Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, the dialogue in this fic, or its characters.

Just started watching Downton Abbey recently, and oh my word, you guys, I'm so obsessed. I've only seen season 1 so far (waiting impatiently for my hold on season 2 to arrive at my library!), but I adore it and I LOVE Mary and Matthew! So I had to write this little fic.

Basically, it's Mary's thoughts during ep. 5 of season 1, on the day when she and Matthew are at dinner. Originally it was a oneshot, but since I love Matthew so much, I'm also going to write a second chapter from his POV. :) Hope you enjoy!

I'm tempted to press my gloved hands to my mouth to cover a yawn, but I restrain myself. The flower displays are all truly lovely, but right now I'd like nothing more than to relax at home by myself. I'm having one of those days where I don't want to be around other people and play my role as the perfect daughter.

I force myself to pay attention to the conversation around me. Cousin Isobel gestures excitedly at Mr. Molseley's flowers. "But do look at these roses. Have you ever seen the like?" she exclaims.

"My dear Mrs. Crawley believes I am profiting from an unfair advantage," Granny says, with a hint of humor in her voice, as if the very idea is preposterous.

"Oh?" Mama says politely.

"She feels in the past I have been given the cup merely as a matter of routine, rather than merit." Granny shakes her head.

Matthew joins in on the conversation. "That's rather ungallant, Mother. I'm sure when we see Cousin Violet's roses, it will be hard to think they could be bettered," he says, unsuccessfully trying to settle the matter.

"Hard, but not impossible." Cousin Isobel gives a tight smile.

"You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I've never seen such reforming zeal," Granny says in a tone that would best be described as patronizing.

I look down to conceal the fact that I'm rolling my eyes.

"I take that as a compliment," Cousin Isobel says cheerfully.

"Oh, I must've said it wrong," Granny says, chuckling as she moves past me. I don't smile back.

"Poor Granny. She's not used to being challenged," I say to Matthew he steps up to me. Usually, Granny's veiled insults would immediately end an argument, but Cousin Isobel is determined to not let it get her down.

"Nor is Mother," Matthew says with a chuckle. "I think we should let them settle it between them."

I glance around at all the displays. "So are you interested in flowers?" I ask, deciding for small talk.

"I'm interested in the village. In fact, I'm on my way to inspect the cottages."

"You know what all work and no play did for Jack," I remind him.

"But you think I'm a dull boy anyway, don't you?" he says, a smile playing at his lips.

I tilt my head, unable to hide a smile.

"I play too," Matthew assures me. "I'm coming up for dinner tonight. I suspect I'm there to balance the numbers. Is it in aid of anything?"

"Not that I know of. Just a couple of dreary neighbors, that's all." Now, I think I'd almost rather stay here at the flower displays. It's not quite so boring in comparison to the dreaded dinner tonight.

Matthew raises his eyebrows. "Maybe I'll shine by comparison."

Before I have time to form a response, Granny calls out, "Mary, we're going."

"Maybe you will," is all I have time to say before sweeping past Matthew. Once I'm out of his sight, I let myself smile. It's strange, how he's turned out to not be quite so terrible as I once thought he was. It seems I actually enjoy bantering back and forth with him. Who would have thought?

Later that evening, I'm feeling terribly irritated after enduring such a long dinner. I had to go through one of Mama's lectures tonight, and hearing of the gossip about me in London has me worried. I want nothing more than to huddle in my room and ignore the world, but I make myself set aside my emotions and act like the good daughter.

Still, I can't bring myself to make conversation with Sir Anthony, besides polite smiles and brief replies when he makes remarks to me. He's dreadfully boring. Miraculously, Matthew is seated beside me, so I have someone to whisper and laugh with. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be able to bear this horrid dinner.

"Are we ever going to be allowed to turn?" I whisper to Matthew. His lips quirk up in a smile.

Then Edith speaks up from across the table, saying some nonsense to Sir Anthony about progress and the future. I stare at her in surprise, along with Mama and Sybil. Rarely does Edith start a conversation with someone.

I try not to roll my eyes during their short exchange, and instead lift my drink to my lips. This dinner is getting more ridiculous by the minute. A few minutes later, the servants come in with dessert. At last! I relax and serve myself a slice of cake.

"Mama has released me, thank God," I mutter to Matthew, leaning a little in his direction.

"Sir Anthony seems nice enough," he says with a noncommittal shrug.

"If you want to talk farming and foxes by the hour," I say, disgust coloring my voice at the idea. I meant what I said to Mama earlier tonight––I could never stand forty years of boredom married to someone like Sir Anthony. It would destroy my spirit completely.

"I'm rather looking forward to the flower show tomorrow," Matthew says, as if understanding that I want to change the subject. A grin crosses his face, presumably at the memory of his mother and Granny's little competition.

"Where Mr. Molseley's roses will turn everybody's heads. But if you tell Granny I said so, I'll denounce you as a liar," I tease him.

"I wouldn't dare," he says, smiling back at me. "I'll leave that to my fearless mother."

I chuckle, and I'm surprised to realize that it's a real laugh, not forced. Well. I guess that's a good thing, that Matthew and I can still be friends. "How are the cottages?" I ask him, again actually curious to hear the answer.

"They're coming on wonderfully. I'd love to show you," he answers, looking pleased at my interest.

I stare at him, feeling myself getting a little lost in his penetrating blue-eyed gaze. Thankfully, I'm jarred out of my silly staring as Sir Anthony exclaims loudly and starts gagging, attracting everyone's attention.

"What on earth?" Papa mutters.

"I do apologize, Lady Grantham," Sir Anthony stutters, bringing his napkin to his lips. "But I had a mouthful of salt."

"What?" Mama exclaims. There's a touch of panic in her movements as she inspects her own plate. Personally, I'm doing my best not to laugh. Sir Anthony's face as he was coughing up the cake was delightfully ridiculous.

"Everyone, put down your forks," Mama says in a calm yet stilted voice. "Carson, remove this. Bring fruit, bring cheese, bring anything to take this taste away. Sir Anthony, I am so sorry."

"Fains I be Mrs. Patmore's kitchen maid when the news gets out," Papa says, trying to lighten the mood.

I can't help myself. I lift my own napkin to my face to hide my silent giggles. When Matthew sees me he lets out a soft laugh too.

"Poor girl," Sybil agrees.

"We ought to send in a rescue party," I say with a sideways wink at Matthew.

"You must think us very disorganized," Edith says to Sir Anthony apologetically.

"No, not at all," he says, draining his glass in an effort to get rid of the salty taste. "These things happen."

I stifle another laugh and bring my napkin down, forcing my face to become serious before Mama scolds me. Ah, well at least something happened to make this dinner somewhat more entertaining.

Soon, we ladies finally get to leave the dining room. As we file into the parlor, everyone is discussing the dessert incident. "It seems hard that poor Sir Anthony had to pay the price," Edith says.

At that, my amusement at Edith's efforts to gain Sir Anthony's favor turns into annoyance. "Good God!" I say loudly. All eyes turn to me. Sybil chuckles with me, but Mama shoots me an angry glare.

"As for you giggling like a ridiculous schoolgirl with Cousin Matthew––it was pathetic," Edith says snidely, trying to sound superior.

I let myself finish laughing so it appears I'm not perturbed by her remark. Fine. If she wants to play this game, I'll play. I've learned how to pull off insults from the best––Granny. "Oh, poor Edith. I'm sorry Cousin Matthew's proved a disappointment to you."

"Who says he has?" she says, lifting her chin.

"Matthew," I say, turning my head so I'm staring straight at her. "He told me." Edith freezes, barely managing to keep her face composed. "Oh, sorry," I say, though I'm not sorry at all. "Wasn't I supposed to know?"

She doesn't meet my gaze.

"You were very helpful, Edith, looking after Sir Anthony," Mama says, breaking into our conversation. "You saved the day."

Oh, please. Doesn't Edith realize Mama is treating her like a little girl? 'Helpful'? 'Saved the day'? As if. Mama's just trying to make Edith feel better.

But apparently it works on her. "I enjoyed it," Edith says, regaining a little of her obstinacy. "We seemed to have a lot to talk about."

I stare at her as she gets up and walks to the other end of the room. Before I know what I'm doing, I get up and follow her. How can she think that she has a serious chance with Sir Anthony? "Spare me your boasting, please," I hiss at her as she take a sip from her cup of tea.

"Now who's jealous?" she says smugly.

"Jealous?" I can practically feel my eyebrows touching my hairline. "I could have that old booby if I wanted him."

"Even you can't take every prize," Edith says.

But I catch some resentment in her tone. What does she mean by this? Does she really like Sir Anthony, or is she just trying to beat me to him? "Is that a challenge?" I reply quickly.

"If you like."

My lips curl up just slightly at the corners. I'll show her.

As soon as the door opens and the men begin to enter, I turn and smile flirtatiously at Sir Anthony. "Ah! I've been waiting for you. I've found a book over here and I think it's just the thing to catch your interest." I can sense Edith walking behind me, but she's too late. I fly by Matthew, and I can see a slight feeling of betrayal on his open face.

I'm surprised by the twinge of sadness I feel, knowing I've deserted him. I'll have to explain later. Surely he'll understand.

"I'm intrigued. What could it be?" Sir Anthony asks, smiling pleasantly as I take his arm and lead him over to a table. I point to the open page, explaining my thoughts.

"So right, Lady Mary. How clever you are. This is exactly what we have to be aware of," Sir Anthony says, still beaming. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Edith standing to the side, but I pointedly ignore her. "There's a section just here that I was rather unsure about," I say instead.

Holding the book, Sir Anthony thanks me profusely. Mere moments later, I glance around for Matthew, only to see him walking out. Oh no. "Excuse me, Sir Anthony." I touch his arm and hurry out of the room.

"Has Mr. Crawley left?" I ask breathlessly, nearly running into one of the footmen, William, in the hall.

"Yes, m'lady."

"But what about the car? Branson can't have brought it round so quickly," I say in dismay. How can he be so determined to go right away?

"Well, he said he'd rather walk, m'lady."

"Thank you." Still, I rush to the door and stand by the window to catch sight of Matthew walking home alone in the dark. I rub my forehead with the heel of my hand, feeling foolish for snubbing him––for what? A little competition I wasn't even serious about?

Standing there alone, I wonder if Matthew and I will ever be able to have a friendship that's not constantly changing. Or if I'll ever be able to undo my mistake so that we might have the chance to be something more than friends. Somehow, the idea of being in love with Matthew doesn't seem so ridiculous anymore. It seems like a possibility.

I cling to that hope as I watch him leave.

Thanks for reading! By the way, the title is inspired by Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." I listened to it a good deal while writing this, as I think it portrays Mary and Matthew's relationship well. I'd love it if you have a moment to leave a quick review. :)

Chapter 2, the final chapter from Matthew's POV, will be posted in about a week's time!