A/N- This story is related to another story of mine, Eye Contact, so I
suggest you read that one first. If you read this first, you probably won't
understand it as well as if you read Eye Contact first.
Sevvie's Raven-Haired Advice Column
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat"
Dear Sevvie,
My evil cane is not shiny, and no matter how hard I try to shine it, it just doesn't look the same as it used to! I mean, it was my best friend! The evil snake even looks sad. It doesn't accent my hair like it used to! Do you have advice on what kind of polish to use?
Signed, My Evil Cane Lacks Luster
RESPONSE- My advice to you about your evil cane? Stick it up your arse.
Dear Sevvie,
My contacts--which by the way, accent my eyes just beautifully!-come out whenever it rains on the Quidditch pitch. Do you have a way to keep them in?
Signed, Contacts Comin' Out
RESPONSE- Well maybe you should try looking downward when playing in the rain. That way you're contacts will stay in and accent your eyes just beautifully!
Dear Sevvie,
My sister is obnoxious lately. She has recently started going out with a guy-I won't mention any names, but MICHAEL CORNER-and is extremely snotty. How do I deal-and shut her up?
Signed, Stinky Sis
RESPONSE- Tell her she's a snot. Tell her that as long as she's going out with Michael Corner she cannot be poopish.
Dear Sevvie, I is not happy with my new Sock. I has been wearing my Sock for some time now and I is thinking that it is getting stinky. Although I is still worshiping the Sock, I would appreciate it if I is getting a better way to clean the Sock. Will you be helping I?
Signed, I Is Sad About Sock
RESPONSE- Use soap, elf.
Dear Sevvie, I have a problem. Well, I'm the ONLY one in all of Hogwarts that reads Hogwarts, a History and I am sick of it. Why can't other people have common courtesy and read the lesson? How can I convince them that Hogwarts, a History isn't history?
Signed, Unhappy About Stupidity
RESPONSE- Granger, take some advice from someone who just heard all about socks. Stick a sock in it, know-it-all.
Sevvie's Raven-Haired Advice Column
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat"
Dear Sevvie,
My evil cane is not shiny, and no matter how hard I try to shine it, it just doesn't look the same as it used to! I mean, it was my best friend! The evil snake even looks sad. It doesn't accent my hair like it used to! Do you have advice on what kind of polish to use?
Signed, My Evil Cane Lacks Luster
RESPONSE- My advice to you about your evil cane? Stick it up your arse.
Dear Sevvie,
My contacts--which by the way, accent my eyes just beautifully!-come out whenever it rains on the Quidditch pitch. Do you have a way to keep them in?
Signed, Contacts Comin' Out
RESPONSE- Well maybe you should try looking downward when playing in the rain. That way you're contacts will stay in and accent your eyes just beautifully!
Dear Sevvie,
My sister is obnoxious lately. She has recently started going out with a guy-I won't mention any names, but MICHAEL CORNER-and is extremely snotty. How do I deal-and shut her up?
Signed, Stinky Sis
RESPONSE- Tell her she's a snot. Tell her that as long as she's going out with Michael Corner she cannot be poopish.
Dear Sevvie, I is not happy with my new Sock. I has been wearing my Sock for some time now and I is thinking that it is getting stinky. Although I is still worshiping the Sock, I would appreciate it if I is getting a better way to clean the Sock. Will you be helping I?
Signed, I Is Sad About Sock
RESPONSE- Use soap, elf.
Dear Sevvie, I have a problem. Well, I'm the ONLY one in all of Hogwarts that reads Hogwarts, a History and I am sick of it. Why can't other people have common courtesy and read the lesson? How can I convince them that Hogwarts, a History isn't history?
Signed, Unhappy About Stupidity
RESPONSE- Granger, take some advice from someone who just heard all about socks. Stick a sock in it, know-it-all.