This is my first fanfic. I don't know if it's any good… Constructive criticism is appreciated. Please read and review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor any of the related characters.
What happened?
I didn't know. It had been so… unexpected, so compelling, and I hungered for more.
Who was it?
Did it matter? Not to the aching longing nestled in the back of my throat; not once I felt cool relief from the flames ignited there. I tried not to think about how much I enjoyed that sensation. I tried, but failed. My thoughts kept straying back to the taste. So sweet, so delectable, the essence lingered in the back of my throat, taunting me.
You should tell someone.
I should. And I might. Or I might not. No one would be able to tell with my eyes already being so red. I was doing them a favor, really, sparing them this horrible burden. Edward would think it his fault.
"If I hadn't changed you… this... it wouldn't have happened." He would say. Then he would hold me, help me, love me, all the while loathing himself. I would feel even worse.
But that's what you deserve, isn't it, to feel awful?
I did deserve that, and so much more. I deserved to be ripped to pieces and burned ruthlessly time and time again. I deserved to live my existence under Jane's tortuous gaze. I didn't deserve Edward, nor the rest of his family.
I had to tell them! I was horrified I had even thought of concealing this. What was wrong with me? Why had I done this? How…how could I even think of betraying my family?
Actions speak louder than…thoughts.
Yes, they did. But I had done something horrible, so horrible. I let a ragged, useless, futile breath fill my worthless lungs.
You picked this, you picked him. Didn't you realize the consequences? That there would even be consequences? Didn't you think about anyone but yourself?
I was… am so selfish. How could I consciously take such a risk with real, living, breathing people? All I thought about, all I ever think about is Edward and I forever. I thought I would be able to…
You didn't think.
No, no I didn't. I was a terrible person, and now I was an evil, wretched vampire, in the worst, most nefarious sense.
I screamed.
I screamed.
Edward came running to me, of course.
How did such a horrid creature, end up with such a glorious God? It caused me physical pain to know how undeserving I was.
"What's wrong?" He asked; his voice filled with caring. His presence made me feel better.
How twisted, despicable, and appalling was it to feel better, feel at all, when I had taken a life? A life, a real person was gone, dead, extinguished... because of me. Vile, ghastly, treacherous me.
"What's wrong, Bella?" He repeated.
Everything.
My voice was jagged as I spoke, I tried to keep as much pain out of it as possible. I knew how that would torture Edward.
"Jasper wins the bet."