A/N: If you're reading this, please note that I have very limited knowledge
of Yu Yu Hakusho, so please don't flame me if I mix some things up. Rather,
I would much appreciate it if you left a review telling me what should
happen at what time, why Kurama should be different in this story, et
cetera. This will be an alternate universe fanfic....kind of.
Okay. Enough with the stupid grown-up, eleventh grade vocabulary. Bottom line: don't get mad; GET REVIEWING!! *Ahem* That was uncalled for; I apologize.
Nine Months of Horror
By CocaCola43
Chapter 1: Look in the Mirror
Only the best fighter is able to ascend to the next round in a contest. This was common fact. But here, at school, with the upcoming who- can-eat-the-most-pies competition, it was different. Suddenly students who had never in their lives been able to shoot a basketball into the hoop, or hit the volleyball over the net, or even run a lap without starting to walk ten yards from where they started, were being singled out for being the most likely to eat the most pies. But there was a problem. Atsuko, who had unexpectedly decided to help the school committee run the competition, was given the job of baking the pies. Much to the dismay of Yusuke, she had proudly proclaimed her title to the students: Chief Pie Baker and Referee.
"WHAT?" Yusuke exclaimed loudly when Atsuko, beaming, told him the news. "You can't bake pies! You can hardly get up in the mornings! WHAT in the world possessed you to volunteer to BAKE PIES?" This earned him a smack and an unusually fierce glare.
"I can bake pies if I want to, you little ingrate!" Atsuko gave him another smack on the head.
And so, five days passed. The day of the contest drew nearer. Everyone in the school was being forced to compete, except those with special allergies. Thus, nearly all of the students made up fake ailments. "Oh, I can't compete, I'm allergic to flour" and "Sorry, I can't go in, I'm allergic to peaches" and, most unusual "Oh, I can't, Mommy says pies are bad for me, and you know, everybody knows that Mommies know best" were some of the excuses made up by the mediocre little minds running through the mediocre little high school in that mediocre little town in that mediocre little country in that mediocre little continent in that mediocre big world in that mediocre HUGE universe...
Anyway. Five days passed, and the day of the contest drew nearer. Atsuko was going crazy baking pies for everyone in the high school. Keiko came over everyday, trying to help, but she might as well have not been there for all the difference she made. Atsuko wouldn't let anyone touch the pie material except for her. "It's my responsibility," she insisted. "I'm trying to be a responsible parent for Yusuke, and if that means baking pies, I'll bake them."
Yusuke rolled his eyes whenever he heard this.
Then, a day later, the school board announced that instead of having everyone compete, they would be putting up a sign-up sheet outside the gym. Whoever wanted to enter would just put their name in one of the spaces. There were one hundred and fifty of them. Apparently, they thought that many people would want to enter.
They were wrong.
Only three people signed up for it: Yusuke (his mother had forced him to), Kuwabara, and Kurama.
No one knew why Kurama was on that list. Not even Kurama himself was exactly sure. But he knew it had something to do with Hiei. And he also knew, quite well really, that he could not win that contest for which he had not signed up for but was still entering.
When Kurama had walked into the classroom that morning, as calm as usual, he had *casually* looked over at the board, where the list was taped. Then his eyes widened. His name was there! He looked over at Hiei, who was smirking very softly in a pleased manner. How would he maintain his reputation at school if he had to shovel down pies at the speed of light? His stomach turned nauseatingly as he thought about the *delicious* pastries that Yusuke's mother would bake. He might as well go stuff his face with Kuwabara's extra kitty litter. (A/N: What kind of kitty litter does Kuwabara use?) Anyone could have suspected that Hiei was the one who had put him down for the contest. Kurama was furious, although he didn't show it.
Naturally, Kurama was very cold to the fire-demon after that, refusing to look at him, only giving him a cool glare when he did. Hiei didn't seem to mind at all. 'He's probably imagining me humiliating myself in front of all those people,' Kurama thought. And that was probably true.
But not really. The real reason for this was that the prize for eating the most pies was a check for 50,000 yen. Hiei wanted it badly, but he wasn't about to risk his own reputation for a measly 50,000. Nope. He was gonna risk Kurama's. And he was going to wheedle the prize money off him....somehow.
~~~~~*~~~~~
The big day.....
"Shuichi!" Kurama groaned and trudged to the stands, where Atsuko stood waiting, worrying her lower lip. She grinned shakily when Kurama reached her.
"Hey there. I'm so scared.....I think I messed up on the pies." Atsuko sighed. Kurama tried not to say, "I knew you would," but it was hard.
Instead he said, "Don't worry. No one will notice if you do." Atsuko's smile widened.
"Thanks!" she called, as Kurama left her to go talk to Yusuke. Kurama snorted very lightly, but continued making his way toward the 14-year old teen, who was laughing obnoxiously at Kuwabara, who was trying to fix his hair in a hand-held mirror while yelling "Shut up! It ain't funny!" to Yusuke at the same time.
"Do you think Yukina would like a man who likes kitties, fixes his hair in a pink Barbie mirror, and has speech problems?" Yusuke choked out through his laughter. "Maybe he's just being stupid."
"Mm." Kurama looked impassively at Kuwabara. "He's not that bad."
Yusuke looked surprised, then understanding. "You're worried about the contest?" Kurama didn't reply, but nodded.
"Well, don't, it's not worth think-" A whistle blew, and Atsuko jogged over and pushed Kurama and Yusuke to the huge table where all the pies were displayed. Kurama's eyes nearly bugged out when he saw them, but he wasn't the bugging out kind of person. On the table were all sorts of different pies, each of them baked beautifully, almost perfect in their pie- ish virtue. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that she bought them from the bakery.
Atsuko pushed him into a chair and pointed to the blueberry pie in front of him. "When the whistle blows, start eating," she instructed. Kurama nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kuwabara sitting down and opening his mouth widely, probably so that stuffing his face would be an easier process. Yusuke, who was sitting all the way at the head of the table, was staring down at his lemon meringue pie mournfully, as if he didn't want to ruin such perfection.
Mr. Tatenaka walked up to the microphone, which was positioned somewhere behind Yusuke's seat. He cleared his throat, and the sound was magnified ten times, making everyone wince. "So," he said. Everyone quieted down. Kurama spotted a smirking Hiei in the crowd somewhere. "We are all gathered here today to celebrate the courage of these three students, Urameshi Yusuke, Kuwabara Kazuma, and Minamino Shuichi. They have bravely volunteered to participate in this school's first annual pie-eating contest, sponsored by the school board, and helped by Urameshi Atsuko, who baked all these DELICIOUS pies for our three contestants. Give her a hand!" And he started to clap. No one else followed his lead, however. They were busy whispering to themselves: "Yusuke's MOM made those pies?" "Yeah, I know, I thought they were store-bought!" "But anything SHE makes is bound to be poisoned or something. She's YUSUKE'S mom, right?" "Right. So that means..." "MY POOR SHUICHI IS IN DANGER!!! SAVE HIM!!!" "Yeah, well if Kuwabara's gonna die, let him. I'm not stopping him eating those pies." "BUT MY POOR SHUICHI IS IN DANGER!" "Shuichi? Who cares about that momma's boy?" "HE'S NOT A MOMMA'S BOY! HE IS MY HERO! *Sob*"
Mr. Tatenaka was still clapping, and sticking a forced smile onto his face. He cleared his throat again. "Um, anyway, just start!" He grabbed a whistle from Atsuko and blew hard, his cheeks puffing up, but there was no sound emitting the small metal thing in his hand. Mr. Tatenaka kept blowing, but there was no sound. He finally decided it wouldn't work and said again, "Start!"
Kurama, quite frankly, started stuffing his face. The blueberry pie he was eating tasted a little strange, but not horrible as he had expected. He enjoyed it and moved on to the next pie. And the next. And the next.....
~~~~~*~~~~~
Two hours and five and seven eighths of a pie later, Kurama lay on his bed at home, staring at the ceiling, feeling bloated, gurgly, and very, very fat. He wondered what Atsuko had put in there. But at least he won the competition by about half a pie. Kuwabara had given up on his fifth one. Yusuke only had two slices, and then rushed to the men's room and (this was rumor) thrown up all over the bathroom floor. Maybe he was anorexic.
There was a strange tingly feeling around his temples, but it didn't matter. Kurama kept staring at the shapes and shadows on the ceiling. He found a tiger, a worm, a slice of pie, another slice of pie, a dog, and a fox. He wondered if the fox was really a fox. Maybe it was a cat. With five tails.
Who cares? He fell asleep.
~~~~~*~~~~~
He woke up the next morning feeling dreary and tired, quite unlike he usually awoke on other days. Kurama sighed, and flipped the blankets off him, clambered out of bed, and dressed. He found how much bigger his pants seemed to be and how much smaller his shirt seemed to be. Kurama shrugged. Maybe he'd just gained some weight. It wouldn't be surprising, since he had only the day before eaten almost six pies.
The doorbell rang while he was putting on his shoes. He heard his mother say, "Who could that be?" and walk to answer the door. "Oh, hello," he heard. "Are you here to see Shuichi?" And then, "SHUICHI!!! SOMEONE'S HERE FOR YOU!!!"
Kurama didn't want to go down. Let his stupid mother worry about him. He blinked. Stupid? When did his mother become "stupid?" Kurama shrugged again, and twisted a stand of his hair around one finger. He noted how fun it was.
There were footsteps getting louder. They stopped at his front door, and he heard some guy say, "Kurama?" Kurama kept silent. The door opened, and someone vaguely familiar stepped in. It was someone....Hiei.
Hiei walked in. His jaw dropped, and he stared at Kurama. Kurama got a bit nervous, and blushed.
"Kurama?" Hiei croaked. "Is that YOU?"
"Um, like, yeah?" Kurama gave him the duh-of-course-I-am-Kurama look. "Why?"
"Look in a mirror."
Kurama walked across the hall to the bathroom. "Why?" he said again, stopping in front of the mirror but not looking at his reflection. "Is there, like, something on my face?" Then he turned his head to face the steamy surface. And then, his jaw dropped too. Because, now, he wasn't just looking like a girl, he REALLY looked like a girl. But that was probably a side effect of eating too much. He always knew he was too skinny. "So?" he said. "I look more like a girl. What about it?"
Hiei gaped at him. "You have....those."
"Those?"
"Those....err, breasts..." His voice faltered. "And hips and a waist and longer eyelashes...."
"Oh." Kurama looked down at himself. Sure enough, there they all were. He tried to think about it logically. Was he really a girl now?
Maybe he was.
"OH MY F*CKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A/N: The end of the first chapter. And hopefully, more to come. I need at least five reviews before I can continue. That's not really a lot, people. REVIEW! OR I WON'T UPDATE AT ALL!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I should really get around to updating my other stories, huh?
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay. Enough with the stupid grown-up, eleventh grade vocabulary. Bottom line: don't get mad; GET REVIEWING!! *Ahem* That was uncalled for; I apologize.
Nine Months of Horror
By CocaCola43
Chapter 1: Look in the Mirror
Only the best fighter is able to ascend to the next round in a contest. This was common fact. But here, at school, with the upcoming who- can-eat-the-most-pies competition, it was different. Suddenly students who had never in their lives been able to shoot a basketball into the hoop, or hit the volleyball over the net, or even run a lap without starting to walk ten yards from where they started, were being singled out for being the most likely to eat the most pies. But there was a problem. Atsuko, who had unexpectedly decided to help the school committee run the competition, was given the job of baking the pies. Much to the dismay of Yusuke, she had proudly proclaimed her title to the students: Chief Pie Baker and Referee.
"WHAT?" Yusuke exclaimed loudly when Atsuko, beaming, told him the news. "You can't bake pies! You can hardly get up in the mornings! WHAT in the world possessed you to volunteer to BAKE PIES?" This earned him a smack and an unusually fierce glare.
"I can bake pies if I want to, you little ingrate!" Atsuko gave him another smack on the head.
And so, five days passed. The day of the contest drew nearer. Everyone in the school was being forced to compete, except those with special allergies. Thus, nearly all of the students made up fake ailments. "Oh, I can't compete, I'm allergic to flour" and "Sorry, I can't go in, I'm allergic to peaches" and, most unusual "Oh, I can't, Mommy says pies are bad for me, and you know, everybody knows that Mommies know best" were some of the excuses made up by the mediocre little minds running through the mediocre little high school in that mediocre little town in that mediocre little country in that mediocre little continent in that mediocre big world in that mediocre HUGE universe...
Anyway. Five days passed, and the day of the contest drew nearer. Atsuko was going crazy baking pies for everyone in the high school. Keiko came over everyday, trying to help, but she might as well have not been there for all the difference she made. Atsuko wouldn't let anyone touch the pie material except for her. "It's my responsibility," she insisted. "I'm trying to be a responsible parent for Yusuke, and if that means baking pies, I'll bake them."
Yusuke rolled his eyes whenever he heard this.
Then, a day later, the school board announced that instead of having everyone compete, they would be putting up a sign-up sheet outside the gym. Whoever wanted to enter would just put their name in one of the spaces. There were one hundred and fifty of them. Apparently, they thought that many people would want to enter.
They were wrong.
Only three people signed up for it: Yusuke (his mother had forced him to), Kuwabara, and Kurama.
No one knew why Kurama was on that list. Not even Kurama himself was exactly sure. But he knew it had something to do with Hiei. And he also knew, quite well really, that he could not win that contest for which he had not signed up for but was still entering.
When Kurama had walked into the classroom that morning, as calm as usual, he had *casually* looked over at the board, where the list was taped. Then his eyes widened. His name was there! He looked over at Hiei, who was smirking very softly in a pleased manner. How would he maintain his reputation at school if he had to shovel down pies at the speed of light? His stomach turned nauseatingly as he thought about the *delicious* pastries that Yusuke's mother would bake. He might as well go stuff his face with Kuwabara's extra kitty litter. (A/N: What kind of kitty litter does Kuwabara use?) Anyone could have suspected that Hiei was the one who had put him down for the contest. Kurama was furious, although he didn't show it.
Naturally, Kurama was very cold to the fire-demon after that, refusing to look at him, only giving him a cool glare when he did. Hiei didn't seem to mind at all. 'He's probably imagining me humiliating myself in front of all those people,' Kurama thought. And that was probably true.
But not really. The real reason for this was that the prize for eating the most pies was a check for 50,000 yen. Hiei wanted it badly, but he wasn't about to risk his own reputation for a measly 50,000. Nope. He was gonna risk Kurama's. And he was going to wheedle the prize money off him....somehow.
~~~~~*~~~~~
The big day.....
"Shuichi!" Kurama groaned and trudged to the stands, where Atsuko stood waiting, worrying her lower lip. She grinned shakily when Kurama reached her.
"Hey there. I'm so scared.....I think I messed up on the pies." Atsuko sighed. Kurama tried not to say, "I knew you would," but it was hard.
Instead he said, "Don't worry. No one will notice if you do." Atsuko's smile widened.
"Thanks!" she called, as Kurama left her to go talk to Yusuke. Kurama snorted very lightly, but continued making his way toward the 14-year old teen, who was laughing obnoxiously at Kuwabara, who was trying to fix his hair in a hand-held mirror while yelling "Shut up! It ain't funny!" to Yusuke at the same time.
"Do you think Yukina would like a man who likes kitties, fixes his hair in a pink Barbie mirror, and has speech problems?" Yusuke choked out through his laughter. "Maybe he's just being stupid."
"Mm." Kurama looked impassively at Kuwabara. "He's not that bad."
Yusuke looked surprised, then understanding. "You're worried about the contest?" Kurama didn't reply, but nodded.
"Well, don't, it's not worth think-" A whistle blew, and Atsuko jogged over and pushed Kurama and Yusuke to the huge table where all the pies were displayed. Kurama's eyes nearly bugged out when he saw them, but he wasn't the bugging out kind of person. On the table were all sorts of different pies, each of them baked beautifully, almost perfect in their pie- ish virtue. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that she bought them from the bakery.
Atsuko pushed him into a chair and pointed to the blueberry pie in front of him. "When the whistle blows, start eating," she instructed. Kurama nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kuwabara sitting down and opening his mouth widely, probably so that stuffing his face would be an easier process. Yusuke, who was sitting all the way at the head of the table, was staring down at his lemon meringue pie mournfully, as if he didn't want to ruin such perfection.
Mr. Tatenaka walked up to the microphone, which was positioned somewhere behind Yusuke's seat. He cleared his throat, and the sound was magnified ten times, making everyone wince. "So," he said. Everyone quieted down. Kurama spotted a smirking Hiei in the crowd somewhere. "We are all gathered here today to celebrate the courage of these three students, Urameshi Yusuke, Kuwabara Kazuma, and Minamino Shuichi. They have bravely volunteered to participate in this school's first annual pie-eating contest, sponsored by the school board, and helped by Urameshi Atsuko, who baked all these DELICIOUS pies for our three contestants. Give her a hand!" And he started to clap. No one else followed his lead, however. They were busy whispering to themselves: "Yusuke's MOM made those pies?" "Yeah, I know, I thought they were store-bought!" "But anything SHE makes is bound to be poisoned or something. She's YUSUKE'S mom, right?" "Right. So that means..." "MY POOR SHUICHI IS IN DANGER!!! SAVE HIM!!!" "Yeah, well if Kuwabara's gonna die, let him. I'm not stopping him eating those pies." "BUT MY POOR SHUICHI IS IN DANGER!" "Shuichi? Who cares about that momma's boy?" "HE'S NOT A MOMMA'S BOY! HE IS MY HERO! *Sob*"
Mr. Tatenaka was still clapping, and sticking a forced smile onto his face. He cleared his throat again. "Um, anyway, just start!" He grabbed a whistle from Atsuko and blew hard, his cheeks puffing up, but there was no sound emitting the small metal thing in his hand. Mr. Tatenaka kept blowing, but there was no sound. He finally decided it wouldn't work and said again, "Start!"
Kurama, quite frankly, started stuffing his face. The blueberry pie he was eating tasted a little strange, but not horrible as he had expected. He enjoyed it and moved on to the next pie. And the next. And the next.....
~~~~~*~~~~~
Two hours and five and seven eighths of a pie later, Kurama lay on his bed at home, staring at the ceiling, feeling bloated, gurgly, and very, very fat. He wondered what Atsuko had put in there. But at least he won the competition by about half a pie. Kuwabara had given up on his fifth one. Yusuke only had two slices, and then rushed to the men's room and (this was rumor) thrown up all over the bathroom floor. Maybe he was anorexic.
There was a strange tingly feeling around his temples, but it didn't matter. Kurama kept staring at the shapes and shadows on the ceiling. He found a tiger, a worm, a slice of pie, another slice of pie, a dog, and a fox. He wondered if the fox was really a fox. Maybe it was a cat. With five tails.
Who cares? He fell asleep.
~~~~~*~~~~~
He woke up the next morning feeling dreary and tired, quite unlike he usually awoke on other days. Kurama sighed, and flipped the blankets off him, clambered out of bed, and dressed. He found how much bigger his pants seemed to be and how much smaller his shirt seemed to be. Kurama shrugged. Maybe he'd just gained some weight. It wouldn't be surprising, since he had only the day before eaten almost six pies.
The doorbell rang while he was putting on his shoes. He heard his mother say, "Who could that be?" and walk to answer the door. "Oh, hello," he heard. "Are you here to see Shuichi?" And then, "SHUICHI!!! SOMEONE'S HERE FOR YOU!!!"
Kurama didn't want to go down. Let his stupid mother worry about him. He blinked. Stupid? When did his mother become "stupid?" Kurama shrugged again, and twisted a stand of his hair around one finger. He noted how fun it was.
There were footsteps getting louder. They stopped at his front door, and he heard some guy say, "Kurama?" Kurama kept silent. The door opened, and someone vaguely familiar stepped in. It was someone....Hiei.
Hiei walked in. His jaw dropped, and he stared at Kurama. Kurama got a bit nervous, and blushed.
"Kurama?" Hiei croaked. "Is that YOU?"
"Um, like, yeah?" Kurama gave him the duh-of-course-I-am-Kurama look. "Why?"
"Look in a mirror."
Kurama walked across the hall to the bathroom. "Why?" he said again, stopping in front of the mirror but not looking at his reflection. "Is there, like, something on my face?" Then he turned his head to face the steamy surface. And then, his jaw dropped too. Because, now, he wasn't just looking like a girl, he REALLY looked like a girl. But that was probably a side effect of eating too much. He always knew he was too skinny. "So?" he said. "I look more like a girl. What about it?"
Hiei gaped at him. "You have....those."
"Those?"
"Those....err, breasts..." His voice faltered. "And hips and a waist and longer eyelashes...."
"Oh." Kurama looked down at himself. Sure enough, there they all were. He tried to think about it logically. Was he really a girl now?
Maybe he was.
"OH MY F*CKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A/N: The end of the first chapter. And hopefully, more to come. I need at least five reviews before I can continue. That's not really a lot, people. REVIEW! OR I WON'T UPDATE AT ALL!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I should really get around to updating my other stories, huh?
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!