A/N: So this is some ridiculous thing I came up with in the dead of night, so please forgive the idiocy of it. The song is "I'm My Own Grandpa," which is an old folk song, I think :) there are a couple more chapters floating around in my head, so if enough people take a liking to this, I might write them up.

Sarah x

"Oh, no!" Jonny protested as Mo pushed him up to the front. "Not happening!"

"It is," Mo asserted, leaving him standing before the whole pub. Jac looked around her to see how many of their colleagues were going to watch Jonny embarrass himself; Serena was sat next to her, Michael on Serena's other side. Ric. Chantelle Lane and Arthur Digby. Elliot. Ollie and Tara. Gemma. Sacha and Chrissie. Actually, Jac noticed, pretty much everyone but Hanssen was there.

It was Mo's birthday drinks gathering, and half the hospital seemed to have come along; popular woman. But then with Mo's charm, she was always going to be popular, wasn't she?

She leaned in towards Serena and whispered, "Thank Christ Hanssen isn't here to witness this. He would be wondering why he hired Jonny."

"Hanssen doesn't come out anywhere," Serena replied, quite loudly. "Antisocial bugger that he is."

"Is that so, Ms. Campbell?" a smooth voice said on Jac's other side. The tall Swede sat down next to her, and Jac had to disguise her laugh with a cough when she saw the horror on Serena's face. She looked like she could go and hide under the table rather than face him after calling him an "antisocial bugger."

"What are you doing here?" Serena demanded. Jac turned to see Serena's mortified expression, having been caught insulting Hanssen by the giant Swede himself.

"Nurse Lane kindly invited me," Hanssen replied placidly, as Jonny reluctantly picked up the guitar at the end of the room. "Is this what they call open mic?" he enquired.

"Yeah," Jac replied. "Perfect opportunity for people to get drunk and make themselves look like morons. Jonny isn't drunk though, thank God," Jac added, remembering Jonny had only had a couple of pints.

Jonny tapped the microphone and said, "Right. Mo here rail-roaded me into this, and I'm no comedian. The only thing I know that's funny are the things I was taught at school."

Mo sat down on Hanssen's other side, and winked at Jac. "So...what am I meant to do?" Jonny asked, looking rather like a helpless lamb at the slaughterhouse. "I know! Some of you might be too drunk to understand this, but I was taught it when I was wee," he announced, strumming the guitar lightly.

"Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three," he sang, with a wide grin. "I was married to a widow, who was as pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red; my father fell in love with her, and so they went to bed – no, they to their wed," he continued, and everyone laughed, or at least smiled at the "mistake." Jac had to admit – this was why she loved the man. Even he was laughing at their reaction.

"This made my dad my son-in-law, and changed my very life," he sang, and Jac thought his voice wasn't all that bad, and this was clearly an old joking song anyway. "My daughter was my mother, 'cause she was my father's wife," he grinned, winking at Jac. She smiled into her wine glass, conscious of Serena and Hanssen on her sides. "And to complicate the matters, although it brought us joy, we soon became the parents of a bouncing baby boy."

"He's not that bad," Serena whispered into Jac's ear.

"Could be worse," Jac admitted.

"Now, this little baby boy became a brother-in-law to Dad, and thus became my uncle though it made me very sad," he sang, pulling a sad, puppy dog face that always made Jac's heart melt just a tiny little bit. "'Cause if he was my uncle then he also was the brother of the widow's grown-up daughter who of course was my step-mother now..." he continued in a single breath, acting quite sad and soulful. He had a knack for this entertaining stuff, Jac decided.

He strummed a beat on the guitar and sang louder, "I'm my own Grandpa, yes, I'm my own Grandpa! It sounds funny, I know, but really, it's so...I'm my own Grandpa!"

Everybody started laughing and clapping, and Jac was amazed to find she wasn't embarrassed to be his girlfriend. She was proud of him for having the balls to go up and do it in the first place. "Well, father's wife, she had a son, who kept them on the run," he explained, keeping with the upbeat tune of the song. "And he became my grandchild, 'cause he was my daughter's son," he feigned a desperate sob. Jac found herself openly grinning, not even caring about her mean exterior.

"My wife became my mother's mother and it makes me blue – although she was my wife, she was my grandmother too, now..." he cried, receiving a laugh from even Hanssen. Hanssen, laughing? What was this?! "If my wife is my grandmother, I am her grandchild, and every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild!" he fake-sobbed. Jac looked on either side of her; Serena looked thoroughly amused, and Hanssen was wearing an entertained little smirk that must have meant he was secretly enjoying himself.

"For now I have became the strangest sight you ever saw," he cried mournfully. "As husband of my grandmother, I am my own Grandpa!" he wailed.

"Yes, I'm my own Grandpa!" he burst into the chorus. "Yes, I am! Yes, I'm my own Grandpa! It sounds funny, I know, but really, it's so...I am my own Grandpa!" he finished.

Everyone started clapping, much to Jac's relief. She was just glad he hadn't made too much of an idiot of himself. Serena leaned into her and said, "You do realise he's the best kind of guy for you?"

"Yeah," Jac replied. "His idiocy is why I love him," she confessed. Serena looked quite surprised by the admission. Jac added, "If you tell anyone I said that, I will kill you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Serena smiled, drinking her wine and leaning back into the long padded bench, Michael grinning next to her. "And you've had enough to drink, Michael," Serena added to the man on her side, taking his glass from him mid-drink.

"Hey!"

"I'm not having you puke in my car!" Serena warned him. "I'll make you clean it up yourself."

Jac watched in amusement as the pair bickered like over-grown children. This was why she loved it here, despite the trials and tribulations of it. Though, she was alarmed to see that Jonny had not left the stage. Chantelle, she realised, had got up to try and convince him to do another one. "Uh-oh," Jac groaned.

"Don't worry, Miss Naylor," Hanssen's voice said beside her, making her jump in surprise. "It seems your Jonny Mac was an entertainer in a past life."

"He's not my Jonny Mac," she contradicted him – Hanssen wasn't meant to know about them. That was out the window then.

"Oh, I think he is," Hanssen replied complacently.

"Right!" Jonny said into the microphone, and Jac could still hear nerves in his voice. "It seems you like me," he grinned. "Who wants another old song?" he asked.

Jac started again, jumping in fright when half the pub shouted, "Yes!" Michael being the exception, shouting, "Hell, yeah!" just a second too late. Serena rolled her eyes and shook her head at his drunken state.

"This should be fun," Jac sighed, taking another drink. By the sounds of it, she was going to need it...

Hope this is OK!
Please feel free to review and tell me what you think!
Sarah x