GANDALF: THE MENTAL THERAPIST:
Appointment One:
ELROND AND HIS PMS:
(Warning: The diagnosis in this story are not realistic, please consult a real therapist before reading this.)
Dr. Gandalf Stormcrow, the Mental Therapist famed throughout Middle- Earth sat at his desk.
"Who's next, Grace," he asked over his speaker-phone.
"A Mr. Half-Evlen," His secretary answered.
"Send him in," Gandalf said.
After a moment, Elrond came in the door and lied down on the couch.
"What ails you, Mr. Half-Elven," Gandalf asked, his notebook and pen out and ready.
"I don't know. You see, my daughter wants to marry this Wannabe King Aragorn, but he's mortal, and she's immortal, and 3000 years old at that, so they're not even age correct," Elrond said, "And Aragorn just doesn't get it, mixed marriages hardly ever last. He claims that she stays because there is still hope, but the truth is she stays for him, she belongs with her people!"
"I see, over-protective father, dating questionably young man. A very common case," Gandalf said, jotting down some notes.
"Its not that...well, it is, but still..." Elrond said.
"Uh-huh," Gandalf mused, "Are they getting married for sure?"
"Yes," Elrond said, "They're getting married, because she had to give away her precious immortality so freely, the brat!"
"Hmm," Gandalf said, "Do you feel anything else towards they're getting married?"
"Its very stressful, setting up all those things for a "kingly" marriage, its very tiring," Elrond said.
"Tell me about your life, and we may find out what is the root of your problems," Gandalf said.
"Oh, geez, I'd have to go back thousands of years, since I am several thousands of years of things just building up, my brother choosing to be a mortal, my mother jumping into a violent river after some dumb old piece of jewelry, my wife going over to the Valinor without me, and now I'll have to explain that our daughter is now mortal, right to her face," Elrond said, and began going through a box of tissues like there was no tomorrow.
"I see," Gandalf said, "You are just a mess."
In fact, Gandalf has written in the notebook : "Elrond: Just Plain Nuts".
"I know," Elrond sniffled, "I want my mommy!"
"Well, Lord Elrond, what can I say, I never had a mom," Gandalf said, and started crying, too.
The patients in the waiting room pondered the sound of two full grown men crying coming from inside Dr. Stormcrow's office, but decided it was wise not to say anything.
"Well," Gandalf said, still a little teary, "I have a diagnosis for you, Mr. Half-Elven."
"Well, what is it," Elrond asked.
"You have PMS."
"PMS, but only women get that," Elrond explained, starting to cry again.
"Yes, you are a very unusual case. Next!"
Next Appointment: Frodo's Arachnophobia