2/27/17

It has been AGES! Lots of things have happened. Between losing motivation and becoming pretty obsessed with the Xenoblade Chronicles X discord as well as moving locations and dealing with realtor woes and house selling drama and family drama and bullshit and then my flash drive getting corrupted causing me to lose all my X Screenshots and the "hard copies" of my fan art and fan fiction...it's been nuts. So I did lose Skells & Love 12 "Mission" but luckily I'd only written a few thousand words and they didn't even get to the battle yet so...not too big of a loss. It just killed my motivation even more.

Anyway, I have been submitting fan art and some Discord related stories over on my tumblr but it's about time I got back to fic writing. This piece is a lil thing I've wanted to write for FOREVER. Basically, as the title implies it deals with chapter 11 of the game where...well. Y'know. The stupid shit happens.

This chapter specifically is the 'canon' version of the events of Chapter 11 as performed by my Cross: Kruse. So the game? Nope that did not happen, this happened instead. The following chapter is 'canon' to the lore of the Kruse & Jaynix fics. It doesn't affect much but it is what it is.

I have more to say but there are more ANs in the future so! Until then...I hope I stick around longer this time and don't vanish into the ether.

Kruse's Words

It was in the silence of this moment that Kruse found himself…thinking.

He did that a lot.

He got carried away with it more than he cared to admit.

It almost always came down to someone, usually Elma, waving her hand in front of his face or asking if he was alright.

In this particular instance, he wasn't.

How did they get here?

How did this happen?

He stood now with Elma and Lin, facing the wrecked Prog Ares and the fallen traitor, Lao.

From the moment Kruse entered the hangar back in NLA and saw Lao taking the Prog Ares and all the data that they needed to find the Lifehold he'd been trying to understand what it was that was burning inside him. What it was he was feeling. What it was he was trying to comprehend.

They were all going to die.

Those were the thoughts of despair that flooded his mind when Lao escaped the Hangar with the information on where the Lifehold was and his goal was clearly to take it to the Ganglion.

He's hand it over to them.

The Ganglion would find the Lifehold.

They'd destroy it.

And everyone would die.

All for what?

What could have happened to Lao? What could've been done to him that he believes he's justified in wiping humanity from existence? How badly was he burned?

There had to be a reason why?

Kruse always saw Lao as far too laid back on the job. Lazy. Lacking drive. Whenever he came along for a mission, Kruse swallowed his spite and smiled.

For whatever reason, Lin was attached to him.

He bit his tongue for far too long.

When Elma presented the idea, the theory that Lao was a traitor…Kruse couldn't deny it…he felt that it was a possibility. Because of all things, Lao definitely never seemed to be in a hurry to find the Lifehold.

In fact, thinking back on it now.

He almost sounded relieved when they didn't find it.

He always jumped at any chance that a mission might take them to it…so he could destroy it.

Why?

Why would a man wish for the end of his species?

Then came the words.

He stood with Lin and Elma, facing Lao and the Prog Ares as he ranted about why it is he decided to betray humanity, about why it is everyone deserved death.

And his reasons did nothing but anger Kruse.

His reasons…

…were nonexistent.

His reasons were just things he told himself to justify himself…to himself.

Filled with rage over Lao's petty agenda, Kruse threw himself at the Prog Ares with everything he had.

It was reckless anger, Elma did her best to cover Kruse during the battle but the Harrier was determined to rip Lao out of the Skell and beat him to death with his own fists.

The final strike rendered the experimental Skell, worthless and ejected Lao from it onto the floor.

Kruse had a lot that he wanted to say and even more that he wanted to do.

Any action he wanted to take was preemptively halted by Elma drawing her gun. He saw the resolve in her eyes. She was going to do it. He knew.

Her eyes very briefly moved to Kruse, not asking permission. She didn't need it. She just wanted to know what he thought.

Kruse returned her resolve with his own.

Any further action and Kruse's own inner thoughts were derailed when Lin placed herself between them and Lao. Asking Elma to put her gun down and spare Lao.

"Get out of the way, Lin!"

"No! I…I can't let you do this!"

"Lin!"

Her eyes moved to Kruse who was shaking his head.

"What are you doing? Why are you defending Lao? You know what he tried to do to us right? All of us, you included. He was going to get us all killed!"

Lin just stared at Kruse, her eyes moving to Elma then back to him. The two people she respected and fought alongside for the last few months were standing against her.

She felt her legs shaking but refused to back down.

"Can't you…at least understand why he did this? He was in pain! He doesn't…he doesn't deserve to die for this!"

Elma closed her eyes before speaking.

"Lin, everyone has suffered."

"Think about everyone we've helped, Lin."

The young girl looked at Kruse.

"Just think. How many of the people back in NLA lost members of their family. Their neighbors. Their loved ones. A majority of us just didn't make it off the Earth. They didn't make it to Mira. Almost everyone back in NLA has lost someone they cared about, some lost everyone but despite that they're still here trying to save what is left of us!"

Kruse let out a heavy sigh. "Irina. Gwin. Doug. Chausson. Nagi. Vandham…you. We've all lost people close to us…but we've pushed forward. None of us are using our trauma as an excuse for mass extinction!"

Elma opened her eyes, looking over to Kruse briefly before returning her gaze to Lin.

"Listen to him, Lin. Listen to us. Move. Please."

Despite everything, Lin stood in place. The only way she was being moved was if Kruse moved her himself. And truth be told. He was about to, when Lao spoke up.

"I'm not worth it."

Lin turned to the man who was now holding out the drive that contained the information on the Lifehold's location.

"Lin. To think you'd stand against both of them…for me…it…"

He shook his head as Lin took the drive from him.

"Thank you. Lao."

In unison Kruse and Elma let out heavy sighs, Elma putting her gun away and approaching.

Kruse could not hide the disgust in his face over the idea of letting Lao live and especially not over the idea of bringing him back to NLA to fix him up. But Elma had a point.

He needed to pay for what he's done. For all the lives lost because of him.

"Let's go. Who knows how much time we have before the Ganglion reach the Lifehold."

Kruse nodded to Elma.

"We'll make it. I know we will."

She smiled "We will."

She and Lin turned and began walking away.

"Of course you'd side with her…"

Kruse turned his attention back to Lao.

"Who could've seen that coming?"

He chuckled, shaking his head.

Kruse clenched his fists.

"Don't talk about her. Ever."

"Y'know…I could always tell that you never liked me…you didn't hide it well."

Kruse narrowed his eyes "What makes you think I wanted to hide it?"

Lao shrugged.

Kruse went to turn, but he couldn't leave it like this.

"Lao."

The man looked up at him.

"You are going to spend the rest of your life fixing this. You know that right? And you never will. You're actions have cause too many deaths. You shouldn't expect forgiveness and you definitely shouldn't see this as atonement. You don't get to."

"Hmph…we'll let everyone else in NLA decide what they think of me."

Kruse nodded "We will. But before then I want you to understand something, Lao. You're never laying eyes on Lin or Elma again. Ever. I'll make sure of it with everything that I have."

Lao raised an eyebrow "Oh? So you're going to watch over me?"

"No. I'll entrust Chausson, Vandham and Nagi with deciding what happens to you…because once I walk out of this Hangar, I never want to see your face again."

Lao remained silent as the pair stared at one another.

"You get to live Lao. That's the only mercy you'll ever get."

Taking a deep breath, Kruse turned and walked away.

There was a lot more he wanted to say. More feelings, thoughts and a lot of anger that he wanted to get out. He still wanted to punch the traitor as hard as he possibly could but…the words would have to be enough.