Notes: For the Finnlo Secret Santa 2016.
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A Love Letter, Written in Red
Finn was shaken out of his doze by the slam of the castle's heavy front doors, and the pounding of booted feet.
He rushed down the large castle staircase, arriving in the entrance hall of the looming old hunter stronghold just in time to catch sight of Nines and Zeroes dragging someone down the stairs to the dungeons below. They'd put a bag over their captive's head.
The heavy dungeon door, foot-thick wood enforced with iron and silver, and engraved with symbols of power, slammed shut behind them.
Finn blinked. He turned to Phasma, who was watching him in faint disapproval. The grim-faced blonde towered over Finn, and he had never seen her look anything but solemn. She looked like she'd had a rough night, her sensible grey clothes were torn in places and dirty in others, but Finn couldn't see any bleeding wounds or bite marks. "Did you capture anything?"
She nodded sharply. "We caught a vampire. He gave us a good fight."
He winced. If Phasma called a fight hard they must have been in trouble. He clenched his jaw and struggled against the frustration welling up in him. "I should have been there. I've passed all the training exercises, I have hunted lesser beasts, I don't know why the General won't let me…"
"Because you're soft, and I have no use for soft-hearted fools." The crisp voice of the vampire hunters' leader cut through the chatter of the group. Finn hadn't even seen him come in with the others, but now that he had attracted his attention it was impossible not to notice Hux's sheer intimidating presence.
Finn kind of wished he could ignore him. Hux, much like Phasma, always regarded him so coldly that it gave him chilblains, but unlike Phasma Hux had always been like this to him. Vampire hunters lived hard and short lives, it didn't make for gentle people. Today, though, he struck Finn as even chillier than normal. It took all his willpower to meet Hux's eyes when he knew he would find anger there. "But sir, the Tzipitio wasn't hurting anyone, it was just…"
Hux stalked towards him, his black greatcoat fluttering around him. "If it's not human, it's our enemy. Just like humans who stand in the way of justice. And do you remember what we do with enemies, Finn?"
"You let it escape," Phasma interjected before Finn could say something he would truly regret. "You were lucky you weren't punished worse."
He would have been punished worse, Finn assumed, except he was still new to the hunters of the First Order, and they didn't want to scare him off. It wasn't easy to recruit new vampire hunters.
Finn's gaze flickered to the dungeon door again. "If he's so dangerous, why didn't you kill him right away?"
Phasma's face cleared, and Hux turned away to harass poor Mitaka, who had just dropped a huge bundle of crossbows. "Orders from Snoke were clear. He wanted him captured. He was very insistent we take him alive."
Finn's brows arched high in surprise. "But what plans could he have for a vampire? We just hunt them down and kill them, it's not that complicated."
Phasma shot him a sharp look. "We don't question orders, soldier."
That left Finn with a wellspring of questions, but he knew better than to voice them when Phasma was already annoyed with him. The First Order didn't like soldiers who asked too many questions.
She smacked her crossbow into Finn's chest. "You're standing guard tonight, greenhorn. Try not to let another one escape."
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Finn's heart was pounding as he walked down the steep stairs. The dungeons were all bare, damp stone and flickering torchlight, they had never bothered to get electricity down here. It was very rare for them to take prisoners alive.
The dungeons with its many heavily enforced cells for a great number of species, much like the sun tower, were relicts of a time when Arkanis Castle was used by another group of hunters, the Alliance.
"Hey." He gave Slip a smile and offered a steaming mug of coffee to his blond friend, who stood by the first of three locked gates, miserably huddled in his coat. Much like the dungeons lacked electricity, they also lacked heating, and it was bitterly cold down here in winter. "No milk and three sugar, that's how you like it, wasn't it?"
"Thanks, Finn." Slip sipped gratefully on his coffee and sighed in bliss as the hot beverage ran down his throat. "The General would lock us up right next to the vamp if he knew."
Finn shrugged. "It's not like we're drinking drinking. And I bet he's never spent a night on guard duty."
Slip gave him a thoughtful look. "That kind of talk's why you don't get to go vampire hunting"
Finn didn't reply, but he had to agree. When the First Order saved him he had been in awe of them, but the more he learned about their ways, the more he was coming to question them.
They sipped their coffee, then Finn volunteered to guard the innermost door. After all, Slip had been hunting, while Finn was rested.
"Don't talk to the leech," Slip had warned before Finn went deep into the maze of the dungeons, "he's been vervained but they have their way of getting into your head."
Finn didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn't going to heed his advice.
Behind the third gate was another fork, Finn went left and down there at the end of the corridor was a cell with metal bars thicker than Finn's thumb. He lit two more torches before he approached the cell slowly, nearly flinching at the dancing shadows the fire painted on the walls.
The vampire wasn't just locked up, Finn saw once he was close enough, but also shackled by his wrists and ankles to the far wall.
A wild mop of black hair covered his bowed head. The vampire's clothes were as black and voluminous as the hunters', for a moment Finn marveled at the irony how well he would have fit in amongst them. Right over his heart, the vampire's shirt bore the distinct tear of a stake being driven through it.
That would explain why he hadn't fought back when he was taken to the cell, though Finn wondered why it had been removed at all. Vervain or garlic injections robbed them of their powers, but it was nowhere as reliable as the petrifying effect of a stake in the heart. It was as if Hux wanted him to be aware of his fate.
"Come to gloat?" the vampire hissed.
Finn flinched, and took a hasty step back.
The vampire cackled. He raised his head, revealing an unnaturally pale face and a mouth twisted into a sneer. He didn't show his fangs, maybe he couldn't drop them in his current state, but his lips were splattered with blood.
Finn moaned in dismay. He wondered who had been bitten, nobody had told Finn anything. At least it hadn't been a werewolf bite, that was a death sentence in the First Order.
The vampire's tongue snaked out to lick away the flaking blood. "Why don't you come closer, scared little boy? I won't bite."
"I won't step into the cell," Finn said firmly, and he was proud of himself for keeping the trembling out of his voice. Maybe the vampire could still smell his fear, but he wouldn't give him that satisfaction. "Don't bother goading me."
The vampire shrugged, seemingly nonchalant though rage simmered in his eyes. "It was worth a try."
Finn took his time to inspect him more closely. He was taller, and even broader than Finn, who was himself very athletic. It was funny, though he knew better he kept expecting vampires to be thin and gaunt like the ones in horror movies.
The vampire, in turn, studied Finn. It was only fair, but it still left him distinctly discomfited. "Do you like what you see?"
He gulped. "You don't see many vampires these days."
"Hm." The vampire's eyes, still black, held his as well as he could in the dim light. "That doesn't answer my question."
There were a whole lot of things Finn could have said, but he decided to take his question at face value. "Um. I'm a little bit disappointed, actually? I was expecting fangs and yellow eyes."
There was a moment of stunned silence before the vampire's sneer melted into an offended 'oh.' And then he laughed. Finn started. He looked far more… human, for lack of a better word, when he was laughing. He didn't even look quite so corpse-like anymore. "Sorry." Once the laughter passed, his lips twisted into a bitter sneer. "I hate to disappoint, but I'll die before the vervain fades."
That was likely to be true, and Finn didn't know what to say about it. Sure, he should be grateful for one less bloodsucker preying on humanity, and he was, but it was still uncomfortable to tell the bloodsucker so.
"What's your name?"
"What's yours?"
He blinked. "Fair enough. I'm Finn."
The vampire hesitated for a moment before saying, "Kylo Ren."
"Are you old?"
"Older than you."
Finn scowled. "That doesn't tell me much." He averted his gaze, suddenly overcome by embarrassment for his barrage of questions. "I'm sorry. You're my first vampire." Which, he realized as soon as it was out, he shouldn't have given away. What an excellent way to out himself as a rookie. Phasma would have his head if she could see him now. Of course, Phasma would have his head for talking to a monster like it was a person at all.
Kylo Ren hummed thoughtfully. "And I'm not like you expected… like what the First Order taught you to expect from vampires." He sounded almost sympathetic now. "There's a lot more to the supernatural world than the First Order will teach you."
He gave Ren an incredulous look. "And I suppose you will, if only I help you escape?"
This time, the man didn't admit defeat gracefully. He sized Finn up as if he was actually considering it, and after a moment Finn could feel his cheeks heat up, even down here in the cold dungeon. Worse, he knew the vampire would be able to tell. There were limits to what the vervain could do to dampen his powers. "It's okay if I make your heart beat faster," the vampire rumbled, "it's nothing to be ashamed of."
Finn begged to differ. A hunter shouldn't… He shouldn't… "You're dead! Isn't that necrophilia?"
For the second time, he had managed to dumbfound the vampire. It was as much of a victory as he could get here. "I like you." He grinned. "Maybe I won't kill you when I escape."
Okay. Okay. And that was a solid reminder why this was a Very Bad Idea. Finn rubbed his upper arms. He felt keenly aware of the cold now. "I should return to my post," he said stiffly. "I'm not even supposed to be here."
"I know. But I don't want you to leave." When Finn didn't turn back around to face him, Kylo's voice softened. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a little bit upset about my," he rattled his chains pointedly, "living arrangements."
That, too, was fair enough. They both knew there would be no escape, not unless he had some huge ace up his sleeve, such as an entire vampire armada about to storm the castle. If their roles were reversed, Finn would be upset, too. And didn't everyone deserve some friendly company while they waited for death?
He cursed his kind heart, and more than that yet his blasted curiosity, which had gotten him into trouble far too often already. But in the months since he joined the First Order his questions and doubts had only grown, though he had nobody outside the organization to share them with. The only time they ever interacted with other parts of the supernatural world was when they hunted them.
Finn compromised with himself by sitting down on the floor, back to Kylo's cell so he could at least pretend Kylo wasn't giving him these piercing looks any longer. "Do you know why you were taken alive?" It probably wasn't the best opening question, but it was the one that had been bothering Finn since he learned of their prisoner.
The First Order took captives sometimes to interrogate them for the locations of their nests or packs, but they never captured vampires. They were far too dangerous to take alive.
"Yes." His voice was taut now, and Finn marveled how much emotion it kept betraying.
"But! Why?"
A long silence stretched, during which Finn observed the flickering light of the torches.
"Because I was one of yours once."
"You were what…?!" Finn yelped as he whirled around, still on his knees, to gape at the vampire. "You were a hunter?"
That wasn't even so surprising, some vampires would turn captured hunters instead of draining them, and though the standing order was to kill all turned hunters, it wasn't always possible. Hunter skills and vampire powers made for a lethal combination. It wasn't unheard of, but still shocking.
"I was a hunter of the First Order," he said, "it was the Supreme Leader who gave me the name Kylo Ren. I was Ben Solo before, but I had always been a hunter. I was born into this life."
"I'm sorry," Finn whispered.
"I'm not. Being turned was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was finally free to see, and escape my shackles."
Finn shook his head. "Murdering? Is that what you call freedom?"
It was finally Kylo's turn to avoid Finn's eyes. "For a while. But then I remembered what my family had taught me."
"Your hunter family?" He wanted to be skeptical, and yet Finn found himself caught up in the excitement of new knowledge. He had always been so eager to learn, but the only questions the First Order answered were those pertaining to killing supernatural creatures.
"The Skywalkers," was all he said, and it was all that needed to be said.
Even Finn, with his limited access to hunter lore, knew of the Skywalker line. They were known for both great and terrible deeds, but in the First Order the name was reviled and mocked for their belief in the peaceful coexistence between the supernatural and human world.
"This castle belonged to the Alliance once," Finn pointed out. He looked around, and wondered if these thick castle walls had always felt so hostile as they did now, knowing that one of the Skywalker line was being held captive within.
"I know. I grew up here. It was my mother's stronghold, and later, once they started to unite the local supernatural communities, the place where the Senate held trials." He had gone very quiet, and sad. Finn had been told vampires weren't capable of feeling sadness anymore, or anything at all except for bloodlust and malice. "This cell was built on her orders."
It could be an elaborately woven lie, Finn cautioned himself, but the heaviness to his heart betrayed that he didn't believe it to be one. Kylo Ren had nothing to gain from claiming allegiance to the First Order's other shoot-at-sight mortal enemy.
There was a faint rattle of chains as he shifted as much as his shackles would permit. "She dreamed of the day when the supernatural would be public knowledge, and we could all live in the open under one law. Equals among equals." He laughed bitterly. "I thought her weak for it. So I left, and joined the fledgling First Order."
This was history Finn knew. The Alliance had destroyed the so-called Imperials, hunters who believed in a Human Empire. Out of their ashes, the First Order had been born.
"Isn't it depressing that hunters spend more time fighting other hunters than monsters?" Finn mused aloud.
"That's because the human monsters outnumber us."
Finn leaned against the bars again. They were icy, but he didn't mind the discomfort right now, it gave him something else to focus on besides the whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and emotions that had gripped him.
"My parents weren't killed by human monsters," he offered after a while. It felt right to share, though he didn't like to talk about it normally. He hated it when people looked at him with pity. All hunters who hadn't been born into it came to it through tragedy, he didn't want pity for being the rookie, or for that so many of his comrades had seen him a crying mess that terrible night. "It was werewolves. I know they're not supposed to attack humans, but these did." And since the First Order didn't give trials, he'd never gotten to find out why.
"When I got home…" He inhaled shakily, his head buried between his knees as he struggled to bring his racing heart under control. Even just remembering, even after all these years… "There was so much blood. And my parents, they weren't… there were just…" He shuddered. "…there were just pieces…"
"Sssh," Kylo hushed him gently, "you don't have to say. You don't have to go back there."
"But they had been eaten!" Finn burst out, glaring at him teary eyes. They burned from the effort of holding back these tears. "They'd been eaten alive, they deserve that I at least speak of it. They deserve being remembered." He clenched his hands around his ankles tight enough to bruise. It was all he could do to keep them from shaking. "Most children forget," he echoed numbly what he had been taught all his childhood, "most children let the horror fade away, but you mustn't ever forget. If you forget you kill them a second time."
Kylo made a sound like he'd been about to speak up, but held himself back just in time.
Finn, too caught up in the pictures of bloodshed kept bright and vivid still after seventeen years, didn't even notice. He focused on his breathing as he always did when the memories became too much. He didn't like it, he didn't like remembering. He wanted to remember his parents as they had lived, not as they had died. "The First Order found me," he choked out, "they killed the werewolves and took me to a house they have for children like me."
"And there you stayed, until you were old enough to fight," Kylo surmised. "When I was part of the Order we were just starting to discuss building such orphanages."
Finn nodded. His shoulders were still shaking, but listening to Kylo's voice helped. There was a soothing timbre to it. "But I haven't been here long. I tried to live a normal life first. But I couldn't. They saved me, I owe them…"
"But is this the life your parents would want for you?" Kylo whispered. "Being a killer?" He let a heartbeat pass. "I know it broke my mother's heart."
Finn pressed a hand against his mouth to stifle the renewed sob that wanted to escape. He shook his head and finally, somehow, found the courage to get to his feet. His legs felt weak, but they were steady enough to carry him away. He couldn't stand to hear any more, not when Kylo's words echoed his own doubts far too keenly.
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After his shift, Finn only got a couple of hours of sleep before he was woken again by a pounding on his door.
Hux was calling everyone together to make an announcement.
Finn's thoughts still felt fuzzy and sluggish from sleepiness when he stumbled into the great hall, which they used both for strategy meetings and regular get-togethers.
This seemed to be a mix of both. Hux wasn't surrounded by maps as he normally was when discussing a new hunt, but he did stand at the end of the table looking business. Well, not that he ever looked otherwise.
Finn slipped into his seat at the far end of the long table. To avoid meeting Hux's eyes, he let his eyes wander over the weapons and trophies that lined the walls. There were many fearsome hunter's weapons lined up, broken and retired but still impressive. They went back to the Alliance's days. The trophies were of newer date, all the First Order's. Not all of them belonged to creatures. The Alliance was long destroyed – their beastly masters had turned on them, as all monsters did, Hux had curtly told him when he grew tired of Finn's questions. But every now and then they met hunters which held to the old ways. There was only one sentence for treason against humanity: death.
Finn hadn't even known the First Order hunted humans until the Tzipitio incident, when he had been warned that the next time he helped a creature escape, he would be considered a traitor to humanity, too.
"I have spoken to Supreme Leader Snoke," Armitage Hux announced, "and he has decreed that the vampire we hold captive will die tomorrow. He is to be executed in the sun tower."
An uproar of questioning, excited chatter exploded around Finn.
No vampire had been executed in the sun tower since the days of the Alliance, and the Senate. The First Order preferred to burn head and body on separate pyres, which had the added benefit of irrevocably contaminating the ashes. Nobody had explained to Finn what exactly you could do with untainted vampire ashes, but he knew they were an object of great power in the wrong hands.
"Quiet!" Hux barked. "The vampire Ben Solo is one of the corrupt creatures brought forth when the Alliance mingled with monsters. The Supreme Leader considers it fitting that he dies by the law he once swore to uphold."
Finn started. It took all his self-control to keep from looking too obviously interested, or eager. So then… That part of the story was true. That he had been Kylo Ren of the First Order might as well be true, too. The names of those bitten were erased from First Order history, never to be spoken again.
"But sir," it burst out of Finn before he could stop himself. He felt all eyes on him, and cringed under their scrutiny. Hux already looked like he wanted to grab his crossbow and shoot him. Finn ducked his head. "Never mind."
"No." The man's voice had only grown sharper, and colder. It was hard to believe that both him and Phasma had put great hopes in Finn, prior to the thing with the Tzipitio. "Speak."
He inhaled deeply to brace himself. "Sir." His voice shook slightly, but he managed to meet Hux's eyes. That was a lot more than most could say when faced with the man's anger. "I was just wondering, the old laws…" He scratched at a nick in the polished tabletop. "They only executed vampires who had been proven to kill humans."
Under the mocking laughter and jeers of his compatriots, Finn could feel himself growing smaller and smaller. He regretted having spoken up, and yet… In a way, he didn't regret it at all.
"That shows how much you have to learn," Phasma said sternly, "all vampires are killers."
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"So." Kylo's black eyes focused on him, amused. "I take it you missed me."
Finn felt his face heat up again, but there was a new urgency to him as he peered over his shoulder. The corridor was just as deserted as it had been five seconds earlier. "Quiet," he hissed. "Slip's sleeping on duty, don't wake him up."
Kylo gave him an inscrutable look. "You make no sense. Why are you here?"
That was the problem, wasn't it? The heavy ring of keys felt impossibly heavy in Finn's coat pocket. Every step of the way he had told himself he wouldn't be going through with this, so it wasn't like he was really stealing the keys, or like it was a real like when he told Mitaka he would be visiting Slip though he knew Slip would be asleep.
"You're going to die tomorrow."
Kylo nodded. He didn't look surprised, not even particularly resigned to his fate. "I figured as much." He swallowed hard. "If it's my time to die, I'm glad it's here."
This was the closest he could come to his long-dead family, Finn realized.
He shouldn't care. It was just one more vampire. But he did. That had always been his problem. Finn's fingers curled around the thick metal bars of Kylo's cell. "Do you promise me you don't kill humans anymore?" he hissed urgently. "Can you look into my eyes and promise?"
Vampires lied. All creatures told lies to survive.
He held Finn's gaze without flinching, though he looked bewildered. And he still looked at him in that odd way which made Finn feel flushed. "I don't kill to feed anymore. I only kill in self-defense."
Finn slumped against the bars and squeezed his eyes shut. That felt even more real than a straightforward vow. Deep down, he had been hoping for an easily revealed deception that would make it easier to turn his back on this, on him. But of course Kylo Ren wouldn't make it easy.
He looked over his shoulder once more. Still empty. Still no sounds from Slip. His shaking hand fished the keychain out of his pocket and fumbled for the right key.
It was the third one he tried. By the time the door opened with an agonizingly loud screech, Finn's forehead was soaked in cold sweat.
"Promise me you won't kill anyone if I…" His breath caught in his throat. The sheer enormity of his own actions threatened to send Finn to his knees. There would be no going back from this. He had once let a creature escape, that was unforgivable, but breaking one out meant death. He would have to run, and never stop running for as long as he lived. But he couldn't keep living as he did now. Staying when he could have run had been the worst mistake of his life.
He was close enough to make out every mole on Kylo's face. As he reached up to unlock the shackle holding his left wrist, the vampire twisted his fingers and brushed the back of Finn's palm. His touch was icy, but that could as well have been the days in the dungeon. "I promise. For you."
There was a muffled noise from down the corridor and Finn went into overdrive unlocking one shackle after the other.
The time for doubts had passed.
Kylo must have been regaining his powers, or just been far more powerful than Finn realized, for once released from his shackles, he was dizzyingly fast. It was all Finn could do to run after him, catching sight of a confused Slip rubbing at his eyes as he raced past him, and catching sight of Mitaka sprawled on the floor by the first gate.
Finn checked on him; unconscious but alive.
"Come on!" Kylo hissed.
Whatever complacency to his fate had possessed him, it was gone. There was fire burning in the vampire's eyes, an intensity which only grew stronger when his gaze settled on Finn. He grasped his wrist with a cold hand and yanked him up the stairs.
The entrance hall was blessedly empty. This was too easy, it kept echoing through Finn's head as they made their way outside, it was far too easy. Something would go wrong any moment now.
They had almost made it to Finn's car when a crossbow bolt whizzed past his left ear.
Finn couldn't stifle a startled scream. "Keep running!" he yelled to Kylo, "if we stop we're dead!"
They leaped into the car and took off at full speed.
And then it somehow got worse.
"Don't drive us into a ditch!" Kylo growled.
Finn held on to the steering wheel for dear life. "I'm trying! I'm trying! The street's one giant ice rink okay I'm trying!"
They kept driving until sunrise, their pursuers catching up to them time and again. When the sun rose, the very sunrise that should have been Kylo's execution, he hid in the trunk and Finn kept driving for as long as adrenaline kept him alert.
When he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore Finn drove them into a forest, parked, and fell asleep right there in the driver's seat.
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Finn was awoken by the sound of tearing metal, another metallic yank, a whoosh of air…
…and opened his eyes to find himself pinned to the side of his car, face to face with gleaming yellow eyes and a pair of very sharp fangs.
His heart pounded so fast it felt like it would burst out of his chest. He tried to speak, tried to remember how to even open his mouth…
"Why?!" Kylo barked. "I had been ready to die, why did you save me?"
"Because it wasn't right," he shot back, not even thinking, just letting the words burst out of his mouth now, he was far too panicked to think anyway, "I couldn't let you die. Except you're going to kill me now and oh fuck I can't believe I was so stupid and…"
The vampire got so close their noses touched. "Hush," he ordered. He trailed his hands up from Finn's shoulders along his neck, to frame his cheeks with large hands. "I won't hurt you."
They stood there, so close he would only have to lean in the tiniest bit for their lips to touch. Finn didn't dare so much as twitch. He was a head taller, and very good at looming over Finn.
"Oh."
Their eyes remained locked on another. Kylo's cool hands warmed against Finn's skin. He waited, breathless with anticipation.
Kylo released him slowly and took a step back. "Sorry about the car," he said awkwardly.
One glance, and Finn was groaning in dismay. "The door and the trunk? Seriously?" The driver's door had been yanked off cleanly, and there was a giant hole in the trunk lid where it looked like he'd punched his way out.
The vampire flashed him his best sheepish smile. "I forgot my strength?"
Finn couldn't help chuckling. "Yeah. No kidding."
Kylo's shoulders tucked a little lower yet. He put Finn in mind of a kicked puppy. "On the bright side, my powers are back."
"I hope that means you can fly us out of here, because the car…" Finn gave the wreck another pointed look.
"Flying's easy, but I can't carry you if I'm a bat."
"True." Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "So… We walk then. Find another car. I was going to ditch this one anyway, but I hate stealing."
At least they had all night to make it to town, or else they would have been in huge trouble.
.
They got another car just in time and continued their trip, going east without a proper destination in mind.
Finn didn't know anyone who wasn't tied up in the First Order, and Kylo had lived in isolation.
The first time they rested, they were tracked down by another group of First Order hunters within two days.
They ran once again.
"Is it going to be like this forever?" Finn groaned one morning as he fell into bed in an abandoned hunting lodge. He pressed a hand over his eyes while Kylo checked the curtains. If they closed tightly enough for him he would be able to sleep in the bed as well. The last couple of days he'd had to hide himself away in whatever dark place he could find.
"They can't keep this up for much longer." Kylo sat on the edge of the bed. He watched Finn, looking thoughtful and solemn. "I know it's hard for you, but I'm glad you're here."
Finn's eyes widened. Kylo had never outright said that Finn was holding him back, but he'd wondered. He reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. Kylo's skin was still warm and flushed from feeding earlier. He'd spent the last half an hour complaining about fur stuck in his teeth. "I'm glad to be here, too," he whispered.
Kylo's fingers tightened on Finn's. "I don't want you to die," he whispered.
"I won't die. I mean, I will die, but not for a good long while yet." He sat up and edged closer, till they were sitting shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. Their hands were in his lap. "Hux didn't let me go on hunts because he thought I'm too soft-hearted, it's not because I'm a bad fighter." He gave Kylo a reassuring smile. "I promise I don't die easily."
"But you're still mortal. There's so much that could kill you…" Kylo's fingers brushed over his cheek again, his chin, and lingered over his pulse point.
Call him crazy, but Finn's heart didn't even speed up anymore. Well, it did speed up, but not for fear. He gently cradled that hand in his own, too, and pulled it away from his neck. "I like being alive," Finn said, holding his gaze, "please don't ask me to give up my humanity."
"I'm just scared. I was alone for so long, and you're very breakable…"
He really needed to shut up about Finn being breakable. Although he lacked in field experience, he was one of the best hunters the First Order had brought forth, as proven by staying ahead of a full-blown manhunt for weeks. That had been all him, Kylo was as discreet as a raging bull. And he really, really needed to stop looking at Finn with these pleading eyes that made him forget why he ought to be upset.
There was a very simple way to get both at once.
Finn kissed him.
Kylo made a startled sound, followed by a growl, and then a sound very much like a purr when Finn slipped his tongue into his mouth. He delighted in the thrill of running his tongue over razor-sharp fangs, and Kylo's whine when he nicked himself.
Cool, but not quite cold hands slipped under his sweater and Finn yanked at the far too many tiny buttons of his shirt.
They fell back onto the bed, Finn squirmed in pleasure as Kylo's hands mapped his body and left a cold burn in their wake, avoiding only the cross dangling on his chest, and he in turn explored Kylo's colder body. He barely even gave a thought anymore to Kylo being a vampire, in Finn's eyes he was a person, not a creature.
When fangs scraped over the sensitive skin of his neck he suddenly became very aware of what Kylo was. Finn went tense under him, braced to fight him off at the slightest threatening move. His heart raced much like that night he had helped Kylo escape his cell.
Kylo went still only a heartbeat later. He pulled back, a wounded, but also sulky expression on his face. "I'm not going to drain you," he snapped. His fangs flashed in the dim candlelight, yellow eyes so vivid they looked like they were glowing with some unholy light. But he still looked sullen more than malicious, and not particularly threatening at all.
Finn focused on breathing till his heart had calmed somewhat, and then he reached for his neck to reassure himself he was unharmed. His hand came away clean. No blood. He eyed Kylo suspiciously, all his hunter training was rushing back into his mind and telling him how positively insane this was.
Vampires were monsters. To help one was bad enough, but to sleep with one? Finn averted his eyes. No. Not just to sleep with one, to take one for his lover rather.
"Kylo," he asked quietly, "what am I to you?"
The vampire had been lonely, as he kept saying, and Finn had been lonely as well, but he knew he didn't want to be a mere amusing distraction. Even thinking it hurt.
"I…" He reached for Kylo again, because he was still hovering over him, tense and sullen and very broody, and Finn idly traced whimsical patterns on his shoulders and upper arms. It was easier to look at his chest than meet his eyes. "I know we don't know another for long yet, and it's probably too early, but I yearned too long for something meaningful to become a toy… some kind of stopgap till you find another vampire. That's all I was in the First Order. I didn't have real friends, I was just… there. I don't want to feel that way again."
"I told you I want to turn you, but you said no," Kylo snapped and withdrew from him.
Okay. Don't get angry when he gets angry, Finn reminded himself. It was a lesson he'd learned very early during their travels. Kylo had a temper, and Finn would be lying if he said he wasn't frustrated that he had to soothe it all the time, but driving a powerful vampire to a rage when you were very human and squishable was stupid. He hadn't survived the First Order by acting foolishly.
"I'm not talking about turning, I'm talking about you and me," he pointed out in the gentlest tone he could manage while caught between frustrated and sexually frustrated. He could still almost feel the phantom touch of a cool, large hand stroking him through his pants. "Kylo," he prompted when the vampire still refused to look at him.
"I want to make you a vampire," Kylo insisted. He thought for a moment, before amending, "I want to make you my mate."
Finn couldn't help the smile tugging the corners of his mouth upwards. "I want that, too. I think. I mean… It's scary. But I know I want it. I want us." He scratched his head. "Why don't we start with that and figure out the vampire things later?"
He scooted over to Kylo, and cupped his chin between his thumb and forefinger. He leaned in slowly, and kissed these sulking lips.
Kylo responded, though a bit hesitantly this time. Finn dragged his fingers through his ridiculously perfect hair and muttered, "come on, you're not going to make me do all the hunting, are you?"
The vampire's frown turned into a smile against his lips.
.
Their routine didn't change a lot, on the whole.
The little changes were all the more meaningful for that.
Casual little touches exchanged, a quick hug here, a peck on the lips, and what Finn loved most, walking hand in hand through a town they visited.
And then of course there were the nights, or rather days. It was so easy, kisses turning to touches turning to intimate caresses and when they were exhausted, falling asleep together.
Although he was young and should have had plenty of time, Finn hadn't thought he would ever get to experience such intimacy, or the feeling of belonging that came with it. Hunters didn't grow old, and he had been so lonely among his comrades of the First Order, he couldn't picture himself ever being with one of them.
Now here he was, running for his life but feeling freer and more himself than he had ever been before.
They spoke of turning Finn sometimes, and with every time they spoke of it, Finn found himself more willing to listen, and then listening eagerly when Kylo spoke of life as a vampire. Of the bloodlust that would be hard to control at first, but not impossible, of the exhilaration the first time you shapeshifted and surged through the night sky. He didn't spare him, speaking also of how long and lonely immortal life could be, and how painful it was to know that all who had known you as a human were long dead. That was hard to bear, but Finn wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He was done with getting only half the story, and that Kylo didn't try only made his love for the vampire grow.
Of course, good things never lasted.
They had hidden away in yet another abandoned hunting lodge deep in the woods, and Finn had already started to hope they would be able to stay for longer this time.
It was at noon, Kylo laying in the deep, unnatural sleep of the undead while Finn himself was dozing, when a vague sense of something being wrong made Finn stop running his fingers through Kylo's messy hair. He went completely still as he listened more attentively, barely even daring to breathe.
Yes. He was certain of it this time. There were the faintest sounds of muffled footsteps downstairs.
He hadn't heard cars approach the lodge, hadn't heard a door or window being broken, but if Finn had learned one thing during their flight, it was that it was always the worst-case scenario.
His mind raced through options, analyzing and discarding them. Every other time they had been able to run away, but they'd had access to an untampered car then, or crowds to hide themselves in. Finn had always known the day would come when he had to fight and kill his old comrades, he'd just kept hoping it wouldn't come to that.
Finn forced himself to ignore his racing heart and the fear that threatened to poison his mind. When he reached for the silenced gun on the nightstand, his hand didn't betray the faintest trembling. They had trained him well. "Kylo?" he breathed. This would be the hardest part. Waking him roughly would be faster, but it was bound to be noisy. He pinched the soft skin at the inside of his wrist several times sharply until Kylo gave a discontented snort, not quite waking but yanked out of his unnaturally deep sleep.
Good enough. Now he would wake at the first noise.
Finn slipped off the bed and out of the bedroom, they never closed the doors. They were always braced for an attack. He only wore the sweatpants he had put on for sleep, for the lodge was cold and so was Kylo's body. It was frustrating, he was used to carrying more weapons on him, but he'd just have to make do with the weapons hidden everywhere around the house.
When he peered down the staircase, the first thing Finn saw was the back of an unfamiliar blond head. For a moment he felt relief, wanted to believe it was just common thieves, until the First Order's symbol tattooed on the man's neck dashed all such hopes. He gritted his teeth. The day he had hoped to avoid had truly come.
As he aimed his gun at the man's head, Finn's hand trembled for the first time. He had never wanted this. He'd become a hunter to save human lives. These hunters were from another First Order group, did they even know why they were hunting him?
A woman stepped into view, she looked around, looked up…
Finn threw himself to the ground. The bullet buried itself into the wall where he had stood. They were using regular guns. They'd come not to kill Kylo, but to kill him. He cursed under his breath and returned the fire.
There was a snarl from the bedroom. Kylo was awake.
A battle that should have been neat and silent descended into a mess of guns, knives and fangs.
It became clear quickly that Finn was their priority target, they only fought Kylo insofar as to fight him off and get back to their actual mission. Kylo wasn't making it easy for them, Finn noticed that much, but otherwise he couldn't pay much attention to his battle, he was far too busy fighting for his own life.
As long as the battle lasted there was no time to feel guilty or think at all, there were only muscle memory and instincts honed in years of training. It was kind of creepy that fighting skills acquired to fight supernatural creatures proved just as effective in killing humans.
.
When the last of the hunters retreated, dragging away their fallen, the lodge looked exactly like the battlefield it had been. Bullet holes and crossbow marks marred the walls, pieces of wood that had once been tables, chairs and cupboards littered the grounds, and the curtains fluttered in a faint breeze coming in through broken windows.
While most blood trails led towards the door, one led into the windowless pantry behind the kitchen.
Sprawled on the floor, Finn pressed bloody hands against his stomach. He kept his eyes squeezed shut. He focused on his breathing, on the too fast, too faint but still steady thud thud thud of his heart.
Finn knew he should have been worried, maybe scared even, but all he felt was the peace of finally knowing for sure.
Steps, a ruckus, he opened his eyes to the sight of Kylo cowering at the far end of the room, just barely out of sight of the sunbeams but as far from Finn and the puddle of blood around him as he could. Wherever his skin had been exposed to sunlight, it was burned – just like when he had accidentally burned himself on Finn's cross necklace during lovemaking, but on a far larger and uglier scale. And yet he was healing right before Finn's eyes.
"You fed," Finn croaked out. He hadn't thought he would be able to feel even more pain, but it hurt in a different way than the gunshot wound in his belly, or the countless smaller injuries dotting his body and turning it into a giant ache. He could only wonder how much longer before the blood loss made him too woozy to care. "You're healing fast. You drained them."
Kylo dismissed it with an angry shake of his head. "What does it matter! You're hurt!"
"I know." He smiled faintly, and somehow found the strength to turn it into a full-fledged grin, even if it ached. His lip had been split, too. He wanted to remain angry, and confront Kylo about not eating humans, but just thinking of the quarrel made him feel incredibly tired. Later, he promised, just as soon as he stopped bleeding all over the floor. Feeding on humans, even if it was only humans Kylo would kill anyway, was a slippery slope.
He reached out with a bloody hand. "I look like a popsicle, huh?"
Kylo glared at him. His eyes burned yellow. "That's not funny!" he growled.
Finn stubbornly held on to his grin. "It was. Slip would've laughed."
They fell silent, just eyeing another.
"Finn," Kylo said finally, quietly. "Why aren't you getting a doctor?"
Something told Finn they both knew the answer. He had gone for the pantry instead of the car.
It was becoming harder to hold on to his thoughts. Finn pressed down harder on the wound, both to buy himself time, and let the pain sharpen his mind. "You said it won't hurt if you don't fight it. That it's just like falling asleep."
"And waking up again," Kylo breathed. He was looking at him with such wonder, such hopeful longing, and yet guilt.
Later, Finn promised himself, he would deal with that guilt, too; the list of laters just kept growing. He couldn't be strong for Kylo now, he barely had enough strength for himself. It was becoming ever harder to think through the pain. Speaking hurt a lot, too. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. He wrenched his eyes open. No. No sleeping now. He met Kylo's eyes again. "Promise I'll wake up again?"
"I promise."
Kylo surged forward and pulled Finn tenderly against his broad chest. They were both strong, athletic men, but blood loss left Finn weak and limp in his arms. Kylo, meanwhile, was trembling with the effort it took to control his hunger.
He tried not to tense when lips found his neck, it wasn't the first time Kylo had kissed him there, not even the first time cold fangs had teased his jugular vein. He tensed anyway, and none of Kylo's caresses or hushing noises could make the instinctive, human fear go away.
Finn squeezed his eyes shut. It was the only part of his body he still had the power to squeeze at all. At the back of his mind he was aware that he'd waited too long to treat the wound. There would be no changing his mind now, even if he wanted to.
But he didn't want to.
"Do it. I'm ready."
Kylo made a noise like he wanted to protest that, and really, Finn couldn't blame him. He didn't feel ready. But just like your first hunt, this was something you couldn't ever be truly ready for.
That he barely noticed the pinprick of fangs only proved how far he was gone already, and soon after the rest of the way faded away as well.
He did not know of the bloody kiss Kylo bestowed on him, or that he forced open his mouth and held his own bloody wrist against his lips just as Finn's last weak heartbeats faded away.
He did not know of the fearful nights that followed as the vampire took them away to a new sanctuary and waited. Nothing to do but wait and hope that his body had still been strong enough to take the change.
Nothing to do but wait, and hope, and love.