WARNING: SPOILERS FORTHE GRIM GROTTO ABOUND IN THE FOLLOWING SONGFIC!!!
I'm
so happy to be writing another songfic again! Before I could just chug
these things out in a few minutes and be done. This one took, like, a
week. I'm really embarassed about it, so could you just scroll down and
go back to the ASOUE section? Maybe submit a flattering review or
something, but don't read the fic. Haha. That's not gonna work, is it?
Double
I don't even like this song, I picked it becuase everybody I asked knew it.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
It was funny, I thought cynically, exactly how much I missed Isadora Quagmire. 'Missed' wasn't even a strong enough word. You could miss a bus, but once the bus sped out of your life, you didn't ache for it and think about it constantly.
"Klaus? Have you ever seen this type of chart before?" Fiona Widdershins, the girl sitting across from me who I should have been focusing on, slid some papers to me across the table.
I looked at them for a few minuets. "I think that this has to do with the water cycle. See, those arrows there must represent the way the water flows."
"Oh!" Fiona pushed some hair behind her ear. "I see! Thanks, Klaus."
I smiled stiffly at her. Why was she saying my name so often? But, inside, I knew. It was the same reason I always said Isadora's name as often as possible.
Did Isadora say my name a lot? I struggled to remember, but I couldn't, not clearly enough. It hurt that I was forgetting stuff about her, especially when I considered that I probably would never be reminded of any of the little things about her.
I could remember some things, at least. Like the way Isadora and Duncan had been so nice to my sisters and I when we first came to Prufrock Prep. When I met her, it had seemed like the sun had finally started to shine, and if I may be so cliché, we felt like that the turbulent storm was finally finished in our lives. But it wasn't the end, not at all. It had merely been the eye of the hurricane, a bright spot, yes, but a tiny bright spot among all that chaos.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"Klaus." Fiona blinked at me. I looked up. "What're you thinking about?"
"Weather," I said. Among other things.
"Oh, right. Of course!" Fiona's face lit up like I'd discovered the cure for AIDs, cancer, and the common cold right in front of her. She grinned, and I smiled cumbersomely back, still thinking about Isadora. "Sometimes, although, of course, you know I love researching, I mean, sometimes, I..." She looked down so her hair fell around her face, then peered up at me through it, smiling so hopefully that I felt guilty for being so bitterly cynical. Fiona sighed. "I just find it hard to..." her voice was getting softer with every word. "Hard to concentrate."
"Mmmm," I said, not really paying attention as I nodded at her.
Then the oddest thing happened. I was sure I was imagining it, but some sort of object bumped my leg beneath the table. Was the submarine experiencing some turbulence? I looked over at Fiona to see if something had clunked her, too. She smiled coyly at me from behind her glasses, and then leaned over the chart in front of her. I was suddenly struck with an uncomfortable idea. Had she just bumped her leg up against mine under the table?
I gulped. I had to tell Fiona about Isadora. I couldn't let her think I wanted anybody else besides Isadora, that would be scummy of me. But I had to say it gently.
I took a deep breath. "Um, Fiona." It came out really softly. Darn. I cleared my throat.
She smiled at me, so excitedly happy to hear her name that my throat got clogged up again. I tried swallowing more. It didn't help. I tried coughing a little, but then it turned into a coughing fit. I felt awkwardly warm. All the air seemed to be disappearing from the submarine. Had my sisters and I used up all the oxygen aboard the Queeqeg? Now we were all going to die of asphyxiation due to lack of air. Like people in a fire. More air mysteriously was sucked away from me with that thought.
Fiona stood up and rushed over to my chair. "Klaus, are you okay?!" she said urgently. I sucked in all the air I could, and finally stopped coughing. How embarrassing. I was the prepubescent version of Mr. Poe.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I sighed. "I really need to tell you something."
She sat down on the table next to me, making her about a foot taller than I was sitting in my chair. "Tell me everything, Klaus."
I sighed again. "Fiona, do you know how you can be so in lo—I mean, how you can like somebody so...intensely, so obsessively, that, well, you know it could be pointless, but you like this person so much, that.... That, well, you just forget everything else? It all just disappears. And even though there might be some people who are really kind and pretty outside your bubble, you just don't, well..." I took another deep breath. "You know you'll always lov—I mean, like—no, wait, I do mean love that person?"
"Yes," breathed Fiona. Her eyes were a little misty. "Oh, Klaus, I understand completely."
"You do?" I said with relief.
"Yes." Fiona smiled and crossed her legs. I leaned back. It was a little awkward with her sitting on the table right in front of me... but if she was leaving me and my feelings for Isadora alone, I was fine with it.
"Good, "I said, still leaning back. :Good, Fiona, now that that's cleared up, let's go back to those charts."
"Charts?" Fiona giggled and rolled her eyes. "Oh, Klaus!" She looked at me in a way that , if Isadora had done it, would have been lovely, but coming from Fiona it was a little disturbing. "Charts!" She leaned closer to me. "We both know what it feels like to... to feel like that, Klaus. We both do."
"Both of us? Oh, um, Fiona, that's really great. What's his name?" I just wanted to get back to researching, dammit!
She gave me a weird, unreadable look. Had I offended her? Should I have said 'what's her name?' Should I not have spoken at all? I was feeling pretty nervous, and I guess it showed on my face, because Fiona smiled gently. "No need for being uneasy, Klaus. You're both new to this, but you don't need to worry. I won;t so anything... dishonroable." She tittered softly. I still didn't get it.
Both new to what? Researching? I was about to say excuse me, but I've been reading since age three, when I realized suddenly what Fiona's unreadable look meant.
"Oh, god. Fiona, I am so sorry, but..."
"Don't talk," she murmured, putting a finger over my mouth. My stomach lurched unpleasantly. "Don't say anything. Don't speak. I know just what you're feeling." (A/N: Why, yes, I was listening to No Doubt when I wrote that! :P) "Let's just... just... let's do everything but hesitate. Because," she added shyly, "she who hesitates is lost."
Fiona closed her eyes and pressed her mouth up against mine.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I just can't begin to describe how dirty that made me feel.
I was still in love with Isadora Quagmire! Why was I sitting here and letting another girl repeat my name constantly and kiss me?! (Because, of course, I wasn't kissing her.) Why was I kissing Fiona instead of Isadora?! It just didn't feel right.
She pulled away. "I'm so glad we found you," she whispered slowly, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She leaned over and took my glasses, placing them on the table before removing her own and putting them beside mine. She puckered her lips and moved closer in slow-motion. I was swirling with so much emotion, mainly guilt. As Fiona zoomed in to kiss me again, I felt all my muscles tense up and I slowly leaned away.
Fiona leaned back and stared at me with wide, confused eyes. I squinted at her, reaching for my glasses and fumbling to put them on. "Klaus?" God, could she stop saying my name like that?! "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I automatically lied.
"No you're not." She covered her face with her hands. "You think I'm fat. And ugly. And geeky. Don't you?!"
"Huh? Fiona, you are not fat or ugly. And I'm way geekier than you'll ever be."
"So why don't you want to kiss me?" Good question. I didn't say anything. "I thought we were in love! I thought we were going to date each other and..." She looked away, her shoulders shivering. Oh, I'd made her cry. I was total scum.
I sighed, for the umpteenth time that day. I lifted Fiona's glasses off the table. "Here," I said attentively, holding them out. I expected her to snatch them away, but instead she took them slowly, letting her fingers linger over mine. "Fiona, listen, I—"
"You don't like me. You leaned away from me. And when we kissed, you didn't kiss me back." Fiona's turn to sigh. "I really like you, Klaus. We've been following you and your siblings for a while. You're smart and... and I like you." She put on her glasses after wiping her eyes. "But you don't like me, do you? Even though you just five minutes ago said you were in love with me!"
"Fiona, we had a misunderstanding. I wasn't talking about you." I felt my insides twist with anger at myself. "I.. I do like you. I'm just... there's somebody else."
"Nice of you to tell me after we make out!" I swallowed. Since when did one awkward, totally forced kiss count as making out? Oh well, no point in reasoning with her now. "I know who it is." Fiona slid off the table and stood looking down at me in the chair. "It's that poet girl, Isadora Quagmire, is that right?! Uh," she snorted, "you disgust me." Her eyes didn't look like I disgusted her, but I kept quiet.
Fiona smacked the table with the palm of her hand. "Do the water charts. I'm going to go see what Violet's doing with that telegraph device." She walked swiftly out of the room.
I stared down at the charts in front of me. "We didn't make out," I whispered heatedly, but nobody heard me.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I felt Fiona watching me all through dinner.
That night, I lay down in the bed in the submarine and drifted between sleep and being awake. My brain was tired, but my mind was jittery. I tried to focus on something calming, like entomology. Okay. The word sub is a prefix meaning below, and marine means 'water,' so a submarine goes below water....agh, it didn't work. Even words weren't working. I tried to get myself to wake up fully, maybe then I could just try to drift back off to sleep.
"Klaus?" I heard a female voice whispering my name. That woke me up. Isadora? No, she was on the Self Sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home. Fiona? More twisting of my insides. Ick. "Klaus? I know you're awake, so stop acting like you're asleep."
Oh. Violet. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up. Relieved, I whispered up to my sister on the bunk above me. "What is it?"
"I want to talk to you," she insisted. "About Fiona. And the way she was looking at you at dinner tonight."
"What way she was looking at me?" I whispered crankily. "Violet, I want to sleep."
"Just tell me first. Why was she looking at you so sadly? I mean...you two would make a really cute couple."
"Oh yeah?" I was starting to wake up, now. Unfortunately. "Give me one reason why."
"Well..." My sister was silent for a few blessed moments. Then she started whispering again. "Well... For starters, you both have glasses."
"We both have glasses?!" I almost forgot to whisper. "That's hardly a reason, Violet! Whether people belong together or not shouldn't depend on how they both look! People should connect, people should share interests, like...I don't know, poetry, and people should always be on the same level of thinking."
"Poetry," Violet hissed back. "Do you mean you still like Isadora?"
I blushed angrily, and I was thankful nobody could see me in that dark. "Why wouldn't I?!"
"Klaus..." she sighed. "Let me tell you some facts, okay? I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm about to say, but the truth is... well, the truth is that what I'm about to say to you is true." She paused. Sometimes Violet made almost no sense at all. I waited for her to coninue. "Isadora and Duncan are gone from our lives now. They're up with Hector. We're not going to see them again. We're not going to learn about V.F.D. from them and we are certainly, without a doubt, not going to date them, ever!" Violet's voice got unusually high and wispy at the end and I realized she'd started to cry. Why were all these girls crying around me today?
"How do you know for sure that what you said is true?" I said in a low voice to my crying sister. "How do you know for sure that we'll never, ever see them again?! We can still hope for it, can't we?"
"You sound like Phil." Violet's voice was muffled. I suspected she was stuffing her face in her pillow or something.
"I mean it! You couldn't have just forgotten about Duncan and Isadora! You can't just ... let go or something!
"Yes, I can." Her voice was flat, and I recognized that she was lying. "I used to like Duncan, but I don't anymore, because I'm not going to see him again. Not ever."
"Violet." I slid out of bed and climbed the ladder up to the top bunk. Just as I had suspected, Violet's face was in her pillow. I reached over and tapped her on the shoulder. Her face was streaked with tears. "Don't be like that. Please. Don't just like Quigley instead of Duncan because Duncan's not here." Violet's mouth started trembling. It scared me a little, I was so used to seeing her in control. "Okay? We can still... we can still remember them, can't we?" She nodded silently. "So don't cry, okay? Just... just..."
"Just go to bed," she said gently, reaching out and patting my hand on the ladder. "And Klaus?" I paused. "Thank you."
As I fell asleep that night, I knew that I would not wake up in the morning any happier or with a better life. Yet I was a little calmer than before. All I had to remind of Isadora were memories, but they could be enough, until I saw her.
There was still hope.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
Disclaimer: ASOUE copyright (c) Daniel Handler and HarperCollins blahblah. The song is copyright Sarah Machlachlan blahblah.
