Alright guys, important shit here: this story contains PTSD, violence, flashbacks, character death, triggers, self-harm, bit of depression, sad six, sex, etc. This applies to EVERY CHAPTER and this is your warning. Please don't read if you don't think you can handle any of these things.

"He won't be the same as you remember." The hushed voice of his doctor floated through the airwaves, filling his head, the words vibrating as their meaning sank in. "The time over there changed him. He's covered in scar tissue and had countless broken bones, most of which healed properly through some miracle. We've also diagnosed him with a fairly severe case of PTSD."

"I understand." Another voice, deep and rich in pitch. Familiar. One he hadn't heard for so long. One he couldn't name. Or maybe he just wouldn't let himself name it. Because hope was a deadly thing. And maybe this is just a dream. Maybe I'm finally dead.

The door opened, light breaking his darkness. A light flicked on, sterile, white, hard. Too bright. His head snapped to the side, eyes clenched shut at the sudden assault on his vision. Light, any light, was too much after so long in the dark, after so much sleep. The light disappeared, leaving them in near darkness.

Dull gray eyes cracked open once more as heels clicked against the white tile. He glanced over to drink in the details of his visitor.

The visitor was tall and well-built. His blonde hair was immaculate, not a strand out of place. A strong, square jaw. Plain white button up, a bolo tie, black slacks. The sleeve of his right arm ended above where his elbow would have been, tied tight over the stump. Gray orbs flicked back up to settle on the man's face – his eyes. Bright blues: calculating, intelligent, but warm. Familiar eyes. Ones that helped sweep the cobwebs from his memories, stowed away for so long.

Dry, cracked lips parted. "Erwin?" His voice was a rasp, a mere ghost of its former self.

"Yeah. I'm glad you remember… Levi."

A wry snort escaped Levi's throat as his lips curled into a sneer. "Lost my mind, not my memory, asshole." Not as much fire anymore. Pathetic.

Erwin pulled a chair up next to Levi's bed and sank into it, lines of dimming sunlight painted across his face. "It's been a long time," the blonde murmured. "I'm glad you escaped."

"No thanks to the general or those other assholes."

"Levi…" Erwin sighed. His perfect white teeth sank into his bottom lip for a second, slight hesitation as he gathered his thoughts. A rare thing for Erwin. Understandable considering the circumstances. "They tried. We tried to find you but we couldn't. The insurgents didn't even try to make contact. In the chaos of the battle we couldn't even begin to guess where you might have been. Not with so many wounded."

"Whatever." He was bitter. So damn bitter. That tended to happen after so long without hope. After struggling to survive another day in Hell for God knew how long. It didn't matter anyway. What was one soldier's worth in the grand scheme of things?

"They thought you were dead. You just disappeared." Erwin's hand clenched on his knee but his gaze never left Levi's. "We held your funeral." Those were words one never expected to hear. "You received the Medal of Honor." He didn't seem surprised when Levi didn't react to either bit of news.

The medal was big news. Any other time, Levi would have at least cracked a smile. He wasn't sure if he was capable of that anymore. Hell, any feeling or emotion except for rage, agony, and terror had long since become foreign. So they stared at each other for a long time, silence settling between them. Just like old times. When minds and bodies were hold and they were still green recruits, fresh on the battlefield. Erwin broke it first.

"I came here for another reason. Your apartment was sold when you were declared deceased. Zoe and I stored the belongings you valued in a storage locker until we could go through it." When their grief died down. "You need a place to stay. I have room. And I'm sure you'd rather live with me than Zoe."

Levi blinked at his old friend, dim gray orbs studying him for a moment. "I suppose."

Erwin smirked at him. That smug bastard. "Good. I wasn't going to take no for an answer anyway."

"Naturally." Someone else knocked on the door, bringing their heads up. A woman stood in the doorway, long, dark hair pulled back into a rough ponytail. Her clothes were rumpled, like she'd just rolled out of bed. "Levi!" Zoe Hange rushed in, her deep brown eyes shining with relief, joy, and tears. "OhmyGod Levi!" Her arms spread out wide as she swooped in, ready to wrap him in a massive hug.

The small soldier jerked back into the hospital bed, shrinking away from Zoe. No weapons. Nowhere to run. He wasn't even sure his legs could hold him up at the moment. Rip her throat out. Protect yourself. Live. Survive.

"Levi." His entire body was rigid and burning up as his mind tore itself from the grip of the darkness. A heart monitor beeped in the background, the little blips of sound rapid, a betrayal to the pulse that would have been hidden otherwise.

Zoe and Erwin both stared at him. The brunette bit her lip to hold back her tears but they trickled down anyway. He wanted to apologize. To say that he was fine, that it was nothing major. That he'd get over it. But he'd known others plagued by the memories of their tours. They'd gone mad. Well, he was at least halfway there.

"Hey Shitty-Glasses," he managed to choke out around the blockade in his throat, his voice surprisingly steady.

She shot him a watery smile. When she leaned in to hug him the second time she was slower. Careful. Like he'd break if she squeezed too hard. Maybe I will. "Hey Levi… I'm so glad you're back…"

"Me too," he mumbled into her shoulder as she started to sob on his shoulder, her entire body shaking and trembling. He would have berated her for her filthy crying but she needed it. She'd just gotten her friend back from the dead. She didn't let go for a long time. Levi didn't begrudge her for it.

He didn't even complain about the tears or try to pull away from the contact that unsettled him, making his body tense up, ready to fight or flee. Instead he leaned into her shoulder, listening to her sniff and try to regain her composure, at which she failed miserably. Because he was alive. Despite the odds, oxygen still filled his lungs, his eyes could still see their ugly world.

The bags hit the floor with a soft thud, not heavy enough to make a louder noise. Erwin shut the door as Levi stepped further into the house.

The décor was less sparse than it had been four years before. The blonde had gotten a new couch and TV, bought some plants that were thriving somehow, and put out a few knickknacks from his travels. It was clean. Not hospital clean, but it was still decent. It met his standards for the time being. It was certainly better than Zoe's mess, especially if it was still the same as he'd remembered.

"I'm going to take a shower. Do you need anything before I go?"

Levi shook his head, his long bangs falling into his eyes. Need to get these cut.

A large, warm palm settled on his shoulder for a moment. He tensed up at the touch, teeth clenched in an effort to remain still, to not turn around, flip Erwin onto his back, and ram a hand beneath his chin to choke the life from him. The hand pulled away a second later as Erwin disappeared down the hall to take his shower. He must have sensed the things that radiated off Levi: hostility; discomfort; uncertainty. Fear.

Blank grays wandered around the living room, surveying it with little interest. So little had changed in the four years, yet nothing was the same. He wasn't the same. Levi sighed, hands clenching in his jacket pockets as he wandered over to the black shelves that lined one wall, laden with a plethora of books and picture frames.

Slender pale hands curled around a frame, desert camouflage in color and design. Two men stood in the picture, one a good foot taller than the other. Their helmets were tucked beneath their arms, guns clutched in their hands, heavy gear strapped across their chests.

Erwin had that slight smile of his, mysterious as the Mona Lisa yet calculating, like he'd come up with some brilliant plan he wasn't quite ready to divulge. He probably had before that picture had been taken. Levi stood beside him, brown smooth and face carefully blank. But there was a glint in his eyes, one of determination.

Something he didn't have anymore.

He'd lost it long ago. Not in the first firefight. Not in the second. He'd lost it the moment he'd seen them lying on the ground, bleeding out. When he desperately worked to save them first, always them first. In that picture they were fresh on the battlefield. Full of hope, eager to take on the insurgents that threatened their country and lives. Whole, mentally and physically. About to descend into Hell. No. Not Hell. Hell didn't contain innocents. Couldn't produce that terror, that torment.

Heavy boots slapped the sandy, rocky earth as they darted through the town. Dry cracks, pops, and rat-tat-tats of gunfire filled the air, mixing with the shouts, the screams, and the explosions. The gear dug into him, weighed him down, made him slow. Too slow. The hot, dry air sucked the breath right from his lungs as it baked his mouth.

Agony exploded in his side, white hot and consuming. Someone screamed his name as he hit the ground. His blood-stained gloved hands clawed at the ground, dragging him to something to help him stand despite the inferno in his side.

A face splattered with blood, blue eyes clamped shut from shock. An arm half gone, ending in a jagged stump. Going back. Blood. So much blood. Hands around his throat. Knife in his side. Pain. So much. An unbearable amount. Enough to make a man go mad. Darkness.

"Levi! Levi!" A rough hand shook his shoulders, jerked him back. His limbs were frozen, eyes wide and unfocused. Everything suddenly snapped into place, making sense. They focused on the white ceiling above, then on the patch of blonde hair above him, still damp with water and sudsy.

Agony burned in his side, the ghostly pain sucking the breath right out of him. Levi's chest and throat burned, desperate for the air he was starved of, raw from screaming. The soldier sucked down a breath, bringing relief to his desperate lungs. The hand on his shoulder ceased shaking him and pinned him instead. Blue orbs bright with concern stared into him, rapidly examining everything, considering.

The second that hand loosened, Levi lunged up. His hands latched onto Erwin, fingers digging into those sturdy, muscular arms. His ear collided with warm, damp skin. Beneath it, a strong heart thundered rhythmically against Erwin's ribcage. Against Levi.

Every beat was a word. Alive. Safe. Alive. Home. Alive. Alive. Alive.

The whole arm moved beneath his hand as Erwin wrapped Levi in a tight, comforting embrace. It was rare to say the least but the fact that Erwin was hugging someone, especially him, was anything but important at the moment.

He welcomed it. The warmth, not necessarily the touch. Warmth meant life. Heartbeat meant life. Erwin was alive. They sat in silence like that for a long time, Levi gasping and shivering from the memories, Erwin calm and sturdy in the storm Levi had almost drowned in.

The picture frame lay beside them, shattered glass covering the wooden floorboards and scattered in every direction. The picture was intact at least. Unlike them.

Sleep was an elusive little bitch, slipping through his fingers every time he grabbed at its oily hide. He'd been staring at the ceiling for five hours, waiting for it to come knock him in the head. Waiting. Levi's feet touched the ground as he quietly rose from the bed. Light steps carried him from the room.

The house was cloaked in darkness. Not like the darkness of the desert, but close enough. He didn't remember if the stars were visible where Erwin lived. Where he'd once lived. It'd been too long. Levi needed to see them, needed to go outside. The walls trapped him, suffocating in their proximity.

He'd been inside a room, trapped between four thick walls of cinderblocks for sixteen months. His body ached for freedom, for fresh air that didn't reek of dust and death. Levi slipped outside, bare feet settling onto the soft wood of the porch.

It wasn't too cold outside. Warmer than it was at night in the desert. Clean, cool air filled his lungs, rich with the scent of earth, of life. Free of the reek of gunpowder, spilled gasoline, blood, and dust.

Levi's teeth snapped together as he choked down the memories, beat them back with a stick. He didn't want to see them again or relive that Hell. His feet moved, carrying him down the steps. Damp grass brushed the soles of his feet. Such a strange feeling.

It was amazing how much he'd taken for granted. How much he'd missed it all. The small soldier tipped his head back, lackluster grays slowly opening to peer at the sky. No moon. No stars. Nothing but a flat sheet of hard black that glared back at him as it pressed down on him, crushing him. Nothing's the same.

"Levi?" The soldier glanced back at the porch. Erwin stood at the doorway. He'd at least had the sense to put on shoes and a jacket. He'd always been a wuss when it came to the cold. Or maybe Levi had just gotten used to it when he was trapped in that cellar, untouched by the warmth of the sun. "You're going to freeze."

Good. Levi's arms crossed over his bare chest, covering some of the scars. The ones that were on display for the entire world, a map for them to read about his last sixteen months if they could read it properly. "I'm fine."

Erwin's dry chuckle reached him even though it was soft, just like always. That hadn't changed. Thank God. "Come in anyway. I'll make us some tea."

Tea. Something he hadn't had in so damn long. Not since the dinner on the night before their last mission began. "… Fine." His feet were wet but at least his sweats were dry. Mainly because he had to roll the legs up so they'd fit since they were too damn long for his short stature.

Soon, the sweet aroma of tea filled the house, intoxicating as Levi inhaled the delicious, almost forgotten scent. Levi didn't even wait for the cups or liquid to cool before he plucked it up, steam curling across his palm, positioned over the top of the cup. Something else that hadn't changed. Black tea. His favorite. "You remember."

Erwin's head bobbed as he blew on his own cup. "Zoe and I… we drank a cup for you on your birthday and Thanksgiving. Our birthdays too, along with the birthdays of the others you saved."

Levi hummed and took a sip so he could evade answering, dull gray orbs shutting as the taste of scalding black tea filled his mouth. He didn't know how to respond. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could. How did one respond to that, that their friends raised a glass in honor of their dead friend who turned out to be living?

"Could you not sleep?"

Levi stared at the mug of tea for a few moments, mulling over the answer. Lying was tempting but he'd done enough of that. Too much. "No."

Erwin nodded and sipped at his own tea. "They told me you barely slept in the hospital."

Levi didn't bother to answer. You wouldn't sleep either. Not with those images in your head.

Soft blue orbs bored into him. "Maybe you should try sleeping pills."

"I don't give a shit," Levi muttered. Quiet feet carried him into the living room. Erwin's heavier footsteps followed close behind. The pale gray couch dipped beneath them as they sank into its plush confines without spilling their hot tea everywhere. They were silent, just like they had been when they were younger and still in college.

The small soldier didn't really like it. Too much silence and too little English in the last sixteen months of his life. He didn't want to break it. He didn't even know how to. Not anymore. Not that he'd been particularly good at doing that in the first place. "The press is going to be all over you until they release your account of what happened."

"I know." And he'd have to relive sixteen months of war when he just wanted to forget. Not that he could.

"I know Zoe wants to know. So do I. But we won't press you to talk about it. You come to us when you feel you can talk about it."

Tired, dull gray eyes flicked up to Erwin, finding intelligent sky blues. "Thank you." For everything. His heart couldn't help but skip a beat when Erwin flashed him a small smile. The same one he'd fallen for years ago. "Erwin."

"Yeah?"

"… Petra… Oluo… Erd… are they?"

Long fingers raked through his blonde hair, disturbing it from its normally immaculate place. "Petra and Oluo made it. They're married now. Erd didn't. He lived for a few days before he passed. There was too much internal damage." Levi nodded, sick on his stomach. Hearing about them hurt, sucker punch in his gut. "Mind if I turn on the news?"

"No."

Soft blue light filled the room, soon followed by calm, soothing voices describing the day's events. Levi leaned back into the couch and stretched his legs, the joints popping and cracking pleasantly. Those pops and cracks were different than the ones he'd heard for sixteen months. They were good sounds. Ones that didn't bring on waves of memories.

His tea was gone, he was comfortable, it was dark. The minutes outside had cleared his head. Sleep dragged at his eyes, pulling them down. He managed to keep them half-open for another thirty minutes before he succumbed to the draw of sleep, eyes fluttering shut, mind drifting off as a different news report began to play.

"Two weeks ago, Corporal Levi Ackerman was discovered in a hospital, an unknown man amidst dozens of injured troops in the desert nation. Corporal Ackerman was formerly presumed dead as he went missing for sixteen months. He received the Medal of Honor at his funeral for risking his life – and dying, as we previously thought – to rescue and recover eight of his fellow soldiers, attempting to rescue a ninth before he disappeared. They have yet to release details of his debriefing, yet a reliable source said that he was kidnapped and held hostage for sixteen months by the insurgents.

"The corporal…"

Warm. He was warm. Something soft cushioned his head, plush and smooth. A blanket? It smelled like coffee, rich and strong. Familiar. Levi nuzzled the soft fabric, reveling in its scent and texture as his eyes cracked open.

Early dawn light streamed in through half-shut curtains. His limbs were stretched out, cat-like and luxurious. A blue and gray blanket was draped over him, swamping him with its size, meant more for someone like Erwin than him. It was great. A nice place to sleep. Until he glanced up.

Erwin's sleeping face filled his vision, peaceful, smooth, but retaining the strength and dignity he always wore His hair was a little mussed, a little stubble on his cheeks. Levi wanted to reach up and touch that strong chin, kiss those thin, pale lips. A sneer curled his own lips upward. That'll never happen. Not for someone fucked up like me.

The corporal rose, carefully – reluctantly – pulling his head away from the soft pillow of Erwin's thigh. His feet carried him away from the place he longed to stay at. They took him to the room Erwin had given him. The clothes Erwin had gotten from the storage locker were already packed away, barely filling half of the dresser. His books, all ten of them, were on the desk, along with his laptop.

The pictures were still in a box, untouched.

Levi wasn't sure he would do anything with them any time soon. Too many memories. Ones that would lead to others he just wanted to forget.

His fingers trailed across the smooth wood of the desk and stopped at his Special Forces knife. He didn't know what to do. It was all so strange, being home – or at Erwin's home. So much had changed, yet so little had as well. He had changed. Changed in ways that he couldn't describe or imagine. It was all so damn confusing.

He wanted to do nothing more than go back to the way things had been. Before they'd been shipped off to the desert. Before they'd gone through training. Before they'd enlisted. Back to when they were in high school caring about little more than the normal, stupid, angsty teen things. Before the war had started and they'd gotten the bright idea to join the a- sudden knocks brought his head around, body twisting to confront whoever had made the noise.

Cold anger marred his face, his eyes dark and dull. The Special Forces knife handle dug into his palm, his knuckles white from the grip he had on it. Erwin stood in the doorway, blonde eyes not a hair wider, his face smooth and calm. Only the concern in his beautiful cerulean orbs gave anything away. Erwin… not an insurgent. "Are you alright, Levi?"

No. "Yes. Just startled me, you asshole." His fingers managed to loosen around the knife as Erwin stared at him for a few more moments.

"Alright… Breakfast will be ready soon."

Levi turned his back on Erwin, fighting to get his face calm. Fighting to not leap across the room and dig the knife into his throat. He wanted to survive. The door shut with a click behind him. Erwin was gone. His hands clenched, nails digging into his palms. He was fucked up. Ruined. I should have fucking died over there. The soldier let go of the knife, let it clatter to the desktop before he wandered over to the window.

Thick gray fog covered the world outside, concealing the ground and trees surrounding Erwin's house with its suffocating blanket. If he could disappear into that fog forever he would, but the damn fog wouldn't last and he couldn't melt into it, into nothing.

Loud pops drew on his attention, dragging him back to reality as they sucked his breath away. The smell of cooking food was faint but all he could associate with that sound was gunfire, loud and jarring and constant. The sounds of normal, everyday life were almost unrecognizable. Even the sound of bacon popping in the frying pan had been warped.

Every sound had been twisted. Replaced with another. Replaces with the memories of sounds that made him flinch. He despised it all. That cool stoic exterior he had was broken. Just like he was. The next crack was loud. Deafening. Gunfire.

Levi hit the ground, bullets sailing overhead. Dust flew into his eyes and mouth, stinging and stifling. Another crack split the air, close by. Screams suddenly filled the air, loud and saturated with agony, a God-awful shriek of despair and fear.

Another crack cut the scream off, left a wake of silence in its place broken only by the fainter sounds of gunfire. Levi crawled across the ground, boots scraping the ground, elbows pulling him forward in an army crawl. Faster than he'd ever gone before. Pixis would have worn that stupid little smirk of his if he could have seen, proud of how efficient and capable his soldiers were.

The small, dust-caked man rolled beneath a bench and pressed his back to the smooth stone wall of the house behind it. The shadows fell over his body, providing some fairly pathetic but hopefully decent cover for the time being. Especially since he was little more than a sitting duck. No gun. That had been lost, ripped from his arms by an insurgent and left behind when he'd been forced to flee or be shot. The grenades were gone, all used up. All he had was the knife.

I'm so fucked. Footsteps approached, dirt crunching beneath heavy boots. Levi tensed, ready to lunge out from beneath the bench, ready to thrust the blade into the chest of an enemy.

"Breakfast is ready!"

Confused grays blinked at the voice. So familiar. But the words sure as hell didn't fit. No one would be talking about breakfast during a firefight. He blinked again. Everything had frozen in place. Holes appeared in everything he could see, like they'd been burned into a map. Another blink. They were larger, larger, steadily growing.

The desert façade fell away, replaced with shadows, wood, carpet, the smell of food and lavender air freshener. He was still and Erwin's house. Under the bed. That wasn't the illusion, the hallucination. Not anymore.

"Levi?" Erwin knocked on the door.

"'Kay." His voice was weak but it didn't waver. Erwin didn't respond so it must have been convincing enough to get by.

Levi released a dry, rattling breath, his aching lungs filling up with fresh air as he crawled out from beneath the bed. One breath. He stood on shaky legs. Two breaths. He smoothed his hair back into some order; picked the dust fluff out of it. Three breaths. The ex-soldier left the room.

The blade was so heavy in his hands, light gleaming off its polished surface. He's managed to hold onto it despite the odds. He'd killed a man to get it back. Taken a chair leg and brought it down on his skull until it was little more than a bloody pulp with bone and brain mixed in before he pulled the knife from the corpse. So much blood had been shed because of it. More would. But no one else would be hurt from it.

Erwin's quiet snores were audible through the walls – the blonde was out cold. Hopefully he'd stay that way for a while. With luck he'd remain sound asleep. Unable to witness what Levi was about to do. What he hadn't done in years. He didn't want to feel. Just wanted to be blissfully numb. Levi wanted all of it to drain away; the pain, the sorrow, the agony, the torment.

The ex-soldier pressed the blade against his wrist. The skin was pale and smooth. One almost couldn't see the scars there from years before, so faint now. Those straight, faint pink lines that had once been ugly, fresh scars on his pale flesh. Skin that was about to turn red.

They'd just be a few more scars, meaningless and unnoticed on the ruined canvas of his body. But they'd mean so damn much. The blade bit into his skin as he dragged it across, blood welling up in its wake.

Petra. Her face bloody as he carried her to the helicopter. More pain, but it was faint. More of a twinge really. Erd. Screaming for him to leave as Levi tried to stem the tide of blood that gushed from his wounds.

Oluo. His pale face staring up at Levi, begging God to let him live; begging Levi to leave him, to save himself; his eyes pleading, hoping he would stay in this life. Gunther. Already dead when Levi reached him, his chest riddled with bloody holes, his eyes painfully blank.

Zoe. Screaming at him to get out, that it was too dangerous as she tried to keep Erwin from bleeding out. Nanaba. Unconscious as he carried her out, head lolled back, limp as a doll with blood flowing down her forehead.

Mike. Blood soaking his right side, then soaking Levi as he slowly hauled the heavier, taller man out. Feeling his heart stop as he carried him. Erwin. A crimson tide spilling onto the ground, his arm nowhere to be seen after it had been torn away by the massive blade.

Blood spilled down his arm, formed streams on his palm, and dripped into the sink where the droplets stained the white enamel red. Hopefully it wouldn't be permanent. With every drop he watched fall a little more of those dreaded feelings drained away from him, no matter how temporary his solution was. Self-loathing; anger; fear; sorrow; desperation. All replaced by a chilled, welcomed numbness that Levi embraced with open arms.

It drowned everything out, welling up and dripping away in every drop of blood. Levi shuddered as he drowned in that numbing tide of red. Gray eyes flickered open – the world around him wavered, dizziness slamming into the small ex-soldier. Too much blood lost at his pitiful weight, painting the sink a disturbing color.

The knife hit the counter with a heavy thunk – one that by all rights should have woken Erwin but the blonde's soft, endearing snores kept going. The faucet twisted with the faintest of squeaks and brought slowly warming water cascading over his arm. Felt good.

The water washed over his skin, cleansing it slowly as it stripped away all the blood from his marred flesh, stinging as the blistering hot water filled the cuts. Levi dragged his hand across the slashed skin, washing away the blood and everything it stood for – the people, the feelings, the memories.

He left his arm beneath the stream as he fumbled, quietly, for the bandages he knew Erwin kept. His hand closed around the rolls of bandages and gauze. Luckily, the towel he pressed to his arm was already dark red when he finally pulled it out to dry his arm before he wrapped it.

Levi's movements were quick and practiced as he wrapped his arm from wrist to elbow, tightly binding the wounds. Uncomfortably tight. But the discomfort and pain that the tightness brought helped ground him. It was nothing he couldn't bear either, so what did it matter?

Blood welled up, dark stains of corruption against the fresh, clean bandages. Levi staggered back, pressed against the wall, and slide down until his knees were pressed into his chest, body hunched over. Cold. He was so cold.

Trembling fingers dug into his skin, fighting down the memories that threatened to rise. Trying not to think of the blood as anyone else's. As Erwin's, Zoe's, Petra's, Gunther's, Oluo's, Erd's. It was his. Only his.

And Erwin would never know of the darkness and regret and agony that chewed at his heart. The blonde shouldn't – couldn't – know. It would only hurt him. I'm tired of hurtin' those around me… He didn't know how long he sat there, gray eyes wide and dead, before he rose. His sleeve fell to hide his arm – and the bandages – once more.

Blissfully numb hands pulled cleaning products out from beneath the sink. His hands were almost completely steady as he started to move, his body moving as his mind stayed frozen on the image of his bloody hands and the feeling, trying to make it last as long as possible. His body knew what it had to do.

Spray. Scrub. Rise. Wipe. Spray. Scrub. Mindless, senseless movements. Clean. Cleanse the filth from his surroundings in an effort to inadvertently, symbolically scrub himself clean. Things grew clearer. He grew darker. Levi couldn't process what he was doing, where he was. He just knew his hands had to move. Move or sink into the murk of his mind.

At some point a strong, gentle arm wrapped around him, halting him. The touch didn't break the numb haze that swamped him, even when it scooped him up, his back braced against a stump, head nestled into a shoulder.

Smells nice.

A clear thought, the first in a while, as he breathed in a heavenly scent. The aroma of coffee and some kind of fruity aftershave. His hands itched to move but with the mindless movement gone his body was suddenly heavy. Like he was the sky and the person who cradled him was Atlas. And the heavens were drained. Tired. But sleep had horrific dreams. Memories. "No…" So soft, so quiet.

"Shh Levi. It's alright. I'll be there with you." Levi heard the words but they didn't make sense. Not quite. Not anymore.

Cool softness – if that was a thing – replaced the warm, sturdy chest. A pillow took the place of the shoulder. A blanket settled over his weary body. Levi reached out, fingers catching a wrist. "Don't…" Any other words he might have had disappeared as sleep crashed over him, the blanket of nothingness far more efficient than his induced numbness.

Thank you for reading chapter 1 of "Bending and Breaking"! If you notice any errors (grammar, spelling), I apologize - I currently am without beta and so am doing the best I can. Though if you'd be willing... Anyway, love all of you for reading and many thanks to my Commander for reading this and being my test subject on multiple stories (soon to hit the shelves of FF and AO3), RP and cosplay friend, and an awesome gal! This is also on Fanfiction at fairylights101! Check my Tumblr (fairylights101) for updates under #BAB_fic or #BendingAndBreaking_fic. And just shit blogging in general. Have a wonderful day/night/existence~ Until next week, farewell!