Booth bit his lip as she walked away from him again. It was either that or cry; and right now he was not sure if they would be tears of frustration. She had done this to him once before and, like the gambler he was he had just upped the stakes and gone right back for more. Like each time he lost a bet, this one has bigger and worth more. He felt battered. He felt bruised.
Watching her taxi drive away when they had first met was hard, but more because he had been left with a different kind of anguish to the one he was feeling now. Even back then, he'd had an inkling that they could have been good together, but he knew that he hadn't really been planning much further than ahead than the bedroom. This was something else.
He'd poured his heart out to her reasoned with her and tried to allay her fears but in the end, he knew it was futile. Once she made up her mind she could never be swayed, he learned that the hard way over the years. He had to let her leave. Sooner or later he would have to deal with the fact that they would now never be, this had been their last shot and they both knew it. He had nothing more to offer her other than himself and, in the end even that had not been enough.
What would happen between them now, he didn't know. He had to let her find her own way and hope that way would involve love of some kind from someone. In his soul he wanted to believe that she felt something for him too. Her words allowed him to think that and he was grateful for that at least. She had been through a lot in her life which was bound to have impacted on her. He was no expert on these matters but he suspected she feared he would abandon her if he loved her, because i was impossible for her to liev up to his standards. If only he could prove she already did that and more.
Sighing he placed his head in his hands but felt no better. Right now he was confused and very angry but he was unsure who at. Himself for being so stupid as to think he could make Bones believe that love was real and that she was worthy of it, Bones for not believing him or Sweets for pressing him to do what he had been dying to for so long now. Eventually, he decided that they all had their own parts to play and blamed everyone equally.
Driving home that night he prayed harder than he had in a long time, hoping that God would realise he had never meant to hurt her and give them both the strength to stay friends and partners. She may have left him in the street but he could not lose her forever. They had come too far together and knew each other too well. He knew her better than Max and she better than his Grandpa. She could deny it all she wanted but they needed each other, at least in some way.
The thing that had broken his heart most was the tears in her eyes and that he had caused them. He had seen her cry so many times but this one had been the hardest. He knew he'd done this in the past but this was different. This time he had not nearly died. He had tried to offer her his heart but broken hers in the process. He had forgotten, in a moment of pure madness that she relied only on facts and certainties and never took risks. She would never change and neither would he. She could, if she would let herself, but he could not. He was an addict now. The gambler lived on in his blood and always would. Tonight had proved that he would never stop. He had gone all in on a whim and now would have to face the consequences. The fact that the chips were friendship and love made no difference. After all, no one ever said that all you could ever only gamble with was money.