So this is why I'm here, I thought amused. Through the dim light, I could
not make out the girl directly opposite of me, her arms crossed and her
voice grave. She had, eventually, told me everything and honestly I was not
at the least surprised. Not at all. Throughout my life I knew I
was...different, but to what extent I never knew.
Now I did. It didn't change anything, not emotionally anyway. Physically on the other hand...amazing. I was not bound to weak limitations and my dreams could finally be reality. Although other people, who had once been my physical equal, did not know what I was now, they sensed it and looked at me strange. I loved it. So, dressed in tight overalls and a t-shirt I went on my first "slaying", not very excited or scared. I might as well be buying potatoes at the grocery- evil, cold vegetables from the depths of hell. A pointed wooden stake in hand, I roamed through the city for whatever vampire might be lurking the sullen streets. Two nights later I was still in the same mess- no vampire, no evilness, so massive pile of exploding dust. By the fifth day I was itching for a fight, to push my stake through a chest and smell the ashiness and, supposedly, a vague smell of cindery chestnuts.
The nights lengthened from the moment the sun went down, the moment it peeped from the horizon, a ball of light laughing at my failure, looking down at me. I watched the condescending light, hating it more and more. Instead of relinquishing the brightness, I felt disgusted and humiliated. Every time the sun showed, it reminded myself of my lack of success. It burned my eyes and my soul, and every time I witnessed a sunrise I promised myself that I would do better, kill better.
I called Her everyday now, and as I contemplated more she was actually God. She had created me, what I was now, and I told her that. Instead of being pleased she laughed. That angered me, in a way that I never thought I would feel- scorching rage, seething, unable to see straight. After a few moments, however, I collected myself a bit and inquired what in the world was so damn funny?
To which she answered, half-laughingly, half-bitterly, that she didn't create who I was, I did, and even so why should I be happy? Killing was sinful, even in this perspective, and certainly I should not be joyous.
I hung up on her. I still thought she was God, anyway.
Two weeks had passed and I noticed dark circles etched under my eyes as if an artist had gone crazy with the charcoal pencil. Lines creased my face, especially around my tight lips. I had a perpetual scowl, but I couldn't help it, I was so restless. I wanted to make a difference, to save lives! Unfortunately, my town simply was devoid of anything interesting, of evil entirely. I am the slayer, I thought. All right, not the, a. But maybe if I played my cards right, I would be considered THE, the only one worth talking about. I did the only thing I could do, that anyone could do under those circumstances- I left. Brooklyn was the answer, there must be hundreds, thousands of vampires! On the bus I decided not to think of deserting my family, my friends, my school but taking a step toward the future. Toward world unity! For if you thought of all the people I was going to save by destroying one creature, that is more than all I left behind. When I got off the bus I immediately scanned the area, laughing inwardly, frenzied out of my wits. Not even thinking about the people who might observe the killings, I pulled out my stake and ran, ran as fast as I could to the nearest club.
Vampires were like misquitos drawn to the light of the clubs, I thought, and no wonder. Music throbbed, people danced and screamed and sang, moving and shaking and grinding. However, I had no intent to have fun, for there was no better fun than saving a light. I pulled off the sunglasses that were almost glued to my face to keep off light. To find a vampire, I had to think like one, and avoiding humanity pleasures was one of their thoughts.
Silently, I watched a vampire lure out a prospective victim with long blonde hair and hazel eyes, and I was tranfixed. How stupid they were- the unnerved people, not the vampire! He was sneaky, as they all were. Smiling, humming a little, I followed quickly. His eyes were watching her like a hawk watches a mouse, glowing, glinting. Evil. Hate surged through my veins and it fueled the muscles of my arms that brought the stake into his back.
Missed!
A line of curses jumbled from my mouth, tumbling, incoherent. My limbs trembled and I didn't move at all, shocked. Mutely, I watched the vampire glare, sneer, laugh, and run. Very clumsily I tried to follow, hopping over beer bottles and steering away from sharp buildings. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, my lungs screaming and my legs yearning for rest, he slipped from my fingers. So close. Tears ran down my face and I was hungry for another try.
I rented a barren apartment in a forsaken building, with one room but it was adequate. A sunken bed hung at the corner, looking more tired than I was every time I weakly lay on it. After I closed my eyes, I dreamt of weapons and blood and demons dancing happily, taunting me. I no longer cried; I was much to strong to lower myself like that. Emotions were stupid and went in the way of actions, or the actions that were to be.
Sweat drenched from me the following nights. The vampires got away, half of them killing their victims because I wanted too long. The only one I managed to crush was a new-born, not yet a murderer. This mere killing was not sustaining and I felt like I was going to burst! "Something has got to change," I uttered aloud, lying on the musty carpet in my room and staring at the crumbling ceiling. Although I was incredibly strong I felt weak, hopeless, and helpless. If a tree falls and no one hears it.it was the same as if a Slayer was strong and could not show it.
One sweltering June night when everyone stayed indoors with the air- conditioning full blast, I came across a small club called the Martini Olive. True to it's name, an illuminated olive shone at the window, an animation of the little vegetable being dipped into a martini glass. I thought it was intriguing, charming with an edge, and stalked through the dirty glass door.
For a while all I did was stand and look at the surroundings, watching amber liquid being poured into crystal glasses, classy, sexy people daintily sipping and giggling amongst their friends. Some shot me looks but I was used to it. I was beautiful, at least I used to be, I wasn't so sure now. I liked to think of myself as dangerously attractive although no vampires ever hit on me so I was unable to lure them out. Maybe they knew. A couple hours passed and I was sitting at a booth, my eyes closed and letting the alternative music ricochet off the walls, bouncing into each other. Did I actually used to enjoy this crap? I was so glad I was told my destiny; it had opened new doors for me. Only as a Slayer did I realize how stupid I used to be, like them. I watched quietly as couple conversed silently, smiling. The man twined his fingers through her silky hair, and vaguely I remembered my boyfriend. So long ago.
Suddenly, they were up, the man's arm around the woman's and they walked pass me unheeding. I bolted upright, throwing off my sunglasses. Vampire! My chance! This time I was ready- I had a blade tied to my ankle, two stakes up my sleeves, holy water in my pocket. Three crucifixes rested around my neck- I was like a gigantic cross, with a crosses tattooed around my throat and little crosses on my nails. I rushed out with a jingling of necklaces and weapons and knee high boots.
They were in the thin alley, cans littering the ground and cigarette butts here and there. Absently, I smelled blood, recent and old and I knew vampires had struck here before many times. The man had started feeding, his mouth to her neck.
I ran fast and I shoved the girl away from harm. There was no need for comforting words, no time. I heard her fall into a pile of trash but immediately my thoughts were on the scared looking vampire across from me. Before he could react I pushed my stake through his chest and dark blood oozed from the wound, from his mouth. I waited for the dust.
The body fell to a writhing heap at my feet, but there were no fireworks of ash, no plume of ash. I felt my knees grow week like Jello, quivering, and gradually I realized I made a horrible, horrible mistake. Slowly, I turned around and was greeted by glowing eyes, demonic face. The girl. The girl was the vampire.
I blocked a blow to my face, lashed out with my boot. It came in contact with her knee but she didn't flinch. A quick whip of her hand and I found myself bruised and bloodied on the ground. She was laughing and I wanted to rip that smile off her face and throw it against the wall.
"Dirty, nasty, evil vampire," I hissed, struggling to my feet. She punched me again and I fell to my knees. "You belong in hell. In another dimension. You. Don't. Belong. Here! With the civilized humans." I growled through clenched teeth.
The girl's eyebrows raised in amusement and she said lightly, "Oh and you do?"
How ignorant! "Of course! I'm the Slayer!"
"You mean 'a'," she prompted and I replied with a withering glare. "How are you better than 'us'? Have you enjoyed human life? Have you made any friends, watched television, and the other things people do?" A smile flickered. "No. I'm more human then you are. Isolated from humanity, from the sun, you are a predator. And I'm a slayer, for the demons and vampires of the shadows. Don't we have rights too? I'm a savior, a better one." She reached down at that, held me by my throat and began to squeeze. I flailed like a fish, striking at air, gasping for breath. "I'm saving you from damnation," she said sweetly, "because you are ruining lives too. You ruined his," she nodded to the body, "and you are ruining yours."
She began to squeeze tighter and I saw a flood of red, then black when abruptly I fell to the ground wheezing. Slayer. Buffy. She regarded me curiously and darkly, standing behind a burst of sifting dust. Coldly I laughed and saw the worry on her face, grimacing at my humor. "Poor innocent souls," I finally choked out, "they've never had the pleasure to be a Slayer. But I have." Tears ran down her face and they ran down mine. She understood the irony of what I had said.
Quietly she murmured, "I just saved your life."
No you didn't! I screamed wordlessly. I had no life. I had to save myself from the darkness, and I pulled out the knife from my ankle and brought it to my throat, slitting it quickly. Before the blackness overcame me I was in perfect clarity and I understood everything. I was a Slayer. I was Chosen.
God help the Slayers.
[Note- who do you think she meant by God?]
Now I did. It didn't change anything, not emotionally anyway. Physically on the other hand...amazing. I was not bound to weak limitations and my dreams could finally be reality. Although other people, who had once been my physical equal, did not know what I was now, they sensed it and looked at me strange. I loved it. So, dressed in tight overalls and a t-shirt I went on my first "slaying", not very excited or scared. I might as well be buying potatoes at the grocery- evil, cold vegetables from the depths of hell. A pointed wooden stake in hand, I roamed through the city for whatever vampire might be lurking the sullen streets. Two nights later I was still in the same mess- no vampire, no evilness, so massive pile of exploding dust. By the fifth day I was itching for a fight, to push my stake through a chest and smell the ashiness and, supposedly, a vague smell of cindery chestnuts.
The nights lengthened from the moment the sun went down, the moment it peeped from the horizon, a ball of light laughing at my failure, looking down at me. I watched the condescending light, hating it more and more. Instead of relinquishing the brightness, I felt disgusted and humiliated. Every time the sun showed, it reminded myself of my lack of success. It burned my eyes and my soul, and every time I witnessed a sunrise I promised myself that I would do better, kill better.
I called Her everyday now, and as I contemplated more she was actually God. She had created me, what I was now, and I told her that. Instead of being pleased she laughed. That angered me, in a way that I never thought I would feel- scorching rage, seething, unable to see straight. After a few moments, however, I collected myself a bit and inquired what in the world was so damn funny?
To which she answered, half-laughingly, half-bitterly, that she didn't create who I was, I did, and even so why should I be happy? Killing was sinful, even in this perspective, and certainly I should not be joyous.
I hung up on her. I still thought she was God, anyway.
Two weeks had passed and I noticed dark circles etched under my eyes as if an artist had gone crazy with the charcoal pencil. Lines creased my face, especially around my tight lips. I had a perpetual scowl, but I couldn't help it, I was so restless. I wanted to make a difference, to save lives! Unfortunately, my town simply was devoid of anything interesting, of evil entirely. I am the slayer, I thought. All right, not the, a. But maybe if I played my cards right, I would be considered THE, the only one worth talking about. I did the only thing I could do, that anyone could do under those circumstances- I left. Brooklyn was the answer, there must be hundreds, thousands of vampires! On the bus I decided not to think of deserting my family, my friends, my school but taking a step toward the future. Toward world unity! For if you thought of all the people I was going to save by destroying one creature, that is more than all I left behind. When I got off the bus I immediately scanned the area, laughing inwardly, frenzied out of my wits. Not even thinking about the people who might observe the killings, I pulled out my stake and ran, ran as fast as I could to the nearest club.
Vampires were like misquitos drawn to the light of the clubs, I thought, and no wonder. Music throbbed, people danced and screamed and sang, moving and shaking and grinding. However, I had no intent to have fun, for there was no better fun than saving a light. I pulled off the sunglasses that were almost glued to my face to keep off light. To find a vampire, I had to think like one, and avoiding humanity pleasures was one of their thoughts.
Silently, I watched a vampire lure out a prospective victim with long blonde hair and hazel eyes, and I was tranfixed. How stupid they were- the unnerved people, not the vampire! He was sneaky, as they all were. Smiling, humming a little, I followed quickly. His eyes were watching her like a hawk watches a mouse, glowing, glinting. Evil. Hate surged through my veins and it fueled the muscles of my arms that brought the stake into his back.
Missed!
A line of curses jumbled from my mouth, tumbling, incoherent. My limbs trembled and I didn't move at all, shocked. Mutely, I watched the vampire glare, sneer, laugh, and run. Very clumsily I tried to follow, hopping over beer bottles and steering away from sharp buildings. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, my lungs screaming and my legs yearning for rest, he slipped from my fingers. So close. Tears ran down my face and I was hungry for another try.
I rented a barren apartment in a forsaken building, with one room but it was adequate. A sunken bed hung at the corner, looking more tired than I was every time I weakly lay on it. After I closed my eyes, I dreamt of weapons and blood and demons dancing happily, taunting me. I no longer cried; I was much to strong to lower myself like that. Emotions were stupid and went in the way of actions, or the actions that were to be.
Sweat drenched from me the following nights. The vampires got away, half of them killing their victims because I wanted too long. The only one I managed to crush was a new-born, not yet a murderer. This mere killing was not sustaining and I felt like I was going to burst! "Something has got to change," I uttered aloud, lying on the musty carpet in my room and staring at the crumbling ceiling. Although I was incredibly strong I felt weak, hopeless, and helpless. If a tree falls and no one hears it.it was the same as if a Slayer was strong and could not show it.
One sweltering June night when everyone stayed indoors with the air- conditioning full blast, I came across a small club called the Martini Olive. True to it's name, an illuminated olive shone at the window, an animation of the little vegetable being dipped into a martini glass. I thought it was intriguing, charming with an edge, and stalked through the dirty glass door.
For a while all I did was stand and look at the surroundings, watching amber liquid being poured into crystal glasses, classy, sexy people daintily sipping and giggling amongst their friends. Some shot me looks but I was used to it. I was beautiful, at least I used to be, I wasn't so sure now. I liked to think of myself as dangerously attractive although no vampires ever hit on me so I was unable to lure them out. Maybe they knew. A couple hours passed and I was sitting at a booth, my eyes closed and letting the alternative music ricochet off the walls, bouncing into each other. Did I actually used to enjoy this crap? I was so glad I was told my destiny; it had opened new doors for me. Only as a Slayer did I realize how stupid I used to be, like them. I watched quietly as couple conversed silently, smiling. The man twined his fingers through her silky hair, and vaguely I remembered my boyfriend. So long ago.
Suddenly, they were up, the man's arm around the woman's and they walked pass me unheeding. I bolted upright, throwing off my sunglasses. Vampire! My chance! This time I was ready- I had a blade tied to my ankle, two stakes up my sleeves, holy water in my pocket. Three crucifixes rested around my neck- I was like a gigantic cross, with a crosses tattooed around my throat and little crosses on my nails. I rushed out with a jingling of necklaces and weapons and knee high boots.
They were in the thin alley, cans littering the ground and cigarette butts here and there. Absently, I smelled blood, recent and old and I knew vampires had struck here before many times. The man had started feeding, his mouth to her neck.
I ran fast and I shoved the girl away from harm. There was no need for comforting words, no time. I heard her fall into a pile of trash but immediately my thoughts were on the scared looking vampire across from me. Before he could react I pushed my stake through his chest and dark blood oozed from the wound, from his mouth. I waited for the dust.
The body fell to a writhing heap at my feet, but there were no fireworks of ash, no plume of ash. I felt my knees grow week like Jello, quivering, and gradually I realized I made a horrible, horrible mistake. Slowly, I turned around and was greeted by glowing eyes, demonic face. The girl. The girl was the vampire.
I blocked a blow to my face, lashed out with my boot. It came in contact with her knee but she didn't flinch. A quick whip of her hand and I found myself bruised and bloodied on the ground. She was laughing and I wanted to rip that smile off her face and throw it against the wall.
"Dirty, nasty, evil vampire," I hissed, struggling to my feet. She punched me again and I fell to my knees. "You belong in hell. In another dimension. You. Don't. Belong. Here! With the civilized humans." I growled through clenched teeth.
The girl's eyebrows raised in amusement and she said lightly, "Oh and you do?"
How ignorant! "Of course! I'm the Slayer!"
"You mean 'a'," she prompted and I replied with a withering glare. "How are you better than 'us'? Have you enjoyed human life? Have you made any friends, watched television, and the other things people do?" A smile flickered. "No. I'm more human then you are. Isolated from humanity, from the sun, you are a predator. And I'm a slayer, for the demons and vampires of the shadows. Don't we have rights too? I'm a savior, a better one." She reached down at that, held me by my throat and began to squeeze. I flailed like a fish, striking at air, gasping for breath. "I'm saving you from damnation," she said sweetly, "because you are ruining lives too. You ruined his," she nodded to the body, "and you are ruining yours."
She began to squeeze tighter and I saw a flood of red, then black when abruptly I fell to the ground wheezing. Slayer. Buffy. She regarded me curiously and darkly, standing behind a burst of sifting dust. Coldly I laughed and saw the worry on her face, grimacing at my humor. "Poor innocent souls," I finally choked out, "they've never had the pleasure to be a Slayer. But I have." Tears ran down her face and they ran down mine. She understood the irony of what I had said.
Quietly she murmured, "I just saved your life."
No you didn't! I screamed wordlessly. I had no life. I had to save myself from the darkness, and I pulled out the knife from my ankle and brought it to my throat, slitting it quickly. Before the blackness overcame me I was in perfect clarity and I understood everything. I was a Slayer. I was Chosen.
God help the Slayers.
[Note- who do you think she meant by God?]