AN/Summary: Cripes! I haven't written/posted anything in soooo long! I guess it's just lack of inspiration- you know when you're working on something, and sit there with it in front of you for months on end but you just CANNOT figure out what to do with it? Yeah. I'm in that place right now with two stories (Amour a Paris and I Thought I Didn't Deserve Him). BUT I have 3 ideas soo hopefully I will get crack-a-lacking on them ASAP! SWMB will combine a few ideas from my AAP story (Bella being rich and stuff I explain below), so yes. I'm pretty sure I'm totes done with AAP and ITIDDH.

Bella Swan: human, badass, NeverBeenKissedNorDone, twenty two, but still our klutzy little brunette! Her college years have gone splendidly, and looking for a job isn't really her cup of tea, but it's still great to have a summer off. So what can she do when a very different-than-her-type guy rolls into town? And on top of everything else in her life? But the two must pretend to dislike each other, all the while fighting the temptation to indulge in what they really want. A forbidden love story as we all know, just renovated to humanity and modernness. All human. **It is rated M for a reason. I've finally decided to cut the crap and get on with fun stuff. No lemons (most likely), but lots of dirty talk. Lots of dirty talk indeed, meaning cussing and innuendos and such. It's delish.**

Please give it a chance- I threw a bunch of myself into Bella, maybe too much!, but I know for a fact I will stick with it if I get love!((: *wink wink, nudge nudge* I'll pat your back if you pat mine- review for review.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga, any of the characters, or any other brand/company I may mention. I just enjoy messing around with them in my twisted writing world. Also, I do not mean to offend anyone whatsoever with any single thing I say; please take no offense. Thank you and enjoy your reading.

Chapter 1: EnterMuseMent

The sun blared down on the back portion of my body, particularly my neck, which boiled it to no end and made it difficult to breathe. Hell, like I cared. I'd worn SPF 40 with anti-aging crap, and then SuperDark Tan Oil on top of that. I wanted to look like a Kardashian by the time summer ended and I had to find a job.

My girls from childhood lay on the lounges beside me, dead silent. I was unsure if they were alive, but I was too lazy to check. The bamboo chairs became comfortable on my face after a long time of ignoring the idea of a checkered forehead.

As excited as I was to be twenty two (still, even though my birthday was about nine months ago), I was even more psyched about the new kid arriving at home soon. According to rumors, he was twenty three, a partier, and inconceivably sexy.

But I had to pull my mind away from those thoughts for just a bit... Early July was my favorite time to visit California, the greatest state of all time. It was still cool but el sol was warm, making Santa Monica the greatest city of all time. My family owned a condo on private land in Manhattan Beach-ish territory, and I had used it for the weekend with Alice and Rosalie. Ah, how wondrous life was during the summer. Unless you're panicking about your parents remembering to feed Captain Morgan, my fish, and Moose, my kitty...

I lit a cigarette, something I'd been doing since I was seventeen. I know, I know: they're just plain fucking terrible for you. But I don't mind. I'll quit when I want. At least I didn't do pot. When I tried that two years ago, nothing happened. I just felt nastyness. And, since I'm on the screw-Health-class topic, alcohol is a whole different story than pot.

"Another cupcake, Bella?" asked Alice. Earlier today we had made Cheerful Cupcakes, complete with rainbow liners and confetti batter and icing. I nodded my head yes and then a sweet muffin was airborne.

Catching and devouring were things I didn't mind doing, but listening (especially to Rose) was one activity not on my list of Shit To Do Today.

She stuck her iPod on the side table and straightened up, her long blonde hair still completely nonfrizzy. "Our bella Bella," she sighed. "Alice and I are fortunate to have you as our friend, best friend at that, but I must say, your lips are bothering us. What are they, abstinent? Celibate?"

I knew I was in for a nice lecture. "So I haven't ever kissed anyone. Big deal."

"You're twenty one."

"I'm smart."

She snorted. "Smart will only get you so far. You've never been drunk enough, never high, and had enough boyfriends to be average. Are you waiting until you're wedding day?"

"Maybe." I figured she was right, though, about the whole smart thing. College wasn't my thing; I was only in it because I could make better money that way. I'd done some topless campaigning for Lucky Brand Jeans and some other random designer, and also a runway show for Anna Sui, but modeling could only get me so far. I had just graduated from college with a degree in English literature, so I probably would become a teacher. Total garbage. Then again, stripping wouldn't be too bad of a job...

Sick of laying in the sun, I took off my giant sunhat and waltzed over to the salty water. But not before slipping on a slick, smooth rock and nearly falling completely on my ass.

Rosalie and Alice convulsed in laughter.

"You always were our greatest sort of entermusement!" exclaimed Alice though giggles and tears.

I cocked my head to the side. "Entermusement?"

"Yes. It's a combination of entertainment and amusement."

Rosalie laughed harder. "And it has a double meaning!" She winked.

Oh that Rosalie. She always found the sex in life. Literally. You would not believe how happy she was to learn it's actually somewhat healthy to orgasm once a week.

"We'll guys' penises enter you, men can be muses, and the meant stands for 'it means a lot'," she said. "So basically it's like a command. Enter, my muse, for it means lots."

"Rose. Leave," I told her, rolling my eyes and realizing what she had said was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

She ignored me, as did my spiky black haired pixie, who asked, "have you ever asked Emmett that?"

Rosalie grinned wickedly. "He is my bitch and I own him."

"Ew, Rosalie, please! He's my damn cousin!" Having my best friend date someone related to me was not my favorite thing ever. Especially since they'd screwed two days after knowing the other.

"Mm. That boy is just wonderful. He and I, God the possibilities of all day in bed. Our bodies-"

"ROSALIE!"

All she did was lick her lips. Please, someone, kill me now.

Alice stood up then. "Okay, not to be Miss Haste, but we're leaving tomorrow morning and I don't wanna sit around doing nothing." When Alice was in a bad mood, she was frightening to even Rose. She liked to throw things.

"Dude, I can't wait to see Gray Balls," I said after running full force into a wave with ma homie G's. "He's visiting for the Fourth of July." The water crashed around us, but I could still hear Alice's squeal.

"I love Gray Balls!" Alice shrieked. "Does he still harass you about your virginity?"

Rose chuckled. My face turned tomato colored, and not because I forgot my sunscreen.

I muttered, "No. And I'm so not a virgin anymore!"

My friends gasped. "Since when?"

"Since, like I was thirteen."

"Bella." Alice quirked an eyebrow.

"Tampons go into the vagina! That makes you an unvirgin!" I mean, hey, I was totally bluffing, but it was still a good alibi.

The blonde bitch sighed, informing me, "Sweetie, only penis-vagina contact for the first time makes one an unvirgin. Not tampon-vagina or pleasure method-vagina. This is first grade stuff."

"This is not first grade stuff!" I could only imagine six-year-olds learning this kind of idea.

"Yeah," Alice agreed, "this is leaning more towards fifth grade... Rose, have you ever given Emmett a back massage?"

A lot of the time, Alice and Rosalie made me want to stick a knife in my foot. Fucking dammit, they'd turned me into quite the violent girl.

In the morning, we grabbed the last bit of food from my fridge and packed our bags as quickly as possible. Our chauffeur dropped us off at LAX and we boarded the plane to our splendid first class seats.

I loved flying. It just made me who I was, if that's possible. For a long time, I wanted to be a flight attendant, but then modeling and real life came in. Being up in the air, above the clouds, practically floating... it couldn't get any more entermusing than that. Sooo many times in my life had I wanted to be a bird, but this fit fine. Plus I had people bringing me champagne.

"So, we never finished talking about your guy history," Rosalie said, nudging me. "I mean, you've had an average amount, plus a few lap dances and such, but never been kissed? Tsk, tsk."

I scratched my chin. "Well, there was Two Faced Tyler, who enjoyed going on cute little dates with people behind my back. I would never kiss him because of that. Then Eager Eric, who obviously was just in a relationship with me to get me naked and into my panties. Who else, who else? Oh, Mental Mike. Ha. Joke of a boy, enough said."

"Well what about James?"Alice didn't have a thing at all for James, like she knew I was going to end up unhappy with him. I felt the same way too, which was why I hadn't kissed him yet. Voicing this, they told me to dump him before the big yearly Swan Firework Bash so I could prowl on the hotties we invited.

"Sounds good, chicas. But what should his nickname be?" All my exes had rather unintelligent tags we'd given them, and James was about to be an ex, so he was in perfect orientation to be given one.

"Jackass James? No offense, Bells, but he seriously looked like he wanted to kill you sometimes," said Alice.

I laughed once. "Girl, tell me something I don't know!" Grinning at her, I stuck two music listening devices in my two ears and relaxed the whole way home. At least outside my mind. I had too much going on upstairs to chill. My fourth legit boyfriend, of five months I might add, was about to become my fourth ex. It wasn't that I couldn't live without a man, I just always met someone I really liked. That wouldn't make me look like a ho, right? Ugh. And how I'd never kissed a guy was beyond me. James was so sexy sometimes... but I believe there should be a connection or something and I never necessarily had that with him. Damn, I'm so fucky.

The ride home was pretty tranquil, the three of us slept most of the way. Right when the pilot said we were allowed to turn our phones back on, Alice's was vibrating with all the messages she had.

"Hey, Jasper texted me with that new kid's name," she said. We all huddled next to her dramatically.

Edward

From: JasperWhitlock(:

Thu, Jul 01 2:07 PM

"What the hell kind of a name is Edward?" I roared. Edward? Seriously? His parents must be stupid or something. I refuse to go out with anyone named Edward.

Shit. I'm shallow.

Yes, no, maybe so? Ninety- nine, one hundred? Tell me how it is, give constructive criticism and/or ideas, or just review- too short, too long, too boring! Please and thanks yous! (Oh and opinions on the title because I have NOOOOO idea as to what to name it!)

~MissEmileigh