and Mutsuki had reacted by offering comfort and kindness.
Urie didn't get it at all.
"Why are you still up?"
Urie turned in the direction of the voice and saw Mutsuki looking at him uncertainly.
(I can't sleep.) "I'm not tired yet," he answered, voice schooled into his usual expressionless tone.
"Can I keep you company?"
(I don't deserve your company.) "Sure. Whatever."
Mutsuki plopped down next to him and clasped his hands in his lap. For whatever reason, he seemed almost nervous but Urie wouldn't stoop so low and actually ask him if something was wrong.
"You haven't been sleeping all week," Mutsuki suddenly said, eyes still trained on his own fidgeting hands, and Urie tensed. "I'm right, aren't I?"
"So what."
Mutsuki sighed and raised his gaze to look at Urie. "You can talk to me if something's bothering you. You know that, don't you? We're friends."
(No, we're not friends.) "There's nothing bothering me. Why would there be?"
"Of course," Mutsuki said and the way he made it sound he wasn't convinced in the least. "Do you mind if I stay up with you? I'm not tired yet either."
(No. Spend your time with something worthwhile.) "You can do whatever you want. It's not like I care," he said and shrugged his shoulders.
But Mutsuki didn't even bat an eye at Urie's quite hostile tone and just settled in more comfortably.
"What are we watching?" he asked and dared do scoot closer to Urie, so their shoulders were almost touching.
"K-Drama. It sucks." (It's almost entertaining.) He fought the desire to move away from Mutsuki or lean against his shoulder and sat as still as a rock.
"Maybe it'll bore us to sleep," Mutsuki shrugged and finally stopped his squirming and settled down, bony shoulder pressed firmly against Urie's.
"Yes. Maybe it will."
They fell silent and watched as the couple on screen found out they were long lost siblings.
##
As Sasaki got up in the morning he found Urie asleep on the couch, a peacefully sleeping Mutsuki resting his head on his shoulder and he couldn't help but smile fondly at the picture.
