My first shounen ai fic here. It's Volpe/Cesare although I'm actually a Chiaro/Cesare fan. I kinda think Volpe deserved Cesare more than Chiaro did.

Sorry for the grammatical error.

To be by Your Side

Summary: Cesare was ill and Chiaro wasn't there for him. It's up to Volpe to take care of him. Volpe/Cesare.

Warning: Shounen ai, blood, self harm.

Cantarella © Higuri You

Taddeo stared at his master who was writhing on the bed. Cesare had suffered a fever for three days, yet there was still no sign of improvement on his condition. There was no use to call a doctor or gave him some medicines. He knew it was no ordinary illness. Ordinary fever would never cause pain like the one his master suffered. He knew too well, it must have something to do with the demon inside him.

"Chi…a…ro…?" Cesare murmured. He raised his hand slightly as if he was trying to reach something.

Taddeo took Cesare's hand with his own, "No, master… he is not here…"

It's 'him' again! Why it's always 'him' in his mind?! Why it must be 'him'?! Taddeo gritted his teeth. As much as he hated to admit, his master needed that man now. He wondered where he was, that damn boy… He was probably having some fun with Cesare's sweet little sister. Cesare's mind was always full of him, but his was so full of that woman. Why couldn't his master realize that there was no space for him in that man's heart?

Cesare brought his hand to Taddeo's face and caressed it softly. He smiled an angelic smile with his face still showing a pained expression. Taddeo smiled back sadly at him even though he knew that smile wasn't meant for him.

"My angel, Michael…" Cesare whispered.

Suddenly Cesare pulled his body closer to him. To make him even more startled, he kissed him! Taddeo didn't know how to react. He knew his master would never do this in his normal state. He must have mistaken him as Chiaro. Cesare would most certainly have been displeased if he had taken an advantage on this situation. Not that he cared anyway. But still he couldn't believe he would sink that low to get the man he called master.

However, the temptation was becoming harder and harder to resist when Cesare licking his lips, seeking for an entrance into Taddeo's mouth. Still unsure what to do, Taddeo hesitantly let him in. Somehow, his tongue tasted so sweet, the kind of sweetness that could never be described. He felt like he was in heaven, while in fact he was with a demon from hell.

After quite sometimes, Cesare slowly withdrew his tongue. However, Taddeo didn't wish to let that sweetness go away just like that. He pushed his tongue into Cesare's mouth, exploring every part of it. He knew this wasn't right. It pained him to realize that Cesare thought he was Chiaro, but he couldn't free himself from that addictive poison.

Cesare tightened his grip on Taddeo's back, encouraging the older man even more. Taddeo was too drown into that kiss that he didn't realize one of Cesare hands had left his back and reached a knife which was laid nearby. Suddenly Cesare sliced his subordinate's back open with the knife. Taddeo groaned in pain. He was too shocked to do anything that he could only stared into the eyes of the man beneath him and found they were colored gold, which meant Cesare was under the demon's influence.

He gritted his teeth as he felt Cesare pressed the wound with his fingers and ripped the bloody clothes off. Still wearing the innocent look in his face, Cesare licked his slender fingers which were stained with Taddeo's blood.

Taddeo was horrified by what his master did. It wasn't like him… No! It wasn't him! There were several times Cesare acted like he wasn't himself, but never like this.

"Cesare…"

He called his master's name, hoping that he could bring him back to his real self. But Cesare brought his bloody fingers to his lips to silent him. They forcefully entered his mouth, letting him tasted his own blood which mixed with Cesare's saliva.

Taddeo pulled himself back and moved several feet away from Cesare. Scared…, he hardly ever felt that in his life. But now, he was alone in that room only accompanied by a devil with an angelic face. He wished to leave by now, but he was afraid of what Cesare would do once he left. Especially with that knife still in his hand, who knows he might have harmed himself. He still remembered clearly when Cesare tried to chop his own arm. If he hadn't come sooner, the boy would have lost his arm.

"Are you going to leave me again?" Cesare asked. His voice was trembling as if he was going to cry.

"Master, I…"

"Don't lie to me!" Cesare cut him, "I know you too are scared of me! I thought you don't, but you do! You are just the same as the others!!!" he screamed as hot tears streaming down his beautiful face.

Taddeo watched in horror as Cesare cut his throat with the knife he was holding. He immediately rushed to his side, not caring that he could be poisoned by the blood. To his surprise, the wound had healed itself. Cesare groaned in frustration. He tried to hurt himself more, but Taddeo held his hand preventing him from doing so.

"What do you think you are doing?!!!" Taddeo yelled.

"Let me go!" Cesare cried, trying to release his hand from Taddeo's grasp.

"NO! Not until you promise not to hurt yourself anymore!"

Cesare struggled to get his hand free from Taddeo, but Taddeo was apparently stronger than him. In his desperate attempt to break free, Cesare stabbed Taddeo's hand which was holding his. Taddeo jerked his hand, freeing Cesare's. Cesare made a scratch on his chest, his flesh was ripped along with his white shirt which was now soaked with blood. Frustrated when his new wound closed again, he cried and made another one.

Another one…another one…and another. All he could feel was pain. His eyes were blurred with tears, but it's not because of the pain he inflicted on himself. His body had gone numb or more likely his physical pain was nothing compared to the other pain he was also suffered at the same time. He couldn't understand that pain, he had no idea how to make it go away. Somehow, wounding himself made him feel slightly better. But it didn't last long because his body soon became used to it.

No… it wasn't because he had been too numb that he didn't feel the pain… A pair of gentle arms had wrapped themselves around his waist. In front of him, Taddeo was standing, hugging him. He made his own back as a shield for him. How could he have not realized that?!

"Why…?"

"I am the one who want to ask 'why'!!!"

"I hate you!"

He scratched Taddeo's back with the knife, hoping Taddeo would release him. But it only made Taddeo held him even tighter.

"I hate you!!! I hate you!!!!!" he cried as he kept hurting his subordinate with the knife until his back was a bloody mess, but still Taddeo didn't release him.

"Hate me as you wish! Hurt me as you wish! But please…don't hurt yourself like this…" Taddeo begged, somehow sounded like he would cry.

Cesare dropped his knife, for the last time he repeated, "I hate you…" and he rested his head on Taddeo's shoulder, "Never leave my side anymore…"

Cesare woke up on his bed. The fever had gone, but he barely remembered what happened last night. All he could remember was the pain and he tried killed himself because of it, but someone stopped him from doing so. He couldn't remember who that someone was, though. Chiaro? It couldn't be him… Taddeo? He didn't think that guy could be that gentle.

So many bloodstains… What kind of horrible things had he done last night? Perhaps he had hurt somebody or perhaps he killed somebody… Could it be really Chiaro? He had been really mad of him, until now he still hated him. Could he have accidentally killed him?!

Cesare brought his hands to his head. The thought was overwhelming him that he didn't realize Taddeo entered his room.

"Are you okay?" Taddeo asked.

"What…happened…last night? Why there are so many bloodstains?" " Cesare's voice was shaking.

Taddeo regretted that he didn't clean the room before he left. But, if he hadn't treated his wounds soon, he could have died from blood lost. To make it worse, he was poisoned by Cesare's blood which was staining the knife. Although Cesare didn't care about him as much as he did for Chiaro, he doubted Cesare would like to hear that he had accidentally killed his subordinate. Until now, the pain and the nausea hadn't been better. However, it was the second thing he should worry about.

"You tried to kill yourself. You injured yourself quite badly, though the wounds were healed soon enough…" he answered honestly

"Who else then?"

"Ah?"

"Did I hurt someone else?"

He silenced for a while. He knew exactly what his Master was thinking. He could sense that he was worry about something. Cesare must not have been completely unaware of what had happened last night. He might have thought that Chiaro had come and he accidentally had injured him.

Cesare… if you knew it wasn't him, but me, would you be as worry as now? - He thought sadly

"No." he answered.

Cesare realized it was no use asking Taddeo this question for that guy would never tell him the truth.

"Don't lie to me, Volpe…"

"I'm not lying. I had been by your side all the time and there was no way I would let 'that man' approached you, not anyone."

As those words slipped out of his mouth, Taddeo blushed. He could feel his own jealousy and anger in each of them. He turned his back to Cesare, so that his master wouldn't find out that his face was red.

For quite sometimes, not a single word came out. They both were silenced until Cesare decided to say something.

"Did I…hurt you?" he asked.

Taddeo refused to answer at first, but he realized that Cesare would insist him to tell the truth. Though he would never tell him, Cesare would eventually find out about everything himself.

Taddeo could only sigh at that, "Only because you thought that I was 'him'."

Silence again…

Cesare knew he had hurt someone physically aside of himself. For he could tell, the blood that had stained the room was not only the Cantarella. But for now, he wouldn't force Taddeo to tell him the truth. He had hurt that man more than he had ever thought. He looked so worn out now. Perhaps he hadn't rested at all since he fell sick!

"Volpe…"

"Yes?"

He wanted to tell him to leave and take some rest,

"Please, don't leave me…"

But he told him to stay instead…

Owari

This place really needs more Cantarella fanfictions!!!

I really love this series! I have read until volume 7 and I cannot wait to read volume 8.

I've already got an idea for the sequel, but I'm not sure if I will write that or not.

Btw, I made some Cantarella mobile themes for Sony Ericsson. If your phone is Sony Ericsson, you can download it from my blog (check my profile page) in mobile themes section

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and review.