Say What?
Disclaimer: I always forget to write these, but I bet nobody minds anyway. None of this stuff is mine, okay?
The morning broke over the horizon.
"Roy! I told you not to throw your trophies around. Look what you've done now!" Marth was fuming, and it was only morning - well, it would have been morning, if Roy had not broken it.
"Great! Just great. Now it's going to be dark all day! Thanks a LOT, Roy!" And Marth went back to bed. Roy continued to throw things out of his window, hoping to hit a dream or two.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Melee house, in the farthest, darkest corner of the yard, deep in the moldy storm cellar below the old shack that no one ever goes in, Mario and Dr. Mario racked their brains.
"Hey, Dr. Mario, why are we racking our brains again?"
"Because they're air-dry only, idiot. Now, be quiet and let me think."
"About what?"
"About our plot to rule the Melee house."
"What plot?"
"The one I'm concocting right now!"
"Oh. Can I taste it?"
"No! It 's not finished. Now, go watch our brains and make sure they don't get wrinkled."
"Okay." Mario got up and walked to the stairs leading outside. Leaning forward, he could just see a bit of sky.
"The sky looks strange today," he remarked to himself. "It's full of these big clouds which look amazingly like the heads of Princess Peach, Samus, and Princess Zelda.
"That's interesting. Their mouths and eyes even move. If I didn't know they were clouds, I'd swear they were the real things." Mario climbed halfway up to get a better look.
"Hey, Mario. What are you doing?"
Shocked, Mario leaned back and fell down the stairs. Samus shrugged. "I didn't think I was that scary." Zelda and Peach laughed, and the three continued their conversation as they headed to breakfast.
"So," Peach said to Zelda, "You tried making dinner for Link? He loves your cooking."
Zelda sighed. "Yes, I tried that, but he just said he wasn't hungry. You know how he can go for days without eating."
"Maybe you should suggest a vacation," Samus put in.
"No good. He's perfectly happy where he is." Zelda let out a noisy sob. "Without me!"
"There, there," Peach exchanged a concerned glance with Samus behind Zelda's back. Samus shrugged. They all went in to breakfast.
Despite the morning being unusually dark, there were already several people at the table. Mr. Game and Watch gave them a welcoming beep when they entered. Mewtwo ignored them completely. The reason for this was the ice climbers. They sat next to each other at the far end of the table, lost in their own world.
"Please pass the butter, Popo." Popo obliged. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana handed it over. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Popo." He held it out. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nan-"
[I can't take this anymore]! Mewtwo's eyes glowed with desperation and anger. [All they do is pass the butter back and forth! Neither one of them uses it, they just pass it, back and forth, back and forth, forever!] A blue nimbus began to glow around the irate pokémon. [And every second, my pancakes are getting colder, and colder, and colder!] Mewtwo broke down in a flood of silent tears. This so surprised Zelda that she stopped her own crying to watch.
Samus decided things were a little too high-strung for breakfast. "Let's come back later, guys, okay?" Peach nodded, and the trio headed back toward the door.
But before they could get through it, Ganondorf came bustling in, calling over his shoulder, "Next time, if you don't want to get hurt, don't ask to see my moves!" He chuckled to himself as he took a place at the table.
"Roommate troubles?" Samus asked him.
"Yep, but I took care of it," Ganondorf replied.
Zelda had a sudden, brilliant idea. "Ganondorf, um, I was wondering if you could do me a small favor?"
"Anything for you, babe. What's on your mind?"
Zelda explained the situation. "Well, you see, lately Link has been.ignoring me. I don't know why. Maybe it's something I did, but he hasn't said anything. And I.miss him. So, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind, say, kidnapping me, so Link can come and rescue me?"
Ganondorf got up quickly. His eyes were blazing. "What? No one ignores Zelda and gets away with it! Where is that kid, so I can pound him?"
Zelda smiled at Peach and Samus. "He's in his room." They all followed as Ganondorf stormed down the hall.
The door was open, so they could hear Link's voice before they got there. "Right, now you've got to raise the water level up to the middle again. That's in the pillar. And there's a room down there, under the brown floating block. Be careful not to land on the spikes when you sink down."
"LINK!!" Ganondorf roared. He closed the door so he could slam it open. Then he stalked into the room and tried to look as menacing as possible. He knew his blue duck pajamas detracted from the effect, but there was nothing he could do about that.
"Link," he repeated, "You are hereby challenged to a duel. I have kidnapped your precious Princess Zelda, and you must. What are you doing? Is that the Water Temple?" Ganondorf moved into the room and sat down on a bed. Young Link paused the game to give him a wave.
"Link's been giving me a few pointers."
The older Link smiled. "Moral support."
Ganondorf settled in and got comfortable. "You know, of all of the bad guys I created, Morpha was always my favorite."
"Really? Mine too!" Link was ecstatic. "I always let myself get captured by Morpha at least once. It's a major thrill to get tossed around like that! Ow!"
Link rubbed his cheek where Zelda had just slapped him. "What was that for?"
"You have sat in here playing video games for a week, HERO. While I have had nothing to do but WORRY that you don't LOVE me anymore!" She grabbed his pointy ear and dragged him to his feet. "You're coming with me. Now!"
"Sorry, kid," Link apologized to his smaller self, "You're going to have to beat this one without me. Woman troubles."
Young Link nodded sagely. "I understand."
Link smiled. "You'd better. They'll be yours in a few years. Ouch!" And Zelda dragged Link out into the hall, slamming the door behind her. Samus and Peach decided it was an excellent time to learn to knit. On the other side of the house. They could not get there fast enough.
Zelda's voice was so loud, it made the ice climbers pause in their endless game of butter passing. In the room next door, Marth screamed into his pillow and put his hands over his ears. Roy peeked out the door at the two fighting.
"Hey, you guys don't happen to have anything I can throw out the window, do you? Marth won't let me throw his stuff."
Zelda turned toward him, her fury complete at being interrupted. If Roy had been a bit more aware, he might have noticed the fire in her eyes and the smoke pouring from her mouth. As it was, he was only saved from total annihilation by sheer luck. At that exact moment, Ganondorf burst out with "Wow! Onto the spikes! Morpha sure has a great throw." Zelda's eyes cooled, and her smile practically split her face.
Sweeter than cream, she addressed Roy. "Why yes, I believe I do have something you can throw." Link began to back away from her, his fear growing by the second. But it was not him she wanted. In a wink, Zelda swept back into the bedroom, strode to the television, and ripped the Nintendo 64 out of the wall. Then, despite Ganondorf's and Young Link's wails and protests, she calmly walked back out and handed the console to Roy. "Here you go, kind sir."
"Gee, thank's Zelda," Roy said, and went back into his room.
Link worked on getting up his courage to speak. "Um, Zelda."
She smiled her widest at him. "Problem solved!"
"Aww, man!" Ganondorf and Young Link groaned together.
At almost the same moment of this scene, back in the deep, dark, gross cellar, Dr. Mario let out a shout of triumph. "I have done it!" Mario picked himself up from the ground and came over to the table. There, in a tall beaker, was a beautiful, deep blue liquid. Next to it was an ice tray, filled. As Mario watched, the Doctor picked up a cube of ice with a pair of pliers and dropped it into the beaker. The liquid fizzed and bubbled for a few minutes as the ice melted. Once it was back to normal, Mario whispered, "Can I taste it now?"
"No, you fool! This is the concoction that will allow us to rule the Melee house! If you drink it, you will DIE instantly!"
"Why?"
"Because that is how we are going to rule the Melee house. By killing everyone with this concoction. Mwahahahaha!"
Mario was confused, as usual. "But, do you think there is enough for everyone? I mean, there's Pikachu and Yoshi and Fox and Kirby and Ness and- "
"Fool! All it takes is a drop. And once they are dead."
".we what? Fight ourselves?"
"YES!!"
They looked at each other, confused.
Back in the house, Donkey Kong was confused too. He had been having a wonderful dream, full of falling bananas, until it had mysteriously shattered. He had woken up with a start to find an N64 lying on his bed. He tried to eat it, but when he could not, he rolled over and went back to sleep.
Marth could do no such thing. "This is the last straw, Roy! No more throwing anything! I MEAN it!"
Roy blinked.
"And since I have completely given up sleep, I am going to go eat breakfast." He stomped toward the door. "And don't follow me!"
The halls had cleared by the time Marth got up. He entered the almost-empty kitchen and took a seat by himself. After a quick glance at Mewtwo, who seemed to be crying, he piled ten pancakes onto his plate and looked around for the butter.
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana gave it to him. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Popo." Popo sent it back. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana held it out, but before Popo could take it, Marth stood up.
In a deathly quiet voice, he said, "Please. Pass. The. Butter. Nana." Nana silently held it out, and as soon as he had taken it, the ice climbers bolted for the door, nearly knocking a beaker of blue liquid out of Dr. Mario's hand as he and Mario entered.
"Remember, Mario," the Doctor whispered. "Not a word to anyone."
Marth looked up at the noise, and gave his first smile of the day. "Blue koolaid, my favorite! You guys are so thoughtful!" Sweeping over to them, he grabbed the beaker out of Dr. Mario's hand and downed the entire glass in one gulp. "Ah! Great!" he said, wiping his mouth with his arm.
Mario stared incredulously. Marth stared back. "What?"
"You.you're not dead?"
"Why should I be?"
The plumber turned to Dr. Mario. "You said they would all die instantly! But he still lives, and he drank the whole thing!"
The Doctor was just as confused. "He should have died! I am sure of it! I made all of the right calculations. My measurements were precise, exactly as they were supposed to be. All of my ingredients were fresh.wait." He turned on Mario. "Remember the white bag I asked you to bring me, the poison to put in the ice cubes?" Mario nodded. "Well, what did the bag say?"
"Cyanide, just like you told me."
"Are you sure?"
Mario nodded.
"What color were the letters on the bag?"
".blue?"
Dr. Mario stared, wide-eyed. "That wasn't the cyanide, that was the sugar! You've ruined my plot, fool!"
Marth was amazed at the speed with which the irate Doctor tackled Mario. And his uppercut was even more impressive. They had been going at it a good five minutes or more when Falco walked in the room.
"Impressive," he remarked, coming to stand next to Marth. "Hey, have you seen my karaoke machine? Someone seems to have taken it, and I can't sing along to Whitney Houston anymore."
"No, can't say that I have," Marth replied, and added "thank goodness" under his breath.
"Bummer" Falco glanced around the rest of the room. "Say, why is Mewtwo crying?"
"Beats me."
At that moment, a large karaoke machine came hurtling through the door, hitting Dr. Mario on the head. Mario only had time for a startled "Wha.?" before he was knocked out too by a microphone.
"Hey, there it is!" Falco exclaimed. "Look at that! I've got some pretty good luck, eh Marth?"
Marth did not answer Falco's question. His yell shook the entire Melee house. "ROY!!"
Finis
Disclaimer: I always forget to write these, but I bet nobody minds anyway. None of this stuff is mine, okay?
The morning broke over the horizon.
"Roy! I told you not to throw your trophies around. Look what you've done now!" Marth was fuming, and it was only morning - well, it would have been morning, if Roy had not broken it.
"Great! Just great. Now it's going to be dark all day! Thanks a LOT, Roy!" And Marth went back to bed. Roy continued to throw things out of his window, hoping to hit a dream or two.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Melee house, in the farthest, darkest corner of the yard, deep in the moldy storm cellar below the old shack that no one ever goes in, Mario and Dr. Mario racked their brains.
"Hey, Dr. Mario, why are we racking our brains again?"
"Because they're air-dry only, idiot. Now, be quiet and let me think."
"About what?"
"About our plot to rule the Melee house."
"What plot?"
"The one I'm concocting right now!"
"Oh. Can I taste it?"
"No! It 's not finished. Now, go watch our brains and make sure they don't get wrinkled."
"Okay." Mario got up and walked to the stairs leading outside. Leaning forward, he could just see a bit of sky.
"The sky looks strange today," he remarked to himself. "It's full of these big clouds which look amazingly like the heads of Princess Peach, Samus, and Princess Zelda.
"That's interesting. Their mouths and eyes even move. If I didn't know they were clouds, I'd swear they were the real things." Mario climbed halfway up to get a better look.
"Hey, Mario. What are you doing?"
Shocked, Mario leaned back and fell down the stairs. Samus shrugged. "I didn't think I was that scary." Zelda and Peach laughed, and the three continued their conversation as they headed to breakfast.
"So," Peach said to Zelda, "You tried making dinner for Link? He loves your cooking."
Zelda sighed. "Yes, I tried that, but he just said he wasn't hungry. You know how he can go for days without eating."
"Maybe you should suggest a vacation," Samus put in.
"No good. He's perfectly happy where he is." Zelda let out a noisy sob. "Without me!"
"There, there," Peach exchanged a concerned glance with Samus behind Zelda's back. Samus shrugged. They all went in to breakfast.
Despite the morning being unusually dark, there were already several people at the table. Mr. Game and Watch gave them a welcoming beep when they entered. Mewtwo ignored them completely. The reason for this was the ice climbers. They sat next to each other at the far end of the table, lost in their own world.
"Please pass the butter, Popo." Popo obliged. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana handed it over. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Popo." He held it out. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nan-"
[I can't take this anymore]! Mewtwo's eyes glowed with desperation and anger. [All they do is pass the butter back and forth! Neither one of them uses it, they just pass it, back and forth, back and forth, forever!] A blue nimbus began to glow around the irate pokémon. [And every second, my pancakes are getting colder, and colder, and colder!] Mewtwo broke down in a flood of silent tears. This so surprised Zelda that she stopped her own crying to watch.
Samus decided things were a little too high-strung for breakfast. "Let's come back later, guys, okay?" Peach nodded, and the trio headed back toward the door.
But before they could get through it, Ganondorf came bustling in, calling over his shoulder, "Next time, if you don't want to get hurt, don't ask to see my moves!" He chuckled to himself as he took a place at the table.
"Roommate troubles?" Samus asked him.
"Yep, but I took care of it," Ganondorf replied.
Zelda had a sudden, brilliant idea. "Ganondorf, um, I was wondering if you could do me a small favor?"
"Anything for you, babe. What's on your mind?"
Zelda explained the situation. "Well, you see, lately Link has been.ignoring me. I don't know why. Maybe it's something I did, but he hasn't said anything. And I.miss him. So, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind, say, kidnapping me, so Link can come and rescue me?"
Ganondorf got up quickly. His eyes were blazing. "What? No one ignores Zelda and gets away with it! Where is that kid, so I can pound him?"
Zelda smiled at Peach and Samus. "He's in his room." They all followed as Ganondorf stormed down the hall.
The door was open, so they could hear Link's voice before they got there. "Right, now you've got to raise the water level up to the middle again. That's in the pillar. And there's a room down there, under the brown floating block. Be careful not to land on the spikes when you sink down."
"LINK!!" Ganondorf roared. He closed the door so he could slam it open. Then he stalked into the room and tried to look as menacing as possible. He knew his blue duck pajamas detracted from the effect, but there was nothing he could do about that.
"Link," he repeated, "You are hereby challenged to a duel. I have kidnapped your precious Princess Zelda, and you must. What are you doing? Is that the Water Temple?" Ganondorf moved into the room and sat down on a bed. Young Link paused the game to give him a wave.
"Link's been giving me a few pointers."
The older Link smiled. "Moral support."
Ganondorf settled in and got comfortable. "You know, of all of the bad guys I created, Morpha was always my favorite."
"Really? Mine too!" Link was ecstatic. "I always let myself get captured by Morpha at least once. It's a major thrill to get tossed around like that! Ow!"
Link rubbed his cheek where Zelda had just slapped him. "What was that for?"
"You have sat in here playing video games for a week, HERO. While I have had nothing to do but WORRY that you don't LOVE me anymore!" She grabbed his pointy ear and dragged him to his feet. "You're coming with me. Now!"
"Sorry, kid," Link apologized to his smaller self, "You're going to have to beat this one without me. Woman troubles."
Young Link nodded sagely. "I understand."
Link smiled. "You'd better. They'll be yours in a few years. Ouch!" And Zelda dragged Link out into the hall, slamming the door behind her. Samus and Peach decided it was an excellent time to learn to knit. On the other side of the house. They could not get there fast enough.
Zelda's voice was so loud, it made the ice climbers pause in their endless game of butter passing. In the room next door, Marth screamed into his pillow and put his hands over his ears. Roy peeked out the door at the two fighting.
"Hey, you guys don't happen to have anything I can throw out the window, do you? Marth won't let me throw his stuff."
Zelda turned toward him, her fury complete at being interrupted. If Roy had been a bit more aware, he might have noticed the fire in her eyes and the smoke pouring from her mouth. As it was, he was only saved from total annihilation by sheer luck. At that exact moment, Ganondorf burst out with "Wow! Onto the spikes! Morpha sure has a great throw." Zelda's eyes cooled, and her smile practically split her face.
Sweeter than cream, she addressed Roy. "Why yes, I believe I do have something you can throw." Link began to back away from her, his fear growing by the second. But it was not him she wanted. In a wink, Zelda swept back into the bedroom, strode to the television, and ripped the Nintendo 64 out of the wall. Then, despite Ganondorf's and Young Link's wails and protests, she calmly walked back out and handed the console to Roy. "Here you go, kind sir."
"Gee, thank's Zelda," Roy said, and went back into his room.
Link worked on getting up his courage to speak. "Um, Zelda."
She smiled her widest at him. "Problem solved!"
"Aww, man!" Ganondorf and Young Link groaned together.
At almost the same moment of this scene, back in the deep, dark, gross cellar, Dr. Mario let out a shout of triumph. "I have done it!" Mario picked himself up from the ground and came over to the table. There, in a tall beaker, was a beautiful, deep blue liquid. Next to it was an ice tray, filled. As Mario watched, the Doctor picked up a cube of ice with a pair of pliers and dropped it into the beaker. The liquid fizzed and bubbled for a few minutes as the ice melted. Once it was back to normal, Mario whispered, "Can I taste it now?"
"No, you fool! This is the concoction that will allow us to rule the Melee house! If you drink it, you will DIE instantly!"
"Why?"
"Because that is how we are going to rule the Melee house. By killing everyone with this concoction. Mwahahahaha!"
Mario was confused, as usual. "But, do you think there is enough for everyone? I mean, there's Pikachu and Yoshi and Fox and Kirby and Ness and- "
"Fool! All it takes is a drop. And once they are dead."
".we what? Fight ourselves?"
"YES!!"
They looked at each other, confused.
Back in the house, Donkey Kong was confused too. He had been having a wonderful dream, full of falling bananas, until it had mysteriously shattered. He had woken up with a start to find an N64 lying on his bed. He tried to eat it, but when he could not, he rolled over and went back to sleep.
Marth could do no such thing. "This is the last straw, Roy! No more throwing anything! I MEAN it!"
Roy blinked.
"And since I have completely given up sleep, I am going to go eat breakfast." He stomped toward the door. "And don't follow me!"
The halls had cleared by the time Marth got up. He entered the almost-empty kitchen and took a seat by himself. After a quick glance at Mewtwo, who seemed to be crying, he piled ten pancakes onto his plate and looked around for the butter.
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana gave it to him. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Popo." Popo sent it back. "Thank you."
"Please pass the butter, Nana." Nana held it out, but before Popo could take it, Marth stood up.
In a deathly quiet voice, he said, "Please. Pass. The. Butter. Nana." Nana silently held it out, and as soon as he had taken it, the ice climbers bolted for the door, nearly knocking a beaker of blue liquid out of Dr. Mario's hand as he and Mario entered.
"Remember, Mario," the Doctor whispered. "Not a word to anyone."
Marth looked up at the noise, and gave his first smile of the day. "Blue koolaid, my favorite! You guys are so thoughtful!" Sweeping over to them, he grabbed the beaker out of Dr. Mario's hand and downed the entire glass in one gulp. "Ah! Great!" he said, wiping his mouth with his arm.
Mario stared incredulously. Marth stared back. "What?"
"You.you're not dead?"
"Why should I be?"
The plumber turned to Dr. Mario. "You said they would all die instantly! But he still lives, and he drank the whole thing!"
The Doctor was just as confused. "He should have died! I am sure of it! I made all of the right calculations. My measurements were precise, exactly as they were supposed to be. All of my ingredients were fresh.wait." He turned on Mario. "Remember the white bag I asked you to bring me, the poison to put in the ice cubes?" Mario nodded. "Well, what did the bag say?"
"Cyanide, just like you told me."
"Are you sure?"
Mario nodded.
"What color were the letters on the bag?"
".blue?"
Dr. Mario stared, wide-eyed. "That wasn't the cyanide, that was the sugar! You've ruined my plot, fool!"
Marth was amazed at the speed with which the irate Doctor tackled Mario. And his uppercut was even more impressive. They had been going at it a good five minutes or more when Falco walked in the room.
"Impressive," he remarked, coming to stand next to Marth. "Hey, have you seen my karaoke machine? Someone seems to have taken it, and I can't sing along to Whitney Houston anymore."
"No, can't say that I have," Marth replied, and added "thank goodness" under his breath.
"Bummer" Falco glanced around the rest of the room. "Say, why is Mewtwo crying?"
"Beats me."
At that moment, a large karaoke machine came hurtling through the door, hitting Dr. Mario on the head. Mario only had time for a startled "Wha.?" before he was knocked out too by a microphone.
"Hey, there it is!" Falco exclaimed. "Look at that! I've got some pretty good luck, eh Marth?"
Marth did not answer Falco's question. His yell shook the entire Melee house. "ROY!!"
Finis